What's the stupidest thing you've ever done to yourself?

GhostInTheRuins

I had to get a wisdom tooth out a couple of days ago, so was only eating soft food. "Pancakes would be perfect" says I. So I throw a few on and only after eating a bunch of them I noticed that the eggs I used have been gone off for two weeks.

So I just gave myself a woeful dose of salmonella food poisoning. ****e'n and heaving the whole day.

It's not good craic. It's definitely on the top of the list of stupidest ****e I've done to myself.

PizzamanIRL

Coloured my willy with green marker when I was a child.

My Mammy told me it would fall off. There's another lie that parents tell you :mad:

Wacker The Attacker

Lost a 1200 euro bet

GenieOz

Ripped my banjo string.
Thought she was just tight, then thought she was really wet..

I was really tore, that was really blood..a lot of blood.

PizzamanIRL

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Lost a 1200 euro bet

Wouldn't have been stupid if ya won!

harry Bailey esq

mine usually involve fire.When i was a kid lighting your own farts was all the rage,the whole class was at it,one unfortunate day in April 92 i let rip and burnt the hole off meself i was known as apollo for a while after that,also its not uncommon for me to burn off my eyebrows while drunkenly lighting cigarettes which has led to a quite impressive 'brow that my barber often has to thin out.great thread by the way op.

humbert

Was once cutting packaging with a Stanley knife on a desk. Dragging it toward myself slowly while putting a lot of pressure down on it. Suddenly the resistance disappeared and I plunged it into my thigh. It was a nasty cut but could have been so much worse.

scudzilla

Big Man Utd fan, and grew up in Wales, used to go to all home games and most away in the late 80's

Anyways, had this ingrowing toe nail, and it hurt like nothing else, couldn't walk or stand for long periods of time.

Was due to get it out in Sept '88, but George Bests testimonial was in Belfast in the August, and a few of the lads were heading over, so i pulled it out, with a pair of pliers

Had a great time at the game though

131spanner

Four shots of Sambuca in ~10 minutes when I was 17, came up as quick as it went down. Haven't had it since

Wacker The Attacker

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Wouldn't have been stupid if ya won!

True.

But its stupid because I lost

beano345

Put a black cat banger which I thought was a dud after it didn't go off into my mouth like a smoke, full of drink one night only for it to go off,luckily it blew outwards and left me with a shocked head and ringing ears.....complete silence followed by laughter from everyone in the room!

corner of hells

beano345 wrote: »

Put a black cat banger which I thought was a dud after it didn't go off into my mouth like a smoke, full of drink one night only for it to go off,luckily it blew outwards and left me with a shocked head and ringing ears.....complete silence followed by laughter from everyone in the room!

What's even more astonishing is the fact that you were lighting fireworks indoors.

Wacker The Attacker

beano345 wrote: »

Put a black cat banger which I thought was a dud after it didn't go off into my mouth like a smoke, full of drink one night only for it to go off,luckily it blew outwards and left me with a shocked head and ringing ears.....complete silence followed by laughter from everyone in the room!

podge and rodge did warn you not to stick a banger up your arse at halloween

Sir Arthur Daley

Got Married.

Mrs W

Opened a pack of sharp knives with a sharp knife, it happened so quick I don't know if it was the knife or the edge of the plastic packet that sliced through my two fingers but I can't even type it without making a face :eek:

harry Bailey esq

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Coloured my willy with green marker when I was a child.

My Mammy told me it would fall off. There's another lie that parents tell you :mad:

what in gods name possessed you to do that???
'The Incredible Mickey'

Sir Arthur Daley

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

what in gods name possessed you to do that???
'The Incredible Mickey'

His friends were green with envy!

Mr. CooL ICE

Tons of stuff when cooking. Aside from the usual slicing my thumb open to almost the bone, I've rubbed my eye while chopping chillies only to panic and think I was going blind.

I was doing some maintenance on a guitar and was holding it upright on my bed when it slipped and started falling over towards my monitor. Because my hands were kinda stuck in some wiring, I tried to stop it from falling using my face. Gave myself a black eye.

One night while slightly intoxicated, I was feeling some nausea. I thought it would be a good idea to hop up on a nearby wall and wait for it to pass. Ended up fainting and falling backwards off the wall and landed on my head on conrete and broken glass.

Sam Kade

I started a thread and wrote stupidest in the title :rolleyes:

maryfred

Cut my hair with a kitchen scissors when i was 13,think Ann Hathaway in Les Mis.Not a good look,haven't a notion why I did it.

managed to trap myself in my own attic by dropping a huge box down the hole, only for it to get stuck half way thanks to the ladder and the wall!

middle of winter, freezing up there, no phone, no one at home.
took me over an hour to eventually get out.
after i cried for half an hour!

climbed up on the kitchen counter one day to reach the top of the press, when i jumped down, my top got caught in the door handle, door flew open, hit me a right wallop into the middle of my face and knocked myself clean out!
lying on kitchen floor with the dog staring at me for i dont know how long!

reckon im eventually going to die in some strange household accident and wont be found for days!

Sir Arthur Daley

bubblypop wrote: »

reckon im eventually going to die in some strange household accident and wont be found for days!

You need one of those panic button alarm like my aunt has i reckon.

GenieOz

Sam Kade wrote: »

I started a thread and wrote stupidest in the title :rolleyes:

You're one of those people who thinks it isn't a word then?

The Backwards Man

Wouldn't even know where to start.

Sir Arthur Daley

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Wouldn't even know where to start.

The beginning?

Tasden

bubblypop wrote: »

Climbed up on the kitchen counter one day to reach the top of the press, when i jumped down, my top got caught in the door handle, door flew open, hit me a right wallop into the middle of my face and knocked myself clean out!
lying on kitchen floor with the dog staring at me for i dont know how long!

reckon im eventually going to die in some strange household accident and wont be found for days!

Similar thing happened to me, was feeling faint but it happens a lot when I stand up too fast due to low blood pressure so I didn't think anything of it, stood on a chair to reach the top shelf of the press and when I looked up my vision just went and I fainted, I just remember waking up on the floor as my mam walked in saying "get up off the floor will ya", no concern whatsoever :pac:

obplayer

As a 14 year old kid I was given a chemistry set, it included magnesium strips. I tried to light one with matches, a lighter, even lit a candle so I could keep it in the flame longer. No go, what now? I was sitting in front of a two bar electric fire holding the magnesium strip with metal pliers. Strip to bar, big bang, fortunately the fuses blew before I did and the only effect was it was now a one bar electric fire.

Kovu

Jumped off one of our sheds with a golf umbrella thinking that I would float like Mary Poppins.

Taking a 3yr old 17.3hh horse onto a road with traffic and he bolted. Could have killed myself with that one if there was oncoming traffic.

Checking out a lad in a club as I walked past him, glanced back over my shoulder at him and he was doing the same. Love sparked between us for a second.....then I fell down the steps I had been walking towards. Nice black eye right there.

mfergus

While trying to shoot staples out of a paper stapler, put my finger over the hole...

poundapunnet

Put my finger into one of those hand-held blender things, sure no need to plug it out, there's no way I'd be so stupid as to push the button with my finger in there...

Dropped a 10l catering bucket of mayonnaise on my thumb.

Drank enough that when I was heading to bed and my friend texted me to see if I was around town I thought 'sure I'll just go out in my pyjamas, be grand'. It wasn't grand.

Oh and going straight from getting a tongue piercing for a pint and a fag 'because it's a really nice day and it'd be stupid not to'.

Galwayguy35

Climbing over an electric fence, not a good idea when you're not the tallest of men and the fence is attached to the mains.

SparkySpitfire

scudzilla wrote: »

Big Man Utd fan, and grew up in Wales, used to go to all home games and most away in the late 80's

Anyways, had this ingrowing toe nail, and it hurt like nothing else, couldn't walk or stand for long periods of time.

Was due to get it out in Sept '88, but George Bests testimonial was in Belfast in the August, and a few of the lads were heading over, so i pulled it out, with a pair of pliers

Had a great time at the game though

You absolute psycho :eek:

WikiHow wrote: »

The beginning?

Nah man, the Backwards Man starts at the end. :P

Fortunately, the only stupid things I've done to myself are minor. Although I remember when I was about 5, my mum had my "easter dress" out and I was brandishing a pair of this round-edged primary school art class scissors.
Mum: "Sparky put that down, they're dangerous" Me: "Muuuuuum, they're not dangerous! They couldn't even cut anything *starts running blade along arm*" Mum: "No, Sparky put them down NOW." Me: "Mum stop being stupid, they really can't cut anything, look! *snips gigantic hole into Easter dress*

Wow was I sorry I did that. Never underestimate the sharpness of scissors

Irish Guitarist

About a year ago I was cutting my toenails and was having a hard time cutting the big one. I cut it half way across and then pulled it out the rest of the way with my fingers. I had done this before without any problems but this time I pulled the nail downwards rather than across and my toe started bleeding. I had to put a plaster on it every day for about four months until the nail grew back. I think there are still blood stains inside some of my shoes.

AulBiddy

Went to my locker in school, dropped my schoolbag down onto my elbow to get out a book. Stupid idea considering I had really long hair - hair got caught in my bag strap, head jerked and ended up hitting the very corner of my eye off the edge of the locker. Have a little scar beside my right eye now.

stimpson

Opening Hilti bullets with a hammer and nail to harvest the gun powder. I was about 12 and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I had around 5 of them done when they're was a loud bang followed by ringing into ears and a reasonably large amount of blood. Apparently I looked like I had grown lots of freckles on my face. Washed off and bandaged the wound and never told me ma.

Many many years later I had an operation on a lump on my hand where the surgeon removed several pieces of shrapnel.

Teyla Emmagan

At the age of 8 I picked the scabs off my tonsil wounds the week after I had them taken out. With a Bic biro. Spent a week in Crumlin on a drip after.

Confessed the truth to my parents 20 years later.

sbsquarepants

GhostInTheRuins wrote: »

So I throw a few on and only after eating a bunch of them I noticed that the eggs I used have been gone off for two weeks.

So I just gave myself a woeful dose of salmonella food poisoning. ****e'n and heaving the whole day.

.

You probably just have a bug of some sort - the eggs would still be fine for another month or so once they were in the fridge.

homemadecider

Back when I was a student in a houseshare, I got up one morning to find a pile of my housemate's clothes ready go to Oxfam. Had a rummage through the pile and found a really nice pair of trousers in good condition. I couldn't understand why she'd be getting rid of them so I decided to wear them to college that day.

I soon found out why she was giving them away.

Picture the scene... I'm through the arch of Trinity College and coming into front square. One arm is carrying a load of library books, the other arm is occupied with a hot coffee. Front square is really, really busy and there are loads of tourists and students about. Suddenly I feel something kind of 'give' and I realise the side zip has released itself on the trousers and they are slipping... I haven't any free hands to grab the trousers and before I can work out what to do they fall right down and I'm standing in the middle of front square with my trousers round my ankles.

The worst part was (I'm really cringing now) I was wearing really really awful leopard print knickers and now everyone could see.

I don't think I went back to college for a week after that.

Renegade Mechanic

Serves you right for robbing them poor Africans!!!

harry Bailey esq

sbsquarepants wrote: »

You probably just have a bug of some sort - the eggs would still be fine for another month or so once they were in the fridge.

eggs don't need to be refrigerated,and are safe for about a month,your right it probably was just a bug.

Noxin

Using a toenail cutter on my tooth when I was a child. Actually managed to take the tip off too. Pain was sickening.

Maximus Alexander

Jumped out of an aeroplane. I mean, it was really fun and I would do it again, but if you think about it it's pretty stupid.

PizzamanIRL

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

what in gods name possessed you to do that???
'The Incredible Mickey'

Haven't a clue. I was just a stupid 6 year old but I was terrified when I thought it was gonna fall off.

Going Strong

Must be thirty years ago now. Came home from the pub rather drunk, put on a couple of mini pizzas and ate same. Grand, only I have a bit of food caught in my teeth. So, I took a fork and had a dig about. I was a bit too enthusiastic and punctured a molar. Only, I hadn't realised how rotten it was as some sort of foul liquid came out, causing me to throw up all over the kitchen floor. Then came the pain, lots and lots of pain. It was early hours of Sunday morning so I had to wait until the Monday afternoon before I could see the dentist. "Fill her up" says I. "Not a chance, it's too far gone. That'll have to come out" says he. So, half an hour of him kneeling on my chest and yanking out bits of tooth ensued.

Then there was the time I was flirting with a girl. She made some comment about being carried over a threshold. So, I decided to oblige by going all Mills & Boon and carrying her over the threshold of my bedroom and down the stairs, only I fell and we landed in a heap at the bottom. She was grand but I'd wrenched my knee and ended up on crutches for a month. I never got anywhere with her either.

Blazer

Not backing Franky Detori for his 7 horse win.
A regular at the bar I worked in at the time gave me the tip but since I had no interest in horses I didn't bother.
Needless to say 8 hours later I was kicking myself.
Wouldn't mind but he was one of those guys who'd only put a few pence on a horse etc but he got 10 grand or something.

Irishcrx

When I was 10 or something I drank bleach , was watching a movie and had just poured a glass of Club oranage and it was sitting beside a cup for of bleach , reached over not looking and just drank it, was too late before I realised wtf I'd done.

Throat was on absolute fire , had to get rushed into temple street and have my stomach pumped.

Not a good experience.

Dramatik

One year I was on holidays with my parents when I was about 9 or 10, I remember the weather being unusually warm that summer, well for Ireland anyway. I was out enjoying the sun when my ma told me to head inside and put on some sun tan lotion as I was going to get burned. So I head inside into her room and I see two bottles sitting on the bedside table, being 9 or 10 I just picked up the closest bottle and started lathering the stuff on. Yep you guessed it, I had just covered myself head to toe in my ma's fake tan. It's must have been some kind of industrial strength fake tan, it only started fading after a week and I had orange palms for at least 3 weeks after!

Motivator

Blazer wrote: »

Not backing Franky Detori for his 7 horse win.
A regular at the bar I worked in at the time gave me the tip but since I had no interest in horses I didn't bother.
Needless to say 8 hours later I was kicking myself.
Wouldn't mind but he was one of those guys who'd only put a few pence on a horse etc but he got 10 grand or something.

You got a tip for 7 horses in one day? Come on now, seriously?

What's the name of this bar man or does he really exist?

Irishcrx

Irishcrx wrote: »

When I was 10 or something I drank bleach , was watching a movie and had just poured a glass of Club oranage and it was sitting beside a cup for of bleach , reached over not looking and just drank it, was too late before I realised wtf I'd done.

Throat was on absolute fire , had to get rushed into temple street and have my stomach pumped.

Not a good experience.

who leaves cups of bleach lying around??:eek:

Ciderswigger

Motivator wrote: »

What's the name of this bar man or does he really exist?

Blazer...

Pumpkinseeds

We went to a Hilton cocktail bar for my 30th birthday, I needed to drown my sorrows. Worked my way through the cocktail menu, including the ones that you have to inhale the fumes from. Then managed to fall on the way to the downstairs toilets. I slipped all the way down on my ass and bruised my back.

Got home and nodded off for a minute with a lit ciggy in my hand, and managed to burn a hole through a really expensive velvet throw. The shock of falling asleep with the lit ciggy sobered me up fast. 6 weeks later my back was still very painful so I had to go to the doctor with it. I'd managed to damage my tailbone or something, 11 years later I still can't sit on a hard seat for long or I look like an elderly woman hobbling around when I stand up.