Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

BabysCoffee

drkpower wrote: »

But it is also a nice venue. And the owner is willing to rent it out.

With stipulations :-(

mrsbyrne

drkpower wrote: »

What was your point?

Its poi tless trying to debate with you. Your not reading the thread and you don't seem to understand the fundamentals of discussion and argument.
If you even went back 4 or 5 pages and read but you wont

BabysCoffee

January wrote: »

Save a few quid? Churches can be more expensive than other venues by the time you pay the fee's that come attached to them.

Tell that to to the above drkpower that I quoted. They see a church as an alternative to venues that charge a lot.

drkpower

BabysCoffee wrote: »

With stipulations :-(

Well every contract has Ts and Cs. Nothing too onerous, I wouldn't have thought.

rainbow kirby

Malari wrote: »

Can you not hire a church for a secular wedding? Or do people just use a priest because it's easier (cheaper?). Because a lot of them are beautiful buildings.

There's a strong argument to be made for a Unitarian wedding for these sort of cases, their ethos is to respect spirituality in whatever form it takes so there is a lot of freedom there. Tney have a gorgeous 17th century chapel near me and it's one of the options on our list.

Sligo1

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't get why at big weddings the bride and groom seem to spend the entire day apart. I know manners mean you have to go around and chat to everyone but it seems sad on what is their day they have to spend so much time working the room.

Before our wedding I specifically said to my husband we are NOT to be apart during the day or night. We spent the day holding hands and the night going around everyone together. It was our day. The only time I remember being apart from him was at 4am when I was blotto sitting in a chair waitin for him to come back from the toilet co I couldn't stand. Fond fond memories....

drkpower

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Its poi tless trying to debate with you. Your not reading the thread and you don't seem to understand the fundamentals of discussion and argument.
If you even went back 4 or 5 pages and read but you wont

Ok ??

Malari

drkpower wrote: »

Precisely. And since it is the bride and grooms day- and not yours - you might allow them to make their own choices without their friends and families' criticising them.

In fairness, everyone criticizes everyone else at times. Friends, families, partners...it's human nature! It's not malicious, it's not personal because no-one is using names here. It's observations and general expression of fascination or bafflement on how other people do things. I don't see the harm or offense.

BabysCoffee

Malari wrote: »

In fairness, everyone criticizes everyone else at times. Friends, families, partners...it's human nature! It's not malicious, it's not personal because no-one is using names here. It's observations and general expression of fascination or bafflement on how other people do things. I don't see the harm or offense.

Agreed.

I don't get why some people are getting so bothered by a bit of constructive criticism.

There have been brides on this thread who have said they will be making modifications to their weddings because of this thread.

It's all good!

mrsbyrne

drkpower wrote: »

Ok ??

OK so......? Do you want to answer my point about the church not being a venue?

Dolbert

Malari wrote: »

Can you not hire a church for a secular wedding? Or do people just use a priest because it's easier (cheaper?). Because a lot of them are beautiful buildings.

There are a few hotels in Ireland with beautiful chapels on-site which can be used for civil ceremonies, e.g. Brooklodge in Wicklow, the Clarion Sligo, Mackree Castle in Sligo, Ashford Castle in Mayo, Glenlo Abbey, Galway.

digzy

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

It occasionally


And to bring this post back to what I hate about Irish weddings: stags and hens. I just don't see the point of having one final slutty weekend if you're actually in love and committed to marrying someone. And the rest (getting drunk, going out with the girls/boys) is still something you'll do after the wedding anyways.

It's funny you mention that.
I've been on a fair few stags, with different groups of lads. On every one the stag has been faithful, even the younger lads with girlfriends. It's the fellas with the wife and kids who're the biggest fcukers . I remember one in particular where 3lads who I didn't know got their own apt, all brought back your usual Liverpool slappers. Then I saw them at the wedding with their wives and kids.
Utter scumbags.

To get back to your point though, scoring on your stag/hen is the stuff of a Cnut.
I think I'd pull out of a wedding if I saw it go on.

eviltwin

digzy wrote: »

It's funny you mention that.
I've been on a fair few stags, with different groups of lads. On every one the stag has been faithful, even the younger lads with girlfriends. It's the fellas with the wife and kids who're the biggest fcukers . I remember one in particular where 3lads who I didn't know got their own apt, all brought back your usual Liverpool slappers. Then I saw them at the wedding with their wives and kids.
Utter scumbags.

To get back to your point though, scoring on your stag/hen is the stuff of a Cnut.
I think I'd pull out of a wedding if I saw it go on.

We had a joint stag/hen which meant no carry on of this sort The reason for the combined do was that it just seems strange to me to have a girls only night out, most of my friends are male and my husband has a lot of female friends so the segregation of a traditional do wouldn't have worked. People thought it was crazy that we combined it even though everyone at it agreed it was a great night out not one of the people who got married after said tehy would even consider it.

freshpopcorn

Our local priest always says the church is open to people who want to get married. Whether or not they a practassing Catholics or not. Once your baptised into the church your part. He also says just because you attend mass doesn't make you more catholic/religious that some who attends all the time.

freshpopcorn

One thing I would say the whole expensive dress thing, inviting lots of people, venues, church, hens/stags, list goes on happen in loads of other counties.

BabysCoffee

digzy wrote: »

It's funny you mention that.
I've been on a fair few stags, with different groups of lads. On every one the stag has been faithful, even the younger lads with girlfriends. It's the fellas with the wife and kids who're the biggest fcukers . I remember one in particular where 3lads who I didn't know got their own apt, all brought back your usual Liverpool slappers. Then I saw them at the wedding with their wives and kids.
Utter scumbags.

To get back to your point though, scoring on your stag/hen is the stuff of a Cnut.
I think I'd pull out of a wedding if I saw it go on.

Disgusting!!!

I really don't get this!!

It never even crossed my mind that being unfaithful on stag parties was the done thing.

cuilteanna

In the course of reading this thread I've been surprised at how much resentment I still have over my own wedding (nearly 27 years ago). Unfortunately "compromise" often means giving in on something and (hopefully) having your own way on another thing.

We had a church wedding. I did NOT want it but at the time my OH was a practising Catholic and both his parents and my mother believed that only a church wedding was "real". My father was the only person who cared at all what I thought!

My mother hated my choice of dress, a pretty short silk dress with lace. For an easy life I got a gown she liked. I never bothered to get it cleaned because I cut it up for crafts.

There were loads more issues and nearly every one involved me giving in to what others wanted. I think a course of assertiveness training would have been in my best interests, I might even have ended up with one or two happy memories!

freshpopcorn

cuilteanna wrote: »

We had a church wedding. I did NOT want it but at the time my OH was a practising Catholic and both his parents and my mother believed that only a church wedding was "real". My father was the only person who cared at all what I thought!

Well if your husband was a practising Catholic wouldn't a church wedding have being important to him as well. Its not all about the bride,

BabysCoffee

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Well if your husband was a practising Catholic wouldn't a church wedding have being important to him as well. Its not all about the bride,

It's about the couple. It's not a compromise if one party gets exactly what they want i.e. a catholic wedding.

That's basically making the non-catholic person "put up and shut up"

It doesn't bode well for the marriage, methinks.

Tasden

BabysCoffee wrote: »

It's about the couple. It's not a compromise if one party gets exactly what they want i.e. a catholic wedding.

That's basically making the non-catholic person "put up and shut up"

It doesn't bode well for the marriage, methinks.

I sort of agree but then I think if one person has a strong belief and a wedding in a church is pretty central to that belief/way of life, does it really matter all that much to the person who doesn't believe to just go along with it seeing as it doesn't really mean anything to them either way?
Now if the non believer wanted a special venue or had their heart set on something else which they will have to sacrifice then that's different as its no longer a compromise.

freshpopcorn

Tasden wrote: »

I sort of agree but then I think if one person has a strong belief and a wedding in a church is pretty central to that belief/way of life, does it really matter all that much to the person who doesn't believe to just go along with it seeing as it doesn't really mean anything to them either way?
Now if the non believer wanted a special venue or had their heart set on something else which they will have to sacrifice then that's different as its no longer a compromise.

That's exactly I think as well.

Malari

Tasden wrote: »

I sort of agree but then I think if one person has a strong belief and a wedding in a church is pretty central to that belief/way of life, does it really matter all that much to the person who doesn't believe to just go along with it seeing as it doesn't really mean anything to them either way?
Now if the non believer wanted a special venue or had their heart set on something else which they will have to sacrifice then that's different as its no longer a compromise.

Well there could be a religious person marrying someone who's indifferent to a church wedding because they don't believe or marrying someone who would be dead against it. It's not quite as simple as the way you claim.

Tasden

Malari wrote: »

Well there could be a religious person marrying someone who's indifferent to a church wedding because they don't believe or marrying someone who would be dead against it. It's not quite as simple as the way you claim.

That's why I said if. Obviously its not always simple but that's how I feel in that case. I'm someone who would be against getting married in a church because I don't believe in all that stuff and I don't agree with the church in the slightest. But if it was very important to my partner because of his beliefs I'd do it because its important to him and I don't have strong beliefs about a venue myself. Same way I put my opinions of the church aside and attend for my child. because its important to her. Would I go into a church for any other reason? Hell no. But I love her and respect her beliefs. Same with a partner.

Malari

Tasden wrote: »

That's why I said if. Obviously its not always simple but that's how I feel in that case. I'm someone who would be against getting married in a church because I don't believe in all that stuff and I don't agree with the church in the slightest. But if it was very important to my partner because of his beliefs I'd do it because its important to him and I don't have strong beliefs about a venue myself. Same way I put my opinions of the church aside and attend for my child. because its important to her. Would I go into a church for any other reason? Hell no. But I love her and respect her beliefs. Same with a partner.

Well, you questioned that "if" there was a person who felt strongly about wanting a church wedding, should it matter to the other person who doesn't believe, so that's what I was disputing. That it could be a deal-breaker to the other person.

Tasden

Malari wrote: »

Well, you questioned that "if" there was a person who felt strongly about wanting a church wedding, should it matter to the other person who doesn't believe, so that's what I was disputing. That it could be a deal-breaker to the other person.

Yeah it could be a deal breaker for some people. I'm saying "if" its not then I don't see why they wouldn't go along with it if its just a case of them not believing.
But I personally don't see why it should be a deal breaker. Imo. I think someone's strong beliefs are more important than someone's non beliefs. The only deal breaker in relation to that would be baptismal of a baby because that's taking away a persons freedom to choose their own religion, other than that I would compromise on the church wedding if it was extremely important to them.

Malari

Tasden wrote: »

Yeah it could be a deal breaker for some people. I'm saying "if" its not then I don't see why they wouldn't go along with it if its just a case of them not believing.
But I personally don't see why it should be a deal breaker. Imo. I think someone's strong beliefs are more important than someone's non beliefs. The only deal breaker in relation to that would be baptismal of a baby because that's taking away a persons freedom to choose their own religion, other than that I would compromise on the church wedding if it was extremely important to them.

You could reverse it and instead of your implied "strong belief in a god" say someone's strong belief that there is no god. Either way is one feels strongly about something, and the other person is indifferent, I suppose it seems fair that the indifferent person compromises.

Tasden

Malari wrote: »

You could reverse it and instead of your implied "strong belief in a god" say someone's strong belief that there is no god. Either way is one feels strongly about something, and the other person is indifferent, I suppose it seems fair that the indifferent person compromises.

Well I have a belief that there is no god. I think religion is complete bull. But a non belief is a non belief, its a non entity, someone who believes can have very strong beliefs and strong connections with the church and the sacraments. I mean I could say I "strongly disbelieve" in that I do have very strong views of the church itself and I feel very strongly about the fact that religion is ridiculous but I still think that someones strong beliefs are more important than my non belief. Now someone who wants a church wedding because its the done thing is not what I'm referring to, I mean if its important to them and they feel strongly about it due to their faith.

But I agree with you that in the case of one indifferent person and one with strong views the one who is indifferent should compromise.

amdublin

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Our local priest always says the church is open to people who want to get married. Whether or not they a practassing Catholics or not. Once your baptised into the church your part. He also says just because you attend mass doesn't make you more catholic/religious that some who attends all the time.

Yeah I don't think anyone is saying they should be excluded.

I just think it looks awful when you are at a wedding and its evident the b&g never go to mass. I just do not get how you could says it is so important to you...when evidently it's not important enough to even know the correct protocols.

amdublin

Anyhoo! Have we debated the church/mass enough?

Anything else you don't get about Irish weddings?

BabysCoffee

I don't get children at weddings. To me weddings are adult events.

The kids are bored at the church part (and the babies are noisey)

Then at the reception they are shunted away to the kids room with a babysitter to watch cartoons (what's the point of bringing them for that).

If there is no kids room they are exposed to adults drinking alcohol.

And then they are kept up way past their bedtime.

freshpopcorn

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah I don't think anyone is saying they should be excluded.

I just think it looks awful when you are at a wedding and its evident the b&g never go to mass. I just do not get how you could says it is so important to you...when evidently it's not important enough to even know the correct protocols.

Just because you go to mass doesn't make you religious tough, some one can be religious/practice the bible without going to mass.

Sligo1

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Just because you go to mass doesn't make you religious tough, some one can be religious/practice the bible without going to mass.

Exactly. I don't go to mass. But I practice my religion in my own way. I would pray nearly every night. I'm a believer. I believe in Heaven. I believe that hopefully one day I will see my father again. I got married in the church across from the cemetery my father was buried in. And I say a prayer when I visit his grave. Just because I don't go to mass and don't know all the protocols it doesn't mean people have the right to judge me and pass ridiculous comments on me having a wedding in my local parish church, about me making a mistake of when to kneel or stand or not knowing the words to every prayer uttered. I find those comments utterly ridiculous and quite disrespectful.

cookiecakes

BabysCoffee wrote: »

I don't get children at weddings. To me weddings are adult events.

The kids are bored at the church part (and the babies are noisey)

Then at the reception they are shunted away to the kids room with a babysitter to watch cartoons (what's the point of bringing them for that).

If there is no kids room they are exposed to adults drinking alcohol.

And then they are kept up way past their bedtime.

Funnily enough, I'm the exact opposite and can't understand weddings without kids! I've been to some where nieces and nephews ,who aunts and uncles claim to dote on, have been left at home because they just didn't want them there!

lazygal

I don't like children at weddings either. It's not an occasion for children and I don't get why people think they should bring them.

XxMCRxBabyxX

drkpower wrote: »

Do you get why they might choose a church because it's a beautiful building or because it holds particular memories?

What about if you, as a Catholic, thought that a mosque or synagogue was a beautiful building? Would you agree to get married in a traditional ceremony there even though you didn't follow that religion? Or would you agree that that's quite dismissive and disrespectful to that religion?

eyescreamcone

But the part I don't get about church weddings is promising to bring up future children as Catholics.
How do non-believers bite the bullet on this issue.
Why build in lies to YOUR OWN wedding ceremony?

cookiecakes

lazygal wrote: »

I don't like children at weddings either. It's not an occasion for children and I don't get why people think they should bring them.

Oh people assuming they can bring them is appalling! But we went by the mantra of 'if we love them, invite them' It worked for us and the kids were awesome on the day and they had an absolute ball. Can understand that it doesn't work for everyone though!

Tasden

eyescreamcone wrote: »

But the part I don't get about church weddings is promising to bring up future children as Catholics.
How do non-believers bite the bullet on this issue.
Why build in lies to YOUR OWN wedding ceremony?

Do they all include this?

eyescreamcone

Tasden wrote: »

Do they all include this?

Only 100% of Catholic weddings do!

BabysCoffee

cookiecakes wrote: »

Oh people assuming they can bring them is appalling! But we went by the mantra of 'if we love them, invite them' It worked for us and the kids were awesome on the day and they had an absolute ball. Can understand that it doesn't work for everyone though!

Yeah I really don't get people assuming they can bring their non-invited kids to weddings. Like why would you do that????

Tasden

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Only 100% of Catholic weddings do!

I've never heard it in a catholic wedding
Baptismals obviously but not wedding ceremonies

eyescreamcone

Tasden wrote: »

I've never heard it in a catholic wedding
Baptismals obviously but not wedding ceremonies

You must be checking out the talent and not paying attention - it is included in every single catholic ceremony.

In fact if you asked for it to be taken out I would imagine the priest has been instructed to tell you the ceremony is off!!!

It's a biggie for the RCC

eyescreamcone

But if you like the venue... 

BabysCoffee

eyescreamcone wrote: »

But if you like the venue... 

Yes it's just a little T&C that you have to overcome!!

username123

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Yes it's just a little T&C that you have to overcome!!

Meanwhile the priest delightedly goes into the private rooms at the back and winks up at the almighty, 'we got another couple God, don't worry if they're not believers, they promised to raise the kids catholic, so we got the numbers which is what counts!'

The whole purpose of marriage, according to the Catholics, is to produce children (that's why gay marriage is such a horror to them, no kiddies!), and you gotta raise those kids to go to a church to take marriage vows and agree to raise their kids catholic etc.... It's a great way of perpetuating the nonsense.

Tasden

Just googled it there and its not in the vows themselves its in the consent part, I don't see the issue tbh, if a couple are ok with lying during the prayers etc, then why would this be an issue, if it was in their vows to each other I'd understand but its not like this is the only lie they'd be telling if they have a church service- there are a number of proclamations throughout the service, why would this be any different to those?

mrsbyrne

lazygal wrote: »

I don't like children at weddings either. It's not an occasion for children and I don't get why people think they should bring them.

I feel sorry for kids under 12 at weddings. The day is too long and their instinct especially when they get to the hotel is go nuts and r in all over the place, which in turn makes them knackered and ready for bed so they stagger around from cousin to aunt whinging and carrying on for another 4 hours. Not much fun.

mrsbyrne

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Yes it's just a little T&C that you have to overcome!!

username123 wrote: »

Meanwhile the priest delightedly goes into the private rooms at the back and winks up at the almighty, 'we got another couple God, don't worry if they're not believers, they promised to raise the kids catholic, so we got the numbers which is what counts!'

The whole purpose of marriage, according to the Catholics, is to produce children (that's why gay marriage is such a horror to them, no kiddies!), and you gotta raise those kids to go to a church to take marriage vows and agree to raise their kids catholic etc.... It's a great way of perpetuating the nonsense.

Feel free there why don't you to jump straight in and scoff scorn and mock Catholics doing their Catholic thing in a Catholic building.
I mean its not as if we have any rights or feelings or anything..

mrsbyrne

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

What about if you, as a Catholic, thought that a mosque or synagogue was a beautiful building? Would you agree to get married in a traditional ceremony there even though you didn't follow that religion? Or would you agree that that's quite dismissive and disrespectful to that religion?

I can't see you getting an answer to that question anny time soon.

Tasden

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Feel free there why don't you to jump straight in and scoff scorn and mock Catholics doing their Catholic thing in a Catholic building.
I mean its not as if we have any rights or feelings or anything..

Tbf i think those posters are actually scoffing at people who aren't religious taking part in it when they don't actually believe it

Well maybe not the second quote..