Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

Gatica

Thumby wrote: »

Oh I know,800 is extravagant to me as well. But I figure it's the one day we can allow ourselves a little extravagance.

Lol, well I'm the same and mine was more than that, and I still can't believe I was mad to pay it. Now more so when reading some of the recent threads discussing very similar style dresses from online vendors for far far less... :rolleyes:

Kontrapasa

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I would go further then that and say that the priest should decline your request to officiate at your wedding unless he know you and leave it at that.

I would go further if the couple are Christian but haven't been around for mass as they should have. The priest should ask them to make an effort to turn their life into a more christian way, like attending mass every Sunday for the next year and to show real interest in religion and how this should led their life, like volunteering and praying, stop having premarital sex and things like that. And that only then, the priest would consider marrying them. I wonder how many would start discarding the church wedding idea if something like this was implemented?

grace80

amdublin wrote: »

I didn't start a thread about things I hate about weddings

Challenge and disagreement - of course, that is the nature of a discussion forum.
Namecalling and personal attacks, no.

Re the people planning their wedding: I would've thought this thread thread would be useful for what some people don't get about an Irish wedding. Could even save you some hassle in your planning/on the day, might even save you some money.

Absolutley agree that there is no need for name calling and personal attacks (just to clarify, I was in no way defending the poster in question!)

Of course you are entitled to your opinion and I'm sure some points will help others when planning their wedding!

rainbow kirby

Gatica wrote: »

We had something similar. We didn't have the colours but we made the invites rugby themed and the tables were named after his fave players. I decided on almost everything else, so was ok for him to do this.

We'll probably include some small sports themes into ours - both of us are really big into sport and we've been to loads of major events together (Olympics, Euro 2012, multiple Heineken Cup finals etc). Part of who we are and we'd like to celebrate that. It won't be tacky though.

amdublin

Gatica wrote: »

Lol, well I'm the same and mine was more than that, and I still can't believe I was mad to pay it. Now more so when reading some of the recent threads discussing very similar style dresses from online vendors for far far less... :rolleyes:

Yes it's a bit crazy the price of them and like I said in my op they don't even get reused these days as they tended to in the past....

BabysCoffee

I don't understand why women who normally dress very stylishly go out and buy the horrendous mother of the bride matchy matchy outfits in awful shades of lilac, lavender, blush pink, etc.

And then the ubiquitous fascinator is popped on the head to top the horribleness all off.

anthonymax

hoodwinked wrote: »

wow,

well i am one of those "not religious" people, in fact i would probably be classed as agnostic,

my husband is religious, his mother is fiercely so, his uncle is a priest,

i agreed to have a catholic mass wedding, (the full deal) as to me it was the vows and the civil parts that mattered where as to him the religious side was important, so we compromised, i would never dismiss any part of him especially his religion as he finds comfort there in times when he needs to, (i also wouldn't have married him if i did dismiss a part of him or showed such blatant disrespect for his views)

his uncle was our priest and we re-worded the ceremony so i wasn't saying anything hypocritical, and worded the vows so that i could mean and keep every word i said, (it was actually quite easy to do with the options the church gives to you)


we got the best of both worlds.

when it came to christening our child, we did the same thing, it was an easy choice to me as it was sprinkling her head with water, and a day out, where to him it meant so much more and to her, well she might be like her dad and find great comfort there, or like me and not believe a word of it, either way she makes her own choices now.

This is the best post I have ever read on Boards.ie. What a lovely unselfish person you are. This is what marriage really means.

BabysCoffee

BabysCoffee wrote: »

I don't understand why women who normally dress very stylishly go out and buy the horrendous mother of the bride matchy matchy outfits in awful shades of lilac, lavender, blush pink, etc.

And then the ubiquitous fascinator is popped on the head to top the horribleness all off.

And the cost of these outfits 700 or 800 euro in the likes mcilhenney's or Arnotts

Never to be worn again :-(

Gatica

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Never to be worn again :-(

It really is a shame that it's considered a shame (no pun intended) to reuse or wear a dress that's been already worn to a wedding. I've two dresses I've worn a couple of times at weddings, but they've been from different groups of friends/family. Most of the time I do feel compelled to get something new. I know it's my own fault for going along with it.

BabysCoffee

Gatica wrote: »

It really is a shame that it's considered a shame (no pun intended) to reuse or wear a dress that's been already worn to a wedding. I've two dresses I've worn a couple of times at weddings, but they've been from different groups of friends/family. Most of the time I do feel compelled to get something new. I know it's my own fault for going along with it.

My sister and I share outfits that we buy for weddings. At least they get two wears.

I do try and wear an outfit a few times. It's grand if different people will be at the weddings so nobody will see you in the same outfit.

username123

BabysCoffee wrote: »

My sister and I share outfits that we buy for weddings. At least they get two wears.

I do try and wear an outfit a few times. It's grand if different people will be at the weddings so nobody will see you in the same outfit.

I know what you mean but I find Im past caring if people see me in the same outfit twice - the recession yada yada yada...

I find if you change your hairstyle, no one notices.

BabysCoffee

username123 wrote: »

I know what you mean but I find Im past caring if people see me in the same outfit twice - the recession yada yada yada...

I find if you change your hairstyle, no one notices.

True.

Might take a leaf from your book!

Malari

username123 wrote: »

I know what you mean but I find Im past caring if people see me in the same outfit twice - the recession yada yada yada...

I find if you change your hairstyle, no one notices.

Oh that reminds me...people getting their hair done for weddings is something I don't get. I mean expensive "upstyles" if you are just a guest. I never really do anything for mine.

username123

Malari wrote: »

Oh that reminds me...people getting their hair done for weddings is something I don't get. I mean expensive "upstyles" if you are just a guest. I never really do anything for mine.

I either straighten mine (which I do going out anyway) or put in it in a pony tail or bun and wear a clip in hair piece. I have one that is such a close colour to my hair that loads of people asked me last time how Id gotten it into that style - it looks like an expensive up style!

Gatica

Same as. Never get my hair or nails or make-up done for these events, but then I'm not big into those things for going out in general. Lots of our friends wouldn't be seen without make-up on, whereas to me it's a waste of time for the most part, I'd rather get more sleep;)
I was considering getting hair done for the first time next month though as my dress will be very very plain (another friend's wedding), so want to be sporting at least something that will look nice, if you know what I mean.

Calmsurrender

Malari wrote: »

Oh that reminds me...people getting their hair done for weddings is something I don't get. I mean expensive "upstyles" if you are just a guest. I never really do anything for mine.

The way I see it is it's a nice day to look nice. Life is long and bloody boring so if someone wants to get their hair done for a celebration then why not. It's their money.

I would get mine blow dried coz if not it wouldn't last the day and Id look like a haystack by the end of the meal. I'm not into up styles but if I was and I could afford it I'd get it done, if you can't dress up to go to a wedding when can you ?

Tasden

Calmsurrender wrote: »

The way I see it is it's a nice day to look nice. Life is long and bloody boring so if someone wants to get their hair done for a celebration then why not. It's their money.

I would get mine blow dried coz if not it wouldn't last the day and Id look like a haystack by the end of the meal. I'm not into up styles but if I was and I could afford it I'd get it done, if you can't dress up to go to a wedding when can you ?

This is my take on it too, its a legit excuse to dress fancier than usual and wear styles that would be ott for every day. But I really cannot say enough how much I love weddings as an occasion so I really do like to go all out for them

cofy

With regard to people getting married in a church having not been in a church for years - I don't think that whether or not you go to mass every Sunday makes you any more catholic. I have noticed that there are people who go to mass every Sunday and are the first up to receive holy communion spend the rest of the week making life hell for others and I would go so far as to say that they are the furthest from catholic you can find. On the other hand there are people who live their lives in a catholic manner but do not go to mass. This is only my opinion.

Malari

cofy wrote: »

With regard to people getting married in a church having not been in a church for years - I don't think that whether or not you go to mass every Sunday makes you any more catholic. I have noticed that there are people who go to mass every Sunday and are the first up to receive holy communion spend the rest of the week making life hell for others and I would go so far as to say that they are the furthest from catholic you can find. On the other hand there are people who live their lives in a catholic manner but do not go to mass. This is only my opinion.

I think you're confusing Catholic with Christian?

Gatica

I know lots of religious people I'd think weren't all that nice, and then atheist people who are kind and generous, everything a christian is supposed to be.
Whatever people proclaim themselves to be in most cases has little bearing on who they actually are...
sure, there's probably exception where there may be tales of someone who went from being a convict to a devout person and how they turned their life around; but for the most part, people are themselves - whether religious or not, and are basically nice or not irrespective of.

Toots

Folks this thread is getting really bitchy and catty and seems to be turning from a thread that could have been interesting/amusing to one where posters are making cruel jibes about anything that isn't to their tastes.

We all have differing opinions on what we like, so lets just accept that and move on. Against my better judgement I will leave the thread open - for now - providing there's no further debate on people's choices and that future posts are in keeping with the title ie: a list of things you don't get about Irish weddings. Not "a thinly veiled list of insults aimed at people who are doing things differently to how I would".

This is my only warning about this. Going forward there will be infractions/bans for posters who keep up the bitchy crap.

freshpopcorn

This is my opinion on Irish weddings,
I think people start off and they have a general idea what the want.
Most people go for a churchnp wedding because its traditional, nice photos, to keep the parents/grandparents happy for various reasons, I even know of people and they say your not married if you don't get married in a church lots if people actually believe this, another reason people get married in the local church is to get there kids into local primary schools.
Then theres the dressing up part. The media has a huge part to play in this because if the whole dream dress thing and people believe they need the perfect dress to get married in. Sometimes people buy an expensive dress the like because it makes them feel good, will look nice in a few years to come. I don't think there's any point of saving a few hundred euro if you don't like/feel comfortable in the dress. After the day some people hangs onto just to remember the day, some sell it, some people might hold onto it in case there daughter might wear it.( I think it would be very odd to wear your sisters wedding dress.)
Somebody also mentioned mother of the brides outfits often mothers feel under pressure to get something extra special to wear bcuase if they just bought a normal dress there's a good chance a guest might end up wearing it. This would be embarrassing for the mother because she'll feel just like a normal guest/she didn't make enough of an effort. It would also be awkward for the guest. I've feard of this happening a few times and the guest generally went home to change.
As for guests, that's up to the bride and groom. I know I prefer my aunts/uncles to my cousins. You can't really speculate on who people invite to weddings. You've really no idea what kind of relationship they have with there relative's.
Then there's the afters/reception. If you've to make a journey to the venue you have a fear idea your going to be hungry so bring a sandwich or stop off a shop/barrage/petrol station. On arrival you'll be lucky to get a bit of finger food. Even in expensive locations. There'd be no point of having a mini meal because the one later on would only go to waste.
I've worked/know people who worked in some of irelands top hotels at the head chef near always hate the one or two vegetarian option. Its important that you let them know in advance and don't just mention it on the day.
As for giving gifts most people just give money now. I haven't heard of anybody giving toasters/kettles sine early 1990s.

Neyite

mrsbyrne wrote: »

IMHO if you are not a practising Catholic, its disrespectfull and hypocritcal to "use" a Catholic church and a Catholic priest as a back drop to your wedding ceremony, in order to have pretty pictures or just because family "expect" to be going to your wedding in a church.
If you have no real participation in Catholic life its much more honest and grownup if you steer clear of a religous ceremony altogether. Especially nowadays when you can hire a celebrant to formalise your wedding and book a nice venue elsewhere.

It is not always that simple though. I'm a non-believer getting married in a catholic ceremony because of pressure from a relative on his side. If it was mine I'd tell them where to go. But if he does not get married in a church, he literally will never hear the end of it.

And I just want a nice day for the day we become husband and wife. Not one where I've 'won'. Not one that will be tainted as the day a rift in the family was created. Not one where someone is crying and ruining it for the rest of us.

Yes, I know its emotional blackmail. Yes, I know I'm an adult. Yes, I know I'm inflating the RCC numbers in this country. And all the other arguments. And I dont like it one bit. But, I love this man more and if it means that he gets peace and quiet over this issue, I will do this for him. It is just not worth decades of snide remarks and comments on what we hope is a wonderful day for us.

Now, I happen to have a sound skin of a Parish Priest. Told him exactly what pressure we are under, that I'm a non-believer etc, and he understands this. Respects my views of his church. He does not feel I am a hyprocrite, but sees it for what it is. A manipulated situation. He has given me great suggestions on secular wording for the ceremony. He is in full agreement that we dont have to have a mass, or communion. And that will be my little two fingers up to the person who insisted on a church wedding.

As far as I am concerned it will be little more than a civil ceremony performed by someone who happens to be a priest. And if the priest does not think I'm hypocritical in his own church, who is anyone else to judge?

amdublin

Yeah I see the difficulty neyite. And like I said to another poster I can see the thought behind you coming to your decision.

But for it's when both b&g are no more into the church on a normal day but for some strange reason "oh I have to get married in a church". That's what I just don't get.

Milly33

Ah people stop getting so uptight again..everyone has their opinions they can be said nicely no need to be harse...

cofy

Neyite wrote: »

It is not always that simple though. I'm a non-believer getting married in a catholic ceremony because of pressure from a relative on his side. If it was mine I'd tell them where to go. But if he does not get married in a church, he literally will never hear the end of it.

And I just want a nice day for the day we become husband and wife. Not one where I've 'won'. Not one that will be tainted as the day a rift in the family was created. Not one where someone is crying and ruining it for the rest of us.

Yes, I know its emotional blackmail. Yes, I know I'm an adult. Yes, I know I'm inflating the RCC numbers in this country. And all the other arguments. And I dont like it one bit. But, I love this man more and if it means that he gets peace and quiet over this issue, I will do this for him. It is just not worth decades of snide remarks and comments on what we hope is a wonderful day for us.

Now, I happen to have a sound skin of a Parish Priest. Told him exactly what pressure we are under, that I'm a non-believer etc, and he understands this. Respects my views of his church. He does not feel I am a hyprocrite, but sees it for what it is. A manipulated situation. He has given me great suggestions on secular wording for the ceremony. He is in full agreement that we dont have to have a mass, or communion. And that will be my little two fingers up to the person who insisted on a church wedding.

As far as I am concerned it will be little more than a civil ceremony performed by someone who happens to be a priest. And if the priest does not think I'm hypocritical in his own church, who is anyone else to judge?

Your priest sounds like a very lovely person, much like the priest in my old parish. I hope everything goes well for you.

Neyite

Milly33 wrote: »

Ah people stop getting so uptight again..everyone has their opinions they can be said nicely no need to be harse...

I wasnt uptight - I hope I didnt come across as such

Other things I dont get:

If you want anything different from the standard wedding, certain people's noses get out of joint:

"What?? No bridesmaids?? Sure, you have to have bridesmaids!!!"

"What?? No colour scheme?? Sure, you have to have colour scheme!!!"

"What?? No flowers?? Sure, you have to have flowers!!!"

"What?? No favours?? Sure, you have to have favours!!!"

You get the picture.

cherrypie

I’m getting married in June. We’re not religious so we won’t get married in a church but we found the strict civil ceremony format a bit impersonal. Basically we’re having a spiritual ceremony that we've written ourselves and that has some special meaning for us. There’s a difference between being non-practicing (or skeptical) and just non-religious (or atheist) though so, when push comes to shove, I think someone who isn't a regular at mass but still has a flicker of belief in them would choose to have a church wedding just in case.

Family is a complicated thing too. Especially if the parents are contributing financially then it might be easier for them for contribute their opinions as well and harder for the couple to shoot them down. It’s easy to just say “oh, don’t listen to them” but it’s not that simple if they’re family.

If the bride has the money for an expensive dress then I don’t see why not. Personally, I didn't pay too much for my dress. I’ll be wearing a short dress that I can dance in and go to the toilet without 3 unfortunate friends having to help me. I did splash on my shoes; they’re bubble-gum scented blue jelly heels with enormous pink hearts on the front. It’s my wedding and my money so I’ll wear whatever crazy shoes I like basically

We’re not counting on gifts from our guests. We saved up for our own wedding and paid for everything ourselves. We’re not rich, both students actually, but we planned this carefully and for a long time. Sometimes the couple take out a loan. Maybe it’s not a great idea but I can appreciate that it really is very expensive to get married and it might take years to save it all up so I don’t really blame someone for taking the loan. If that’s the case then maybe they are hoping for cash instead of gifts to help them pay their loan quicker. That’s not ok but I can understand them wanting to get married even though, really, they can’t afford it.

I know it’s very expensive for guests too particularly if they have to travel. My fiance is Polish and we’re getting married in Ireland so it will be more expensive for those that have to travel to Ireland. We've saved up and made sacrifices elsewhere so we can have an open bar, which we hope will help towards the guest’s overall costs. Our honeymoon is not as important as everyone being able to come and having a good night basically.

We won’t have speeches because it’s true that they’re boring :rolleyes:.

We’ll have food served at our drinks reception, a dessert buffet, 4 course meal, then there’s the cake, french macaron tower, tea/coffee in the evening and snacks and fried food at night. I think that’s all pretty standard these days. I don’t get the complaining about food. I don’t remember ever leaving any wedding hungry.

We’re not trying to do “something different” btw, we just want to be true to ourselves and have a good night basically. Our priorities are good company, good food and good music to kick our heels up to.

Oh, I do complain about the costs sometimes but to be honest I kind of like complaining If I wasn’t complaining about that I’d probably be complaining about something else – the weather most likely. Irish people like to complain.

At the end of the day the couple getting married are supposedly your close friends. If these are people that have been part of your life and supported you over the years then I think you should suck it up and grin through their wedding despite all the stuff you don’t get. If they're not that close then just don't go. Simples.

eviltwin

I really hate the inevitable "any news" you get after you get married ( although I'm sure all couples get it, not just Irish ones ).

Tasden

eviltwin wrote: »

I really hate the inevitable "any news" you get after you get married ( although I'm sure all couples get it, not just Irish ones ).

"Hows married life?" eh same as always..
I'm not even married and it drives me mad!

freshpopcorn

One thing I don't get about wedding's (not just Irish one's) who do people go to them and then complain about going to them/after them.

Toots

eviltwin wrote: »

I really hate the inevitable "any news" you get after you get married ( although I'm sure all couples get it, not just Irish ones ).

+1 I really don't get this. It's downright rude, for all the person asking knows the couple could have trouble getting pregnant, or even just not want kids. It's nobody's business anyway

I thought of another two things (music related) that I don't get:

1. How come for the last dance of the night when everyone gets up with the bride & groom do they play that 'New York, New York' song? Every wedding I've been to (bar my own and one other) has had this.

2. Why do some djs play the national anthem at the end of the night?

Calmsurrender

You have your house, you have a toaster, kettle etc. You have everything you need. You've paid for your wedding. Yet a lot of b&g's start counting on what money they will get as gifts.
Why? You have everything you need, why you want more?

On this, I know most people will say we'd be happy not to get any gifts and other people will be the opposite and factor the gifts into their budget!!
The reason for this IMO is tradition, Irish people tend to gift generously for weddings. Yes it doesn't make sense in this day and age but it still happens.
Even if a couple were to write on the inivites please don't give us gifts and tell everyone they know not to, most people will STILL bring a gift of some sort anything from a photo frame, voucher for dinner out , engraved candlesticks or cash in the card.
Some couples will say please donate to our chosen charity if you absolutely feel the need to give a gift. Nice thing to do right?
No sure that's met with Internet rants of "how dare that smug couple FORCE me to donate to a charity I don't care for while getting all the glory for themselves"

So to summarise the gifts , for now, are inevitable. some people go to far in their expectations ( or demands even!!) of course, but I would hope most couples just see it as something they can't really control and that's why they factor it in.

Calmsurrender

Toots* wrote: »

+1 I really don't get this. It's downright rude, for all the person asking knows the couple could have trouble getting pregnant, or even just not want kids. It's nobody's business anyway

I thought of another two things (music related) that I don't get:

1. How come for the last dance of the night when everyone gets up with the bride & groom do they play that 'New York, New York' song? Every wedding I've been to (bar my own and one other) has had this.

2. Why do some djs play the national anthem at the end of the night?

I thought they played come fly with me? Haven't heard New York, but maybe it's coz that's traditionally when the B&g would disappear off and not be seen again til after their honeymoon? Just a guess
National Anthem have heard this at other functions not just weddings and have no idea , it's gas though I march and demand people stand - Father Jack style

Toots

I was actually hoping someone did give us a toaster for a wedding present! My toaster is a piece of crap but the hubby won't let me bin it cos it still works, you just have to do each slice twice to get it toasted. If I'd gotten a toaster wedding present I'd have been able to throw it out and use the nice new one!

Toots

Calmsurrender wrote: »

I thought they played come fly with me? Haven't heard New York, but maybe it's coz that's traditionally when the B&g would disappear off and not be seen again til after their honeymoon? Just a guess
National Anthem have heard this at other functions not just weddings and have no idea , it's gas though I march and demand people stand - Father Jack style

Yes, Come Fly With Me makes sense alright. I wonder if in years past New York was a very popular honeymoon destination and it's just playing the song has carried on.

The national anthem bit I'm really curious about! I've heard it played at other functions too, but would love to know where it started. I asked that it not be played at my wedding because half of my family are from northern Ireland, and lets just say it wouldn't have been very appropriate.

Calmsurrender

I've been to plays and shows and stuff where the national anthem was played at the start which I kinda see why but I must go on a quest now to find out why it's at the end

mrsbyrne

When we were planning our wedding 18 years ago my husband was totally ambivalent aboutthe actual mechanics of the day itself. He was keen to move on to this next stage. Formal commitment, possibly becoming a parent etc, but really did not mind how it happened, as long as it happened.
Well I'm a practising committed Catholic so the religious element was the most important bit to me.
I wanted a small wedding, immediate family only, followed by lunch with us leaving soon after for a weekend break in England.
And this is exactly what we did.
My husbands father in particular was very upset and tried to force my husband into asking extended family of his choice but my husband just pointed out that it was our wedding and if people wanted to take offence at our choices then that would be a shame but as adults we needed everyone to respect our right to do this thing our way.
I would be concerned about a couple embarking on a future together if they cant give one another 100% support.
A female relative threatening to cry and huff if the wedding isn't in a church should have been kindly but firmly told that she was welcome at the wedding the bride and groom organised and paid for, but that she was not going to be allowed to spoil the day for everybody else.

Neyite

Lol. You are comparing your guest list issue with ramming religion down a non-believers throat. NOT the same thing!

I'm being given the choice of a decades long fued and strained family gatherings or towing the line by one practising catholic If I don't get married in a catholic ceremony yet another practicing catholic basically calls me hypocritical and implies I'm a pushover. Can't win really can I?

My post clearly stated it would be more than just a huff on the day. It would be months of drama leading up to the wedding, her spouse who is in ill health already would get stressed, other family members would get fed up and try and persuade us to capitulate to give them all peace, and if we did stand our ground as you so blithely suggest we should, the atmosphere on our day would be terrible.And there would digs and mutterings forever more about not being properly married.

I'm respectful of your faith and beliefs but it seems Catholics don't seem to be able to return the courtesy.

Let me guess, as a practising catholic you'll no doubt feel it important that your son or daughter have a catholic ceremony?

ABajaninCork

I got married here as it was a lot cheaper than getting married in London, believe it or not. And it was at the height of the Celtic Tiger!

I got married in church as both my husband and I are practicing Catholics. Not only that, but being Barbadian and Irish a civil ceremony was never going to cut it with Irish Mammy and Bajan Mummy. My cousin married in a registry office and to this day, it still upsets her mother. And my cousin's been happily married for 10 years!

I had to laugh. Someone I know insisted on marrying in church as 'it was more holy'. Not to mention the fact the church was very picturesque...But they don't see the inside of a church between weddings, christenings and funerals! So I don't like the expectation that the couple marry in church 'as it's not a real wedding if you don't' Couple must do things to suit THEM and no-one else.

I don't like the expectation that you MUST have a hen/stag night. WHY?? Personally, I think they're tacky and heap more expense on an already expensive day. So I avoid them like the plague. Especially when they're abroad...

I don't understand the concept of asking for cash gifts 'to cover the cost of the wedding'. WHY?? If you can't afford all the bells and whistles you want, then scale the wedding back. I've heard of couples having to take out loans to pay for the wedding afterwards as they didn't get enough cash gifts. Madness, IMO. Last I heard, the Celtic Tiger was RIP.

And I HATE those twee little poems asking for cash gifts. It's better if you must ask, to be direct about it. Personally, we didn't have a gift list and just wanted people to come. But in the end just asked for Debs & Marks vouchers as people kept asking about gifts.

cofy

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I wanted a small wedding, immediate family only, followed by lunch with us leaving soon after for a weekend break in England.
And this is exactly what we did.
My husbands father in particular was very upset and tried to force my husband into asking extended family of his choice but my husband just pointed out that it was our wedding and if people wanted to take offence at our choices then that would be a shame but as adults we needed everyone to respect our right to do this thing our way.
I would be concerned about a couple embarking on a future together if they cant give one another 100% support.
A female relative threatening to cry and huff if the wedding isn't in a church should have been kindly but firmly told that she was welcome at the wedding the bride and groom organised and paid for, but that she was not going to be allowed to spoil the day for everybody else.

This is almost the same as what we did (the small wedding, just immediate family), except in our case the priest waited for my then fiance to go to work and called to the house to have a little word about the wedding. He told me that I could not be taking the wedding seriously with so few people invited.

We were getting married in my home place by a wonderful priest, I was half way down the aisle when the best man came running towards us telling us to go back, the priest from the parish I am living in now had delayed the priest we asked to marry us in the sacristy talking about money counters.

Neyite

Oh yes! I don't get elaborate hens or stage, especially abroad.

Grand, have a few scoops with your best mates, but 3 day themed extravaganzas abroad? No thanks! Then you have to attend the 'home' hen to include the ones who couldn't go abroad... Nuts!!

And some brides are even adding a bridal shower on TOP of a couple of hens

BabysCoffee

Neyite wrote: »

Oh yes! I don't get elaborate hens or stage, especially abroad.

Grand, have a few scoops with your best mates, but 3 day themed extravaganzas abroad? No thanks! Then you have to attend the 'home' hen to include the ones who couldn't go abroad... Nuts!!

And some brides are even adding a bridal shower on TOP of a couple of hens

Yes I agree!!

I don't get why the Hen party turned into weekend affairs or week sun hols.

Calmsurrender

Bridal showers !! Are they a thing here now? That's not Irish.

I don't get the whole hen/stag culture 3-6 months before the wedding ... Yes going out the night before the wedding is not a good move but these weekend/week long drinking sessions held months before the actual wedding are purely just so as much money can be spent on them as possible it would seem.
But then, it's their money, their life if they want a big piss up off with them

ABajaninCork

clint_silver wrote: »

sky lantrins (SIC). yaay. Not. everyone gets reluctantly ushered outside for a very underwhelming 30 minutes to the freezing cold while B&G hope the local farmers barn doesnt catch fire

Not only are sky lanterns tacky. They are also dangerous. A lot of venues will not allow then for H & S reasons. Same thing goes for fireworks. Hell - some venues/churches don't allow confetti either!

mrsbyrne

I really do feel sorry and puzzled that you think the only choice you had was to totally give in to this persons demands or risk what sounds like a life of utter hell.
Does everyone in your fiances family really just let her dictate what happens regarding family occasions?
Will she not now be insisting on baptisms etc going forward?

When and if my daughter wants to get married she can get married however she likes and I will, please God, be standing right there beside her.
Adults shouldn't be telling other adults what to do. Simples.

Toots

I've just had to delete a rake of off topic/argumentative posts. Last warning, if people can't stick to the topic and not go off on rants I'll lock the thread.

Please remember that just because you dislike/don't agree with something, doesn't mean it's crap/stupid/pointless. Different strokes for different folks. Everyone's entitled to make their own choices. I'd ask that posters be respectful of other people's opinions rather than be confrontational.

Neyite

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I really do feel sorry and puzzled that you think the only choice you had was to totally give in to this persons demands or risk what sounds like a life of utter hell.
Does everyone in your fiances family really just let her dictate what happens regarding family occasions?
Will she not now be insisting on baptisms etc going forward?

When and if my daughter wants to get married she can get married however she likes and I will, please God, be standing right there beside her.
Adults shouldn't be telling other adults what to do. Simples.

I compromised on a big issue because its important to my partner. We met halfway with a compromise that we both were happy with. Isn't that what marriage is?

Getting married in a church is important to my fiance. Ultimately, it does not matter what the reasons are, it just is. Not partaking in a mass is important to me. So we compromised.

The christening issue was already taken care of since we have a child already. Nobody dictated there. We christened. But I'm not going to derail the thread any further by opening up discussion on that can of worms. :pac:

Arbiter of Good Taste

We got married recently and got quite a lot of money as gifts. We did not factor this into our costs and were amazed (and very grateful and humbled) at people's generosity.

However, a lot of people who didn't give cash, for some reason gave candlesticks. We got some very beautiful candlesticks, but I'm not joking, we could open a church or something with the amount of candles and candlesticks we received between engagement and wedding gifts.

What is it with that? Is the view now that you can never have enough candles?

lazygal

Neyite wrote: »

I compromised on a big issue because its important to my partner. We met halfway with a compromise that we both were happy with. Isn't that what marriage is?

Getting married in a church is important to my fiance. Ultimately, it does not matter what the reasons are, it just is. Not partaking in a mass is important to me. So we compromised.

The christening issue was already taken care of since we have a child already. Nobody dictated there. We christened. But I'm not going to derail the thread any further by opening up discussion on that can of worms. :pac:

I know you're not bothered about this and don't want a debate but I think it's really sad that a third party is being appeased because of emotional blackmail. I'd have hated to start married life knowing we'd given into a relative throwing a hissy fit.