Dog died, do we tell the kid?

jack presley

My niece's dog was knocked down today and died. My niece is 10 years old but away for the weekend so doesn't know. Do people still use the line that he's gone to a farm in the countryside or is honesty the best policy here?

macnug

I think with a 10 year old your better off just telling the truth. There will be tears but she will get over it.

spurious

I would tell her and let her have some sort of a little funeral for him, if she wants.

She will find out anyway what really happened (children almost always do) and far more damage will be done then in terms of trust etc., than the upset of the dog dying.

MadYaker

She's 10 years old I would tell her the truth. There will be tears but that kind of loss is something that everyone is going to have to deal with at some stage in their life.

mike65

Always tell the truth about this sort of thing, children don't respect you for lying to them, even if the reason is a good one.

Zapperzy

Tell her the truth but maybe leave out the details, he got sick he was brought to the vet but died, he wasn't in any pain. Have a little burial for him and she can plant some nice flowers or a tree for him. I was a little younger when my cat was knocked down by a car when I was on holidays and someone was looking after him, I remember being concerned thinking he had had a painful death. A few years on from that my rabbit also died while I was on holidays, was told he had a sudden heart attack but a family member let it slip a few years later how he really had died.

jack presley

Thanks for all your help with this. We'll tell her the truth so.

fenris

Avoid explaining in terms of talking about sleep or going away, as it is really destructive in the long run, the important thing to get across is that the dog is not coming back ever and that there is no fault attached or anything that she could have done to stop it happening. Kids really do grasp at straws in situations like this and it is very easy for then to nurture hope or take guilt onto themselves.

Mince Pie

Definitely tell the truth. My parents told me my beloved Lucky went to a farm when I was around that age and I would have preferred the truth cos I was constantly looking for him.
Still bugs me now and asked my mum about it fairly recently and she still insists he went to a farm. Don't know what to believe cos its such a cliche.

cocker5

Def tell the truth... yes she will be upset but she will get over it.

My parents told me my cat Barney "ran away" when i was 9.... i honestly believed it until i was 25, was telling my mate (in my house) how my gorgeous blue / grey cat barney had ran away etc... and my mam kinda brust out laughing saying she thought she had told me the truth, he got run over and she put him in a black sack in our bin hoping i wouldnt see it.... she thought it was funny i still thought he'd run away.

I was honestly gutted

jack presley

Just to update you all, she was told and obviously was quite upset. We told her she died in her sleep (didn't think she needed to know she was killed by a car).

We're having a funeral this afternoon and got some flowers for her to put on the grave. We're also gonna put together a little book for her with photos of the dog and the two of them together.

Thanks again for all the advice

Riskymove

jack presley wrote: »

Just to update you all, she was told and obviously was quite upset. We told her she died in her sleep (didn't think she needed to know she was killed by a car).

tbh that is what I was about to suggest

no need for gorey details but don't try and hide death

mike65

Ah don't bring Gorey into this!

Ash.J.Williams

jack presley wrote: »

My niece's dog was knocked down today and died. My niece is 10 years old but away for the weekend so doesn't know. Do people still use the line that he's gone to a farm in the countryside or is honesty the best policy here?

jaysus tell her...she's nearly a teen

hfallada

Tell your child the truth. Eventually your child will realise that the dog isnt in a farm in the country and maybe be bitter towards you. At 10 a child is at the age to understand death and telling the child the truth may prepare them for potential loss of family members in the future.

jack presley

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

jaysus tell her...she's nearly a teen

Keep up!

Thundering_Sky

Definitely tell the truth, when I was younger my parents used the 'gone to the farm' line as well. I remember being so confused as to why the dog had to go, knowing she died would have brought closure I think.

anniehoo

Folks, read the thread. The OP has told the child.