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positive beginnings
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I've just come from an ANEW meeting. They are meetings for female alcoholics/addicts held on Tuesdays at 6pm in St Patricks Hospital, if anyone is interested. They are open to all women, whether you're a patient of the hospital or not, however numbers are unfortunately always very small as no one knows about them - they don't even have a website. It's a pity because it's a great alternative to AA, kind of like Lifering, all about choice and personal responsibility.
Anyways tonight, only myself and the group facilitator turned up. The meeting was meant to last an hour, however even with only the two of us there, we managed to natter away for an hour and a half!
I really needed it! Nice to have the opportunity to vent and chat without feeling like the other person is watching the clock (I'm often feeling that with doctors and counsellors - I'm an in-patient here in the hospital at the moment, by the way.)
Just thought I'd mention it here, on the off-chance that anyone might be interested in trying it out some time.
I know the facilitator LOVES to see new faces at the meetings! 0 -
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So, as I detailed in one of the other threads here, i gave up drinking this Wednesday after a torrid 3 year bender that was preceded by fairly regularly drinking before that period.
My life was becoming unbearable for me and i was having trouble coping with anxiety, anger, jealousy etc. I tried to fix this by consuming large amounts of a chemical depressant on a daily basis and somehow it made things worse :P
Decided it was now or never and i'm simply not going to drink again. I was initially considering moderation or taking a break for a while and numerous other cop outs (to be frank about it) but it just came to me that my life is objectively worse with any amount of alcohol involved.
It's very early days yet but i have never felt better. My emotions are coming back under my control, i'm much more relaxed and calm and my anxiety over certain situations in my life is just melting away, literally by the hour.
I'm learning to not worry about things that i have no power over. Whereas before i thought, for some reason, that drinking and being angry over things "not being fair" would make people change their feelings toward me and/or their actions. My dealings with people over the past few days have surprised even myself and i am feeling more confident and assured.
The physical side of things still isn't great and i can feel that my body is still readjusting to the absence of alcohol in my system. My mental acuity has improved slightly but it is hampered by the fact that i am quite tired at the moment
My sleep pattern is still a bit messed up and i'm waking up pretty exhausted but i've read this is normal for a little while at least. I didn't really have dreams/nightmares i could remember when i was drinking but i had sort of a funny nightmare last night which featured someone dearly close to me telling me a "devastating secret" about another person i care about that was word for word one of my own idiotic conspiracy theories that i had constructed when i was drunk. I woke up with a start and my heart was beating like mad, all out of sequence but that passed after about 30 seconds and i just went back to sleep.
I was out walking this morning and remembered the nightmare i had and actually had a bit of a giggle to myself and thought: "C'mon brain, that was some low effort ****. You aren't getting any more booze so let's not bother with this nonsense".
Anyway, i know it's early days but i absolutely feel like i can do this and i can not believe how much better i feel already. I know there's probably a little bit more to this than simply quitting drinking but it is working in concert with the more positive outlook i'm taking on my life.0 -
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This time last year I was effectively homeless, mentally crushed and drinking non stop! yesterday I used a jack hammer for the first time, I did some fencing (wood type not sword type) on a farm and petted a cow while a vet had his arm up its backside!! Life is gift! I couldn't be happier today!
It has been an incredible road to today. Ups,downs and all inbetween. Asking for help was my breakthrough. I have friendships now Through recovery that would withstand the severest of storms! Of course I have bad days but I know it could always be worse! Dont pick up the first drink and go to a meeting were one of the first things I heard at a meeting and it hasn't steered me wrong a day at a time yet!
Im out to cut the grass now! Great weather! 0 -
This time last year I was effectively homeless, mentally crushed and drinking non stop! yesterday I used a jack hammer for the first time, I did some fencing (wood type not sword type) on a farm and petted a cow while a vet had his arm up its backside!! Life is gift! I couldn't be happier today!
It has been an incredible road to today. Ups,downs and all inbetween. Asking for help was my breakthrough. I have friendships now Through recovery that would withstand the severest of storms! Of course I have bad days but I know it could always be worse! Dont pick up the first drink and go to a meeting were one of the first things I heard at a meeting and it hasn't steered me wrong a day at a time yet!
Im out to cut the grass now! Great weather!
Great Post .0 -
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Thought id touch base with friends and share my experience today
I started college back in september 2016. and i have to say it has been one of the most positive experienes of my life. I have essentially had a second chance at life, learning new skills and making great friends and engaging in an area i am passionate about. Though there has been challenges along the way i have learned so much about myself and how to cope in a world that i hadnt really spent much time in my adult life without alcohol. ive documented some of my journey on this and it is fascinating to read over some of it. i really feel like a different person now as time has gone by. growing and developing a day at a time. for me now, my old life is gone. I am not that person anymore today thank god. Tonight i am forever grateful 0 -
Going to bed tonight, and i am feeling grateful for a beautiful, day spent with my daughter and having a unique bond with her, that i cherish and that she is sleeping safe tonight and that i have a roof over my head!
alcoholism for me was a condition of the mind. wanting everything i couldnt have when in reality i had more than i could ever want. with drink in the picture i wouldnt have been able to feel today. a precious 24 hours wasted! life is live there are no reruns, i make each day count as apposed to counting the days. i often feel i kinda overcomplicate things, like i am right now!haha but whatever the case, i know a good day when i have one and to me thats a sober day.
goodnight friends
if youre struggling, talk to somebody! it does get better 0 -
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