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Maybe you found the meetings tough because you can't string together a sensible English sentence. Maybe you mistaked 'feeling unwelcome' with just the fact that other people probably hadn't a clue what you were on about.
Irony
Also, bit harsh there, no? I understood the point he was making.. compassion is a universal language.. he shouldn't have been left feeling unwelcome at his meetings imo.0 -
Irony
Also, bit harsh there, no? I understood the point he was making.. compassion is a universal language.. he shouldn't have been left feeling unwelcome at his meetings imo.
This is true. I am Irish but if I was in Poland and not from there and had an abuse problem I would like to think that if my Polish wasn't the best I wouldn't be ignored just cause I couldn't speak the language the best. Being honest I know everyone has their own methods of quitting but I do think that there is better methods than A.A.0 -
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I don't think we can expect others to understand. And maybe understand is the wrong word. I know when I was a drinker, my mind was closed shut to the idea of life without alcohol. Shut firmly and that meant that all non drinkers were a species to be wary of and on occasion, to ridicule. These feelings of mine (and I know other drinkers are like this) were based on denial and fear. I can see that clearly now but I do remember how closed my mind was and how I avoided non drinkers like the plague.
And yes, I have been hurt by comments from those who I thought were friends about me being 'boring' and when was I going to stop this and start drinking again. Hurt that they weren't bothering to try to understand what a huge deal it was to me but then again, they were pub friends. Family have also been guilty of looking at me, bemused, wondering why I don't drink but not daring to ask. At this stage I just have to tell myself that this is my journey and I have to travel it alone. I am doing it for myself so can't expect anyone to tell me how well I'm doing (except all of you here, who keep me sane). I am the only one who lives inside my head and that is where it matters at the end of the day.
It may help to turn it around and feel compassion for drinkers as they are still in the dark whereas we have discovered a secret. The secret to REAL life. This sounds lofty, and any drinkers reading this - cue your scathing laugh - but there's no other way of putting it.. I feel like my life before sobriety was all somehow fake. So maybe try to be 'understanding' of your drinking friends, without being patronising and just try to accept them for who they are, just like you would like them to accept you.
I went to a fresh start clinic last week and was amazed to hear that alcohol damage can be accumulative, I always thought if you drink then detox via exercise, sauna etc that you'll be grand. The doc suggested going on a detox (I'm a moderate drinker), not sure if I could give it up fully though. I had 5 pints last night and felt awful today, it was spent mostly in bed.0 -
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Arbing dog wrote: »Hi all. I've been browsing boards all morning reading up in these topics and overall I found this one great. For the last 5 years I have struggled with alcohol abuse, I went from a sports mad nice guy to a nuisance that had lost the respect of many people. Only a few days ago I hit rock bottom after a binge of drinking and drugs. I tried to take my own life and luckily I failed. I had drove everyone who cared about me away but thankfully when I needed my family they were there for me. I know I'm along way off being cured, but I was hoping if anyone here could offer any advice it would be most appreciated. Here's to a clean living 2015 where hopefully I can build back up the bridges I've burned down over the last few years.[/QUOTE
Well Thankfully you didn't your own life Arbing dog! As they say … "A permanent solution to a temporary problem" .. is not the answer! The human being has a inert instinct to survive. You have proved this.
Sorry I've only seen this now, but there are always people out there that care, Im delighted to hear your family are there for you! that should be of great comfort to you!
My Advice to you,is to start small, you have already made the first step by posting on here!and that alone is a great achievement.!:)
It is just through little steps that you will make that "big" change!
I recommend exercise,meditation,healthy eating as but a few guidelines but please dont hesitate to pm me if u want to talk more!
happy christmas to you and yours!0 -
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Arbing dog wrote: »Hi all. I've been browsing boards all morning reading up in these topics and overall I found this one great. For the last 5 years I have struggled with alcohol abuse, I went from a sports mad nice guy to a nuisance that had lost the respect of many people. Only a few days ago I hit rock bottom after a binge of drinking and drugs. I tried to take my own life and luckily I failed. I had drove everyone who cared about me away but thankfully when I needed my family they were there for me. I know I'm along way off being cured, but I was hoping if anyone here could offer any advice it would be most appreciated. Here's to a clean living 2015 where hopefully I can build back up the bridges I've burned down over the last few years.[/QUOTE
Well Thankfully you didn't your own life Arbing dog! As they say … "A permanent solution to a temporary problem" .. is not the answer! The human being has a inert instinct to survive. You have proved this.
Sorry I've only seen this now, but there are always people out there that care, Im delighted to hear your family are there for you! that should be of great comfort to you!
My Advice to you,is to start small, you have already made the first step by posting on here!and that alone is a great achievement.!:)
It is just through little steps that you will make that "big" change!
I recommend exercise,meditation,healthy eating as but a few guidelines but please dont hesitate to pm me if u want to talk more!
happy christmas to you and yours!
Thanks for your reply souls, it means a lot. I haven't touched a drop yet and I must say I've had my best Christmas in years. Looking forward to getting fit and eating right in the new year. I know it's a cliche to say that at this time of year but what the hell. I'm also looking forward to getting back into some of my old passions and past times. Here's to onwards and upwards. Thanks again0 -
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So if i stay sober do i stay single!?? …… (actual genuine question)
Im back on the saddle and feeling much better for it, but i have noticed that when the booze goes so do the ladies
I don't think that's the case souls. It might just seen like that for a while. Stick at it and everything will fall into place lad. I find im better at talking to women sober once I pluck up the courage.0 -
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So if i stay sober do i stay single!?? …… (actual genuine question)
Im back on the saddle and feeling much better for it, but i have noticed that when the booze goes so do the ladies
I suspect staying single might be best for you until you conquer the drink, or at least feel safer from it. Try and keep your life as simple and uncomplicated as possible until you feel stronger. Sorting out you should be your priority until then. There are a lot of blessings in being single when tackling addiction; you have the freedom to do so many spiritual, life-changing things and adventures which might not be possible in a serious relationship. Walk the Camino de Santiago? Nepal? Spend time in a monastery of your choice? The possibilities are endless. Make the most of the freedom of your single days.0 -
Deleted User wrote: »I suspect staying single might be best for you until you conquer the drink, or at least feel safer from it. Try and keep your life as simple and uncomplicated as possible until you feel stronger. Sorting out you should be your priority until then. There are a lot of blessings in being single when tackling addiction; you have the freedom to do so many spiritual, life-changing things and adventures which might not be possible in a serious relationship. Walk the Camino de Santiago? Nepal? Spend time in a monastery of your choice? The possibilities are endless. Make the most of the freedom of your single days.
Solid advice! Thanks Anamcheasta 0 -
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Arbing dog wrote: »Keep at it souls. I was 5 weeks sober yesterday and while it's been hard just taking a minute to sit down and realise it makes it feel great. I've even had to overcome a family wedding in those few weeks which wasn't easy. At the end of the day it's about playing the long game and getting over each day as it comes. Keep the chin up lad ðŸ‘
Well done Arbing dog! you're doing great
Ahh yea the weddings are a pain tbh, i have one to attend next month myself!Fair play to you for getting through it!! ive done them sober in the past myself so i can do it again.
I was fairly heavy with the drinking there before so the withdrawal at the minute is quite uncomfortable to say the least, Im normally extremely active. i.e running,weights,etc. but I've had to stop for the week as my body is in bits..
Sure its all about focussing on the here and now. Doing what needs to be done day by day. if i need to rest right now so be it. things will get better. just looking forward to getting decent daylight between me and my last drink so i can take the next step!0 -
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How long were you sober before you did all that anamcheasta, just out of interest? At the minute I'm keeping it simple as you say, just meeting basic needs. eating well,sleeping and exercise.. But certainly food for thought down the road. I think it's something that i would benefit from greatly..
Mindfulness is something I'm working on... ill look up that existential philosophy that you suggest
I have some time off in a week or two for a few days so it might be a chance to look up some places in ireland..
Thanks for the advice 0 -
At the minute I'm keeping it simple as you say, just meeting basic needs. eating well,sleeping and exercise.. But certainly food for thought down the road. I think it's something that i would benefit from greatly..
Mindfulness is something I'm working on... ill look up that existential philosophy that you suggest
I have some time off in a week or two for a few days so it might be a chance to look up some places in ireland..
Thanks for the advice
Exercise is fantastic, not least because you'll be tired after it and you won't have time to be thinking of alcohol (see below). Additionally, if you didn't want to just soak in the colour of life and nature and focus on your breathing on your walks/runs, you could download some good self-help resources from free audiobook websites like Librivox and listen to them on your Ipod. At the very least, they'll be a distraction. At best they'll offer you a new, more productive way of thinking about life. Or, at least I find it beneficial in that regard.
Another thing I find beneficial in helping me to change old modes of thinking is to listen to new types of music. It might be worth exploring music as a way towards solace and growth. I've gone through everything from Andean panpipe to Ludovico Einaudi to Vivaldi to Portishead to Spanish Renaissance music to Dustin O'Halloran. I've discovered music I never would have listened to in languages I would never have considered (Lyric FM on an evening can be very good for introducing me to new classical and world music).How long were you sober before you did all that anamcheasta, just out of interest?
I had been drinking the week before - or at least "normally" - immediately prior to doing the Camino Francés. I decided not to drink on the Camino as I was determined to walk all 800km as a sort of spiritual rebirth from St Jean Pied de Port in southwest France to Santiago de Compostela in Galicia come hell or high water and I knew with the cheap drink I would be lucky to make it to Pamplona (c. 75km from St Jean). Complete ban on drink, then.
Not drinking actually worked out perfectly because it was so hot I just needed to drink water constantly to dehydrate and obviously alcohol would have made things worse in terms of hydration. But, even more than that, I was so completely knackered every single day (and in pain for the first two weeks with blisters and the like) that all I wanted to do after resting my feet in a basin of water for an hour or so was to fall asleep. With the physical pain, I didn't miss drink at all (I'm sure there's a deeper lesson there about abstinence!). I lost 15kg on it, spent some spiritual time in the 6th century Benedictine monastery in Samos to soak up the famous Gregorian chant and felt light as a feather by the time I walked into Santiago. Although I walked it in summer they say April or September are the best months for walking as it's not too hot then. I think if you try and change your thinking and, as far as possible, your environment, keeping off drink gets easier.0 -
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