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Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322
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Oh don't get me wrong, she had her bridezilla moments and when she did we just took all the wedding paraphernalia off her and plied her with drink( we done most of the wedding planning on a friday night in my place lol) she soon stopped as she can't handle her drink to well hahahahaha.
So it was easy out from then on
I know what you mean. It's ages ago since I was bridesmaid, I think it was the pre bridezilla era. 0 -
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To be honest I would be very surprised if he had a say in anything.
Anyway I have hogged enough space about that wedding.
Ahhh i see, well if my oh doesn't want to get dance lessons we won't. It's only fair. It' both of them that are getting married not just the bride. A lil give and take is only right. I know what you mean. It's ages ago since I was bridesmaid, I think it was the pre bridezilla era.
Fingers crosses i'm not going to turn into one lmao. I'm actually dreading planning the nitty gritty tbh, so long as we're not getting married in a registry office he's happy to let me do it all
Anyway that's going off topic. Sorry
Oh just though of something else that bugs me though. The hotel menus. Ya would think they'd be a bit more varied and try to get clients to book with them because they aren't just offering the usual two choices or the same as every other hotel. But the don't. It's like they have all been issued with a bog standard menu from the governing body of caterers that they shouldn't deviate from.0 -
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1. Aunts and uncles taking precedence over cousins.
You grew up with your cousins, spent summers with them, maybe drink with them now yet the (old) aunt and uncle get invited over your cousins to your wedding.
Why would you not want fun people at your wedding
2. The obsession with church weddings for non practicing/non religious people.
I'd wager 9/10 b&g's don't see the inside of a church from one year to the next but they must have a church wedding. Doubt they see the inside of the church again for a long time after.
I just don't get it.
3. The gift culture.
You have your house, you have a toaster, kettle etc. You have everything you need. You've paid for your wedding. Yet a lot of b&g's start counting on what money they will get as gifts.
Why? You have everything you need, why you want more?
4. The expensive dress that will never be worn again (these days anyway).
It seemed to me that in the past that dresses were re-used/recycled much more. Nowadays it seems (to me) the norm to spend €1000 on a dress and when I ask "will your sister wear it" you get "god no she'll want her own dress".
And then for something was so important to the b before the wedding you ask where it is now "yeah it's stuffed in the wardrobe, I still need to get it cleaned"
5. "we want to do something different"
Yeah different would be doing the opposite to the above. You can do party favours and entertainment/games all you like your wedding will not stand out to me in 6 months time.
I just don't get it. Loads more of stuff I don't get either. I'll add to it later.
What you think about above? Anything you don't get?
kinds blinkered and very generalised dont you think ?
1) I find it interesting that you know the family dynamics of every which couple in this country and how much they hang around with thier cousins and so on...
I think you will find the vast majority of people dont have very close ties to their cousins at all.
2) Why shouldnt couples get married in a church if they want to ? Just because your not a practicing catholic doesnt mean you are not catholic. Should these people stop celebrating christmas aswell for the same reason ?
3) Very few B&Gs expect gifts or cash. A LOT is a very large exaggeration.
4) You sound jealous or begruding. People can spend their money however they see fit. I dont get why people spend more than the cost of an expensive wedding dress each year to pollute their lungs and possibly give themselves lung cancer but if thats what they want to do with their money let them at it.
5) Different is subjective. Whilst yes many people thing doing something very minor will make their wedding stand out most people realise it wont, but its their day its exciting to them and if their "small differences" make them feel good then thats all that matters.0 -
BrianBoru00 wrote: »I don't get people saying aunts and uncles take precedence over cousins.
If its YOUR wedding then invite who YOU want. If you're parents are having invites let them invite the aunt and uncle.
I don't get people complaining about their parents invites. Its a big day for your parents as well but its your wedding. If they're paying for the wedding they're entitled to invites. If not, its up to you to give them a set number of invites
Yeah, I guess I don't get the aunt and uncle precedence here either in some contexts. However, I know my aunts and uncles much better than my cousins because I'm the oldest of my generation by > 10 years and I'd have been close to them growing up. We invited all aunts/uncles from my OH's family and only the cousins he knows well (he's got dozens of them in true Irish tradition
and doesn't know the half of them other than by name).
We paid for our own wedding. My OH insisted on inviting 2 couples he felt he "had to" invite (I'm sure he was just keeping the parents happy) because one of them gave him his first job at a bar or cafe or something and the other ones he used to babysit for. It's just one of those things, I don't really get it. I'm sure it was nice back in the day when communities were a lot closer knit, almost everyone getting married would've been from the same town, to have a big hoopla at the local hotel where everyone's invited. Nowadays, it's a little more out of place.One thing I don't get is:
No vegetarian option!!! I've been to two weddings in the past year where they only had meat or fish.
That is crazy, I cannot believe any self respecting hotel would do that. Our tasting included tasting of the vegetarian course as well and we picked what we wanted for it. It was a "silent" option on the menu but on the menus I had to translate I put down the veg option as the third option on the menu.
It's a shame many places are not more inventive with their vegetarian courses.Again coming back to my original post about 9/10 b&g not seeing the inside of a church since god knows when. They've probably not talked to the priest since god knows when and suddenly he's a guest of honour.
The whole obsession with a "church wedding" when you're not religious/practicing before or after the wedding smacks of hypocrisy to me.
I just don't get it. Why bother with a church wedding if you're not into the church/religion the rest of your life?
I don't get this either. Most, actually all, of our friends got married or are getting married in the church; almost half of them are agnostic or atheist and the rest don't practice religion. It's their choice, their vows. I still go to the church and sit in the back and am happy to take part in what is a celebration of their marriage, even though I don't get the point of a religious celebration being part of it.
However, I can understand the huge influence movies and expectations play in weddings - the big expensive dress, the dressed up church and red carpets. People want the whole experience they've built up in their head.
I had an expensive wedding dress. Realistically now, looking back I think how silly it was to spend crazy money on a dress that's worn just once. I guess though I wanted that princess feel (although it wasn't floor length), and the feeling that it's a special dress, partly because it cost a lot. It's easy to give in to the wedding craze built up by the wedding industry (I buy peanut M&M's in the cinema because of advertisements, I just associate them now with the cinema experience). I am no exception.hoodwinked wrote: »when it came to christening our child, we did the same thing, it was an easy choice to me as it was sprinkling her head with water, and a day out, where to him it meant so much more and to her, well she might be like her dad and find great comfort there, or like me and not believe a word of it, either way she makes her own choices now.
As for christening a child, I personally don't think the child then gets a choice in their religion if they're already baptised. I tried to "excommunicate" myself from the church when I was 14 and they wouldn't let me saying I was too young to make a decision (babies are obviously not considered too young to join?!).
I am among those who believe that baptising kids for the sake of it as the "done thing" is just bowing into the church's power over Ireland and education. My taxes pay for catholic schools, which may someday have the power to turn down my child because he's not catholic.We had a quiet wedding 35 people. Wedding cermony started at 3pm and meal at 5.30 in a restaurant that gave us a full menu.
I really wanted a small private wedding of <60. It was impossible though with the size of my OH's family and he really most of them there (dozens of cousins and aunts/uncles). We also have a large enough circle of friend to all of whom we're fairly close, so would've been nigh impossible to cut out any reasonable amount of them. So ended up with ~110 guests, and that's not even everyone.My mother manipulator-in-law was not happy about this and got the priest to have a word with me, when this did not work she went to the doctor to complain (we have the same doctor).
Best post in this thread, I had a good laugh.Typer Monkey wrote: »I really hate these top tables. Sitting a straight line leering down at your subjects, only able to talk to/see the two people directly either side of you.
I had three non negotiables about the wedding, everything else was up for discussion. They were 1. No way was I getting married in a church 2. No gaggle of bridesmaids (only having one) and 3. No straight top table!
I don't get the top table notion either. It was nice to feel special on the day and getting photos and attention, congratulations, hugs and kisses, but I really wouldn't have wanted to sit on what is virtually a pedestal for everyone to "admire". I also don't like having everyone watching me eat - put food in my mouth, chew... eugh. It feels more normal and comfortable to sit at a round table, where I can chat to my family without having to lean way over the table.Long engagements - you get engaged to get married, not to be engaged or to have a wedding! Anything more than a year I just don't get! Definitely more of an Irish thing.
Hotel packages - when did this become the standard? And why are so few people reluctant to look outside the norm?
... I do know though that a lot of couples add the cash they expect into the pricing of their wedding, which I don't get!
I agree with your point on long engagements, however sometime circumstances dictate otherwise. As someone who had family coming over from 3 continents, I knew they couldn't make it that same year we got engaged due to finances so we went for the following year. Having also a number of other friends getting married within 2 years from us, we picked a date that didn't clash with any of the other and that worked for family that could only come over during certain times of the year.
Hotel packages make lower-pricing more affordable/easier for hotels, which otherwise would not be possible (e.g. bulk book same photographer/car hire company, buy a red carpet and typical chair covers/centre pieces). These packages may not be everyone's cup of tea, certainly not ours; however, these provide a way for couples who don't have as much money to spend on a big wedding to still have that "dream Irish wedding" (cos stereotypically that's what it usually is).
Expectation of cash gifts is crass, but it's understandable that people may think that they'll get cash cos 99.9% of the time that's what happens. Counting on it to pay for the wedding though is silly, as scraping cards to pay the hotel the morning after the wedding, who wants to do that?!0 -
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Oh of course, if he says no then it's no. I'm not goin to torture the poor man into doing something he doesn't want to do. yeah there are some things he'll need to compromise on, and i'll have to do the same.
He wanted a liverpool themed wedding (i think he's just winding me up, i really really really hope he's just winding me up, but just incase he's not i'm having my bridesmaids wear red and i'll have some red in my dress). Unless he does tell me he's only messing them it a complete different colour scheme :pac::pac:
What other things if you dont mind me asking?
I am married 6 years now but I dont remember the need for compromise on anything to be honest. Or maybe I just did what I was told 0 -
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The huge head-dresses people wear to weddings in Ireland seemed odd to me at first, but have kinda got used to them and even own one myself now. Personally I prefer hats, but I had a fairly wide brimmed one one time and couldn't fit through the thin half-door (those double doors that aren't quite two-doors wide) :eek: I learned my lesson.
I've seen some looking quite nice and tasteful and there's been a few times where it looks like someone was wearing a satellite dish on her head - "earth calling, come in, come in....."
I've no problem if I'm not fed at a venue before dinner. If I'm hungry, we just go out and get a bite to eat at the hotel bar, a different hotel or any other nearest bar or cafe. As far as I'm concerned I was invited to a wedding (church bit) and a celebration (evening bit). I do love it when they have nice finger food and sparking wine though.
I'm never bored "standing around", too many friends to catch up with. It's nice to have that down-time between all the wedding excitement and if you're staying at the hotel, it's nice to go up to the room and have a lie down for a half hour, it's a long enough day as it is.
I think wedding cake is as insane a notion as expensive wedding dresses. It's expected so most of us do it. I've no idea when the cake came out at our wedding, we got most of it back and when we met up with family/friends the next day we just gave out chunks of it. It was really nice cake, but after all the dinner and snacking most people won't eat much of it on the night. We took a couple of slices with us to eat on the way for our honeymoon. We enjoyed it but, it really was a lot of money down the drain. The whole cake-cutting is also stupid. I felt stupid cutting the cake, we have 2-3 nice photos of us cutting the cake, but it's no more special than the rest of our photos on the day. It lasts less than 2 minutes too.
Not crazy about early ceremonies myself if they're far away. I really wanted to have as long a wedding day as possible, as it is really only that one day and would've loved to have had an early ceremony. However, since our venue was a bit of a drive, we set the time for 2.30pm, as we felt it gave people more time to get ready and drive up, than having to be up at the crack of dawn.
We had our ceremony on site, so I know it would've been more awkward for people to go away to get something to eat or else having to spend more money on getting the hotel bar food. We had finger food/canapes/sandwiches on right after the ceremony along with sparking wine. Unfortunately made the mistake of going with recommended hotel numbers of providing for 80% of guests. That would've been grand if people drove in from the church (where you have people falling by the wayside stopping to eat on the way), but being there on site we should've provided for 100% of guests. Don't know why we didn't think it through. We were told soon after that guests were getting hungry and could we go ahead with earlier dinner, so we said sure, go for it. We were mortified.
Retrospective though is a great thing Were we to do it again, there's a few things we'd change for sure. 0 -
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What other things if you dont mind me asking?
I am married 6 years now but I dont remember the need for compromise on anything to be honest. Or maybe I just did what I was told
Ya lucky thing you I just hope ours will be as easy to sort out.
As I said i'll have to compromise as well on some things.
I mentioned earlier he's been banging on about having a Liverpool themed wedding (i'm praying to any "god" that will listen that he's only winding me up) but if he's not i'll have red and gold as the colour scheme as opposed to having an all out football team themed wedding. (I really do hope he's winding me up). I don't want red and gold as the colour scheme but if it makes him happy then that's alright by me.
I know we'll both have to compromise on certain people being guests at the wedding as well.
He's leaving all of the actual planning up to me so that "i can have my dream day" his words not mine, but I would much prefer if he gets involved in it as it's his day too. If not then i'm sure there will more than two things where compromise will be involved. No idea what they may be yet though.0 -
Ya lucky thing you I just hope ours will be as easy to sort out.
As I said i'll have to compromise as well on some things.
I mentioned earlier he's been banging on about having a Liverpool themed wedding (i'm praying to any "god" that will listen that he's only winding me up) but if he's not i'll have red and gold as the colour scheme as opposed to having an all out football team themed wedding. (I really do hope he's winding me up). I don't want red and gold as the colour scheme but if it makes him happy then that's alright by me.
I know we'll both have to compromise on certain people being guests at the wedding as well.
He's leaving all of the actual planning up to me so that "i can have my dream day" his words not mine, but I would much prefer if he gets involved in it as it's his day too. If not then i'm sure there will more than two things where compromise will be involved. No idea what they may be yet though.
A Liverpool wedding theme! Like the football club??
Is he 14? :pac:0 -
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4) You sound jealous or begruding. People can spend their money however they see fit. I dont get why people spend more than the cost of an expensive wedding dress each year to pollute their lungs and possibly give themselves lung cancer but if thats what they want to do with their money let them at it.
Oh bejaysis people can spend their money on anything they like! And i never said otherwise
But I just don't get it....for someone to spend so much money on their dream dress "omg I just tried it on and I just knew it was the one" and then to stuff it in the wardrobe and not get it cleaned for ages and ages. I just don't get that.
(ps. Some of your posts are very personal/of the name calling type. Have you ever heard the phrase attack the post not the poster. Plus also, I am not alone in some of the things I am saying judging by the thanks on the first page alone and comments from others throughout this thread)0 -
Oh bejaysis people can spend their money on anything they like! And i never said otherwise
But I just don't get it....for someone to spend so much money on their dream dress "omg I just tried it on and I just knew it was the one" and then to stuff it in the wardrobe and not get it cleaned for ages and ages. I just don't get that.
This exactly. Now in saying that i've a budget of about 800 for my dress, will not spend anymore than that on it, but i'll def make sure it's used again, even if it means having my daughters communion dress made out of it or something like that.
My dress will be one of the last big purchases to be made and if it's not feasible i'll spend less than that on it. I just get why thousands are spent on a dress when it could go on a honeymoon instead.0 -
Oh bejaysis people can spend their money on anything they like! And i never said otherwise
(ps. Some of your posts are very personal/of the name calling type. Have you ever heard the phrase attack the post not the poster. Plus also, I am not alone in some of the things I am saying judging by the thanks on the first page alone and comments from others throughout this thread)
To be fair, you must've expected some challenge or disagreement, when you went and started a thread on all the things you hate about weddings - in a forum mostly used by people who are planning their wedding!0 -
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To be fair, you must've expected some challenge or disagreement, when you went and started a thread on all the things you hate about weddings - in a forum mostly used by people who are planning their wedding!
I didn't start a thread about things I hate about weddings
Challenge and disagreement - of course, that is the nature of a discussion forum.
Namecalling and personal attacks, no.
Re the people planning their wedding: I would've thought this thread thread would be useful for what some people don't get about an Irish wedding. Could even save you some hassle in your planning/on the day, might even save you some money.0 -
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I didn't start a thread about things I hate about weddings
Challenge and disagreement - of course, that is the nature of a discussion forum.
Namecalling and personal attacks, no.
Re the people planning their wedding: I would've thought this thread thread would be useful for what some people don't get about an Irish wedding. Could even save you some hassle in your planning/on the day, might even save you some money.
Most def, there is some pre-planning planning going on in my place tonight and it will def help avoid most pit falls that have been mentioned. As we're trying to save and not take out a loan we need to plan the budget and figure out what we can realistically save, so your thread has given me loads to think about when getting rough prices for what.
As for the name calling that is just bang out of order. Personally I think the thread was a great idea and some very valid points have been brought up, as well as some light hearted stuff that gave some of us a giggle. So thank you 0 -
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I mentioned earlier he's been banging on about having a Liverpool themed wedding (i'm praying to any "god" that will listen that he's only winding me up) but if he's not i'll have red and gold as the colour scheme as opposed to having an all out football team themed wedding. (I really do hope he's winding me up). I don't want red and gold as the colour scheme but if it makes him happy then that's alright by me.
Off topic but - we had an Arsenal theme. And it wasn't all that bad. We went with navy bridesmaids (one of their away colours) but mostly it was the table plan. We named the tables after his favourite players. Pretty simple.
Everyone knows he is a huge fan and it had to feature.....
Most of the wedding was left to my decision so was happy to give him something 0 -
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Off topic but - we had an Arsenal theme. And it wasn't all that bad. We went with navy bridesmaids (one of their away colours) but mostly it was the table plan. We named the tables after his favourite players. Pretty simple.
Everyone knows he is a huge fan and it had to feature.....
Most of the wedding was left to my decision so was happy to give him something
We had something similar. We didn't have the colours but we made the invites rugby themed and the tables were named after his fave players. I decided on almost everything else, so was ok for him to do this.0
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