This gets up my goat .....

How Strange

Whatever about the hospital staff using baby and mum it used to mildly irritate me when the phn said it such as 'so how's mum doing?'.

I'm standing in front of you, you're in my home and you've got my file in your hand. No need to refer to me in the 3rd person.

PCX

December2012 wrote: »

I disagree for my situation.

His life, if not his body, changed as soon as we got that positive result that we had tried to get bad long hoped for.

So "we" were pregnant.

Getting a positive result is a hugely exciting time especially if its something that you've been hoping for for a long time. However when passing on the news if you tell people "We are expecting a baby!" or "We are going to be parents!" it carries no less meaning or excitement and has the benefit of being true!

When I hear people say "we are pregnant" I secretly cringe for them (Sorry:( ). When the baby is born you wouldn't say "we've become a mother". Its okay for the two parents to have different roles in the pregnancy and birth (it's just a biological fact).

Victor

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

But when its born the baby

Not always.

It takes two seconds to take the time to acquaint yourself with this before talking to the patient.

And if you get it wrong mid-conversation? There might be 50 newborns in a hospital at a time, never mind all the pre-natal appointments. Remembering that many names can be difficult.

Doctors and nurses generally introduce themselves with their first names now anyway and I'd never in a million years refer to them as anything other than this when speaking directly to them.

If you have a problem, do you shout "Mary!" (several other Marys in the ward) or "Nurse!"

lazygal

Nurse or doctor is a professional title. Mum is not.

Penny Dreadful

Victor wrote: »

Not always.

And if you get it wrong mid-conversation? There might be 50 newborns in a hospital at a time, never mind all the pre-natal appointments. Remembering that many names can be difficult.

If you have a problem, do you shout "Mary!" (several other Marys in the ward) or "Nurse!"

Thats different, its not part of a routine conversation.

Also with regard to remembering names- the chart is at the end of the bed for each and every patient. I would rather the nurse or doctor looked at the name when they were reviewing the chart (which they do) and then referred to me by my name rather than "Mum".
When you're a patient for any other reason the staff don't refer to you as "woman/man" or "hip/knee/renal transplant". They call you by your name. I don't see why its different when you're a patient because you've had a baby.

December2012

No but "we" are parents.

He saved his money with me, he came to hospital with me, he took care of me, he minded me and helped make the pregnancy easier.

We were having the baby, we were worried, we did it together.

Either turn of phrase "we" or "I'm" is fine by me for that situation.

Penny Dreadful

December2012 wrote: »

I disagree for my situation.

His life, if not his body, changed as soon as we got that positive result that we had tried to get bad long hoped for.

So "we" were pregnant.

My husband too was delighted when I told him about the positive pregnancy test. We'd been TTC for over a year and so we were both truly delighted.
That said, I'm the one with the nausea, early onset SPD, sleepless nights, etc, etc. I am pregnant- he can't share the burden of pregnancy and I know that if he could he would (or so he likes to think:P) - and we are going to have a baby, we are going to be parents.
I would be really irritated if I heard him tell people that "we" are pregnant. It makes little of what women go through when they are pregnant IMHO.
Each person and couple are entitled to their own feelings on this matter though.

December2012

I can see your point. For me it made me feel closer.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

Penny Dreadful

December2012 wrote: »

I can see your point. For me it made me feel closer.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

Thank you. We are both delighted and very excited. First scan is this day next week and I can hardly wait.

Its been lovely for both of us to be in this together and I have to say that my husband has been so lovely and so sweet to me all through my "bleurgh I feel - sick/ tired/ sore"- all of which are repeated at what feels like regular intervals:o. This is certainly a very special and exciting time for us and I love it.
Maybe if I didn't feel so yuck so much of the time I'd feel more lenient towards "us" being pregnant.

December2012

Ah it's each to their own. I'm not saying my husband did more than he should have or more than other men. I just liked the phrasing.

Things that get my goat - people at either end of the spectrum of expectations of toddlers behaviour - either giving out over ridiculous things like noise and playing, or simply excusing every bad behaviour by saying "oh he's so mischievous/funny etc" when their kid is wild.

Penny Dreadful

December2012 wrote: »

Ah it's each to their own. I'm not saying my husband did more than he should have or more than other men. I just liked the phrasing.

Things that get my goat - people at either end of the spectrum of expectations of toddlers behaviour - either giving out over ridiculous things like noise and playing, or simply excusing every bad behaviour by saying "oh he's so mischievous/funny etc" when their kid is wild.

That drives me nuts too. Its so unfair to everyone involved - the kids themselves because by having their behaviour indulged and excused they'll never learn how to behave appropriately in certain social situations and it makes them unlikeable. As they are the kids its not their fault- thats what parents are there for - to teach them how to socialise and behave properly.

Sarah Bear

You know what drives me crazy! The phrase "it's all ahead of you"
Little boy about three years old, takes a bread roll from the shelves in the supermarket and kicks it up and down the aisle like a football.
Mammy looks at my bump and says "it's all ahead of you"
Friends daughter aged four, takes a jar of sudocreme and spreads it all over the wall in her sitting room, (she's done it a few times now!) "it's all ahead of you"
No it's not all ahead of me! Your kids are just feckin bold! :P

Penny Dreadful

Sarah Bear wrote: »

You know what drives me crazy! The phrase "it's all ahead of you"
Little boy about three years old, takes a bread roll from the shelves in the supermarket and kicks it up and down the aisle like a football.
Mammy looks at my bump and says "it's all ahead of you"
Friends daughter aged four, takes a jar of sudocreme and spreads it all over the wall in her sitting room, (she's done it a few times now!) "it's all ahead of you"
No it's not all ahead of me! Your kids are just feckin bold! :P

Yes! Wouldn't you just love to say "actually its not ahead of me. I intend to raise my child to behave properly when they're out. Why did you choose differently?"

Sligo1

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Thats different, its not part of a routine conversation.

Also with regard to remembering names- the chart is at the end of the bed for each and every patient. I would rather the nurse or doctor looked at the name when they were reviewing the chart (which they do) and then referred to me by my name rather than "Mum".
When you're a patient for any other reason the staff don't refer to you as "woman/man" or "hip/knee/renal transplant". They call you by your name. I don't see why its different when you're a patient because you've had a baby.

Lol... Good point. Imagine if you are a nurse/doctor etc. and you were reviewing an elderly patient. You go to the end of his/her bed and say... "How are you feeling today grandma/pops". Lol

Sarah Bear

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Yes! Wouldn't you just love to say "actually its not ahead of me. I intend to raise my child to behave properly when they're out. Why did you choose differently?"

I did say this.. Well kind of, haha, and it was met with oh you say that now but wait till you see, it's all ahead of you! Grrrrrrrr

Neyite

I especially love when you visit relatives, they stuff your kid with lots of sweets, cakes and juice, despite your protests that a rice cake and cheese is a treat, then when they are bouncing off the walls with a sugar rush and a pain in the arse, YOU get the cats-arse face and undertone mutterings about how not teaching them to behave must be some new fangled way of parenting. :rolleyes:

nikpmup

The ''it's all ahead of you'' brigade drive me insane!! It's smugness of the worst variety - even if said pregnant woman is clueless, naive, or just optimistic! I got it so often during my pregnancy, and still get it now toting a six-month old around.

The ONLY reason I'd tell a pregnant woman, ''it's all ahead of you'' is if she saw me cuddling my son, playing with him, or feeding him and he was all snuggled up and adorable. That is ahead of you - and it's amazing

Penny Dreadful

Neyite wrote: »

I especially love when you visit relatives, they stuff your kid with lots of sweets, cakes and juice, despite your protests that a rice cake and cheese is a treat, then when they are bouncing off the walls with a sugar rush and a pain in the arse, YOU get the cats-arse face and undertone mutterings about how not teaching them to behave must be some new fangled way of parenting. :rolleyes:

yes, along with the "you must be one of those by the book parents. In my day we didn't have books just common sense. Shame thats gone by the road now......."

Neyite

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

yes, along with the "you must be one of those by the book parents. In my day we didn't have books just common sense. Shame thats gone by the road now......."

Up there with all this "modern breastfeeding" nonsense. "Shure I was putting rice in bottles from 6 weeks! Didnt do him any harm". Well yes, apart from the chronic childhood asthma he suffered with several attacks requiring hospital stays, and the various things he is allergic to, and childhood obesity that thankfully he managed to kick when he grew up, nope, no harm at all. :eek:

Penny Dreadful

nikpmup wrote: »

The ''it's all ahead of you'' brigade drive me insane!! It's smugness of the worst variety - even if said pregnant woman is clueless, naive, or just optimistic! I got it so often during my pregnancy, and still get it now toting a six-month old around.

The ONLY reason I'd tell a pregnant woman, ''it's all ahead of you'' is if she saw me cuddling my son, playing with him, or feeding him and he was all snuggled up and adorable. That is ahead of you - and it's amazing

I haven't told anyone at work (actually anyone at all) that I'm pregnant yet. I'm looking forward to telling my family as they'll be delighted and I can discuss various pregnancy related things with my mum and my sisters.
However, I am not looking forward to telling work people nearly as much. While I know my work friends will be happy for me, some of them (thinking they're funny) will come out with "well you can say goodbye to that figure/those holidays/high heels/ nights out/etc/etc". I know that my life is going to change and I'm fine with that - but why people have to do the "isn't it well for you" type of thing is beyond me.
Then there will be the parent police and the comments of "you're huge/tiny" " are you really going to eat that/ do that, I wouldn't if I was you"......well feck right off cause you're not me.

Neyite

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I haven't told anyone at work (actually anyone at all) that I'm pregnant yet. I'm looking forward to telling my family as they'll be delighted and I can discuss various pregnancy related things with my mum and my sisters.
However, I am not looking forward to telling work people nearly as much. While I know my work friends will be happy for me, some of them (thinking they're funny) will come out with "well you can say goodbye to that figure/those holidays/high heels/ nights out/etc/etc". I know that my life is going to change and I'm fine with that - but why people have to do the "isn't it well for you" type of thing is beyond me.
Then there will be the parent police and the comments of "you're huge/tiny" " are you really going to eat that/ do that, I wouldn't if I was you"......well feck right off cause you're not me.

I wore heels occasionally in pregnancy. And I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans 10 days after delivery (a squeeze, but it still counts, right?) I'm the same weight as I was prior to pregnancy. I ate what I liked before, during and after. And I couldnt afford holidays or nights out before the baby anyway

nikpmup

Oh, I got the ''kiss goodbye to nights out!!'' Well, lookey here - I'm 38 years old. I've been going out on the razz for 20years + VAT. I've had all-weekenders, lost weekenders; I've ended up at more random house parties than I've had hot dinners. I'm QUITE okay with knocking that on the head. I've had my fill. And I can get babysitters, if needs be!
As for figure, well, that's entirely in my control. I am a bloomin whale atm, but that's my fault, not the baby's. (Well, it's partially his fault!)
Holidays - see nights out. I've had my fill of two-week benders, I'm happy to go on quiet family holidays from here on in.

I think people who make these statements must harbour a tiny amount of resentment that their own childbearing has put the skids on their lifestyle. I couldn't be happier to change my life completely around, and I'd never bemoan the loss of my previous life.

Penny Dreadful

Neyite wrote: »

I wore heels occasionally in pregnancy. And I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans 10 days after delivery (a squeeze, but it still counts, right?) I'm the same weight as I was prior to pregnancy. I ate what I liked before, during and after. And I couldnt afford holidays or nights out before the baby anyway

It sure does count! No matter how much jumping around or holding of your breath you may have had to do to get into and stay in them, it counts.:)

I've lost a few kilos (not that I really was in a place where I needed to lose weight anyway) since getting pregnant so I'm hopeful that I won't get enormous and with sensible eating post delivery my old clothes will still fit.

nikpmup wrote: »

Oh, I got the ''kiss goodbye to nights out!!'' Well, lookey here - I'm 38 years old. I've been going out on the razz for 20years + VAT. I've had all-weekenders, lost weekenders; I've ended up at more random house parties than I've had hot dinners. I'm QUITE okay with knocking that on the head. I've had my fill. And I can get babysitters, if needs be!
As for figure, well, that's entirely in my control. I am a bloomin whale atm, but that's my fault, not the baby's. (Well, it's partially his fault!)
Holidays - see nights out. I've had my fill of two-week benders, I'm happy to go on quiet family holidays from here on in.

I think people who make these statements must harbour a tiny amount of resentment that their own childbearing has put the skids on their lifestyle. I couldn't be happier to change my life completely around, and I'd never bemoan the loss of my previous life.

I'm thinking like that too. I'm 36, will be 37 this summer and have had some amazing holidays, nights out, weekends away and I've loved them all. If I had a choice between having this baby or doing it all again I'd pick the baby each and every time. Your life moves on and changes.
I'm very much looking forward to family holidays where I get to show my child the world and see them and the joy they get from experiencing things for the first time. It will be bloody brilliant and I can't wait for it.

galah

GT_TDI_150 wrote: »

Firstly, i hope by sharing this I havent hightened your awareness to this 'issue' and that it starts to bother you too ...

We had our first 4yrs ago and are pregnant with our second one.when pregnant with the first my OH started watching all the Maternity Hospital tv shows, which is when i first became aware of this issue ...

Why do consultants, registrars, midwives and nurses omit "the" when talking about your baby?!
!

nevermind that, but what is the story with the medical profession's love of 'popping'? It must be the most used word ever - "now pop up here and pop your socks off and then I'll pop this on while the doctor will pop in in a second then you can pop down and pop over to the receptionist...."

gahhhhhhhhh! Are verbs banned from hospitals and surgeries?

Penny Dreadful

galah wrote: »

nevermind that, but what is the story with the medical profession's love of 'popping'? It must be the most used word ever - "now pop up here and pop your socks off and then I'll pop this on while the doctor will pop in in a second then you can pop down and pop over to the receptionist...."

gahhhhhhhhh! Are verbs banned from hospitals and surgeries?

Yes, they love to pop. On Embarassing Bodies the docs are popping everywhere.

CaraMay

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Yes, they love to pop. On Embarassing Bodies the docs are popping everywhere.

Just as well it's not in the states. Remember that nanny got charged with murder for 'popping' the baby down? Louise Woodward was it?

sari

What really gets me is when people say "oh aren't you great" for breastfeeding my baby!! No not great just doing what I'm meant to.
Then as he got older I got "oh aren't you great for doing it this long" no he's only 3 months old!! Grr
Also "ah sure one bar of chocolate won't hurt" followed by " haven't you a mean mammy she won't give you any sweeties" feck off seriously

Cienciano

Roesy wrote: »

Ha, we did laugh at the whole 'baby is sleeping', 'how's mum?', 'would dad like to change baby?' thing but what really got on our goats was all the paediatricians(in CUMH anyway) introduced themselves as 'I'm dr......, I'm one of the baby doctors'. What's wrong with the word paediatrician?!?

Wouldn't it be great if Proctologist's introduced themselves the same way? "Hi, I'm Dr. Harris, I'm one of the arse doctors".
Would lighten up a tense moment in the consultation room :pac:

Paddy Cow

Hospital staff see so many parents and babies that it's probably easier for them to use baby, mum and dad, rather than trying to remember everyone's names and getting them wrong.

kandr10

But shays the harm in just throwing in a definite article from time to time :-)