I've lost my dad

lilminx

My dad passed away yesterday. I've been his full time carer for the last few years. He spent the last week of his life in a hospice and I felt so guilty that I couldn't keep him at home. The hospice was amazing and took care of my dad physically so I could concentrate on being his daughter again instead of his carer and I value the last week so much but it wasn't enough.

I feel I should be shouting from the rooftops that the best man I have ever known is gone. I feel the whole world should be mourning. It's not enough to have a little notice in the paper.

I'm angry and numb. I'm heartbroken and in denial. I just can't believe I've lost my dad. It's not enough that a small town gathers in his memory. We haven't left the house. I dread tomorrow when he leaves. I can't imagine this home without him. He built it for us, for our family. He lived his life for his kids, his grandkids. his wife of 48 years.

I can't imagine a world without him and not enough of the world knows he even existed.

robertxxx

You seem very proud, which seems to me your at ease with his passing.

Tasden

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your post reminded me of a poem that I could relate to when I felt that not enough people knew or cared about the loss I was feeling. You probably know it already http://homepages.wmich.edu/~cooneys/poems/auden.stop.html
But the words just summed up exactly how I was feeling, that the world shouldn't be turning. People shouldn't be going about their normal day because the world isn't right without this person in it. How is it so easy for everything else to go on as normal when your whole world has stopped.

I can't offer you any words that will help you at this time but just know my thoughts are with you because I know how difficult it is. It doesn't help you right now for me to say it gets easier but it does.

Look after yourself.

thegreatgonzo

Sorry for your loss lilminx. You have nothing to feel guilty about so I hope you can stop tormenting yourself.

kerry4sam

lilminx wrote: »

My dad passed away yesterday. I've been his full time carer for the last few years. He spent the last week of his life in a hospice and I felt so guilty that I couldn't keep him at home. The hospice was amazing and took care of my dad physically so I could concentrate on being his daughter again instead of his carer and I value the last week so much but it wasn't enough.

I feel I should be shouting from the rooftops that the best man I have ever known is gone. I feel the whole world should be mourning. It's not enough to have a little notice in the paper.

I'm angry and numb. I'm heartbroken and in denial. I just can't believe I've lost my dad. It's not enough that a small town gathers in his memory. We haven't left the house. I dread tomorrow when he leaves. I can't imagine this home without him. He built it for us, for our family. He lived his life for his kids, his grandkids. his wife of 48 years.

I can't imagine a world without him and not enough of the world knows he even existed.

Hope you're holding up okay!

My own Loving Dad (now Resting In Peace) passed away on 20th December 2013 (see here) and to say it doesn't still hurt would be an understatement.

Take each and every day as it comes; Take every day on its' own merits; Take nothing for granted!

It will ALWAYS be his HOME! Everywhere you look you will find him and memories of your Dad, from renovations to purchases. Just look around & you'll find yourself smiling at some things that pop into your mind from your memories

Hurt is still gut-wrenching at times for me. Not one day has passed where I have not visited my Late Loving Dads Grave. Tears aplenty still to this very day although they are easing off! It hit me later than those around me and things crop up now and then for me and it's crippling, the pain knowing I can't speak with him and gain more of his Wisdom!

Anywhoo, enough rambling from me,
Hope you post back in here soon,
Hugs,
kerry4sam

Very sorry for your loss. I want to say that I know how you feel but I'm still not sure where I am after my fathers passing. The wound is still fresh. He passed this valentines day gone. My sister started the thread after this one about him.

You sound like a very proud daughter and a very good person. I've no doubt that your father is very proud of you too.

Look after yourself and I hope it gets easier (for both of us).

Regards,

S

Maphisto

Very sorry for your loss Lilminx. I think we all feel some guilt when someone dear to us dies.

There are a couple of things I always feel a pang of guilt about:

My Dad had a heart attack, in England, on Saturday evening and was in hospital. Everyone said he was going to be fine and he told my brother to go on his ski holiday. I decided I'd go over Monday morning but he died that morning. I couldn't have got there but I still feel ...

I hope that you are not tormented by any guilts and I hope you start to feel better soon.

Randy Anders

So sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine the hurt you are going through right now

From reading your post, it sounds like you were very proud and thankful of your father. I'm not a father yet myself but I know before I pass that if my child was as grateful as you are, I'll have had done a great job and die a happy and content man

As you said yourself, you were a carer for years before he passed away. You're a credit to yourself and your family

All the best