Weeding Gift Amount

murphyebass

wuffly wrote: »

Sorry but who are these people that expect everyone else to pay for their weddings? Apparently we all know someone, but no one so far has said they themselves actually expect 100e per head etc...? I've been to upwards of 20 Irish weddings and never come across a couple doing this 'numbers' game. I've been to weddings with receptions in community centers up to 5 star hotels and never felt like i was invited to cover a cost or that i had to pay anything. I've always known what to give be it a personal gift and some cash or just cash. We kept a record of everything we got for our wedding, but purely so we could thank everyone properly not with generic thank you cards. I'm sure some people didn't give gifts/cash and I genuinely don't remember who nor do I care, they were invited because we wanted them there.

Who the hell is going to come out and tell you they're playing a numbers game?! Doesnt mean its not happening though.

wuffly

murphyebass wrote: »

Who the hell is going to come out and tell you they're playing a numbers game?! Doesnt mean its not happening though.

Also doesn't mean that it is. If anything I've come across the opposite, people cutting numbers as they cant afford a sit down meal for everyone. Having small receptions and big afters.

A_Sober_Paddy

Wow this has certainly escalated.

All I wanted to know what kinda range was the norm, now that I think of it one of my siblings won't be able to give my brother anything for his wedding, his out of work and terrible with money

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

Who the hell is going to come out and tell you they're playing a numbers game?! Doesnt mean its not happening though.

You claim to have heard such things.

murphyebass wrote: »

Personally I did save and had my wedding pretty much paid for prior to getting gifts so for us it was all gravy essentially but I hasten to reiterate that I know talking to lots of couples that gifts are very much integral to how they pay off the wedding bills.

robinph

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Wow this has certainly escalated.

All I wanted to know what kinda range was the norm, now that I think of it one of my siblings won't be able to give my brother anything for his wedding, his out of work and terrible with money

Give what you can afford. If it's some material gift that the other brother can be involved in the sourcing of, or creating, or thinking of, or being involved in then that would probably be a great way of doing things from the pair of you as well.

Just don't talk about money or make them feel as if they have to give anything they can't afford.

murphyebass

robinph wrote: »

Have no problem at all with people giving a gift of whatever cash or material gift they want.

I do have a problem with statements along the lines of at least X or don't bother turning up being given as an answer to someone who is not sure about what to give. It's not helpful and is more likely to be adding to the pressure that the person asking the question is already feeling about if they are giving something appropriate. Telling someone they are not going to be welcome unless they give X cash is wrong.

If they subsequently decide to give X + Y as the gift that is fine, but for society to be telling them that they have to is not fine.



A factual response to the OP would be:
"I gave X to my brother" or "the average amount that I received from guests was Y".

It is not a factually correct response to say "you must give Z or you will become a social outcast".

I think youre clutching at straws here to be honest.

Nobody has said you "have to".

And to be perfectly honest I find it hard to believe that our little conversation on boards will have any impact on the wider communities view on whether we/they should stop gifting €200 per wedding.

As already stated this is about what is the done thing, what is expected and the norm.

Like our drink culture it is what it is whether we like it or not. Neither are gonna change any time soon.

murphyebass

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Wow this has certainly escalated.

All I wanted to know what kinda range was the norm, now that I think of it one of my siblings won't be able to give my brother anything for his wedding, his out of work and terrible with money

We're going over the same points again and again though.

Politically correct lefty type answer versus the reality of the world we live in.

.....and for that reason I'm out.

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

Nobody has said you "have to".

Erm, yes you did. Your opening post is just chock full of "have to" statements.

beertons

Just don't put up what you're giving, or the thread will go bananas!

murphyebass

robinph wrote: »

Erm, yes you did. Your opening post is just chock full of "have to" statements.

Give me a quote where I said "have to".

You cant because I didnt. I gave my feelings on what the norm and expected amounts are plain and simple.

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

Give me a quote where I said "have to".

You cant because I didnt. I gave my feelings on what the norm and expected amounts are plain and simple.

How is this saying anything other than "have to"?

murphyebass wrote: »

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

murphyebass

So yeah I didnt say "have to".

Youre just incorrectly quoting me.

I stand over the comments I made.

People like yourself may not like the norm or the expectations that we have in this country but that does not make them any less real.

Its not going to change any time soon so lets just move the hell on.

Gift the money and move on.

Or dont gift and hope they think they lost the money out of your card.

Personally I'll continue down the socially acceptable and practiced route.

BizzyC

murphyebass wrote: »

Personally I'll continue down the socially acceptable and practiced route.

I don't get where you think you're speaking on behalf of society here...

You're opinion is not one I've ever come across, you don't represent the majority here.
The fact that you have more people in disagreement with you here than in agreement is evidence of that.

Ann Landers

murphyebass wrote: »

My opinion and I know I'm not the only one with this opinion (whether others will say it or not) is that €200+ is the norm.

E200+ isn't the norm though. I hate the idea of a norm, but if I had to put a figure on it, for general wedding, E150 per couple seems to be it. My BF and I are broke at the moment and give E100 as a couple. I can't divine money, so I give what I have. Anyone who would scrutinise my gift is someone I don't want to know.

As for saving up for people's weddings. I might do something like that but if some unforeseen cost comes up in the interim, Mr. Wedding Fund is going to be the first thing to get plundered. Saving for other people's weddings - not massively high on my list of priorities, I have to say.

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

So yeah I didnt say "have to".

Youre just incorrectly quoting me.

I stand over the comments I made.

I'm not incorrectly quoting you, it is exactly as you posted. What did you mean when saying "At least €200"? It seems pretty clear what you were intending to say in that post and the post is all about what someone has to do in order to be allowed to turn up to a wedding they have been invited to.

murphyebass wrote: »

People like yourself may not like the norm or the expectations that we have in this country but that does not make them any less real.

I don't have a problem with people giving gifts. I do have a problem with people expecting X value of cash per person, as that is then no longer a gift.

murphyebass

murphyebass wrote: »

Look if someone is genuinely broke and can't afford to save a fiver a week for the months in the run up the wedding

Most of us have better things to be doing and other bills to pay for than someone's flipping party
Do you even hear yourself, expecting people to start setting up savings for your party! I don't think so!

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

The amount I was told by a colleague was much higher...

Like i've planned on getting him a nice bottle of whiskey and cigars for the stag...to the tune of 150...

For the stag?? Is that a thing??
I would have said that whiskey and cigars and maybe a small voucher for somewhere would be perfect for the wedding present. If the bride likes whiskey anyway
Stag present... jaysus

robinph

bluewolf wrote: »

Stag present... jaysus

A pint or two and jagerbomb chaser will suffice perfectly for the stag.

wuffly

murphyebass wrote: »

I stand over the comments I made.

Standing over which comments? the one where you know from talking couples that this money integral to how they plan their weddings or the one where no one talks about it?

Personally i think half if not more of these 'expectations' comes from scare-mongering (for want to of a better term) like this. Anyone that thinks less of you for a small gift or little cash is a pretty low form of person in my book. People give these amounts because they 'think' its expected.

Electric Sheep

murphyebass wrote: »

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

I hope you put that on your wedding invitations so people know what sort of person you are.

Electric Sheep

murphyebass wrote: »

I agree its not a requirement but it is an expectation. If it wasn't an expectation we wouldn't be having this conversation.

No. There is an expectation that the guest will give the couple a gift. There is no expectation or obligation for that gift to be a wad of cash of a certain amount.

Electric Sheep

BizzyC wrote: »

I'd prefer to have my guests enjoy themselves at my wedding rather than push themselves to give me a gift....

Again, you're inviting the people to take part in the day, not a wad of cash...

YOU are inviting people to take part in the day, Murphyebass obviously was not.;)

Electric Sheep

murphyebass wrote: »

@Robinph.. You're saying what everyone wants to hear. Its the politically correct thing to say and thats fine. Enjoy your special day, blah, blah, blah... of course thats correct. Its stating the obvious.

The issue is people seem to have a problem with paying/gifting €200+ for a wedding.

My opinion and I know I'm not the only one with this opinion (whether others will say it or not) is that €200+ is the norm. Whether you like that or not is neither here nor there. People arent encouraged to do it but do it because its the norm. Its the expectation, its the done thing and again like it or not if you dont do it you are looked down upon.

Now as I've already stated if you cannot afford this as you are in financial difficulty yourself then dont pay it. Part of me wonders though if you are in financial difficulty should you be going to a wedding at all as there will inevitably be other costs like travel, accomodation, clothing, etc..

I'm not flush by any stretch of the imagination and with a wedding for a wifes friend coming up I'm not exactly happy about handing €200 out of my wages to them but I'm not about to be labelled the one who didnt do it and I take the hit as its the thing to do, its the norm, its the expecation.

So what did you do about guests at your wedding who did not stump up the required amount? Send them a bill?

kkcatlou

Electric Sheep wrote: »

So what did you do about guests at your wedding who did not stump up the required amount? Send them a bill?

I'm not trying to get into a war here, but I don't think he said anywhere that he personally expected people to stump up for his wedding or that getting guests to pay for your wedding was the right thing to do.

Just that the socially accepted/ normal/ regular/ thing to do in Ireland is to give a "generous" gift (often cash) to a couple when they get married (if you can afford it). It doesn't mean it's what you have to!

Personally I wouldn't expect a gift off anyone or expect them to pay anything towards our wedding, or think less of them if they didn't give a gift, but I would be mortified to go to a wedding myself empty handed. That's saying a completely different thing. Besides not wishing to break with social convention, I actually enjoy wishing a couple well in married life with a gift - be that cash or otherwise - shock-horror!! :eek:

baby and crumble

kkcatlou wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't expect a gift off anyone or expect them to pay anything towards our wedding, or think less of them if they didn't give a gift, but I would be mortified to go to a wedding myself empty handed. That's saying a completely different thing. Besides not wishing to break with social convention, I actually enjoy wishing a couple well in married life with a gift - be that cash or otherwise - shock-horror!! :eek:

I agree with you, Id hate to turn up empty handed, which is why I will always try and have SOMETHING. I'm not one of those folks who go to a million weddings a year- I'm actually 32 this year and have been to 4 weddings as an adult. But I have never given money as a gift, because I think it's... tacky. I'd much rather wish someone well in their married life by giving them something FOR their married life, whether that's the art I gave my friend, the hoover we bought for another friend (who asked for a particularly expensive one so a load of us went in together!) or promising to buy the trees for my eldest brothers orchard when he finally gets around to sorting it out!

It's this notion of being expected to pay to be an invited guest to something that seems deeply rude to me. I am there to celebrate with them, not to pay for myself. I don't expect anyone to pay for themselves at whatever party I choose to host be it a lunch in my house, a birthday party or a wedding. I'm not going to refuse a gift of any sort if it were to happen, but I already feel bad enough when my parents give me money for Christmas, nevermind load of people giving me cheques for a party! In my mind, that money should go towards the marriage, not just the wedding.

Ann Landers

kkcatlou wrote: »

I'm not trying to get into a war here, but I don't think he said anywhere that he personally expected people to stump up for his wedding or that getting guests to pay for your wedding was the right thing to do.

He said you probably shouldn't go if you can't stump the amount he mentioned. Awful, horrible attitude.

Toots

I feckin hate these threads because they always, ALWAYS descend into arguments. Let's all just take a few deep breaths here.

Money is a contentious issue, particularly given that people are often being told the "norm" is an extortionate amount and that it's being implied that if they don't give this then they're being scabby. Everyone has differing opinions and that's great, however unless cash gift amounts were included in the last census data, I don't think anyone here is in the position to concretely define what the "norm" is.

Can posters PLEASE take this into consideration when replying to the thread, and make sure your replies are not dogmatic and confrontational.

Thanks folks!

Gatica

murphyebass, from your many posts on this thread it does sound like you were reasonably and perfectly ok with people going to your wedding and not giving you a huge monetary gift because they might be skint.
Unfortunately your first post really set a mercenary and negative tone. Whether you meant it to sound like that or not, it sounded like you were telling anyone who cannot afford 200+ for a gift to stay at home.

murphyebass wrote: »

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be
more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

I don't think any good friend or close family would consider it ok or appropriate for someone to miss their wedding because they couldn't afford some minimal amount. In fact, I'm sure most couples would be shocked to even think they'd consider that as an option.

Norm may be different in different circles. Certainly on boards you hear a whole host of opinions.
We're in Galway and we and our middle class friends for the most part give 150-200 per couple, not per person, and over 200 would be very extremely generous. For us that's the "norm". In other parts of the country it may be different, but I would certainly not consider over 200 to be a norm. That's the amounts we got in gifts ourselves, and what we've been giving the last few years ourselves, before and after our wedding. That's what I'm basing my opinion on.
We had some friends that came to our wedding and mentioned they forgot to give a gift, they mentioned it a couple of times after saying they must remember to give us a card. Some gave a card after with some money, some have entirely forgotten. I honestly don't care. I think it was nice of some of them to remember even though we ourselves had forgotten at that stage (because they'd mentioned it, not because we'd made a little black book of non-gifters!). I think the ones that forgot, are just forgetful and it matters not as they made the wedding and contributed to the overall craic. I would be mortified if they thought to themselves at any stage that we thought any less of them because of that.

Yes, it is the norm to give gifts and these days the norm is becoming more commonly money. We'd never go empty handed to a wedding. If we were in dire straights and couldn't afford expensive gift/money, we'd probably get a sale/bargain present. I'm sure our friends would be ok with that.

murphyebass

Gatica wrote: »

murphyebass, from your many posts on this thread it does sound like you were reasonably and perfectly ok with people going to your wedding and not giving you a huge monetary gift because they might be skint.
Unfortunately your first post really set a mercenary and negative tone. Whether you meant it to sound like that or not, it sounded like you were telling anyone who cannot afford 200+ for a gift to stay at home.



I don't think any good friend or close family would consider it ok or appropriate for someone to miss their wedding because they couldn't afford some minimal amount. In fact, I'm sure most couples would be shocked to even think they'd consider that as an option.

Norm may be different in different circles. Certainly on boards you hear a whole host of opinions.
We're in Galway and we and our middle class friends for the most part give 150-200 per couple, not per person, and over 200 would be very extremely generous. For us that's the "norm". In other parts of the country it may be different, but I would certainly not consider over 200 to be a norm. That's the amounts we got in gifts ourselves, and what we've been giving the last few years ourselves, before and after our wedding. That's what I'm basing my opinion on.
We had some friends that came to our wedding and mentioned they forgot to give a gift, they mentioned it a couple of times after saying they must remember to give us a card. Some gave a card after with some money, some have entirely forgotten. I honestly don't care. I think it was nice of some of them to remember even though we ourselves had forgotten at that stage (because they'd mentioned it, not because we'd made a little black book of non-gifters!). I think the ones that forgot, are just forgetful and it matters not as they made the wedding and contributed to the overall craic. I would be mortified if they thought to themselves at any stage that we thought any less of them because of that.

Yes, it is the norm to give gifts and these days the norm is becoming more commonly money. We'd never go empty handed to a wedding. If we were in dire straights and couldn't afford expensive gift/money, we'd probably get a sale/bargain present. I'm sure our friends would be ok with that.

I never intended on sound negative in tone. If I did my apologies. The mentioning of the person staying at home is more so from their own point of view. If someone hasnt the money for a gift maybe putting themselves in more financial difficulty by going to the wedding, maybe drinking, maybe buying a new dress, maybe staying in the hotel isnt the best thing to be doing. Maybe they should just make their excuses. They shouldnt feel forced to go to a wedding in the first place never mind give money, etc..

Anyway my intention was to give the other side of the story which I feel rarely if ever gets said. The politically correct answers are all to often put across as they are the easy answers. "Give what you can", "Enjoy the day", etc... In my opinion its not the reality of the situation. Imo the reality is most couples out there whether they say it or not will expect some form of a monetary gift in the card you give them and more over will know who did and did not give x amount.

The normal amount I have come by in the past couple of years as I mentioned is €200+

Maybe as someone said in the country its different. I'm living in Dublin, would classify myself as your jo average middle class person and from the various weddings I've attended in the past few years it has gone to that price range.

€150 was mentioned. Again look maybe different places its slightly different. I know that amount was norm for weddings I attended 5+ years ago. I wish it was still the case!

I particularly disagree with gifting items rather than money as I think its a very personal thing. Why should someone take something of your personal taste. Maybe their taste in art or plates or whatever the hell it is is different to yours. In particular on the higher end of the spectrum ie if someone buys a gift for €100+ imo they should have just given the money instead of someone having to sell the item or give it away or tell you "yeah thanks its lovely" when all they can think of is why the hell did they not just put the money in the envelope. I know I got a couple of these items. Pointless!

I liken the gifting of your personal taste to that of someone trying to clear the rubbish from their house and off load it on you instead saying "ah you might like this". Just dump it and stop cluttering up my house! If I wanted it I'd buy it or ask you for it :rolleyes:

Somoeone said it was tacky to give money. That made me laugh to be honest. I would have said the exact same thing about gifting a physical gift. A cheap and tacky way of getting out of gifting money. As I say if its all you can afford so be it but dont think youre doing someone a favour by doing so. Again imo (and maybe I should stress imo as I understand we all have different views on this ) giving a set of plates or a piece of art or whatever other type of subjective taste as being selfish and unnecessary when you could allow the person to make that decision themselves. Yes its a gift but dont force your personal taste on someone. Not for my wedding but Ive been given art before that I wouldnt put anywhere near a wall just for example.

Anyway nothing posted here is going to change the general consensus thats out there. Some will continue to gift physical items. Some will gift money. Some will gift nothing.
However like our drink culture it aint gonna change overnight but hopefully it'll all change in time but for now imo it is what it is.

Ann Landers

murphyebass wrote: »

I never intended on sound negative in tone. If I did my apologies. The mentioning of the person staying at home is more so from their own point of view. If someone hasnt the money for a gift maybe putting themselves in more financial difficulty by going to the wedding, maybe drinking, maybe buying a new dress, maybe staying in the hotel isnt the best thing to be doing. Maybe they should just make their excuses. They shouldnt feel forced to go to a wedding in the first place never mind give money, etc..

Anyway my intention was to give the other side of the story which I feel rarely if ever gets said. The politically correct answers are all to often put across as they are the easy answers. "Give what you can", "Enjoy the day", etc... In my opinion its not the reality of the situation. Imo the reality is most couples out there whether they say it or not will expect some form of a monetary gift in the card you give them and more over will know who did and did not give x amount.

The normal amount I have come by in the past couple of years as I mentioned is €200+

Maybe as someone said in the country its different. I'm living in Dublin, would classify myself as your jo average middle class person and from the various weddings I've attended in the past few years it has gone to that price range.

€150 was mentioned. Again look maybe different places its slightly different. I know that amount was norm for weddings I attended 5+ years ago. I wish it was still the case!

Why would it be more now, when people in general aren't as flush as in boom times and can't afford to give as much? The Celtic Tiger years would have been the peak for wedding gifts.

As to the bolded bit, people might be able to afford to go if there isn't the expectation of a huge gift, and they cut out on-essentials such as getting hair and make-up done. I'd rather a dear friend gave me a token gift than not be there at all!

As to the Dublin thing, 200+ isn't the norm, at least not in my circles.

murphyebass

Ann Landers wrote: »

Why would it be more now, when people in general aren't as flush as in boom times and can't afford to give as much? The Celtic Tiger years would have been the peak for wedding gifts.

As to the bolded bit, people might be able to afford to go if there isn't the expectation of a huge gift, and they cut out on-essentials such as getting hair and make-up done. I'd rather a dear friend gave me a token gift than not be there at all!

As to the Dublin thing, 200+ isn't the norm, at least not in my circles.

I'd like to meet the female that sees getting hair and make up done for such an occassion as non essential!! :pac:

As for the €200+, I must need to change circles so.

As for expectation of a gift I didnt start that but its there whether we like it or not. I would agree with you I'd rather they came but no if it was going to put them under financial pressure. If they genuinely cant afford a gift (and there is the odd case like this) the likelyhood is theyre very broke meaning theres a good chance that the hair, make up, dress, hotel, etc.. will all go on an overdraft or credit card. Personally I'd rather they didnt come if it was doing that to them. Scrapping by for months to pay off the costs of attending my wedding. No thanks.

Also on the note of people having less money than in Celtic Tiger days some are affected but many many others are not or to a very small extent.

Pharma, IT and other industries for the most part havent been hit at all. If anything have grown and expanded with wages at an all time high. Theres an IT bubble going on for god sakes.

Some people jump on the bandwagon of "I'm so poor these days" which is another arguement but to give you an example I know a guy working in Engineering who would loved the Celtic Tiger dyin cause he can use the excuse now as well without sounding scabby. He's minted but its acceptable for him to say he's broke these days.

There is a lot of money in this country make no mistake. People are saving more than ever have. Ireland is a funny place. Recession hits and some people earn less yet they still manage to save. Celtic Tiger hits and people spend spend spend and for the most part dont bother saving. Its the wrong way around but its what people do.

Ann Landers

murphyebass wrote: »

I'd like to meet the female that sees getting hair and make up done for such an occassion as non essential!! :pac:

Me? And lots more I know.

As to the rest of your post, I reiterate: wow, just wow.

murphyebass

Ann Landers wrote: »

Me? And lots more I know.

As to the rest of your post, I reiterate: wow, just wow.

So just to be clear youre saying you spend nothing on your appearance be it dress, make up, shoes, hair, etc for an occassion like a wedding? I'm not saying you dont put the effort in, I assume you do to look your best but youre telling me you dont spend money on any of this for an event such as a wedding and many of your friends are the same?? If so genuinely thats grand and fair play to ya but I find it very very surprising.

Most women I know my wife included spend a lot of time picking out dresses, shoes, getting make up and hair done for a big event like a wedding.

And what exactly are you wowing this time Ann? Your coming across very dismissive in your attitude to anything that doesnt suit you btw which is ironic considering you said my attitude was bad earlier which I ignored at the time but seems only right to pull you up on it now.

Ann Landers

murphyebass wrote: »

So just to be clear youre saying you spend nothing on your appearance be it dress, make up, shoes, hair, etc for an occassion like a wedding?

Every so often, I'll buy a dress, but I'll bargain hunt for it and wear it at many weddings.

And I, you know, own make up and a hair brush.

So, very low costs on this front for weddings I attend, as even though I occasionally buy new dresses or shoes or makeup, they get a lot of wears and things other than weddings too.

What am I wowing? The sense of entitlement. Just because someone might earn a lot (and by the way, you have no idea what state others finances are in), doesn't mean they have to give you a large gift. What they earn is of no relevance.

Yes, my posts have been dismissive, I would hope that's what I'm getting across because it's pretty much how I feel about it.

murphyebass

Ann Landers wrote: »

Every so often, I'll buy a dress, but I'll bargain hunt for it and wear it at many weddings.

And I, you know, own make up and a hair brush.

So, very low costs on this front for weddings I attend, as even though I occasionally buy new dresses or shoes or makeup, they get a lot of wears and things other than weddings too.

Low costs are still costs. Some people may not be able for such costs. And if they are in this tight monetary situation as I said already maybe a wedding would be a step too far for them wedding gift or no wedding gift.

Am I wrong to say that your own make up and hair brush cost you money? Unless you stole them? :rolleyes:

Ann Landers

murphyebass wrote: »

Am I wrong to say that your own make up and hair brush cost you money? Unless you stole them? :rolleyes:

:pac: I hope you realise how ridiculous you're being here. Most women would have these items regardless.

OK, I'll indulge you.

Hairbrush: ~ 10 euro
Used hundreds of times.
Cost of hairbrush per wedding: ~ 2 cent

Contents of make-up bag: ~ 100 Euro
Used maybe 100 times.
Cost per wedding: ~ 1 euro

So, E1.02, and these are items people would have anyway.

But no matter how much or how little anyone earns, doesn't not mean you are entitled to a large gift from them.

Gatica

While I rarely would spend money on getting make-up, hair or nails done for someone else's wedding, I know plenty of women who would. It's 50:50 I'd say.
However, I would say one would be wrong to assume that everyone who can't afford to do these things would still do them, and put themselves under financial pressure to do so. I think most women are reasonable (that's what I would call it), and would still go to a wedding and do their own face/hair if they couldn't afford it rather than go into debt. Maybe buy a small present or give less cash.
I certainly wouldn't assume just because they're strapped for cash that they would or should avoid weddings over things like make-up or new dresses.

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

So just to be clear youre saying you spend nothing on your appearance be it dress, make up, shoes, hair, etc for an occassion like a wedding? I'm not saying you dont put the effort in, I assume you do to look your best but youre telling me you dont spend money on any of this for an event such as a wedding and many of your friends are the same?? If so genuinely thats grand and fair play to ya but I find it very very surprising.

Unless you are in the bridal party there is no reason to be spending anything on new stuff to wear for a wedding for anyone, and if being in the bridal party requires a new outfit then the bride an groom should be supplying that.

It's possible that a bloke may not already have a suit in the wardrobe if their work and job interviews have not previously required one, but I can't see a woman not already having something appropriate for a wedding in their collection with it being much more relaxed as to what a "formal" outfit for women is. If someone can't bring themselves to wear the same outfit twice then they have other issues.

Gatica

murphyebass wrote: »

Low costs are still costs. Some people may not be able for such costs. And if they are in this tight monetary situation as I said already maybe a wedding would be a step too far for them wedding gift or no wedding gift.

Since it's the OP's brother getting married, and if he was strapped for cash (though he said he's not) I think he'd have been ok at his own family's wedding. Couples sometime pay for rooms of bridal party or close family or the parents could help out if so needed. Suits/dresses can be reused or if he were part of the bridal party then they are usually covered by the couple. They can give no gift or give a meaningful gift and still go to the wedding, without feeling that they should be staying at home because they ain't got the coupla hundred quid "required" by some to attend a wedding... but that's just postulating on a non-existent, by the looks of it, situation.

This thread has really grown from the OP's family wedding into an all out "any wedding". As many other threads have shown, people generally agree that if they can't afford to attend some wedding, they don't. Most don't go into debt over it.

murphyebass

Ann Landers wrote: »

:pac: I hope you realise how ridiculous you're being here. Most women would have these items regardless.

OK, I'll indulge you.

Hairbrush: ~ 10 euro
Used hundreds of times.
Cost of hairbrush per wedding: ~ 2 cent

Contents of make-up bag: ~ 100 Euro
Used maybe 100 times.
Cost per wedding: ~ 1 euro

So, E1.02, and these are items people would have anyway.

But no matter how much or how little anyone earns, doesn't not mean you are entitled to a large gift from them.

I've not once said someone is entitled to a large gift. They arent.

I have made it very clear that it is an expectation and the norm for someone going to a wedding to give a cash gift.

Your words were: "they cut out on-essentials such as getting hair and make-up done."

I'm impressed that you spend so little on yourself for such an occassion. However I doubt very much thats every female. Another poster mentioned 50:50. I'd say its at least that if not more.

Most men or a lot of men own suits and shirts btw. That doesnt mean we dont get a new shirt and tie for an event or maybe new shoes or whatever.

As another poster mentioned men sometimes dont even have a suit. I work in an office based enviorment so have many. Other lads I know work on sites etc and would rent suits. Another cost.

I just think you're underestimating the cost of a wedding event. How about the petrol costs there and back?

All I'm saying is that if someone is in dire difficulty maybe just maybe they sit this one out as otherwise it could make their lives even more difficult in the coming months paying off the credit card and overdraft they used to pay for the petrol, hotel, clothes, drink, etc..

Most other people should be able to manage put x amount in a card for the bride and groom be that the 200euro I mentioned or the 150 that others have mentioned. We may not like doing it but it is absolutely expected.

Ann Landers

My boyfriend and I have given 100 between us the last few weddings we've been to, including a wedding of one of his cousins, because that's what we can currently afford. We're just cheapskates, I guess! :rolleyes:

Electric Sheep

Sounds like Murphyebass' friends are high maintenance on their expectations of what their guests will spend on their appearance as well as what the expect to be gifted.

murphyebass

Ann Landers wrote: »

My boyfriend and I have given 100 between us the last few weddings we've been to, including a wedding of one of his cousins, because that's what we can currently afford. We're just cheapskates, I guess! :rolleyes:

If thats what you feel you can afford so be it. Whats with the :rolleyes:?

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Sounds like Murphyebass' friends are high maintenance on their expectations of what their guests will spend on their appearance as well as what the expect to be gifted.

No need to get personal about my friends Electric Sheep. I'll report you the next time. Thanks.

Electric Sheep

murphyebass wrote: »

If thats what you feel you can afford so be it. Whats with the :rolleyes:?



No need to get personal about my friends Electric Sheep. I'll report you the next time. Thanks.

Feel free to do so right now if you like.

Jesus Wept

baby and crumble wrote: »

because you just HAD to have organza chair covers instead of regular.

So that is what they are called. They are dire looking, the chairs look like they are all wearing ill fitting condoms.

Anyhow, I will be this wedding soldier soon. I'm a broke 'mature' student, struggling to pay rent. Ah well.
The brother is getting married. He is from Dublin, they live in Dublin, but the wedding is in the west where she comes from. Bank holiday weekend, service starts at 12.30pm so little hope of getting down on the day, regardless he wants me to be there for a rehearsal the night before and to stick around the day after. Will be 400 quid spent on hotel and trains alone, fml.

I don't get invited to a lot of weddings thankfully, and he will probably only get married a few times.

Fries-With-That

baby and crumble wrote: »

or promising to buy the trees for my eldest brothers orchard when he finally gets around to sorting it out!

+1

This has to be the best idea for a wedding present I have ever heard of.

Gatica

Our Year wrote: »

So that is what they are called. They are dire looking, the chairs look like they are all wearing ill fitting condoms.

Anyhow, I will be this wedding soldier soon. I'm a broke 'mature' student, struggling to pay rent. Ah well.
The brother is getting married. He is from Dublin, they live in Dublin, but the wedding is in the west where she comes from. Bank holiday weekend, service starts at 12.30pm so little hope of getting down on the day, regardless he wants me to be there for a rehearsal the night before and to stick around the day after. Will be 400 quid spent on hotel and trains alone, fml.

I don't get invited to a lot of weddings thankfully, and he will probably only get married a few times.

Tell your brother it's all wonderful and all but you can't afford 2-3 nights at the hotel. Are you best man?

Jesus Wept

Gatica wrote: »

Tell your brother it's all wonderful and all but you can't afford 2-3 nights at the hotel. Are you best man?

Groomsman, his friend is best man, which is fine by me.
Thanks, Ah I'll make it work, have only been to a handful of weddings in my life and this will be the last big one for the foreseeable.

Toots

Guys, reiterating my earlier on thread warning - stop the bickering and arguing. Seriously, this is the last warning I'll give on this. Next person posting in this fashion will get a ban.

Gatica

Our Year wrote: »

Groomsman, his friend is best man, which is fine by me.
Thanks, Ah I'll make it work, have only been to a handful of weddings in my life and this will be the last big one for the foreseeable.

Oh, I guess bridal party will be expected to be there for rehearsals. It's a shame they can't be more accommodating or understanding of others' situations. Best of luck, hopefully it'll work itself out!

Toots

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