Helping partner to give up, any tips?

danger_here

She told me deep down she wants to, especially recently when she how much she spends every month :eek:. When I (a non smoker) gently touch on the subject I get the impression that she's content to take the easier option and continue with the status quo. A couple of times she's got defensive when I mentioned the subject at all, or how a work colleague went cold turkey and hasn't looked back, saying stuff like people who quit don't know how to lecture people smoking ect :rolleyes:. Personality-wise she's quite stong in many ways (being a German) but when it comes this smoking she has zero self determination. In contrast I'm relatively mild mannered but have always had a stong backbone in difficult situatons.

I'm not pushy about it at all and I'm trying to be understanding but I have a feeling she's in need of a proverbial kick up the arse to get her properly motivated. On a more simple level aside of the many benefits she'd have I'm ****ing scared she will get lung cancer and die. I already lost my father, a non smoker, to cancer when I was 18 and I don't want her to end up the same way. Am I selfish for thinking she is selfish? Half of me wants to threaten to leave her as the ultimate incentive for her to snap out of it.

Any tips for discussing this in a more progressive way? If I was in her shoes, there's a date a few weeks down the road that would be a good time to quit but even mentioning it would possibly push her the other way.

PS she got an e cig around Xmas time, loved it the first few weeks but hasn't been used from what I can see.

aoshea83

Don't put any sort of pressure on her, what's getting to me at the moment when I mention i'd love a cig during a craving and my partner responds down the line of "but you've gone this long" or gives me a look, the pressure I feel under to stay off them has the oppisit effect of making me want one even more

opo

danger_here wrote: »

She told me deep down she wants to, especially recently when she how much she spends every month :eek:. When I (a non smoker) gently touch on the subject I get the impression that she's content to take the easier option and continue with the status quo. A couple of times she's got defensive when I mentioned the subject at all, or how a work colleague went cold turkey and hasn't looked back, saying stuff like people who quit don't know how to lecture people smoking ect :rolleyes:. Personality-wise she's quite stong in many ways (being a German) but when it comes this smoking she has zero self determination. In contrast I'm relatively mild mannered but have always had a stong backbone in difficult situatons.

I'm not pushy about it at all and I'm trying to be understanding but I have a feeling she's in need of a proverbial kick up the arse to get her properly motivated. On a more simple level aside of the many benefits she'd have I'm ****ing scared she will get lung cancer and die. I already lost my father, a non smoker, to cancer when I was 18 and I don't want her to end up the same way. Am I selfish for thinking she is selfish? Half of me wants to threaten to leave her as the ultimate incentive for her to snap out of it.

Any tips for discussing this in a more progressive way? If I was in her shoes, there's a date a few weeks down the road that would be a good time to quit but even mentioning it would possibly push her the other way.

PS she got an e cig around Xmas time, loved it the first few weeks but hasn't been used from what I can see.

WTF

Do not for one minute think any smoker would not leave someone, even you, in favour of smoking.

Me - I think I'd be puffing like a lunatic with someone like you helping me out.

Wellyd

Please stick by her. My dad gave up smoking last year when a man who he had worked for/been friends with since he was a chap got cancer and subsequently died from cancer. He never told any of us he just gave up cold turkey. I swear last year I should have bought shares in wrigleys chewing gum I bought so much for him. I swear to this day knowing he's a non smoker actually makes me almost explode with pride. Even the days when your OH is being an absolute C U Next Tuesday stick my her. There's nothing more rewarding than watching someone you love put themselves before cigarettes. We found that not making a fuss helped lots as my dad hated everyone going on about it and it just annoyed him. Just be positive and try not to make a big deal of something that is really a big deal!

16 months and counting!