What's the stupidest thing you've ever done to yourself?

murphym7

Started Smoking was the stupidest thing I have ever done to myself.

Kablamo!

As a curious child, I once put lego up my nose. I really wedged it up there and it required a hospital visit to remove it.

Jarrod

Motivator wrote: »

You got a tip for 7 horses in one day? Come on now, seriously?

What's the name of this bar man or does he really exist?

I presume he's talking about Dettori's 'Magnificent seven', when he won all seven races on one day at Ascot, around '95/'96 I think. A one pound accumulater would have won tens of thousands.

blue note

My girlfriend left her house one day locking the front door behind her. Then went to open the porch door only to realise it was locked and she didn't have any keys to open either door. She was trapped in her porch for a couple of hours until her mother came home.

Galwayguy35

Irishcrx wrote: »

When I was 10 or something I drank bleach , was watching a movie and had just poured a glass of Club oranage and it was sitting beside a cup for of bleach , reached over not looking and just drank it, was too late before I realised wtf I'd done.

Throat was on absolute fire , had to get rushed into temple street and have my stomach pumped.

Not a good experience.

Kinda reminds me of a case around here about 30 years ago, a fella who couldn't read gave his uncle Parazone, burned the throat out of him and killed him, they locked him up in the Joy for it.

TimeToShine

Noxin wrote: »

Using a toenail cutter on my tooth when I was a child. Actually managed to take the tip off too. Pain was sickening.

This made me physically recoil in horror

on the river

Had a **** and got caught. Very awkward conversation

Renegade Mechanic

on the river wrote: »

Had a **** and got caught. Very awkward conversation

Should have looked them in the eye and finished like a beast!

csallmighty

Got dared to punch myself in the face in a drinking game one night.
Gave myself a mighty wallop and broke my nose and fractured left cheek.
Went to my debs two weeks later looking like the elephant man with two black eyes.

Motivator

Jarrod wrote: »

I presume he's talking about Dettori's 'Magnificent seven', when he won all seven races on one day at Ascot, around '95/'96 I think. A one pound accumulater would have won tens of thousands.

I know exactly what he's on about, I just find it hard to believe someone told him to back all 7 horses before they all won.

Archeron

Stuck two lollipops to my head so I would look like a Minotaur, lollipop in and stick pointing out. They got well and truly stuck in my big curly mop and had to be cut out, so I ended up with two oddly placed bald patches for weeks.

To Need a Woman

Invested in Falkland Oil & Gas...... lost circa €1400 in November of 2012. Never told anyone

hfallada

As a 3 year old kid I was riding my tricycle around the concrete path at the back of my house. I tripped forward and smacked my whole upper set of teeth straight into the concrete and they took my weight. They were completely pushed up into my gums and there was blood everywhere. The doctors either said my adult teeth would be seriously messed up or possibly never develop.

20 years later my teeth are perfect to the extent dentists ask if I have had braces. But I still have a serious issue anything teeth related mentally. Like people grinding their teeth on E.

GoWhest

Bought a bucket load of AIB shares after I was told they couldn't go any lower...

orangesoda

Something like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir5ocINR7eg

Dublinstiofán

I got a new Fixie on the advice of a friend. Had it about a week when on a Summers day we decided to cycle to Pheonix Park after a half day of college. I could barely cycle the thing as I was only getting used to it. Anyway ended up at the top of the grassy hill (beside magazine hill - where incidentally I skinned the arse off myself when I got rollerblades as a child)

So he says let's go down come on! I say ok, we make it down ok!

Stupidly went a second time went over the handlebars bike landed on me and I broke my collar bone!

I haven't been to that part of the park since as I'm sure the third time it will get me!

Not one of my finest moments!

Motivator

I joined a gym when I was about 21. Had never been inside one before & hadn't a clue how to use any machines or how to use the weights area. The first day I was there was a Saturday morning & the place was packed. I was on the threadmill & everything was going grand until in the mirror I noticed a gorgeous girl behind me. I lost concentration for a split second & missed a step on the threadmill which was moving at a fair speed. I lost all balance & fell but managed to regain composure fairly quickly & balance myself but made a massive noise when I fell so when I got back up & running half the gym was laughing at me.

Anyway, feeling a bit hot under the collar I decided to release some tension by using the weight bench. I was wrecked tired from the threadmill, add in the shock & embarrassment of falling & the heat in the gym it was a poor move out of me. I sat down on the bench to compose myself & spotted the lovely girl again. Determined to make up for the embarrassment of the threadmill incident I decided to throw caution to the wind & bench press 50kg. I may not sound a lot but bear in mind I had never touched a weight before & this mixed in with the other factors in hindsight it was a miracle I wasn't killed. Having heard about a "spotter" I didn't know what it was...I wish I had.

With the lovely girl peddling away on her bike I was right in her eyeline. I lay back on the bench & lifted the barbell. Not even halfway up on the first rep my arms buckled & the barbell came straight down on my chest. Broke my breastplate & did huge damage to my ribs. I spent 4 weeks in hospital & another 3 months in rehab being given the confidence to move around. It affected me very badly psychologically as i came very close to dropping the barbell right down on my throat which would have probably chopped my head off.

Hands down the stupidest thing I've ever done to myself & hopefully it will never be topped.

Kovu

Motivator wrote: »

I joined a gym when I was about 21. Had never been inside one before & hadn't a clue how to use any machines or how to use the weights area. The first day I was there was a Saturday morning & the place was packed. I was on the threadmill & everything was going grand until in the mirror I noticed a gorgeous girl behind me. I lost concentration for a split second & missed a step on the threadmill which was moving at a fair speed. I lost all balance & fell but managed to regain composure fairly quickly & balance myself but made a massive noise when I fell so when I got back up & running half the gym was laughing at me.

Anyway, feeling a bit hot under the collar I decided to release some tension by using the weight bench. I was wrecked tired from the threadmill, add in the shock & embarrassment of falling & the heat in the gym it was a poor move out of me. I sat down on the bench to compose myself & spotted the lovely girl again. Determined to make up for the embarrassment of the threadmill incident I decided to throw caution to the wind & bench press 50kg. I may not sound a lot but bear in mind I had never touched a weight before & this mixed in with the other factors in hindsight it was a miracle I wasn't killed. Having heard about a "spotter" I didn't know what it was...I wish I had.

With the lovely girl peddling away on her bike I was right in her eyeline. I lay back on the bench & lifted the barbell. Not even halfway up on the first rep my arms buckled & the barbell came straight down on my chest. Broke my breastplate & did huge damage to my ribs. I spent 4 weeks in hospital & another 3 months in rehab being given the confidence to move around. It affected me very badly psychologically as i came very close to dropping the barbell right down on my throat which would have probably chopped my head off.

Hands down the stupidest thing I've ever done to myself & hopefully it will never be topped.

And we have a winner! of sorts

the_monkey

locked myself and my girlfriend out on the balcony..... f*cking retarded ...

we had to rouse the neighbours who called a locksmith.

The really stupid thing was, the night before I almost did it to me and a mate who was having a smoke on the balcony - then I was "demoing" my almost idiotic act from the night before to her .. and closed the door a little too hard ... I never felt so f*cking retarded in my life ... took me weeks to get over it ..

December2012

I've just finished an Easter Egg.

I have eaters remorse.

Motivator

Dublinstiofán wrote: »

Mr Motivator?

Jesus I could have done with him. Would have saved me years of mental & physical anguish.

Possibly the worst part of the whole ordeal is people still recognise me around town. For 13 years I have had to listen to people jeer me over it. There must have been about 600 people in the gym that day going by how many claim to have been the one to a) call the ambulance b) lift the barbell off my chest c) said a prayer over my dying body.

13 years....13 bloody years.

orangesoda

Motivator wrote: »

With the lovely girl peddling away on her bike I was right in her eyeline. I lay back on the bench & lifted the barbell. Not even halfway up on the first rep my arms buckled & the barbell came straight down on my chest. Broke my breastplate & did huge damage to my ribs. I spent 4 weeks in hospital & another 3 months in rehab being given the confidence to move around. It affected me very badly psychologically as i came very close to dropping the barbell right down on my throat which would have probably chopped my head off.

Hands down the stupidest thing I've ever done to myself & hopefully it will never be topped.

I thought I had a bad time of it, when the pretty boy instructor with fake tan and blonde highlights in his hair had to lift the barbell off me

To Need a Woman

Motivator wrote: »

I joined a gym when I was about 21. Had never been inside one before & hadn't a clue how to use any machines or how to use the weights area. The first day I was there was a Saturday morning & the place was packed. I was on the threadmill & everything was going grand until in the mirror I noticed a gorgeous girl behind me. I lost concentration for a split second & missed a step on the threadmill which was moving at a fair speed. I lost all balance & fell but managed to regain composure fairly quickly & balance myself but made a massive noise when I fell so when I got back up & running half the gym was laughing at me.

Anyway, feeling a bit hot under the collar I decided to release some tension by using the weight bench. I was wrecked tired from the threadmill, add in the shock & embarrassment of falling & the heat in the gym it was a poor move out of me. I sat down on the bench to compose myself & spotted the lovely girl again. Determined to make up for the embarrassment of the threadmill incident I decided to throw caution to the wind & bench press 50kg. I may not sound a lot but bear in mind I had never touched a weight before & this mixed in with the other factors in hindsight it was a miracle I wasn't killed. Having heard about a "spotter" I didn't know what it was...I wish I had.

With the lovely girl peddling away on her bike I was right in her eyeline. I lay back on the bench & lifted the barbell. Not even halfway up on the first rep my arms buckled & the barbell came straight down on my chest. Broke my breastplate & did huge damage to my ribs. I spent 4 weeks in hospital & another 3 months in rehab being given the confidence to move around. It affected me very badly psychologically as i came very close to dropping the barbell right down on my throat which would have probably chopped my head off.

Hands down the stupidest thing I've ever done to myself & hopefully it will never be topped.

What we do for women! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mi1ltzaxno4

sebastianlieken

Motivator wrote: »

I joined a gym when I was about 21. Had never been inside one before & hadn't a clue how to use any machines or how to use the weights area. The first day I was there was a Saturday morning & the place was packed. I was on the threadmill & everything was going grand until in the mirror I noticed a gorgeous girl behind me. I lost concentration for a split second & missed a step on the threadmill which was moving at a fair speed. I lost all balance & fell but managed to regain composure fairly quickly & balance myself but made a massive noise when I fell so when I got back up & running half the gym was laughing at me.

Anyway, feeling a bit hot under the collar I decided to release some tension by using the weight bench. I was wrecked tired from the threadmill, add in the shock & embarrassment of falling & the heat in the gym it was a poor move out of me. I sat down on the bench to compose myself & spotted the lovely girl again. Determined to make up for the embarrassment of the threadmill incident I decided to throw caution to the wind & bench press 50kg. I may not sound a lot but bear in mind I had never touched a weight before & this mixed in with the other factors in hindsight it was a miracle I wasn't killed. Having heard about a "spotter" I didn't know what it was...I wish I had.

With the lovely girl peddling away on her bike I was right in her eyeline. I lay back on the bench & lifted the barbell. Not even halfway up on the first rep my arms buckled & the barbell came straight down on my chest. Broke my breastplate & did huge damage to my ribs. I spent 4 weeks in hospital & another 3 months in rehab being given the confidence to move around. It affected me very badly psychologically as i came very close to dropping the barbell right down on my throat which would have probably chopped my head off.

Hands down the stupidest thing I've ever done to myself & hopefully it will never be topped.

And then you lived happily every after with the lovely girl?!?!!

sebastianlieken

I was once playing with a big slab of a rock out in our garden as a kid and managed to drop the slab onto my big toe, all went black and blue and the nail came off. 4 months later when the toe had healed and my nail had regrown I was out playing in the garden again; I managed to drop the exact same rock onto the exact same toe again. All went black and blue again and the toe nail came off. that sucked.

Daveysil15

I fell off the top of my fence onto my neighbour while she was sunbathing.

corner of hells

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I fell off the top of my fence onto my neighbour while she was sunbathing.

Should hold up well in court.

razorblunt

sebastianlieken wrote: »

I was once playing with a big slab of a rock out in our garden as a kid and managed to drop the slab onto my big toe, all went black and blue and the nail came off. 4 months later when the toe had healed and my nail had regrown I was out playing in the garden again; I managed to drop the exact same rock onto the exact same toe again. All went black and blue again and the toe nail came off. that sucked.

Jesus where were all your toys?

Daveysil15

corner of hells wrote: »

Should hold up well in court.

Why would it go to court? All I was doing was painting the top of my fence.

blastman

When I was about 12, I was making a pot of tea as was the custom at that time. Normally I'd put the teapot on a ring of the cooker, throw in the teabags and then pour the boiling water in once the kettle had boiled. For some reason this time, I decided I would hold the teapot in one hand while I poured the water in with my other hand. But not only that, I thought it would be a good idea to hold the teapot by the spout rather than the purpose-built-for-holding handle. Did I mention it was a metal teapot? Needless to say, as I started to pour, the spout became very hot very quickly and I moved my hand to put it back on the cooker. Unfortunately, I was still pouring just-boiled water out of the kettle when I did this and I managed to severely burn the whole back of my left hand. It was the following day before I got to a doctor, by then my hand was bright purple, twice its normal size and the skin had the consistency of wet tissue paper. I was sent straight to hospital where the doctor reckoned I would need skin grafts and I may have damaged nerves. Spent a week in hospital for my troubles with my hand in the air covered in a sterile bag, but there was no nerve damage and I never needed the skin grafts, luckily. I just have a triangular scar to remind myself of that happy time.

Then there was the time I learned I couldn't, in fact, swallow a marble, and that breathing was impossible while it was lodged in your throat.......

Spunge

jaysus christ

Ankhyu

razorblunt wrote: »

Jesus where were all your toys?

Brilliant haha! xD

harry Bailey esq

GenieOz wrote: »

Ripped my banjo string.
Thought she was just tight, then thought she was really wet..

I was really tore, that was really blood..a lot of blood.

outch

oldyouth

I agreed to undergo spinal surgery in 1998 in an attempt to arrest a debilitating condition. It wasn't much of a success and the medication I took at the time turned me in to a right a$$hole and it still causes me to be a right a$$hole on occasion to this day. Not proud of myself for that decision

Duff

Posted it before, but sure I'll post it again.

When I was 8 or 9 I attempted to make a rocket skateboard by sellotaping four fireworks to the back of said skateboard. 'I'll propel myself down the driveway' I thought to myself. It was shortly after the grazed elbows, arse and shoulder, burned ankles and burst eardrum I discovered I'd never work for NASA.

Spunge

Duff wrote: »

Posted it before, but sure I'll post it again.

When I was 8 or 9 I attempted to make a rocket skateboard by sellotaping four fireworks to the back of said skateboard. 'I'll propel myself down the driveway' I thought to myself. It was shortly after the grazed elbows, arse and shoulder, burned ankles and burst eardrum I discovered I'd never work for NASA.

was really hoping that was gonna work

GenieOz

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

outch

It wasn't actually that sore, there was a lot of blood though..so much so she had to get a new mattress

Wacker The Attacker

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I fell off the top of my fence onto my neighbour while she was sunbathing.

did you get a feel off her

shroom007

When I was about 12 decided to see how far I could cycle with my eyes closed, not very far was the answer about 2 seconds after closing my eyes I smacked straight into my neighbours concrete mixer truck, when I got up he was standing at his door and there was a few people on the street, in complete silence not even laughing at me just looking. What a spanner it still makes me laugh now

The Domonator

Rode a beached whale in a pub's jax, nearly broke me back.

Toots

Apparently when I was about 2 years old I shoved a berry up my nose, had to go to hospital and be sedated so they could remove it. I wasn't all that far up, I just kept biting the doctor when he came near me with the tweezer things.

When I was 12 we were on holidays in Spain and I decided to jump backwards into the pool. Instead of doing a good jump that would have propelled me properly into the pool, I just sort of 'hopped' backwards. The result was that I cracked my chin off the edge of the pool, split my chin open (blood EVERYWHERE) and broke 4 of my front teeth. Then when my dad dragged me out of the pool, I saw all the blood running down my front and onto the ground and promptly fainted and cracked my head off the ground.

About 10 years ago I was working in a DIY store. One night I was manning the customer service desk, it was a really quiet night and I was bored out of my tree. There was a tube of that 'Loctite' superglue sitting beside the cash register, and I just started messing around with it. After a couple of minutes the tube burst and there was superglue all over my hands. I'm not 100% sure how I did it, but I managed to glue one of my hands to the cash register. I panicked and tried to wipe the glue off my other hand so I could rescue the stuck hand, however all I managed to do was glue my other hand to my trousers. Had to sit like that for about 15 minutes until one of the managers walked by and got some solvent to rescue me. He nearly died laughing and I nearly died of shame. Lesson learned: when the warning on the glue says 'caution, bonds skin and eyes in seconds', they're not messing.

Spr1ngsteen

Kicked a goalpost in frustration after missing a great chance in a football match. Broke my foot.

Fell out of bed pissed one night. Fractured my jaw.

Daveysil15

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

did you get a feel off her

Well it was a soft landing anyway, put it that way.

obplayer

shroom007 wrote: »

When I was about 12 decided to see how far I could cycle with my eyes closed, not very far was the answer about 2 seconds after closing my eyes I smacked straight into my neighbours concrete mixer truck, when I got up he was standing at his door and there was a few people on the street, in complete silence not even laughing at me just looking. What a spanner it still makes me laugh now

Did similar, hit the kerb, flew off head first in to a car bumper.

The other fella

Started smoking.

BeerWolf

Tripping and smashing my hand through a french door glass screen... giving nasty lacerations on my right hand and forearm.

GenieOz wrote: »

Ripped my banjo string.

Ow...

...

Owww??

Silverbling

answered the iron instead of the phone, it hurt

blindside88

Had a build up of wax in my ear, went to the Internet to find a solution. Google search said use olive oil (it meant dip a cue tip in and use that to soften the wax), I lay on my side and filled the ear to the brim, left it about 5 minutes and then tipped my head over. Very little oil came back out and I couldn't hear anything in the ear, I then decided to fill the ear with warm water (made it worse), Then i tried cue tips. Went to bed thinking that'll fix itself, woke up still no hearing in the ear, the missus was gone to work so I tried her hair drier at the ear. After about 2 days of not being able to hear in the ear I told her and she pissed herself laughing and got some ear drops from the bathroom. Lesson learned

JillyQ

Walking home from School one day someone called me. I looked a back and kept walking not realising that my friend had put her school bag down. I fell over the school bag and landed smack down on my face two front teeth gone. I still have know recollection of how the hell we got home.

FudgeBrownie

I poured myself some milk in a wine glass, put that wine glass on top of the fridge, opened the fridge door to put the milk back in, but the glass falls and smashes onto my head. As a result my face was covered in shards of glass and milk.

I didn't bother pouring myself a second glass.