Funny things parents-in-waiting say or do

dublinlady

"I am NEVER EVER having a c section"
Those too posh to push muppets - get over it and give birth naturally.....
One breech baby = c section
Attempted vbac ended in a 12 day over due non favourable me who eventually had to have my second c section for a child who is still as laid back and not arsed move anywhere ever!
Lesson - I can have rules... They will break them.

Soothers... Disgraceful... God they love them and if it's an option of my boob 24/7 or a soother for a couple hours kip well it's a no brainer ... Snooooooze

Tv.... Well between the tombiliboos and upsy daisy I get a cup of tea and a wash on - respect to tv!

They will fit into my life and I won't need to change .... Can't even remember who I used to be now never mind who I was married to - both distant funny memories!

Proud of poo... Or excited by poo... Or having messiest poo competitions - well that was all revolting and horrifying!

All of the toys and baby crap will go away into presses at the end of each day.... More like it's kicked into a corner so can reach the couch and find peppa teapots under the pillows and teacups in my shoes.

sopretty

Babies are terrorists who invade your life. Then they grin at you and you're not sure what they're up to. And you question your own sanity. Little f**kers. :eek:

Moonbeam

I will breast feed for the 1st year, well that was a disaster .
I am never giving them soothers...all 3 got them .
They will not be allowed TV very young , well 2 of my 14 months olds 1st words were Peppa Pig .
I never had an epidural as I am more afraid of them then the pain and the pain is absolutely horrendous.
I do nap when baby does if I can.

lmullen

I think the only thing I've stuck to is no soothers although we tried with the 2nd as she's a boob monster!!!

Always said I was not having an epidural - bring on pre eclampsia and induction and pethidine = epidural ( which took 9 attempts to get in)!!!

Successfully had my drug free delivery with no 2.

Thought my dogs would be getting lovely long walks while I was on maternity leave - 3 weeks left and you can count on 2 hands how many times they've been out good thing they're not to hyper or overweight.

As for my house well that's a disaster area apart from the one evening a week after the cleaner has been in!!!!

How Strange

First time around..... Having a baby won't change our lives. It'll fit in with what we want to do. Ah bless our innocence! We were terrorised within 2 days!

I'm going to have a strict routine ... See above about being terrorised. He didn't want a routine and we didn't know what we were doing

I'd never be one of those breastfeeding, sling wearing mothers.... Breastfeeding was a happy accident, sling wearing was as a result of being terrorised

My kids won't watch tv.... I thank cbeebies every day for the great job they do at entertaining my toddler.

On no.2 I said I'd go with the flow and I had a much better time of it all round as a result despite 11 months of sleep deprivation.

bean14

This is so funny. in my blissful ignorance a friend who had a baby told me about the baths in the maternity wards to speed things up and relax. she said they were very deep and like a hotel because of the endless hot water!!! so i packed my lavender oil to help me relax. i had no bath at all in hospital. managed a shower on day 3 afer a section. how stupid i was

iguana

lmullen wrote: »

Thought my dogs would be getting lovely long walks while I was on maternity leave - 3 weeks left and you can count on 2 hands how many times they've been out good thing they're not to hyper or overweight.

Actually that's probably my biggest change since I've had a baby. My relationship with my dogs. It's not that I don't still really love them, it's just that they used to take a really central place in my life and now they don't. I feel really sorry for them tbh. They must be very confused and sad. On the bright side my son loves them more than anything (first word he understood after his name - doggy, first word he said - doggy) and as he gets older they'll have a brand new best pal.

Hannibal Smith

Im not going to have one of those houses over run by toys. ..my kids are going to learn to put one away before taking out another. ..pah!

Xdancer

My baby will never sleep in the bed with me.....oops!
My toddler won't be allowed watch much television or play with my tablet....oops!
I was going to be nice and organised......that went out the window before she was even born, my OH was throwing some stuff into a bag for me while I calmly had a shower and did my makeup after my waters broke and the nursery wasn't fully ready until she was 7 months old.

nikpmup

Poo. Colour. Texture. Volume. Frequency. All perfectly acceptable conversation openers when my OH rings me at lunchtime. Oh yeah, and vomit. Small amounts of upchuck are now judged on, can I wipe it off; will it come off with a baby wipe - then I/he can wear it. Only when it's more than a babywipe or three can handle do I have to change clothes.

Hannibal Smith

Im not going to be one of those mums who talks about her kids all the time lol

loubian

I'm going to speak French and irish to her..

I'm going to be a size 10 going back to work

ectoraige

sopretty wrote: »

Babies are terrorists who invade your life. Then they grin at you and you're not sure what they're up to. And you question your own sanity. Little f**kers. :eek:

Eh... no, you were right about that one!

lmullen

iguana wrote: »

Actually that's probably my biggest change since I've had a baby. My relationship with my dogs. It's not that I don't still really love them, it's just that they used to take a really central place in my life and now they don't. I feel really sorry for them tbh. They must be very confused and sad. On the bright side my son loves them more than anything (first word he understood after his name - doggy, first word he said - doggy) and as he gets older they'll have a brand new best pal.

Have to say I feel sorry for my 2 as well. My dd loves them to bits though so they've gained a new play mate.

sopretty

loubian wrote: »

I'm going to speak French and irish to her..

I was going to speak Italian to her. Did I?

I did in me hole. I couldn't even speak English after 5 weeks of 'adoring' her (take that to mean watching her incessantly in case she might die).

I played Beethoven and Mozart to my bump. I also read Enid Blyton to my bump. Bought a collection specifically for this purpose.

Not a book was read by me until she was four (I applauded myself however for paying for an excellent childminder who 'forced' her older children to read to the younger ones. )

CaraMay

sopretty wrote: »

I was going to speak Italian to her. Did I?

I did in me hole. I couldn't even speak English after 5 weeks of 'adoring' her (take that to mean watching her incessantly in case she might die).

I played Beethoven and Mozart to my bump. I also read Enid Blyton to my bump. Bought a collection specifically for this purpose.

Not a book was read by me until she was four (I applauded myself however for paying for an excellent childminder who 'forced' her older children to read to the younger ones. )

Very funny!!

galah

Nice thread!

My kids won't have dummies. I'll have a natural birth with no pain relief. I'll puree all my own baby food all the time and won't use fruit pots. I'll never heat baby bottle in the microwave. No loud electronic toys. The list goes on. Still laughing.

The only thing our kids don't do is watch Tele. But that's because he's not interested, it's not for lack of trying on my part. I really wish he would, just half an hour a day would do me...

Ah well...

Moonbeam

I found it even changes with each child . My 1st was off bottles by 15 months , soother by 7 months and was not allowed sweets or choc .
2nd was off bottles no bother but allowed to have her soother in bed only until she was turning 2
My 14 month old is well off the soother but is given a bottle going to bed , yes in to the cot with him and barely knows life with out chocolate !!

PLL

highly1111 wrote: »

My children are never going to watch tv.

There's no way I'd ever have a glass of wine while home alone with the baby in case i may need to drive to drive to the hospital in an emergency....

Yep, i was full of sh1t!!

This. So much.

PLL

dublinlady wrote: »

All of the toys and baby crap will go away into presses at the end of each day.... More like it's kicked into a corner so can reach the couch and find peppa teapots under the pillows and teacups in my shoes.

This nearly made me cry I was laughing so hard at how true it is.. constantly finding mega blocks and plastic food in my shoes.

Chattastrophe!

"My baby is twelve weeks old."

What? What's with that? Your baby is three months old, why would you count it in weeks? That's just weird!



I've never understood in the past why parents do this, but I only just realised today, I do it all the time. Every week seems like such a massive milestone, it's just how I count it in my head! It's grand when I say it around new mothers, who all say the same ... must stop saying it around "normal" people though! :pac:

ncmc

I'm pregnant on my first and I never have had an issue with people saying weeks up until 4/5 months. I think after that it gets a bit silly! 3 months could be over 13 weeks and as you say, there's such a difference in weeks at that stage.

I know some people give out when you talk about your pregnancy in weeks, I was 7 months last week which was 31 weeks, but I think people assume 7 months is 28 weeks. The weeks are so long, you want to account for each and every one!

vitani

I once asked a friend how old her baby was. I got 'well, in weeks, he was six months last Tuesday but in months, he'll be six months on Saturday.'

In my head, I was like no, that's not how it works, but I didn't have the time or energy to explain.

nikpmup

Calendar months -vs- 4 week blocks - my son was born on the 4th October. In calendar months, he turned 6 months on Friday. In weeks though he's 26 weeks. 26 divided by 4 = 6.5, or 6 and a half months.

January

nikpmup wrote: »

Calendar months -vs- 4 week blocks - my son was born on the 4th October. In calendar months, he turned 6 months on Friday. In weeks though he's 26 weeks. 26 divided by 4 = 6.5, or 6 and a half months.

Can't believe he's 6 months already :eek: Where is the time going?!

nikpmup

I know - my maternity leave is officially over today, I'm on annual leave now

John Mason

my first baby is due in a few weeks.

everyone keeps saying to be me, that i will be perfect time for me to turn my hobby into a business. :eek:

personally, i am planning on staying in bed for the next 3 months with the baby. have made my husband, hook up a tv and put in network cables etc.

my plan: -

feed baby, sleep, feed baby sleep, stick a wash on, wait for husband to come from work to feed me. feed baby, have shower, feed baby, sleep and on and on

Husbands plan: -

me up in the morning with his beakfast made and lunch made, kissing him goodbye
coming home from work to me standing in the doorway smiling, with slippers and an old fashioned, sparkling shining house and smiling happy baby.

one of us is going to be terribly disappointed:cool:

January

John Mason wrote: »

my first baby is due in a few weeks.

everyone keeps saying to be me, that i will be perfect time for me to turn my hobby into a business. :eek:

personally, i am planning on staying in bed for the next 3 months with the baby. have made my husband, hook up a tv and put in network cables etc.

my plan: -

feed baby, sleep, feed baby sleep, stick a wash on, wait for husband to come from work to feed me. feed baby, have shower, feed baby, sleep and on and on

Husbands plan: -

me up in the morning with his beakfast made and lunch made, kissing him goodbye
coming home from work to me standing in the doorway smiling, with slippers and an old fashioned, sparkling shining house and smiling happy baby.

one of us is going to be terribly disappointed:cool:

And I bet it won't be you

dori_dormer

you forgot changing poopy nappies! and walking around rocking a screaming child who wont settle!

dori_dormer

Id breast feed until at least 6 months and then pump - Ive had to abandon the boob as he was loosing too much weight.
no soothers - lasted two weeks in fairness!
no baby talk as it confuses them - Ive stuck to this! but he is only 8 weeks old.
Id bath him twice a week - hes lucky if his dad baths him at the weekend - Im too scared!
Id use cloth nappies - really want this but haven't gotten round to it yet
Natural birth - he got into distress so that went out the window
no epidural - stuck to my guns on that one. TBH its not so bad when you are high on the gas.
Shower every day - havent failed this one yet either