Paying Rent At Home

Moonbeam

Is he is full time education or working full time?
Does he help around the house?
If he is working full time I think the 60 euro is more then fair but would also expect him to pull his weight around the house.

byronbay2

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

If you expect him to pay, no matter how nominal an amount then the relationship between you has to change as well. It becomes less family and more landlord tenant in my opinion. I didn't pay rent to family but I always did things at home including buying things that were needed around the house.
I think you ought to consider how this looks from his perspective- I noticed you said you were the step parent. I am not aware of the dynamic between you as a family, but it could be seen as give us money or get out.

I don't think families should charge or take money from each other period. That's what landlords, bankers and employers are for. It's your family and there is an issue of loyalty in my opinion. If you are concerned that he is not progressing enough with getting his own place etc then start encouraging out the door but never force someone out.

Money between families changes things no matter how small an amount.

Good luck.

Crikey, what a load of rubbish! Children need to be taught that they can't continue to just keep taking all their lives - there comes a time when they have to start contributing to the family/society etc. Far from causing a rift, the moment they start paying their way (in however minor a way) is usually a cause of intense pride to both the young person and their parents.

As an aside, a well-raised child should not need to be told that they are required to contribute towards the family expenses once they are earning and living at home.

Kimbot

Depending on my wage etc at the time I was paying €60 a week to my mam and not one bit of complaint from me. So 60 a month is very very good.

OldNotWIse

What???? I pay 100 per week when I am home, plus 30 for petrol as my Dad ferries me up and down to luas for work. Brother the same, minus the 30 as he runs his own car. I have yet to find a LL willing to accept 100 per week for:
-rent
-heat
-utilities
-breakfast, packed lunch, dinner
-laundry
-doggy day care
-taxi service

A good deal I reckon

OldNotWIse

byronbay2 wrote: »

Crikey, what a load of rubbish! Children need to be taught that they can't continue to just keep taking all their lives - there comes a time when they have to start contributing to the family/society etc. Far from causing a rift, the moment they start paying their way (in however minor a way) is usually a cause of intense pride to both the young person and their parents.

As an aside, a well-raised child should not need to be told that they are required to contribute towards the family expenses once they are earning and living at home.

Can I thank twice?

Big Bag of Chips

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

I don't think families should charge or take money from each other period.

Things need to be paid for! Supermarkets still charge for groceries. Electricity, heating, internet, etc need to be paid for.

By suggesting that family should never take money from each other you are suggesting that 1 person in the family should be responsible for ALL expenses while every other adult member of the family swans around without having to contribute??

Did you mean €60 per week? 60 per month is very low. I can understand his reaction to it if he's never had to pay anything in his life. I lived with my aunt for a while in my early 20s and paid a weekly rent. She eventually asked my cousin (her daughter) for a contribution too and my cousin, even though working full time was horrified that she should have to pay rent to live in the house that had been provided free for her, her entire life!! She got over that soon enough though

€50 a week would probably be the average of what people pay up at home. And even at that it's a bargain. Tell him to budget who much rent, food, utilities etc would cost him in his own place.

I'm all for helping and supporting our children. But once they start moving into adulthood, the help and support changes from providing everything free of charge and without question, to teaching them the basics of living as an adult. Starting with paying their way!

clint_silver

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Things need to be paid for! Supermarkets still charge for groceries. Electricity, heating, internet, etc need to be paid for.

By suggesting that family should never take money from each other you are suggesting that 1 person in the family should be responsible for ALL expenses while every other adult member of the family swans around without having to contribute??

Did you mean €60 per week? 60 per month is very low. I can understand his reaction to it if he's never had to pay anything in his life. I lived with my aunt for a while in my early 20s and paid a weekly rent. She eventually asked my cousin (her daughter) for a contribution too and my cousin, even though working full time was horrified that she should have to pay rent to live in the house that had been provided free for her, her entire life!! She got over that soon enough though

€50 a week would probably be the average of what people pay up at home. And even at that it's a bargain. Tell him to budget who much rent, food, utilities etc would cost him in his own place.

I'm all for helping and supporting our children. But once they start moving into adulthood, the help and support changes from providing everything free of charge and without question, to teaching them the basics of living as an adult. Starting with paying their way!

Im with this. you pay your way/contribute if you're earning. full stop.

your folks set the rate. They still do any of the following and more wash your clothes, cook your meals, clean the house, give you advice, cover for you, wake you up, give you lifts, AND will give you money if youre stuck if they have it.

but if you're earning, then you contribute and you dont have a say in the amount. If the parents are respected then the child will pay whatever is asked.

NormalBob Ubiquitypants

I think people need to read the opinion I originally put up. At no point do I say he should not be contributing to the household at all. My point is that family should not charge each other money. Period. There are other ways to contribute.

I am sure anyone, raised with any sort of moral standard, would contribute to the household as I previously stated. Again, as previously stated, I contributed to the house by purchasing food, and doing things around the house in general. It is fair to say that if you live there then you contribute. I have worked from a young age on a family farm and I am perfectly aware of what needs to be done in a household.

In the future could you please try and have more respect and deal with issues appropriately instead of dismissing with ignorant statements such as "Crikey, what a load of rubbish!".

Teyla Emmagan

I will probably be stoned to death for this, but my parents never asked me for anything. I was home on and off until I was 25 (nearly always in college, but not all the time). I asked my Dad once if he wanted anything and he told me to save it instead.

SnitchingBubs

Im 24 and live away from home, but if it was me I would insist on handing up some every week. 60 a month is nothing, its only 15 a week. Whats that really to anyone, its only the price of 3-4 pints.

OldNotWIse

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

I think people need to read the opinion I originally put up. At no point do I say he should not be contributing to the household at all. My point is that family should not charge each other money. Period. There are other ways to contribute.

I am sure anyone, raised with any sort of moral standard, would contribute to the household as I previously stated. Again, as previously stated, I contributed to the house by purchasing food, and doing things around the house in general. It is fair to say that if you live there then you contribute. I have worked from a young age on a family farm and I am perfectly aware of what needs to be done in a household.

In the future could you please try and have more respect and deal with issues appropriately instead of dismissing with ignorant statements such as "Crikey, what a load of rubbish!".

But you dont mind them costing each other money?

Also, if my mum goes out and spends what her kids hand up on a weekly shop, how is that any different to us doing the shopping instead? Thats just semantics. Dont give money but buy stuff instead. I think the person organising the meals has the best idea of what to buy, rather than us all running around buying groceries ourselves, because we dont like the idea of being "charged".

OldNotWIse

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I will probably be stoned to death for this, but my parents never asked me for anything. I was home on and off until I was 25 (nearly always in college, but not all the time). I asked my Dad once if he wanted anything and he told me to save it instead.

They obviously didnt need it. I'd love if my parents were in that situation but everyone is different. I think the fact that you offered says a lot about you though

Ginny

He's bloody lucky. I'm 35 now and started working in a fast food place at 15, worked part time through school, college and postgrad degree handed up 1/3 of anything I made. €60 a month is nothing, he's 22 not a child.

ScumLord

I too thought my mammy had abandoned her baby when she asked me for €50 a week. I thought this was highway robbery and moved out certain I'd make better use of my €50. Of course I was wrong, so much wrong and should have taken the €50 deal.

We expect to much from our mammys, he needs to pay his way sooner rather than later. He can either pay a weekly contribution or spend twice as much supporting himself somewhere else.

Dietsquirt

If he's 18 OP, he probably has a job paid per week. You should charge him rent per week as it'll be easier for him to adjust.

€15 per week, bargain.

Sadderday

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

If you expect him to pay, no matter how nominal an amount then the relationship between you has to change as well. It becomes less family and more landlord tenant in my opinion. I didn't pay rent to family but I always did things at home including buying things that were needed around the house.
I think you ought to consider how this looks from his perspective- I noticed you said you were the step parent. I am not aware of the dynamic between you as a family, but it could be seen as give us money or get out.

I don't think families should charge or take money from each other period. That's what landlords, bankers and employers are for. It's your family and there is an issue of loyalty in my opinion. If you are concerned that he is not progressing enough with getting his own place etc then start encouraging out the door but never force someone out.

Money between families changes things no matter how small an amount.

Good luck.

He'll be there until he's 55 so, no rent happy dayz, probably have a GF move in too!!!!!

Once you hit 18, your an adult. You need to pay your way. Not all teenages will offer up part of their wages or course... they may need to be asked but everyone should be paying their own way.

Some families are in a better position, dont need the money and can afford to keep their children while they study. I've even heard of people returning to their family homes for a year while they save their as'ses of for a deposit for a house and their parents declining to take anything as they want to help.

But this is it - if you have anyone over 18 living in your home that can afford new runners or a few drinks but doesnt give you a penny you have every right to ask for money towards bills and sometimes relationships between parents and their children need to change.
Your parents raise you and pay your way for years the least you do when you can is contribute.

GarIT

I think two things people have suggested here are just morally wrong really. The amount should not be dependant on income and the amount should never exceed the cost of the child living there. The first part isn't as bad if it is in the child's favour but asking a child for 330 per week because the child is earning 1000 per week is wrong, the child should pay their share of every household cost but not a penny more. The other idea of taking extra money to prepare kids for adult life is just wrong IMO, if you were a good parent you wouldn't have to take money to teach them a lesson.

There is no doubt that the child should be paying all their own expenses, the child shouldn't be costing the parents anything but I have read of a few cases where the parents were profiting off the kids and that's just wrong.

OldNotWIse

GarIT wrote: »

I think two things people have suggested here are just morally wrong really. The amount should not be dependant on income and the amount should never exceed the cost of the child living there. The first part isn't as bad if it is in the child's favour but asking a child for 330 per week because the child is earning 1000 per week is wrong, the child should pay their share of every household cost but not a penny more. The other idea of taking extra money to prepare kids for adult life is just wrong IMO, if you were a good parent you wouldn't have to take money to teach them a lesson.

There is no doubt that the child should be paying all their own expenses, the child shouldn't be costing the parents anything but I have read of a few cases where the parents were profiting off the kids and that's just wrong.

Excuse you, my parents took money off us, that does not make them bad parents.

TimeToShine

LOL at everyone referring to a 22 year old as "the child".

He is a freeloader. I understand it may be a bit awkward for you as his stepdad to insist on money but there comes a point when it has to be insisted on. His shocked reaction to being asked to pay 60e per month says a lot about him, that's an absolute pittance. As far as I'm concerned, you couldn't be more in the right. At that price, you're basically looking for the gesture moreso than the financial contribution, and if a 22 year old has the cheek to act shocked then he needs to be out on his arse ASAP.

GarIT

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Excuse you, my parents took money off us, that does not make them bad parents.

Good as in skilled not good as in morally. It is very easy to teach a child about money without having to take money from them to do so.

You can very easily go through a household budget with a child so show them what life as an adult is like, showing them bills, household costs, how much is left at the end of the week or even how much they themselves cost. Saying "give me half your money, you need to know what it feels like to have little money" isn't very effective parenting and doesn't really serve much purpose or teach anything.

GarIT

TimeToShine wrote: »

LOL at everyone referring to a 22 year old as "the child".

A bit pedantic but to be a child is to have parents, once you have parents you are a child regardless of age. In one definition of the word anyway. I assume that's why it's being used. It's like saying son or daughter but genderless.

Sadderday

GarIT wrote: »

I think two things people have suggested here are just morally wrong really. The amount should not be dependant on income and the amount should never exceed the cost of the child living there. The first part isn't as bad if it is in the child's favour but asking a child for 330 per week because the child is earning 1000 per week is wrong, the child should pay their share of every household cost but not a penny more. The other idea of taking extra money to prepare kids for adult life is just wrong IMO, if you were a good parent you wouldn't have to take money to teach them a lesson.

There is no doubt that the child should be paying all their own expenses, the child shouldn't be costing the parents anything but I have read of a few cases where the parents were profiting off the kids and that's just wrong.

Of course thats wrong, but I think the general concensus here is that he should contribute a portion of his wages now that hes earning as most of us have done.

you have to teach a young person how to manage their money whether it be taking it for bills or taking it and putting it into a savings account for them (if you dont need the money)

Its hard times and for many of our parents its probably been hard times for many years... so if you turn 18 and your working and your mother asks you to chip in - you do it. if she asks you to chip in because shes struggling for gods sake you do it. You dont float on in life buying ipods when the person that raised you needs help. THAT is morally wrong and THATS what you need to teach (if it hasnt been instilled already)

OldNotWIse

GarIT wrote: »

Good as in skilled not good as in morally. It is very easy to teach a child about money without having to take money from them to do so.

You can very easily go through a household budget with a child so show them what life as an adult is like, showing them bills, household costs, how much is left at the end of the week or even how much they themselves cost. Saying "give me half your money, you need to know what it feels like to have little money" isn't very effective parenting and doesn't really serve much purpose or teach anything.

If I am taking in over 500 a week after tax, and want to stay with my elderly parents who are surviving on a state pension, I couldnt live off them. End of.

Showing is no substitute for doing.

And nobody is advocating 50% hand up.

GarIT

Sadderday wrote: »

Of course thats wrong, but I think the general concensus here is that he should contribute a portion of his wages now that hes earning as most of us have done.

you have to teach a young person how to manage their money whether it be taking it for bills or taking it and putting it into a savings account for them (if you dont need the money)

Its hard times and for many of our parents its probably been hard times for many years... so if you turn 18 and your working and your mother asks you to chip in - you do it. if she asks you to chip in because shes struggling for gods sake you do it. You dont float on in life buying ipods when the person that raised you needs help. THAT is morally wrong and THATS what you need to teach (if it hasnt been instilled already)

I don't agree with the 'a portion' part of you assume the portion to be dependant on the total. The child should pay for themselves completely regardless of what they earn. If a child is on the dole getting 100 per week but they cost the house 100 per week that's what they should pay, if the child is earning 1k per week they should still only play the 100.

You don't need to take money to teach children about money.

I fully agree a child should pay their own way but I don't think a child should be made subsidise their parents lifestyle. If they want to great, but they shouldn't be expected to. I know of parents that have said "you're earning a lot now so you have to pay your own way +€100 a month for us" all I'm saying is I think that is wrong. I don't disagree with you I think we are making slightly different points.

ardmacha

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

I think people need to read the opinion I originally put up. At no point do I say he should not be contributing to the household at all. My point is that family should not charge each other money. Period. There are other ways to contribute.

I am sure anyone, raised with any sort of moral standard, would contribute to the household as I previously stated. Again, as previously stated, I contributed to the house by purchasing food, and doing things around the house in general. It is fair to say that if you live there then you contribute. I have worked from a young age on a family farm and I am perfectly aware of what needs to be done in a household.

I'm sure that if the offspring in this case said that I don't want to be give you filthy lucre, but I'll sort the ESB and phone bill and buy the groceries every second week that would be acceptable too.

Irishcrx

Ah here leave it out!! , 22 and €60 a month...he's a lucky man. I was working since I was 15 and was handing my parents originally €100 a month (Was on small hours) then €150 when I worked more and then €220 a month when I was full time + I paid for a portion of the bills. They didn't have to beg me for it, it was the right thing to do.

When I got settled in a full time job I decided to move out,it cost me double that to live outside the house with friends but I could afford it and it was worth the extra freedom , always wanted to stand on my own two feet.

The lads I moved in with - never paid a penny at home and were useless with money , and I mean dreadfull , never had any, couldn't handle bills or rent always backtracking.

I'd learned by then to manage my money , stand on my own two feet because my parents thought me the value of it. I bought my own house when I was 21.

It's a life lesson , teach him! can'st believe he scoffed at that.

ShaShaBear

Jesus, I had to pay my mother €50 per week to share a double bed with my sister (9 years my junior), had a curfew in direct correlation to when my sister wanted to go to sleep, and was expected to pay towards unusual foodstuffs, electricity and broadband usage - as well as do household chores!

DaisyD2

Ginny wrote: »

He's bloody lucky. I'm 35 now and started working in a fast food place at 15, worked part time through school, college and postgrad degree handed up 1/3 of anything I made. €60 a month is nothing, he's 22 not a child.

Very similar here too, 1/3 from my time of my 1st part time job til I moved abroad at 21, no ifs &s or buts ..... And if I wanted toiletries or particular foods I had to buy it myself. Taught me to be very independent & self reliant. My younger sibling on other hand would spend pay packet on way home from collecting it & caused murder week in & week out. Still stays over regularily with kids despite being married & own home, borrows money without paying it back, breaks their heart but they still enable it by giving giving giving

GarIT

OldNotWIse wrote: »

If I am taking in over 500 a week after tax, and want to stay with my elderly parents who are surviving on a state pension, I couldnt live off them. End of.

Showing is no substitute for doing.

And nobody is advocating 50% hand up.

I never suggested anyone should live off their parents.

Do you have any proof of that or is it just a saying you heard? I'm pretty sure giving a child detailed lessons on money management is much more effective than saying "give me x amount of money because you need to experience real life" I don't even understand that, any reasonably educated child would see that money is paid for a reason and not just because real life. Posters actually suggested taking full rent from children so that they don't get a shock when they have to pay rent later, how is a shock now and loosing a lot of money needlessly better than the exact same shock later when you actually get something for it and what do they even learn from that.

Some parents actually think they are entitled to extra money from their children and those few people need to realise having children is not an investment having children is charity work with no expected return.

Posters here have suggested more than 50% actually. But you have completely missed my point, the point about handing up money had nothing at all to do with the amount, the point was all about the context of handing up money, if done to educate the children it's not a good way of doing things.

jester77

If he is that difficult and complaining about such a measly amount then maybe approach it from a different angle.

Instead of a fixed amount per month, have him contribute x% to every bill, e.g. groceries, telephone, electricity, water, gas, bin, tv licensee, tv subscriptions, car insurance/tax if he uses your car, house/contents/fire insurances, etc. Put the bills where he can see it every time it comes in.

Young people starting out have no idea how much it costs to run a house, it would be a bit of an eye opener for him.