I don't think I've bonded with my dog, what do I do?

naysayer

Before people jump to conclusions and get annoyed, please don't judge.
I'm just wondering if anyone has been in the same situation or has any advice.
I lost my beloved pet in October 2012, seems like so long ago but of all the dogs I have ever had, he was my closest (died from a hit and run).
Weeks later, I rescued a puppy from a local rescue centre, something I always wanted to do. I knew the new pup would never replace Max (who was actually my Dads dog but I called him mine too) but I was willing to provide a loving home to a dog who needed it.
I vowed always to never get a jack russell (shedding) but I did the typical rescue cliche and fell in love with a little fat white terrier who was 9 weeks old and abandoned in a back garden, we already had a cat at home and when I saw the pup lick the rescue cats, he won my heart in many ways.
I socialised him with everyone and every specie possible, I toilet trained him, played with him etc. etc. He was a cuddly attention seeking little demon, he was and still is sooo naughty though in many ways.
I am also a dog walker and I walk him and two other dogs together daily and meet with all the walkers/owners, All the dogs run and play free together for up to two hours.
We have our own little routine, we get home, I feed him and he sleeps for the afternoon, then play later etc.
What worries me most is...I don't think I've bonded with him, still, after over 18 months together. He'll be 2 in September. He's just not affectionate, he doesn't get excited to see me anymore like he used to. He just does his own thing, his own little character. He torments the cat and is getting aggressive at him, in the past 4 months, he's starting to nip at random mens ankles whilst walking on the street, especially any man wearing neon (postmen, bin men etc). I cant relax walking him anymore.
I do play with him and he'll sleep on my lap sometimes although he's fairly big (JR cross). I just don't feel as close to him as what I felt for my last dog or any of the others.
I do care for him so much and I do love him but I don't think I've properly bonded. I find him quite stressful at times.
What do I do? Has anyone experienced this and how did you overcome this?

PS: He is neutered, was neutered since 5 months old, microchipped etc.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Can't help on the bonding, but regarding the nipping, was the dog ever kicked by a man wearing neon? We had a JRT years ago and she was the most loveable, docile dog and would go to (and often wander off with) anyone. But she hated men who wore Wellington boots - she would just attack them. We got her when she was about 9 month old after her owner (an old gentleman) died and she lived on a farm for a while before we adopted her. I always maintained she had a bad experience with someone wearing wellingtons when she was a pup.

naysayer

I thought the same but I doubt it because he's with him about 90% of the time, I can't work due to an illness. We don't let him in the front garden alone so no post man could of gotten to him unless a builder might of hit him down by the cafes, I have to tie him up to order coffee. But they seem nice, although he snapped at one of them but thankfully, the guy was understanding.
He hasn't bonded with my partner whatsoever, he's so naughty for him and my partner has tried and tried but patience is wearing very thin. He does get rough with him, trying to catch him from the cat etc. so I'm guessing that could be why too. Recently he nipped at my partner and snarled at him two nights ago when he demanded him to stay in his bed. It's only males, just some random men on the streets. It's so embarrassing and dangerous.

tk123

I'd suggest doing classes with him to try and build a bond - obedience/agility etc where you're working together and your success in the class is build on you working together. What I get from your post is that you've both decided he's too bold to bond with compared to other dogs - he's probably picking up on that and treating you the same way? Your post seems familiar though - did you post a while back looking for advise on getting rid of your current dog and taking on one you walked that was being rehomed?!

anniehoo

He's still a very young dog OP and I think both of you would learn quite a bit by bringing him to obedience classes now if you haven't done so already. It will give you the tools to enable you to correct some of the issues that are cropping up now. I would also include your partner in this training.

This stood out to me though

wrote:

Recently he nipped at my partner and snarled at him two nights ago when he demanded him to stay in his bed.

This whole statement wreaks of a fear response on behalf of your dog. You can't and shouldn't "demand" a dog stay in it's bed. Their bed should be their "safezone" and should willingly go there if requested but not forced to. It sounds like your partner reacted out of frustration and the dog responded negatively as a result. I'm only reading between the lines here, so correct me if I'm wrong.

With regards bonding, this is normal I would say. I have felt varying degrees of closeness with every pet I've had. My current cat has taken me much longer than previous pets to bond with, for absolutely no reason other than I adored my last cat and i feel i got him a bit too soon after he died. While he's a great little fella and I love him to bits, I definitely don't feel the same way about him as my previous cat. I'm not too worried though, he's brilliant and I feel there's always going to be those "extra special" pets throughout our lives that mean that bit more.

It doesn't mean you can't have room in your heart for others.

Kablamo!

I can't help with any of the dog issues, but regards the bonding, I adopted a kitten in July 2011. For a year or so we just didn't click. Then one day, out of nowhere, BOOM. Head over heels in love with her! She passed away in October and I can safely say anniehoo was right- she had turned out to be my "extra special" pet. I adore my others but my little Ratrat will always hold the biggest place in my heart. And I was so indifferent to her at the start!

ShaShaBear

I too remember an eerily familiar post about a very docile (doberman?) dog you were looking to replace with this rescue dog?
You were advised at the time that the dog needed help from a trained and qualified behaviourist to help with the problems. This obviously still applies, he is obviously exhibiting fear to men in neon for a reason.
It's going to be hard to bond with a dog if they are constantly misbehaving, but unless you take the proper steps to correct it, he isn't just going to start behaving of his own accord.