What's the stupidest thing you've ever done to yourself?

harry Bailey esq

blastman wrote: »

I think I love you!!

I have to ask, why Creme De Menthe? Just because it was minty? Peppermint cordial would have been cheaper.....

But creme De Menth is oh so classier.....
gets ya drunk too.Picture the scene...

MonstaMash

Caught me mickey in me fly when I was pissed :eek:

Ihatecuddles

blastman wrote: »

I think I love you!!

I have to ask, why Creme De Menthe? Just because it was minty? Peppermint cordial would have been cheaper.....

They had no milk in the pub so fellow boardsies actually paid for glasses of it, just to pour it down the toilet 30 seconds later...

Renegade Mechanic

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

But creme De Menth is oh so classier.....
gets ya drunk too.Picture the scene...

Yeah.... but, Jaysus couldn't she have mabye wrapped a different set of lips around the end and drank normally?:eek:

Renegade Mechanic

Never mind.. I just read back a page. ****in hell...

Gremlinertia

Got my first bicycle, age around five.. On second roll down a gentle hill without falling, i decided i was a skilled cyclist, out onto road (actually a country lane) got maybe six feet and locked front straight into a gooseberry bush.. Near three hours of sitting on kitchen sink while the ma, armed with tweezers and dettol de-hedgehogified me..

buyer95

131spanner wrote: »

Four shots of Sambuca in ~10 minutes when I was 17, came up as quick as it went down. Haven't had it since

It would take about twice that much to make you sick.

dickieh

As a child i put fully inflated swimming arm bands around both my ankles and dived into the pool Very stupid thing to do !

Also as a child i put an elastic band around our family dogs mouth and forgot about it when i returned later my family where very upset as the dog was not able to breath well and they didn't know why until they seen the band and took it of i didnt know dogs needed to open theyr mouths to breath !

stefan idiot jones

Years ago I was necking flaming sambucas with a mate. It was getting on and we were getting tipsy when my mate lost a bit of courage and delayed necking another.

The flammable nectar burned for a little too long in the shot glass heating up the rim a little.

You should have seen his face as the molten glass touched his soft fleshy lips.

Oh, how I laughed.

corner of hells

dickieh wrote: »

As a child i put fully inflated swimming arm bands around both my ankles and dived into the pool Very stupid thing to do !

Also as a child i put an elastic band around our family dogs mouth and forgot about it when i returned later my family where very upset as the dog was not able to breath well and they didn't know why until they seen the band and took it of i didnt know dogs needed to open theyr mouths to breath !

My youngest son did that with armbands a few years ago, if that wasn't bad enough herselfs reaction was unbelievable , despite being a non swimmer and having a fear of water she jumped into the pools deep end .
Two lifeguards , me and another adult eventually got them out of the water.

dickieh

corner of hells wrote: »

My youngest son did that with armbands a few years ago, if that wasn't bad enough herselfs reaction was unbelievable , despite being a non swimmer and having a fear of water she jumped into the pools deep end .
Two lifeguards , me and another adult eventually got them out of the water.

I was on my own and my reaction was not to attract attention.
having quickly realised how stupid i was. I did build up quit a foam in the pool franticly trying to quietly save my life Ha ha.

Dramatik

I remember another one from when I was in 5th class. Some of the girls in the other class would stay in and eat their lunch in the class room rather than heading out to the school yard at lunch time. They used to sit at the tables closest to the windows, as far as I can remember they had small charms and such which they had put on the inside of the window.

Every day I would hit the outside of the window as I walked past and the vibration would knock off all their charms on the inside and they'd have to put them back up on the window. It wasn't a malicious thing, they used to laugh whenever I did it, it was kind of my way of saying hello and I would usually go in at a later stage and chat to them. I think you can probably guess where this's going, one day when I was walking past, I hit the window a little bit too hard and my hand ended up going straight through the thing, shattering the glass completely. Now I'm sure you can all remember how noisey the school playground was when you were a kid, all of a sudden there was total silence, the sound of the glass shattering had stopped everyone in their tracks. Finally the silence was broken by the whole school yard in unison murmuring "ooooooooooohhh" you know what that sound symbolises, somebody is about to get into a **** load of trouble. It was then I looked down at my hand, one of the larger shards of glass from the top of the window had sliced my hand clean open on the palm of my hand as it fell to the ground. It was pretty deep, you know where the skin looks like its folding outwards from the centre of the cut.

This has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever done, ended up having to get 12 stitches, still have a scar and I was lucky not to have severed any tendons. As well as that I nearly got expelled from school because the headmaster (pr1ck) wouldn't believe me that it was an accident, so my parents were called into the school ect. They then all proceded to gave me some pointless lecture about anger management, even though it was a total accident. I blame those ****ty quality prefab windows! ha ha!

I was actutally gutted at the time because nobody believed me, in my eyes it was a huge injustice. After that I lost faith in school and proceeded to spend the rest of the year carving a hole straight through my desk with a compass. Fun times! :cool:

The One Who Knocks

Alcohol + Stapler.

partyguinness

About 10 years agod, used to live near Blackhall Place in Dublin and one night after a few drinks walking home a 'lady of the night' approached me and asked if I was 'looking for business'. No $5 street hookers for me thanks. She was as rough as junkie street hookers get.

About 10 paces later I had changed my mind and went back, took her to my place and did the business.

The guilt and shame afterwards was unreal. What if I have caught something? What was I thinking? But anyway...no damage and clean bill of health but jaysus what was I thinking...:eek:

blue note

partyguinness wrote: »

About 10 years agod, used to live near Blackhall Place in Dublin and one night after a few drinks walking home a 'lady of the night' approached me and asked if I was 'looking for business'. No $5 street hookers for me thanks. She was as rough as junkie street hookers get.

About 10 paces later I had changed my mind and went back, took her to my place and did the business.

The guilt and shame afterwards was unreal. What if I have caught something? What was I thinking? But anyway...no damage and clean bill of health but jaysus what was I thinking...:eek:

You see, the problem is that you have a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

partyguinness

blue note wrote: »

You see, the problem is that you have a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

Amen to that. Once the seed was sown I cldnt resist.

meoklmrk91

I, in most ladylike fashion, punched a wall when I was drunk because I was thick with someone, i gave myself a Boxers fracture, I was mortified.

Dan_Solo

Has anyone ever tried to spit into an ashtray.
No biggie, but it's awfully stupid if you've ever done it.

Sadderday

shaved off the eyebrows, took months to grow back

dry shaved the vag into the loo and forgot to flush, brother went in after me and snapped

cleaned my car and put the rubbish bag in the wheelie bin. Why my da needed to take it out or move it, I dont know... but the bag ripped and there was used johnnies all over the garden, yellow ones, pink ones... you name it - they didnt know I had a fella at the time. Musta been a shock.

tried to do a hands free jump on an old fashioned steel po-go stick, the jump was grand, gripped it with my knees...
broken nose from the dodge landing

locked...got sick in a taxi and thought he didnt notice, told him to stop a good distance from my house, jumped the taxi and ran....... or I thought I was running... my legs were like jelly and i didnt have my keys out

turns out he followed me slowly to my gaff, I kept looking back, panicking... didnt even occur to me to hide in someones garden. Led him right to my door. HE got out of the taxi as I was looking for my keys, I looked back and he was walking in the driveway, I got in and slammed the door in his face....

I'm covered in my own sick too by the way got sick on my lap. Hes banging the door down - looking for his €120 quid and shouting he is gonna call the 5-0.

The aul lad comes downstairs and freaks out, opens the door and tell's yer man that he's not paying him and I'm not paying him either

(I was like... g'wan da!!!!)


......... because my da wanted to teach me a lesson by paying the owed money and apologising while sober. So i had to go the next morning and it was the most embarrassing thing ever.

Stupid to leggit, stupid to leggit to my own gaff, stupid to think i'd get away with it.

partyguinness

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

I, in most ladylike fashion, punched a wall when I was drunk because I was thick with someone, i gave myself a Boxers fracture, I was mortified.

As you found out, walls tend to be less forgiving than a human head.

partyguinness

Sadderday wrote: »

shaved off the eyebrows, took months to grow back

dry shaved the vag into the loo and forgot to flush, brother went in after me and snapped

cleaned my car and put the rubbish bag in the wheelie bin. Why my da needed to take it out or move it, I dont know... but the bag ripped and there was used johnnies all over the garden, yellow ones, pink ones... you name it - they didnt know I had a fella at the time. Musta been a shock.

tried to do a hands free jump on an old fashioned steel po-go stick, the jump was grand, gripped it with my knees...
broken nose from the dodge landing

locked...got sick in a taxi and thought he didnt notice, told him to stop a good distance from my house, jumped the taxi and ran....... or I thought I was running... my legs were like jelly and i didnt have my keys out

turns out he followed me slowly to my gaff, I kept looking back, panicking... didnt even occur to me to hide in someones garden. Led him right to my door. HE got out of the taxi as I was looking for my keys, I looked back and he was walking in the driveway, I got in and slammed the door in his face....

I'm covered in my own sick too by the way got sick on my lap. Hes banging the door down - looking for his €120 quid and shouting he is gonna call the 5-0.

The aul lad comes downstairs and freaks out, opens the door and tell's yer man that he's not paying him and I'm not paying him either

(I was like... g'wan da!!!!)


......... because my da wanted to teach me a lesson by paying the owed money and apologising while sober. So i had to go the next morning and it was the most embarrassing thing ever.

Stupid to leggit, stupid to leggit to my own gaff, stupid to think i'd get away with it.

You sound like a right lunatic...:pac:

Sadderday

partyguinness wrote: »

You sound like a right lunatic...:pac:

Ah thanks!! i've been feeling boring lately. Nice one.

Ihatecuddles

Sadderday wrote: »

shaved off the eyebrows, took months to grow back

dry shaved the vag into the loo and forgot to flush, brother went in after me and snapped

cleaned my car and put the rubbish bag in the wheelie bin. Why my da needed to take it out or move it, I dont know... but the bag ripped and there was used johnnies all over the garden, yellow ones, pink ones... you name it - they didnt know I had a fella at the time. Musta been a shock.

tried to do a hands free jump on an old fashioned steel po-go stick, the jump was grand, gripped it with my knees...
broken nose from the dodge landing

locked...got sick in a taxi and thought he didnt notice, told him to stop a good distance from my house, jumped the taxi and ran....... or I thought I was running... my legs were like jelly and i didnt have my keys out

turns out he followed me slowly to my gaff, I kept looking back, panicking... didnt even occur to me to hide in someones garden. Led him right to my door. HE got out of the taxi as I was looking for my keys, I looked back and he was walking in the driveway, I got in and slammed the door in his face....

I'm covered in my own sick too by the way got sick on my lap. Hes banging the door down - looking for his €120 quid and shouting he is gonna call the 5-0.

The aul lad comes downstairs and freaks out, opens the door and tell's yer man that he's not paying him and I'm not paying him either

(I was like... g'wan da!!!!)


......... because my da wanted to teach me a lesson by paying the owed money and apologising while sober. So i had to go the next morning and it was the most embarrassing thing ever.

Stupid to leggit, stupid to leggit to my own gaff, stupid to think i'd get away with it.

I demand you be my friend.

Sadderday

mauzo! wrote: »

I demand you be my friend.

Let's GO!!!!!!!!!!

Last time I went out for 'a drink', i flashed an undercover garda at about 4am and he took my name and address in his book and told me to be more responsible and act my age,

I had ditched the traffic cone just in time.

You still up for it?

Ihatecuddles

Sadderday wrote: »

Let's GO!!!!!!!!!!

Last time I went out for 'a drink', i flashed an undercover garda at about 4am and he took my name and address in his book and told me to be more responsible and act my age,

I had ditched the traffic cone just in time.

You still up for it?

I once egged an undercover Garda car.

YES!

partyguinness

I once stole a Garda Stamp from the front desk as I was being released from a 3 hour stint in a holding cell for drunken behaviour....HAVE IT!!!

TouchingVirus

Threw two weeks wage into the bin, never found it.
Climbed a spiked railing when I was a kid, then fell on it putting one through my leg.
Drank a 700ml bottle of whiskey straight in two pints over the course of about 8 minutes. Ended up in hospital and court for it

ectoraige

SuperS54 wrote: »

Was an idiot in my youth...

Bored living in the countryside so would come up with various forms of amusement, generally destructive.

Remember a particularly pleasant sunny day where myself and my brother took turns at shooting a high powered air rifle at stones and rocks to get the cowboy movie rickocet whiiiiinnnnnngggg as the pellet buzzed by our heads. Great fun until one didn't miss, still have a scar on my forehead, could have been much worse.

Found an old book of chemical formulas and discovered gun powder. Amazingly was able to buy all the incredients in several chemists (after learning not to ask for them all at the same time!). Had great fun with gunpowder trails and what not. Decided to take it up a notch and see could we get the stuff to explode rather than just fizzle and burn. Our research showed that a suitable vessel was needed in which the pressure would build up. Got a big coffee jar and quarter filled it with home made gunpowder, plan was that my brother would throw in a match and I'd screw the lid on before hurling it away (I know how dumb that sounds....and was as it turns out...) Jar filled, match thrown, gunpowder fizzles, tried to get the lid on and all I got was a stream of red hot gunpowder gases that burned the heel of my hand away. Had to hide that from my parents for a couple of weeks until it healed, still have a scar to this day, probably should have had plastic surgery...

Decided to take up what seemed like a less dangerous hobby and bought a radio controlled model airplane kit. Didn't have a lot of cash so bought a wooden kit that you had to assemble yourself. Was using an actual medical scapel to trim some parts, was trimming some hardwood with a brand new scapel and putting a lot of pressure on the blade when it suddenly slipped and embedded itself in my thumb. Had to wiggle it to remove as it had stuck in the bone...Didn't hurt till later but bled a whole heap. Took ages to heal as it was such a straight cut, have a nice scar.

Once I finished the plane I bought a second hand engine for it. Was near the end of it's life and not easy to start. Spent ages flicking over the propellor by hand until finally it spluttered into life. With these engines you had to get them running at full speed and then adjust a small knob about half an inch from the back of the propellor in order to tune it. You're supposed to do this from the back. After taking so long to get the thing started it then began to sputter and die, instead of going around behind the thing I tried to reach the needle from the front before the engine died. Unfortunately I miss judged the diameter of the propellor and had the tip of it, which apparently was travelling close to the speed of sound, slice though my middle finger from the the tip, up the nail and to the first joint. Looked like one of those cartoon accidents where a airplane fillets something. Spent the afternoon in hospital having the lose bits of shredded nail pulled out before it could be bandaged up. Hurt rather a lot, still have a wonky nail and scarred finger as a memory...

And then what happened?

Sadderday

mauzo! wrote: »

I once egged an undercover Garda car.

YES!

Hahahaha rapid,

This is my last one for the day though 'cos I don't wanna hog the thread but......

in my single days i would be in whelans on a friday night...
full of mingers so took what was going at 1.20am. This big tall boke with a tiny friend. My friend... fair play to her... entertained the friend

It was bright out by the time we got food from charlies and were standing outside whelans again. I was smooching this bloke, make up down my face, hair matted from sweaty dancing - the usual... curry i was holding with one hand was running down my dress and there I was in the middle of camden street sucking the life outta this random blokes finger.

I thought at the time it was erotic but i'd say it was f**ked up looking.

anyway, all was well and good... got a good slaggin the next morning, then I got the rash. Big dirty scabby sore red dirty rash on my lips, inside and outside my mouth.

Was trying to not tell the pharmacist what actually happened... but she was going with allergic reaction... had to fill her in... thrush.

He musta been a dirty knacker.... lucky thats all I sucked.

MRnotlob606

Anybody up for a mad one ? , drop a call on the old gramaphone , we can play chess by the quayside and recite the poetry of robert frost all while fingerbanging

Gotham

I had a toothache a couple of years ago too OP.

It was at a bad time and I had to wait for a dentist, so I used clove oil on it.
It stings quite a bit and I think the pain from it causes you to forget about your toothache rather than anything else.
For the rest of the day I was applying this oil and pushing a lump of cotton up there with my finger. Much better.

But then I went for a piss and hadn't quite washed all the oil off my fingers.
It really stings the glans, and it's one of those lingering type pains.

partyguinness

Sadderday wrote: »

Hahahaha rapid,

This is my last one for the day though 'cos I don't wanna hog the thread but......

in my single days i would be in whelans on a friday night...
full of mingers so took what was going at 1.20am. This big tall boke with a tiny friend. My friend... fair play to her... entertained the friend

It was bright out by the time we got food from charlies and were standing outside whelans again. I was smooching this bloke, make up down my face, hair matted from sweaty dancing - the usual... curry i was holding with one hand was running down my dress and there I was in the middle of camden street sucking the life outta this random blokes finger.

I thought at the time it was erotic but i'd say it was f**ked up looking.

anyway, all was well and good... got a good slaggin the next morning, then I got the rash. Big dirty scabby sore red dirty rash on my lips, inside and outside my mouth.

Was trying to not tell the pharmacist what actually happened... but she was going with allergic reaction... had to fill her in... thrush.

He musta been a dirty knacker.... lucky thats all I sucked.

You are some classy bird...LMAO...love the honesty...most women would never admit to such behaviour at least paint such an eloquant picture..:)

In fact you sound like a bloke...

Sadderday

partyguinness wrote: »

You are some classy bird...LMAO...love the honesty...most women would never admit to such behaviour at least paint such an eloquant picture..:)

In fact you sound like a bloke...

I've three brothers and no sisters... maybe thats why!

I would never speak this way at home, the OH thinks i'm sweet and polite and meet the mother material.

I'm living a double life... boards knows.

Duff

Sadderday wrote: »

Hahahaha rapid,

This is my last one for the day though 'cos I don't wanna hog the thread but......

in my single days i would be in whelans on a friday night...
full of mingers so took what was going at 1.20am. This big tall boke with a tiny friend. My friend... fair play to her... entertained the friend

It was bright out by the time we got food from charlies and were standing outside whelans again. I was smooching this bloke, make up down my face, hair matted from sweaty dancing - the usual... curry i was holding with one hand was running down my dress and there I was in the middle of camden street sucking the life outta this random blokes finger.

I thought at the time it was erotic but i'd say it was f**ked up looking.

anyway, all was well and good... got a good slaggin the next morning, then I got the rash. Big dirty scabby sore red dirty rash on my lips, inside and outside my mouth.

Was trying to not tell the pharmacist what actually happened... but she was going with allergic reaction... had to fill her in... thrush.

He musta been a dirty knacker.... lucky thats all I sucked.

I, too, would like to befriend you!

Sadderday

Duff wrote: »

I, too, would like to befriend you!

yyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

If i thought that I was gonna be popular for disclosing the stupidity .......

I would have talked years ago.

Drinks anyone?

blastman

Speaking of broken windows, back in the days before double- and triple-glazing, I got home one night to find I was locked out of the house (someone had flicked the switch on the porch door, which could only be opened from the inside). I was working in a pub at the time, and it was in the days when every town had a festival of some sort so all the pubs could get extensions at the weekend. As we were working late, it was one of the few occasions the boss would stand us a cople of pints after we were finished and closed up.

Anyway, I'm standing there at about 2.30am wondering how to get in. Pounded on the porch a bit, pounded on the window. No-one, including my mother who claims she NEVER sleeps, heard me. Went round the back of the house and threw stones at my brother's window...nothing. Same round the front at my parents' window...nada. Started banging on the biggest pane of glass in the main downstairs window (which was a large sheet of glass!) and after a few seconds got completely frustrated, drew back and......BANG!! Straight through the biggest sheet of glass in the house.

The irony was, although at the stage I could see windows at the other end of the road opening and people's heads appearing, I still hadn't woken anyone in my house! I stood and pounded on the porch door again for another few minutes and eventually my mum woke and let me in, my hand covered in blood and dripping everywhere. Luckily, I had only given myself a nasty but small cut on the wrist, which although it bled profusely, wasn't serious. I shuddder to think what would have happened if a bigger piece of glass had dropped from the top of the frame while my arm was through it.

blastman

Sadderday wrote: »

yyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

If i thought that I was gonna be popular for disclosing the stupidity .......

I would have talked years ago.

Drinks anyone?

I'm in...

SurferRosa

I sprayed deodorant in my eye, it buuurned!

willowthewisp

Took a sip of 100% alcohol in Science class in School, proper stupid.
Throat on fire & eyes burning. Sick stomach for about a week.

GenieOz

Sadderday you sound like a right laugh! Although the finger sucking thing made me gag :pac:

johnty56

Accidentally stabbed myself in the stomach whilst shaving

GenieOz

johnty56 wrote: »

Accidentally stabbed myself in the stomach whilst shaving

Wtf were ya shaving yourself with that you could stab yourself with it!?

Ihatecuddles

GenieOz wrote: »

Wtf were ya shaving yourself with that you could stab yourself with it!?

Shaving his ballbag with a samurai sword.

Like a real man!

desbrook

Smoked.

GenieOz

mauzo! wrote: »

Shaving his ballbag with a samurai sword.

Like a real man!

Won't be a man anatomically for much longer..

MoodeRator

Sadderday wrote: »

yyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

If i thought that I was gonna be popular for disclosing the stupidity .......

I would have talked years ago.

Drinks anyone?

You and Mauzo MUST arrange the next beers!
What a night!:eek:

Sulla Felix

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

what in gods name possessed you to do that???
'The Incredible Mickey'

Probably the same thing that possessed me to paint mine red...

gammygils

I applied Deep Heat on my sore shoulder before going to bed & then

scratched my bollox! 2 minutes later I was in agony

My balls were on fire! Jesus the pain! Ended up in the bath on my knees
with the shower head between my legs spraying cold water on my sack

while trying to scream quietly so as not to waken the whole house!! Pain lasted about 20 minutes!

The other one was holding a cigarette lighter to my ear to see if there was

any gas in it and scorched my left lug!
There was no alcohol involved on either occasion!

obplayer

This thread should be renamed..
Intelligent Design - The Proof!!!

Temptamperu

One time I went drinking for ten years.