Paying to attend a wedding?

Toots

iguana wrote: »

My mum's friend got an invite to a wedding which specifically asked for yellow or purple money as a gift. She hadn't a clue what it meant at first but eventually figured out that the €200 note is yellow and the €500 note is purple.

See now a situation like this is why I love working as a foreign exchange cashier, so many currencies with notes those colours!

500 thai baht note is purple. If the couple didn't know their exchange rates they might see 500 and think that you'd followed their instructions. Unfortunately for them it's only about €11. Or the Aussie $5 note is also purple, but that's a bit more obvious.

For the yellows 200 south african rand is a yellow note, again, it's a 200, however as of today it's worth €13.50 or thereabouts. So they'd be doing better with that than they would with the purple thai baht but that wouldn't be immediately obvious.

I suppose if you wanted to be really generous, you could give them some Korean Won (south korean, to be exact), their 50,000 note is yellow. Initially, you'd look super generous! It's a bit less straightforward to exchange than the other options, but it'd be worth the couple of weeks clearing because it's worth a whopping €34! Of course about a tenner of that would probably be taken in administration fees by the bank.......

rainbowtrout

iguana wrote: »

My mum's friend got an invite to a wedding which specifically asked for yellow or purple money as a gift. She hadn't a clue what it meant at first but eventually figured out that the €200 note is yellow and the €500 note is purple.

:eek:

If I was feeling generous which is unlikely given the horrible invite/invoice

One of these ...



and one of these



and the address of the exchange counter at the central bank.

Failing that ( I would have declined that invite also) some of these

delthedriver

Absolutely amazing!


Next they will be auctioning invitations to Weddings on ebay ??


Sorry Op, these people have no class about them. Which planet are they from?

Merkin

Your man on the tenner looks like he's got a bit of roll eyes going on

Calmsurrender

50 euro is yellow , a tenner is almost purple... Well dark reddish wine ...

Anbocmorrua

When we got married we already had a houseful of crap so we said no presents please, just come, but people were offended and they insisted, so we said why not make a contribution to something we really need, like a kitchen, but people were offended, so they bought us a houseful of crap. No pleasing some people. Great do though.

Oops69

I'm against gay marriage for this reason, now I'm going to have to face this ****e for my gay friends as well as the straights ffs .

I don't know about anyone else but I would be mortified to ask for money or presents or anything of anybody I had invited to my wedding. its a bad reflection of your character and it makes a person look materialistic and shallow.


I recently was in the company of a woman who was talking about her wedding last year and proceeded to name the people who a) gave her nothing and b) gave her what she deemed cheap gifts / little money. I will never respect that woman again, absolutely no class.

I think the bride and groom should just keep their mouth shut when it comes to the subject of presents / money.

They should not say they want money
They should not say they don't want presents

At the end of the day the guests will always remember the money grabbing couples and will forever view them as spoiled and selfish, don't know about anyone else but I would hate to be thought of as that.

desbrook

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I don't know about anyone else but I would be mortified to ask for money or presents or anything of anybody I had invited to my wedding. its a bad reflection of your character and it makes a person look materialistic and shallow.


I recently was in the company of a woman who was talking about her wedding last year and proceeded to name the people who a) gave her nothing and b) gave her what she deemed cheap gifts / little money. I will never respect that woman again, absolutely no class.

I think the bride and groom should just keep their mouth shut when it comes to the subject of presents / money.

They should not say they want money
They should not say they don't want presents

At the end of the day the guests will always remember the money grabbing couples and will forever view them as spoiled and selfish, don't know about anyone else but I would hate to be thought of as that.

Maybe you should read what the OP wrote? The B+G have not asked for anything. The Maid of Honour mentioned something.. no more.

desbrook

desbrook wrote: »

Maybe you should read what the OP wrote? The B+G have not asked for anything. The Maid of Honour mentioned something.. no more.

Yes I'm aware of that, and I'm also aware that this thread has expanded into a discussion about couples who expect money, and that where I joined to make my point - did you point this out to every other contributor who referred to materialistic brides & grooms?


And no matter who mentioned money, maid of honour or whoever, at the end of the day it still makes the bride and groom look bad.

sbsquarepants

iguana wrote: »

My mum's friend got an invite to a wedding which specifically asked for yellow or purple money as a gift. She hadn't a clue what it meant at first but eventually figured out that the €200 note is yellow and the €500 note is purple.

There's a €200 note?:eek:
If someone gave me one of those I'd have thought it was a school boy forgery error!

Puzzle35

Gokei wrote: »

Seems normal. 200 quid for a couple..

€200 per couple seems to be expected, plus the expense of hotel room etc. Only go to weddings when we really have to, just send the gift instead.

Sam Kade

Puzzle35 wrote: »

€200 per couple seems to be expected, plus the expense of hotel room etc. Only go to weddings when we really have to, just send the gift instead.

Expect not and you shall not be disappointed:)

Puzzle35

Sam Kade wrote: »

Expect not and you shall not be disappointed:)

Aldso noticed over the past few years most weddings invite circa 250 guests. All wedding expenses covered there...

Sam Kade

Puzzle35 wrote: »

Aldso noticed over the past few years most weddings invite circa 250 guests. All wedding expenses covered there...

But out of that 250 you will have plenty miserable feckers that will bring the expected average way down. I've heard of guests giving nothing.

amdublin

Sam Kade wrote: »

But out of that 250 you will have plenty miserable feckers that will bring the expected average way down. I've heard of guests giving nothing.

Were they invited for their presence or their presents?

Gatica

amdublin wrote: »

Were they invited for their presence or their presents?

Not about what they were invited for, but as a guest I certainly would never turn up empty handed, even if I was skint.

Puzzle35 wrote: »

Aldso noticed over the past few years most weddings invite circa 250 guests. All wedding expenses covered there...

I think the trend's been smaller and smaller weddings actually. I think the 250 size weddings tend to be the ones out in the country where the whole village is invited and some people in the area would think it rude if they weren't invited to the neighbours' kids' weddings... I've heard of this a couple of times.

robinph

Sam Kade wrote: »

I've heard of guests giving nothing.

You should try it.

Certainly makes me feel better off the following week knowing that I've not wasted my money on top of the costs of an expensive hotel and travel and drinks and time off work etc. Nobody has sent me any hate mail yet because I didn't stick a few notes in a card. I wouldn't hesitate to drop a wad of cash to my friends if they were in dire need at some point, but I'm not going to pay for them to have a party.

Gatica

robinph wrote: »

but I'm not going to pay for them to have a party.

I've no interest in paying for a party, but I also don't think I've even gone to a party I really didn't want to go to, or gone to a party with nothing for the host. There's a difference between kindly giving your friends a gift and supposed friends demanding they're funded for said party.

lazygal

I have only been to a handful of very large weddings - I'd class over 200 as very large myself. And all were outside Dublin. I know for a fact one couple were factoring in cash gifts, I don't know whether they invited a large number to get more money or whether they felt they had to invite so many (relatives and neightbours in particular) that they hoped to defray some of the cost from the gifts. Most have been 100-150 guests.

I don't understand the paying for your dinner bit. We attended one wedding where the hotel gave a great deal because it was a midweek wedding and the couple DIY-ed a lot of the other elements. Should we have given less than attending a wedding in the same hotel at the weekend when, I understand, the cost of dinner is nearly double the price?

We had guests who gave nothing. I'm not going to lie, to not even get a card wishing us well was a bit hurtful. These would be good friends who we've always brought a bottle of wine or similar to for a night out, gave gifts when they got married, had babies, sent Christmas cards to. I don't expect my guests to ever pay for our choice to host a party, but I would've liked a card from them. I don't know anyone's financial situation, but one of my favourite gifts was a handmade card from a friend who really made the effort to attend and who was a student at the time.

robinph

robinph wrote: »

You should try it.

Certainly makes me feel better off the following week knowing that I've not wasted my money on top of the costs of an expensive hotel and travel and drinks and time off work etc. Nobody has sent me any hate mail yet because I didn't stick a few notes in a card. I wouldn't hesitate to drop a wad of cash to my friends if they were in dire need at some point, but I'm not going to pay for them to have a party.

That takes balls!


reminds me of my Granny who used to just "get a mass said" for the happy couple!

Roesy

robinph wrote: »

You should try it.

Certainly makes me feel better off the following week knowing that I've not wasted my money on top of the costs of an expensive hotel and travel and drinks and time off work etc. Nobody has sent me any hate mail yet because I didn't stick a few notes in a card. I wouldn't hesitate to drop a wad of cash to my friends if they were in dire need at some point, but I'm not going to pay for them to have a party.

Why would you bother going to a wedding if you felt that it was a waste of your time and money? We invited people that we wanted to celebrate with us, people I genuinely wanted there to share in our day. As a courtesy to both sets of our parents there we friends of theirs that wouldn't have bothered me but meant a lot to our parents. That accounted for maybe 10/12 guests out of about 100. I would hate to think that people were annoyed by having to come to our wedding. We put a lot of thought into food and drink and choose a good band for everyones entertainment. We weren't counting on guests for money to pay for the wedding but were absolutely overwhelmed by the generosity of our guests. I think we got maybe 5 gifts everyone else gave money or all for one vouchers. When I attend a wedding I give a gift because I want to, I also pay what I can afford. I would give an all for one voucher or cash or a voucher for a hotel or restaurant depending on the couples situation. If I know the couple very well I also give a small, personal gift. If we don't particularly know a couple or can't afford to attend the day we don't go and send a card and small gift. I bring wine or chocolates if I call to someones house for dinner, I give a birthday present if I attend a party. Hell, I'll even bring a packet of biscuits or a cake if I'm calling to someone for a cup of tea. Why would I not bring a gift to a wedding?

Gatica

Deleted User wrote: »

reminds me of my Granny who used to just "get a mass said" for the happy couple!

ha ha.. we got one of those as well. I've no such beliefs myself so I don't feel any more "blessed" for it, but I thought it was thoughtful (thought that counts, right?).

kkcatlou

robinph wrote: »

You should try it.

Certainly makes me feel better off the following week knowing that I've not wasted my money on top of the costs of an expensive hotel and travel and drinks and time off work etc. Nobody has sent me any hate mail yet because I didn't stick a few notes in a card. I wouldn't hesitate to drop a wad of cash to my friends if they were in dire need at some point, but I'm not going to pay for them to have a party.

Balls or extreme tight arsedness?!!! I'd say it's a troll, but seriously if it's not, I wouldn't think you're much of a friend, and if people aren't saying stuff to you, they're probably thinking it (if you can afford to, that is)!

Fair enough if people can't afford to give a present, it definitely shouldn't be expected. Some people will go out of their way to give presents they can't afford, while others will go down the practical route of doing something or making something for the couples instead.

But not bothering cos you don't want to pay for their party screams of selfishness and smugness to me! Do you also go to dinner parties without a bottle of wine, send your kids to birthday parties without a present, go out for mother's day dinner yet ask your mother to pay for herself and deduct the wine cos you didn't have any?

I never see giving a gift as "paying for a party" - for me (and most people), it's a goodwill gesture to wish the couple well in married life, and help celebrate the most important day of their life!

lazygal

robinph wrote: »

You should try it.

Certainly makes me feel better off the following week knowing that I've not wasted my money on top of the costs of an expensive hotel and travel and drinks and time off work etc. Nobody has sent me any hate mail yet because I didn't stick a few notes in a card. I wouldn't hesitate to drop a wad of cash to my friends if they were in dire need at some point, but I'm not going to pay for them to have a party.

Why don't you just decline the invitations? I wouldn't go to a wedding I felt was a waste of my time and money. I'd be reassessing my friendship if I though one of my friends spent the day of our wedding resenting the fact they had to be there and thought we had the attitude that our guests should be sticking wads of cash in cards to pay for the shindig.

Typer Monkey

It appears to be 'cool' in this thread to say you don't want a present or wouldn't bring a present to a wedding. Regardless of this, it's a social convention that you give a gift at a wedding. If you genuinely can't afford it that's different but if you just choose to not give any gift at all (regardless of value) out of principal then I'm sorry but that's just mean.

It doesn't have to be an expensive gift but to arrive without a card or even a token gift is bad manners in my opinion

kkcatlou

Anbocmorrua wrote: »

When we got married we already had a houseful of crap so we said no presents please, just come, but people were offended and they insisted, so we said why not make a contribution to something we really need, like a kitchen, but people were offended, so they bought us a houseful of crap. No pleasing some people. Great do though.

We also expressly asked for no engagement presents. I really really don't agree with the concept (we haven't done anything worth celebrating yet, just said we are going to do something....same as a baby shower...you haven't had the baby yet, why do you deserve a present?...). Anyway, there has been a trend among friends and family to give engagement presents lately, so I wanted to be clear we didn't want any. My family stuck to the rule, but now feel crap cos they came to the house and saw all the stuff his family gave us...most of it lying around unused, and me feeling guilty every time I see it!

So yeah, while I'd love to say "no wedding presents"....we will have saved enough (with a lot of effort) to pay for the wedding ourselves...I think people would feel a) put out as most people (robinph excluded) genuinely like to give a gift to celebrate or b) would think you're smug/ loaded/ ungrateful "oh look at you, you think you're too rich already to appreciate our goodwill"!

Jem123

robinph wrote: »

You should try it.

Certainly makes me feel better off the following week knowing that I've not wasted my money on top of the costs of an expensive hotel and travel and drinks and time off work etc. Nobody has sent me any hate mail yet because I didn't stick a few notes in a card. I wouldn't hesitate to drop a wad of cash to my friends if they were in dire need at some point, but I'm not going to pay for them to have a party.

This is shocking!:eek: Incredibly tight imo. You don't have to gift a huge wad of cash to someone even a very modest gift would be appreciated.

robinph

Roesy wrote: »

Why would you bother going to a wedding if you felt that it was a waste of your time and money? We invited people that we wanted to celebrate with us, people I genuinely wanted there to share in our day.

The wasting my time and money bit was over stating it, but as already covered there are big costs involved in attending a wedding.
I'd attend the wedding because of wanting to celebrate with them. That does not mean that I should feel obliged to give them any cash on top of whatever I'm paying to the hotel for my room and excessive amounts of drink.

Sam Kade

robinph wrote: »

You should try it.

Certainly makes me feel better off the following week knowing that I've not wasted my money on top of the costs of an expensive hotel and travel and drinks and time off work etc. Nobody has sent me any hate mail yet because I didn't stick a few notes in a card. I wouldn't hesitate to drop a wad of cash to my friends if they were in dire need at some point, but I'm not going to pay for them to have a party.

I wasn't saying that you should give anything, like I wrote in a few posts back expect nothing and you shall not be disappointed I was only giving an example as to how expecting your guests to cover the cost of your wedding doesn't work.

lazygal

robinph wrote: »

The wasting my time and money bit was over stating it, but as already covered there are big costs involved in attending a wedding.
I'd attend the wedding because of wanting to celebrate with them. That does not mean that I should feel obliged to give them any cash on top of whatever I'm paying to the hotel for my room and excessive amounts of drink.

If you don't have to pay for a room and/or drink would you give a gift? 90% of our guests didn't have to pay for accommodation (could drive home or taxi/bus/dart if they wanted) and we had a free bar. So attending our wedding incurred minimal costs.

Ann Landers

desbrook wrote: »

Maybe you should read what the OP wrote? The B+G have not asked for anything. The Maid of Honour mentioned something.. no more.

Actually, we don't know that yet, the OP said she would let us know when she finds out for sure.

Ann Landers

Sam Kade wrote: »

But out of that 250 you will have plenty miserable feckers that will bring the expected average way down. I've heard of guests giving nothing.

"Miserable feckers" who may have spent a lot of money to attend the day.

Sam Kade

Ann Landers wrote: »

"Miserable feckers" who may have spent a lot of money to attend the day.

Read my last post

robinph

lazygal wrote: »

If you don't have to pay for a room and/or drink would you give a gift? 90% of our guests didn't have to pay for accommodation (could drive home or taxi/bus/dart if they wanted) and we had a free bar. So attending our wedding incurred minimal costs.

Because they can afford to pay for a free bar wouldn't make any difference, as they can obviously then afford to pay for a free bar why would I be giving them more money.
Give them a card, wish them well, celebrate with them, knock back a few drinks and thank them for a wonderful celebration. If you happen to be a bit arty then knock them together some token, or if you can think of something other than a toaster or picture frame then buy them something. Wouldn't be handing over any cash though.

lazygal

robinph wrote: »

Because they can afford to pay for a free bar wouldn't make any difference, as they can obviously then afford to pay for a free bar why would I be giving them more money.
Give them a card, wish them well, celebrate with them, knock back a few drinks and thank them for a wonderful celebration. If you happen to be a bit arty then knock them together some token, or if you can think of something other than a toaster or picture frame then buy them something. Wouldn't be handing over any cash though.

What would you give in our case then? We didn't ask or expect anyone to pay for our day, but I think common manners is that when someone invites you to something and you go, you bring something, be it a card for a birthday or wedding or a bottle of wine or chocolates for a party. Do you ever bring anything when a host invites you to a social occasion? Or is it cash that you're hung up on?

CramCycle

Sam Kade wrote: »

But out of that 250 you will have plenty miserable feckers that will bring the expected average way down. I've heard of guests giving nothing.

A few of my closest friends gave nothing, one came upto me to apologise, he said that he just could not afford it. I told him that he paid to come down to the wedding, that's a huge present. I had my wedding saved for. If I thought I was going to not be able to cover it, I would leave it to next year. I have heard of people scrambling to get the money out of envelopes to pay the hotel bill, seems a bit crazy to me.

Calling it tight or mean is inappropriate and IMO out of order. I always give a present if I go, I can afford it. That said I only attend the weddings of close friends and not everyone who invites me (what sh1t do I give if a far out relation I have not talked to in 15 years is getting married). That said if I was unemployed or money was tight, I would still go and not give a present. If they think ill of me, then we obviously were not close friends in the first place.

robinph

lazygal wrote: »

What would you give in our case then? We didn't ask or expect anyone to pay for our day, but I think common manners is that when someone invites you to something and you go, you bring something, be it a card for a birthday or wedding or a bottle of wine or chocolates for a party. Do you ever bring anything when a host invites you to a social occasion? Or is it cash that you're hung up on?

You'd get a card.
What to take to any other social occasion would depend on the circumstances obviously but would vary between nothing and quite a lot, depending on the who and what and where and when of it all.

Probably 50% of any wedding I've been to I'd have been doing something at them as well, either videoing, photos, ferrying people about or some variation of wearing one of the daft outfits they stick the blokes in the bridal party in and the associated carry on that goes with that.

John Mason

kkcatlou wrote: »

Stating you don't want presents sounds smug if you ask me. "I've so much money I don't need your presents thanks very much!"

our invites said "no presents, just your presence" and it was not because we are smug, it was because being 37 getting married, i was will aware of the financial pressure weddings put on people.

we wanted people to come to wedding and enjoy themselves without having to worry about the financial cost.

we also had a smart causal theme, no hats or ties for the same reasons. we wanted people to relax and not worry about buying new clothes to keep up with the Jones.

we wanted our friends to come out and celebrate with us and by god did they celebrate - the bar had the best takings ever at a wedding. the band were shocked, said they have never been at a wedding like it, it was the best wedding they had ever played.

lazygal

robinph wrote: »

Probably 50% of any wedding I've been to I'd have been doing something at them as well, either videoing, photos, ferrying people about or some variation of wearing one of the daft outfits they stick the blokes in the bridal party in and the associated carry on that goes with that.

You sound like you don't like your friends.

robinph

lazygal wrote: »

You sound like you don't like your friends.

Not at all, not a fan of having to give speeches though.

Ann Landers

Sam Kade wrote: »

Read my last post

OK, my post still stands.

Gatica

lazygal wrote: »

You sound like you don't like your friends.

sounds more like he doesn't like weddings.
Thing is people can sometime get offended when someone declines to come to a wedding, so people who hate weddings still feel like they have to go, so you end up with this negative vibe off people who feel put off/put out by being somewhere they don't wanna be....
There's two solutions here, one for each side:

1. if you dislike being in the "daft outfits they stick the blokes in", just don't take part in something that's going to subject you to it.
2. If you're a couple getting married, don't expect everyone else to have as much an interest in your wedding as you do.

Ann Landers

John Mason wrote: »

we wanted our friends to come out and celebrate with us and by god did they celebrate - the bar had the best takings ever at a wedding. the band were shocked, said they have never been at a wedding like it, it was the best wedding they had ever played.

- everyone thinks their wedding is the best.

John Mason

Ann Landers wrote: »

- everyone thinks their wedding is the best.

this is true but it our case it was

Milly33

Was it like the tits! as we say..haha I like that idea I know we have done it for many parties saying your presant is your presense and it went down great, like the idea alos of the saying this for a wedding (that is if you didnt need the spare change but still) i think it is bad to want or expect a lot from people you invite. Dont assume they are in the same suituation you are in with cash you never know...

With you on hte smart casual dress code too, dads face light up when I said no suits just smart and that may not even include a tie! haha.

Think it is very cheeky of people to ask others to pay a wedding unless they are very close friends and its a case of look ill sort sort the cake and things like that otherwise ne ne ne

Sam Kade

Ann Landers wrote: »

"Miserable feckers" who may have spent a lot of money to attend the day.

Ann Landers wrote: »

OK, my post still stands.

If they are miserable feckers in the first place why would they spend a lot of money to attend a wedding?

I know a woman that went to a wedding instead of her father she got a drive to the wedding ordered a double brandy for the free toast drink. She gave no present spent the night getting drink and fags off anyone she knew and to top it off she was an old neighbour of the grooms mother and convinced her to let her stay in her hotel room for the night.

You don't have to go to that extreme but you certainly don't need to spend a small fortune to attend a wedding

Ann Landers

Sam Kade wrote: »

If they are miserable feckers in the first place why would they spend a lot of money to attend a wedding?

I don't know, you were the one who called them miserable feckers.

Sam Kade wrote: »

But out of that 250 you will have plenty miserable feckers that will bring the expected average way down. I've heard of guests giving nothing.

Weddings are expensive to attend for many people even if you don't get a new dress, hair done, whatever.

robinph

Gatica wrote: »

sounds more like he doesn't like weddings.

Probably true now that you mention it, but I love parties. Would really love to celebrate with my mates, but the idea of having more than a very small handful of people would mean things suddenly turn into a bigger more formal event and that puts the fear of the spaghetti monster into us. :eek:

Sam Kade

Ann Landers wrote: »

I don't know, you were the one who called them miserable feckers.

What would you call them? You surely realize that you can attend a wedding and spend very little money.