Why do you want/ not want children?

Lucyfur

MOD

Can we please move on from bodily functions etc.

Back on topic.

Thank you.

Merkin

Your posts really resonated with me Legs.Eleven because like you, I didn't have a burning desire to have children until I got together with Mr. Merkin. He's the first and only man I've been with that I've wanted children with and I'm now 31 weeks pregnant I'm a couple of years older than you and while I love kids and make the best Auntie in the whole wide WORLD , it was only really falling in love and getting married and wanting to make a little family with the man I love that made us get on with it. We can't wait, the prospect of creating and nurturing our own family is just lovely but for me, and with him, it absolutely had to be with the right person.

Legs.Eleven

Merkin wrote: »

Your posts really resonated with me Legs.Eleven because like you, I didn't have a burning desire to have children until I got together with Mr. Merkin. He's the first and only man I've been with that I've wanted children with and I'm now 31 weeks pregnant I'm a couple of years older than you and while I love kids and make the best Auntie in the whole wide WORLD , it was only really falling in love and getting married and wanting to make a little family with the man I love that made us get on with it. We can't wait, the prospect of creating and nurturing our own family is just lovely but for me, and with him, it absolutely had to be with the right person.

...which I presumed would be the norm. Some women are hell bent on having kids regardless of who the father is and that I do not understand. I believe it's important to "choose" a father who you believe you can work with in the job of parenting. It's a very important consideration. Whether it works out or not is a different story and nobody can predict that and obviously it's important to have that in mind but you roll with the punches when they happen. Choosing someone you believe would be a good dad/mam and a good partner lowers the likelihood of that happening, I think.

Merkin

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Some women are hell bent on having kids regardless of who the father is and that I do not understand.

That to me would be one of the most counter intuitive things one could possibly do! I think biologically and since time began women are programmed to choose the best mate possible to procreate with and for some of us, that meant taking the scenic route. I can't for one moment just imagine having kids for the sake of it with the next man that came along because it's just never been about that for me. Hell, I'm under no illusions that the skids put an unmerciful strain on even the strongest of relationships so I think it's important for both parties involved to feel part of a strong loving team when times are tough. It's not going to be all moonlight and roses when we're woken up at 3am and I've got leaky boobs and bubba decides to vomit all over Mr. Merkin. You need to have a good basis to start with.

vitani

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

...which I presumed would be the norm. Some women are hell bent on having kids regardless of who the father is and that I do not understand. I believe it's important to "choose" a father who you believe you can work with in the job of parenting. It's a very important consideration. Whether it works out or not is a different story and nobody can predict that and obviously it's important to have that in mind but you roll with the punches when they happen. Choosing someone you believe would be a good dad/mam and a good partner lowers the likelihood of that happening, I think.

I don't know if I'm taking you up right. I've always wanted kids. I love children - I get an actual physical urge to hold small babies and even as a teenager, I remember saying that I'd never marry anybody who didn't want kids.

I have a child already, who was unplanned, and there's no way I'd decide to have another unless I was in the situation you describe, with the 'right' man who'd be a good father. But that would have been my end goal before I had my daughter - I'd always planned on settling down with someone who I could start a family with and if that never happened, I would have considered going down the sperm donor route.

Legs.Eleven

vitani wrote: »

I don't know if I'm taking you up right. I've always wanted kids. I love children - I get an actual physical urge to hold small babies and even as a teenager, I remember saying that I'd never marry anybody who didn't want kids.

I have a child already, who was unplanned, and there's no way I'd decide to have another unless I was in the situation you describe, with the 'right' man who'd be a good father. But that would have been my end goal before I had my daughter - I'd always planned on settling down with someone who I could start a family with and if that never happened, I would have considered going down the sperm donor route.

Ah fair enough! Nothing at all wrong with being a single mother and going down that route and I understand the urge to have kids is strong for some women and they're not going to sacrifice that strong desire because they haven't met someone they'd like to have kids with. I'm not one of them but each to their own. I personally don't see anything wrong with that at all.

My point is, if you DO have them with someone else (as is the case with me) and not on your own (the parenting part, not the actual procreation part), it's important who that person is. You wanted to settle down with someone and have kids but surely you wouldn't choose any auld eejit? Some people don't take that into consideration and that's what I'm talking about.

vitani

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

My point is, if you DO have them with someone else (as is the case with me) and not on your own (the parenting part, not the actual procreation part), it's important who that person is. You wanted to settle down with someone and have kids but surely you wouldn't choose any auld eejit? Some people don't take that into consideration and that's what I'm talking about.

Oh, absolutely. I'd prefer to raise a child on my own than with the wrong person.

Mrs Garth Brooks

Im 31 and im not sure if I want children or not.

Its alot of responsibilibility, I mean alot.

I was also abused alot growing up, by own mother, felt as if my teenage years were robbed, my 20s too. Those are the years for freedom. Im only going after my freedom now.

My mother on the other hand babied her boys until they left, oldest being 32. 32 years of doing everything for them. I mean everything.

I'm not sure i'm able for that. Yeah, they can have a roof over their head but at 18, it has to stop.

I'm really not sure I want to end up like my own mother, 32 years looking after men. Christ on a bike.

And what happens if I end up exactly like my mother, resenting, hating and dragging the girls down. And passing that onto my kids.

Like when I was a kid my mother wouldn't allow myself and my sister swimming lessons in school. My three brothers had swimming lessons.

Not just swimming lessons. Doing homework and studying and she would create such a toxic atmosphere and make us clean. That was our role in life. Cleaning.

If having kids make you bitter and sour, i'm not sure. I probably need counselling before I have kids. I like to think i've started on it myself by giving my mam the two fingers. Yes, I can swim now.

I've finally achived my career goal and graduated two years at age of 29.

I intend on breaking away from my family and moving to the UK at the end of the summer. So who knows what the future holds.

ivytwine

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

My point is, if you DO have them with someone else (as is the case with me) and not on your own (the parenting part, not the actual procreation part), it's important who that person is. You wanted to settle down with someone and have kids but surely you wouldn't choose any auld eejit? Some people don't take that into consideration and that's what I'm talking about.

This- I think being a single parent's child has really coloured this for me. My parents weren't suited and tbh I think there was an element of my mother panicking when she met my father, she was almost 34 when she had me.

Personally, I feel that women who try and go down the solo route or the any old eejit route greatly underestimate the difficulty of raising a kid alone or with the wrong person. Not to criticise women that do this, but it wouldn't be for me. For me, having seen my mother struggle financially and emotionally all through my younger years just really has stressed that I'll be having kids with the right man, or not at all.

I know Mam doesn't regret any of it, but I know it was very hard. She had little support, very little money, and she completely sacrificed her own social life and life in general for me. It's only now she's getting some of it back tbh. I don't think I have that in me at all.

diveout

ivytwine wrote: »

This- I think being a single parent's child has really coloured this for me. My parents weren't suited and tbh I think there was an element of my mother panicking when she met my father, she was almost 34 when she had me.

Personally, I feel that women who try and go down the solo route or the any old eejit route greatly underestimate the difficulty of raising a kid alone or with the wrong person. Not to criticise women that do this, but it wouldn't be for me. For me, having seen my mother struggle financially and emotionally all through my younger years just really has stressed that I'll be having kids with the right man, or not at all.

I know Mam doesn't regret any of it, but I know it was very hard. She had little support, very little money, and she completely sacrificed her own social life and life in general for me. It's only now she's getting some of it back tbh. I don't think I have that in me at all.

This thread is reminding me of a saying...."Bad husband...worse father."

Gatica

ivytwine wrote: »

Personally, I feel that women who try and go down the solo route or the any old eejit route greatly underestimate the difficulty of raising a kid alone or with the wrong person. Not to criticise women that do this, but it wouldn't be for me. For me, having seen my mother struggle financially and emotionally all through my younger years just really has stressed that I'll be having kids with the right man, or not at all.

I know Mam doesn't regret any of it, but I know it was very hard. She had little support, very little money, and she completely sacrificed her own social life and life in general for me. It's only now she's getting some of it back tbh. I don't think I have that in me at all.

I think so much depends on the circumstances of a mother though. My parents got divorced when I was young. They got married young, she realised she wasn't happy with him so we left him. I don't think she planned to have me as a single parent, in fact I doubt I was planned at all.
However, as difficult as I'm sure it was for her, we had good support from both grandparents. I spent a lot of time with them and I don't think that she missed out hugely on a "fun" lifestyle because of me.
I don't think I could do it, but somehow she managed it well.

ivytwine

Gatica wrote: »

I think so much depends on the circumstances of a mother though. My parents got divorced when I was young. They got married young, she realised she wasn't happy with him so we left him. I don't think she planned to have me as a single parent, in fact I doubt I was planned at all.
However, as difficult as I'm sure it was for her, we had good support from both grandparents. I spent a lot of time with them and I don't think that she missed out hugely on a "fun" lifestyle because of me.
I don't think I could do it, but somehow she managed it well.

Oh completely. I don't think anyone goes into a serious relationship and has children with the attitude that it'll fail. I do completely understand how Legs could only have children with her current partner- for me it would be the same situation. If I don't meet the right guy, there'll be no kids, end of.

Addle

There's a massive difference between a single parent and a lone parent.

beks101

Something just occurred to me the other day in relation to this topic. It's this cliched notion of "giving the parents a few grandkids"

It sounds mad, but I've certainly considered my own parents in my future with or without kids over the years. They've never for a second exuded any pressure or even uttered the words "children" or "family", but I know it's something they'd love and having a new baby / child in their life is something that would bring an unparalleled joy.

I guess my personal situation is relevant - I'm the middle of three girls, the eldest of whom is severely mentally ill and dependant on my parents/the state in pretty much every way a human being can be. So by default, all these "firsts" that many parents experience - sending your kid to college, watching them grow into successful adults, forming a special adult relationship with them, marriage, babies, yada yada...fall on me. I have a wonderful relationship with them and know they'd die if they ever knew I felt any kind of pressure, but having had such a wonderful childhood and life myself, having been nurtured into this adult that my parents put every fibre of their being into....despite my innate feminist instinct, I do feel a bit indebted and a bit worried that it's not something I'll be able to provide for them.

I'm aware of the ridiculousness and needlessness for that sentiment, but it exists regardless.

I'm not sure where I stand or how I feel otherwise. I'm not maternal in any sense but know I would have the capacity to be under different circumstances. I didn't have a lot of exposure to babies or young children as a child and aside from the routine coo-ing and aw-ing at the sight of someone's new bundle of joy, I can kind of take or leave kids. One of my best friends has a gorgeous little girl and another cousin has two very sweet little lads, but to be honest, if I never saw them again it wouldn't massively affect me. As harsh as that feels to say.

As I get older there's often this feeling that I'm waiting for the penny to drop - it's like as a woman you feel it's your function to get awash with broodiness and desire to reproduce, but the only desire that increases in me is one to see more of the world and to further my own personal development. To move forward in my career, to develop my relationship and my friendships, to expand on my social life, to run a few more marathons.

I see how having kids changed my mother's life, and although she loves the three of us more than life itself and can't get through the day without trying to better all of our lives in some way...I'm not sure it changed her own life for the better. She wrangled parenthood with a full-time, high-powered career - she was the woman that "did it all" growing up, but I feel parenthood presented her with some life challenges that she so wholly didn't deserve and that I'm not sure I'd ever choose to run the risk of myself.

She stopped playing tennis when she had her third because the time simply was not there. Her social life suffered big time. Her life consisted of up at ridiculous AM, office office office - collect the kids, make the dinner, drop off and collect and rinse and repeat, help with homework, make the lunches, deal with the whole host of unforeseen daily challenges that kids present and then of course the unbearable agony that my sister's illness provoked from a relatively young age. I see her selflessness and how her own life and needs are always the last thing on her mind, indefinitely, excruciatingly, and I'm not sure if I could ever get on board with the same thing.

That's the example of parenthood that was set for me and I wouldn't want to be any other kind of parent. But until I feel like I'm ready and willing to make those sacrifices for the rest of my life, it's not something I can consider.

ivytwine

Addle wrote: »

There's a massive difference between a single parent and a lone parent.

I'm not sure I understand?

ash23

ivytwine wrote: »

I'm not sure I understand?

Being a parent who has a co-parent is very different to being a parent who parents alone. I think that's what the poster means.

I parent alone and my boyfriend co-parents with his ex. Both sides have their advantages and disadvantages really - he has a lot of crap to put up with regarding his ex and his time with his child is more limited. But I have more financial pressure and less support.

Swings and roundabouts really.

NZ_2014

A fascinating read as a member of the male community.

Its refreshing to see that not all women are baby mad.

ShadowHuntress

Don't want children. Largely because I babysat as income throughout my schooling and I've seen enough of a variety of children to know that while I'm alright with taking care of them for a short while... It's not in my being to be happy with them 24/7. I like kids, but I like my own privacy as well and call me selfish but it's too much of a sacrifice for me. I'd rather enjoy what I can w/my friend's kids or clients when an extra hand is needed and not have to worry about constantly being a mother. This way I get the best of both worlds.

Rips

Another who is childfree by choice. I have never wanted children. Can't think of one good reason to have children.

I am the oldest of 4, two significantly younger siblings. Had enough exposure to all the daily mind-numbing child raising duties.

I often wonder how my friends who are parents don't lose their sanity, and that is just from the hours spent with them in the company of their children.

I don't like children under the age of about 10. The younger they are, the worse. Babies are vile as far as I'm concerned.

I hate the mess, the noise, the smell (the smell of those indoor kids playground places makes me want to vomit) I also think 'school children' smell. In the way I guess some people don't like the way dogs smell. I hate the extra time it takes to do everything.

Apart from that though, the loss of your own independence and freedom.
I love myself, my life, and I think that everything I want is attainable in the one life that I've got (health being the only limiting factor, but that's not a choice)
Life is short, and far too short for raising children.

Then there is the whole 'you can't choose your family' cliché.

You can't, and that's unfortunate, I am grateful that I love my siblings, and feel an enormous amount of empathy for anyone who has to deal with immediate relatives who are psychotic.

I really value my partner, our relationship, our independence, I don't get why you would want to sacrifice that to children.

I've often felt of the couple I knew who were childfree by choice, that it was a great pity, as they would have made the better parents, far too many people have children who shouldn't.

Its hard to articulate, but I guess I am anti-family, one person sacrifices their independence, or both do, either way they inevitably sacrifice their life as they knew it, for years or forever.

Its not a factor in my choice, but there is the overpopulation aspect as well, the world could do with being a lot less child-centric, as a responsible choice, both for the benefit of the environment and the product of that choice.

People often seem to think childfree people are selfish, I think there are a whole lot of parents out there who are far more selfish, simply because they are parents.

There is no right to reproduce, the natalist stance of most public policy will have to be examined in generations to come as much as economic and energy policies. What was once an incentive is now a crutch and the population complain when their tax incentives are cut as they cannot afford their own children. To me, its bizarre. When you have a economic system where cuts to child benefit mean an infringement on child welfare. Its wrong.

Rips

Rips wrote: »

Its hard to articulate, but I guess I am anti-family, one person sacrifices their independence, or both do, either way they inevitably sacrifice their life as they knew it, for years or forever.

Just for the sake of clarity - I 'get' that some people want/need children to feel complete, so its not a sacrifice. That is their enjoyment, purpose or goal. Its just not mine!

meeeeh

Maybe not yet in Ireland but most of continental europe is trying to increase birth rates to fund future ageing population. The whole welfare state is built on constant and increasing working population. A war or at least thinning out the number of older people makes way more sense than decrease of birth rates.

ivytwine

meeeeh wrote: »

Maybe not yet in Ireland but most of continental europe is trying to increase birth rates to fund future ageing population. The whole welfare state is built on constant and increasing working population. A war or at least thinning out the number of older people makes way more sense than decrease of birth rates.

Or we could do the logical thing and allow more immigration :P

Rips

meeeeh wrote: »

Maybe not yet in Ireland but most of continental europe is trying to increase birth rates to fund future ageing population.

And who will fund that aging generation?

Some Chinese Needle Snake policy going on there.

meeeeh

ivytwine wrote: »

Or we could do the logical thing and allow more immigration :P

Pc answer is yes but cynic in me is well aware why we are letting drown hundreds, even thousands of people off the coast of Africa. They have the wrong cultural, social and educational background. Children can be moulded, adults not so much.

Considering population is actually falling in certain European countries limiting birth rates would be insane. It might be different for the rest of the world or at least Asia.

I never had the big maternal pull, when I was young I didn't really think about it, o presumed, like most, that I'd find a man have babies etc....
But it was never something I felt strongly about.

Now, I'm nearing 40, single at the moment, and more than happy with my life.
As the decades go on, life gets better.
Most of my friends have kids, they range from 19 down to 3, I'm a godmother, the favourite 'aunt' and i love spending time with them.

But having my own?? No way!!
I love my life, I love that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.
A person I know once told me that was selfish!! I told her it was more selfish to have them for some idea that in the future, they might look after me.

OldNotWIse

Manically broody at the moment - I think a guy would only have to look sideways at me on day 14 now for me to get pregnant. Not a conscious decision so I can only assume its the old biological clock.

Panicked a little at 30 but at 31 have agreed to have a child with my lifelong friend as we both want to be parents, so feeling a little calmer now.

Babies in hats? Gone...every time. What is it?

lennyloulou

OH 33 and I am 34. Together 5 years. Have very little interest in having kids. I see the drain they are on money, time and basically your life centres around them. I do not find babies and small children appealing. All my friends have kids and are wrecked in every way imaginable. I guess it is for them but def not for us. As we can enjoy our life, holidays and pay our mortgage we do not fancy having to shell out money to childcare etc. If you asked me would I prefer a baby or a holiday to China.... China wins without a doubt!

CathyMoran

Mrs Garth Brooks wrote: »

And what happens if I end up exactly like my mother, resenting, hating and dragging the girls down. And passing that onto my kids.

Sorry that I ony saw this now but I did not have a good reationship with my late mother and I was worried that history would repeat itself when I had my two (I have a 4 year old son and a 3 year old daughter). You have the benefit of knowing how it felt not to be close and you can change things. I have a wonderful relationship with my two and my husband is a great father. They are both equally spoilt but they are happy and encouraged to learn about the things that they want to know about and are allowed to say what they want to wear, how they like their hair etc. I love being a parent

UpCork

I'm not vehemently against having children, but I don't as yet have a burning desire to have them. If they are in my future great, if not, then I won't feel like I didn't have a fulfilling life or that I have failed in my duty as a woman.

I have been blessed with an outstanding Mother - she is honestly and truly one of the most selfless people I know. She has given up so many things she wanted to do so that I could have opportunities etc. She'd literally give you her last cent. She has shown me that to be a parent you need to be selfless, you need to give up going somewhere you really wanted to go to because your child was ill and not resent it - just a basic example. Looking at myself, I a not selfless enough to be a Mother. I am very set in my ways. I like doing things the way I like to do them. Do what I want to do and at the moment I don't want to change that, so to have a child in a situation like that would be unfair.

Jack B. Badd

Very happily childfree & while I could give a plethora of (very logical) reasons why I don't want children, in the end it comes down to "I simply don't want them, never have & I'm certain I never will".
For a lot of people, I don't think it's necessarily a conscious choice, it's more of an orientation. Same (I guess) as people who always knew they wanted kids.

Sweet Rose

I had an unexpected pregnancy at 26. I was very lucky that I had a permanent job at the time and I was in some way financially secure. I'm 28 now and I'm so glad I have my daughter. She means the world to me. I couldn't imagine my life without her now, even though I've had to make so many sacrifices in my life and there have been a lot of tough moments, I just wouldn't change it. I feel like I don't have to face this world on my own and she's my little buddy on our big adventure together. I'm looking forward to having lots and lots more fun times with her

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

OldNotWIse

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

This. I worry incessantly about something happening to my dog. I practically have the house childproofed when we go out and will lock every door and window, unplug everything (only short of turning it off at the mains), remove all possible choking hazards and put the toilet seat down lest she decide to fall in head first and drown...


Imagine what I'd be like with a kid? 18+ years of worry that starts with checking on them every ten minutes for the first year of their life to make sure they are still breathing to lying in bed at night waiting to hear their key in the door.

LegacyUser

I am single, childless and in my early 40's.
I believe that children deserve to have a mother and father that want them and are in a position to care for them. I admire anyone who is a single parent as it is hard to bring up a child with 2 parents.
I watched friends/family members having children. Within a few years I saw the time, effort and money needed to bring up a child or children.

At this stage of my life I only have to worry about myself. I can take holidays outside of school time. I enjoy meeting friends and family children and I talk to them about there hobbies, toys and I even play computer games with them.
I have friends with children and childless friends so I have the best of both worlds.

At this stage of my life even if I met someone I would not be keen to have a child. Due to my age I would be worried about having a child with special needs.

JanaMay

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

Very happily childfree & while I could give a plethora of (very logical) reasons why I don't want children, in the end it comes down to "I simply don't want them, never have & I'm certain I never will".
For a lot of people, I don't think it's necessarily a conscious choice, it's more of an orientation. Same (I guess) as people who always knew they wanted kids.

I agree with this. I have children, words can't say how much I love them. I was never 'baby mad' but definitely have always known that I wanted children.

Yes, it's a 'sacrifice': I have less money to spend on what I want, less free time for just me, more worry, less time dedicated to career and partner etc. But they give me more than I can ever give them.

You're right, it's not always a conscious choice. It's often something you feel inside, maybe like having a faith, or as you say an orientation. I certainly didn't feel incomplete without them, and would never consider a childfree person as incomplete, but for me they are the most important part of my life. (Not the only part that's important though.)

DazMarz

I'm a guy, and it's amazing how ridiculously broody I can get. I'm single too; haven't had a long-term relationship in years. Partly down to the unsocial hours I used to work, partly down to my being in a nice, comfy place being single and not wanting to get out of it and partly to just not having met someone I wanted to share my life with...yet.

But I see my cousins (I'm an only child, so no nieces and nephews for me) getting married and having kids and stuff, and it's great. Plus, I had a ball with young relations from America who were over last summer.

I love kids and I'm very good with them and I think kids are the coolest. I generally think I'd love to have kids someday.

I get all these really idealised and sappy daydreams from time to time: taking them to their first football match, watching them in their first school play, their first day at school... just basically having a mini version of me to hang out with, be the cool dad and all that. This is, of course, ignoring the absence of sleep, the shítty nappies, the lack of money, the lack of "me" time ever again (for at least 20-odd years anyway), etc.

But I think the pro's definitely outweigh the con's for me.

And I'm going to get crucified for this one: I think if I had to choose, I'd prefer a son over a daughter... Don't get me wrong, I'd love any kid I'd have absolutely and unconditionally. But I think the idealised future I have (football matches, etc.) are all geared towards a son... but if football matches had to be replaced with ballet recitals and stuff, so be it! And hey, who knows? Maybe I'll have a daughter who loves football!

But basically, yeah... I want kids. At some point in the future. I want a little wuzzums to never let me have a lie-in on Sundays again, to be someone I can love unconditionally and someone who I will do my best to raise to be a great person and someone who will be all they can be!

Esterhase

OldNotWIse wrote: »

This. I worry incessantly about something happening to my dog. I practically have the house childproofed when we go out and will lock every door and window, unplug everything (only short of turning it off at the mains), remove all possible choking hazards and put the toilet seat down lest she decide to fall in head first and drown...


Imagine what I'd be like with a kid? 18+ years of worry that starts with checking on them every ten minutes for the first year of their life to make sure they are still breathing to lying in bed at night waiting to hear their key in the door.

I'm almost the same with my own dog. Every now and then she might make a weird retching noise, or look like she's limping for a moment, or I might drop a bit of chocolate within her reach and I instantly fill up with dread every time. Even though I know right well she's just burping with her mouth wide open, stepping over weeds, and won't go near food if I tell her not to.

I can't imagine living with that level of constant worry for a child, or multiple children, for years on end. My own mammy still likes me to text her when she know's I've been driving home by myself late at night - a full 26 years after the 'OMG TINY DEFENCELESS BABY' stage of motherhood. She knows it's silly but can't help it. Of course there is much joy to be had to make up for the stress, but I'm not at all interested in that right now. That's just not the kind of life I want for myself.

OldNotWIse

Esterhase wrote: »

I'm almost the same with my own dog. Every now and then she might make a weird retching noise, or look like she's limping for a moment, or I might drop a bit of chocolate within her reach and I instantly fill up with dread every time. Even though I know right well she's just burping with her mouth wide open, stepping over weeds, and won't go near food if I tell her not to.

I can't imagine living with that level of constant worry for a child, or multiple children, for years on end. My own mammy still likes me to text her when she know's I've been driving home by myself late at night - a full 26 years after the 'OMG TINY DEFENCELESS BABY' stage of motherhood. She knows it's silly but can't help it. Of course there is much joy to be had to make up for the stress, but I'm not at all interested in that right now. That's just not the kind of life I want for myself.

I thought that was just my mother! I remember the first time I moved out they were giving me odds and ends for the kitchen and she was going through the knives trying to find the bluntest one until my dad suggested she be done with it and just give me a spoon. It was a basement flat and she was really worried about someone breaking in and running away with me*, until she saw the bars on the windows and breathed a sigh of relief...which was quickly displaced by the worry of how I would escape if there was a fire... :rolleyes:

* and it's not as if I had a sharp knife to protect myself with

The bluntest knife! That's hilarious. And then you break out the knife sharpener and freak her out

Gatica

ha ha ha... I must be one of the few that didn't have a worrying parent. I'd worry about them more if they were out late.
Mum also let my brother use a knife when he was 5, which I found very irresponsible as I kept worrying he'd cut off his finger or worse, fall off the chair with it.

kylith

Gatica wrote: »

ha ha ha... I must be one of the few that didn't have a worrying parent. I'd worry about them more if they were out late.

Do you come from a big family like I do? By the time my parents got to me they'd used up all their worry on the older kids. Basically as long as I wasn't bleeding or on fire they figured I was grand.

Gatica

nope, small family all around. She was just never the worrying type. I got locked out from the house when I didn't come home by 11 one time, as she assumed I'd stayed at a friend's house and just locked up and went to bed! I was under 18 anyway...

Lucyfur

kylith wrote: »

Basically as long as I wasn't bleeding or on fire they figured I was grand.

Ha!! This is my approach to parenting

Esterhase

That's brilliant OldNotWise! Looks like I got off relatively lightly!
When I first moved out I was given tea towels and told to be super careful on the balcony of my apartment - cause ya know I might have been swinging off the railings otherwise. :pac:

The reminders to feed myself (and not just noodles because that's not a proper dinner, I have some leftover mince here if you want to collect that, your sister won't eat it because you know how she is and there are some spuds in the fridge as well......) have stopped now that I've managed a few years away from home without starving to death, so that's a nice load off her mind.

I love her to bits

Sunny Dayz

My hubby's parents live about a 4 hour drive away. When we get there I have to text my mum to let her know we are there safe. When we get back to our home place after spending a few days with his parents, we both have to text our Mums to let them know we got back to our own house ok. We have been together for nearly 10 years!


When I go over to my mum's, she does be trying to give me left overs as well! Guilt tripped into it: "Take that with you, sure I'll only be throwing it out otherwise!"

eviltwin

I have to be honest I don't worry about my kids all that much maybe that makes me a bad mammy but I think worry is such a waste of time, all you can do is put in place as much safety and security as possible and hope for the best. My eldest is going on her first ever overseas school trip this weekend and her dad is having kittens thinking all sorts of terrible things will happen but I just find it really exciting for her. The things I do worry about though are things I can't control, will they be happy, will they find work, will they get mixed up in drugs etc.

meeeeh

+1 to that.

Also if I would worry about my dog eating chocolate, I'd have hart attack by now. One night he stole a whole packet of airport size toblerone and all that was left was some wrapping on he floor (luckily it was the white one) and last Easter our eldest fed him half of the Easter eggs he didn't like before we spotted it. The dog is fat but still alive. He is a big dog and without any special fuss he survived 8 years, so I guess he is ok.

Neyite

DazMarz wrote: »

And I'm going to get crucified for this one: I think if I had to choose, I'd prefer a son over a daughter... Don't get me wrong, I'd love any kid I'd have absolutely and unconditionally. But I think the idealised future I have (football matches, etc.) are all geared towards a son... but if football matches had to be replaced with ballet recitals and stuff, so be it! And hey, who knows? Maybe I'll have a daughter who loves football!

Gender disappointment is quite common on parenting forums, and can be quite traumatic for some people. Personally, I've seen enough niblings to see the tomboyish girl who loves sports to the boy being dragged to rugby but he prefers ballet and dolls. I cant say I had a preference, but it would be nice to have one of each gender.

Scarinae

Neyite wrote: »

Personally, I've seen enough niblings to see the tomboyish girl who loves sports to the boy being dragged to rugby but he prefers ballet and dolls.

My aunt was the only daughter in a five-child family, and my Granny was delighted to have a girl, but my aunt wasn't a girly girl at all and hated being made to wear dresses when all she wanted to do was go climbing trees with her brothers. She was given a doll once and she hated it so much that she pulled off its head and buried it in the garden - my grandparents thought that one of the boys had done it and that she would be devastated so they sent it to the Dolls' Hospital to be repaired She was actually very upset to get it back!

On topic though, I'm on the fence about having children. I'd be worried about screwing the child up, and I don't know how I could ever afford it anyway. Childbirth terrifies me. Also, I enjoy sleeping.

loubian

I'm the oldest grandchild on both sides so I've been around babies my whole life. I'm looking into a career in childhood education and I have a one year old daughter. I am just naturally maternal and love kids. Everyone says how natural I am with kids and how great a teacher id make. It never occurred to me to not have children but I thought it would occur the Disney way - falling in love, marriage, kids, happily ever after. But I'm a single mother with a harassing ex and it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. But I do still want more. Yes I'm afraid I'll screw them up, be a bad parent, ruin my body, get no more sleep, but it's just who I am and what I want. My baby is snoring on my chest now and I don't want to move ever.