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Time off for Dad after the birth

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24

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    #32
    staticdoor71
    Registered Users Posts: 634 ✭✭✭staticdoor71


    I would have been lost without my partner being in there with me. He usually came in about 2 until kicking out time. Was no point in him coming before hand as docs were doing the rounds and brekky and lunch.

    Yes I did use the buzzer too but as others have said it won't be a quick reply

    I found loneliness my hardest obstacle. I was 5 days in after a natural delivery and found myself ringing him crying to come in on the 4th day (baby blues had set in)

    Again depends on how useful you think he might be? I caught up on sleep. Had a shower..ate. ..He was great with her.

    I know needs after a section will be different.. can you play it by ear...see how you do post delivery?


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    #33
    monflat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,490 ✭✭✭monflat


    It really depends on you as a person as your first of course its al new to you.
    If you do plan on breastfeeding its more than just feeding as thatis your job but it does get exhausting and it csn be intense.
    It depends on the baby too how baby is and how well it settles.

    You need your husband there to cook clean and serve you in those difficult few weeks.

    Nodoubt as your first you l have lots of visitors and he needs to be there to help you.


    Also just to keep in mind regards the hospital he could be a valuable asset to have as you will be in a good bit of discomfort after despite pain relief.
    Your hormones may play havoc and you may need him as a support.

    I had two emmergency c s and having a planned one thiis yr
    My hormones didnt wait till day three to crash they went downwards on day two and stayed down for a few days. !!!
    You need him at home too if you can afford it only happens when you have a new baby take as much leave as he can .


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    #34
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Hannibal Smith wrote: »
    Different strokes and all that

    What do you mean by that? I'd expect nursing staff to assist any patients who've had major abdominal surgery. If you don't ask for help of course you'll be assumed to not need any.


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    #35
    monflat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,490 ✭✭✭monflat


    lazygal wrote: »
    What do you mean by that? I'd expect nursing staff to assist any patients who've had major abdominal surgery. If you don't ask for help of course you'll be assumed to not need any.




    I must admit the midwives in kk were absolutly excellent. I cant fault any of them

    They were there to assist me any time i asked . Even though they were flat out.


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    #36
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    monflat wrote: »
    I must admit the midwives in kk were absolutly excellent. I cant fault any of them

    They were there to assist me any time i asked . Even though they were flat out.

    I had to ask for help a few times in HS but I was always assisted within a short time. Surely part of their busy day is helping patients who need it?! Anyway I know from experience that staff will leave you to your own devices if you don't ask for help.


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    #37
    monflat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,490 ✭✭✭monflat


    lazygal wrote: »
    I had to ask for help a few times in HS but I was always assisted within a short time. Surely part of their busy day is helping patients who need it?! Anyway I know from experience that staff will leave you to your own devices if you don't ask for help.

    Of course they assist people who need it.
    It is part of their job and thats why. One midwife was allocated to 4 women where i was.
    However there will be times in the day where one has to cover breaks etc deal with doctors write up notes etc.
    I cant praise them highly enough they were brilliant .


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    #38
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    monflat wrote: »
    Of course they assist people who need it.
    It is part of their job and thats why. One midwife was allocated to 4 women where i was.
    I cant praise them highly enough they were brilliant .

    That's the point. I don't get why people wouldn't ask for help because the nurses or midwives are busy. They'll be busy helping you after a section if you ask.


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    #39
    monflat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,490 ✭✭✭monflat


    lazygal wrote: »
    That's the point. I don't get why people wouldn't ask for help because the nurses or midwives are busy. They'll be busy helping you after a section if you ask.


    Possibly they met one who was actually busy- didnt meet their needs at that time and then gave up asking.?

    I have got wiser thou as time goes on !


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    #40
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    monflat wrote: »
    Possibly they met one who was actually busy- didnt meet their needs at that time and then gave up asking.?

    I have got wiser thou as time goes on !

    The squeaky wheel gets the grease! Childbirth and postpartum shenanigans are not the time to be a shrinking violet.


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    #41
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    I was far from a shrinking violet. I needed their help, I could not move (emergency cs). But they only helped when they got around to it.


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    #42
    cyning
    Registered Users Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭cyning


    Op would him taking half days be an option? In Kerry dads aren't allowed in until 12 the mornings are busy with docs etc around anyway.

    I needed my husband around: I had a normal delivery and no epidural on my second so was up and walking around. But there was no one there to mind my baby while I went for a shower: I did ask believe me. Emotionally I needed the support too. Everyone is different though.


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    #43
    sopretty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,009 ✭✭✭sopretty


    December2012 wrote: »
    I was far from a shrinking violet. I needed their help, I could not move (emergency cs). But they only helped when they got around to it.

    I suspect we may have been in the same hospital.


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    #44
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    lazygal wrote: »
    The squeaky wheel gets the grease! Childbirth and postpartum shenanigans are not the time to be a shrinking violet.

    This really depends on the area and the hospital. First baby I was on a floor with a pure wagon of a midwife. I had burst stitches, couldn't move, baby crying beside me at 4am, couldn't get to her. I buzzed a few times over 20 minutes before I used my mobile to phone the hospital and get put through to the nurses station. The midwife came down like a bat out of hell and told me not to be bothering her. Her exact words were "babies don't die of crying". Absolute f-ing Witch. Don't know why she was in that job as she clearly hated it.

    Second baby, different floor, there was a sign up on the wall saying "please use your buzzers, staff are here to help". They were a bunch of angels, appeared on the dot of when you were due a pain relief top-up. Asked if you wanted help with anything. I buzzed once, cathedar bag was full and was about to start leaking. They were there in a jiffy.

    On when husband takes time off... It depends on your support network. Mine took a week off after the birth. But, my mum was there then, and my dad and other relatives popped in to help as well. The following week, when they were all gone would have been much more useful.


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    #45
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    January wrote: »
    In the Rotunda and Holles St (not sure about the hospitals outside Dublin) partners are welcome from 9.00am-9.00pm
    Even then, you might get wiggle room. On night 2 my wife had a complete nightmare, neither her nor the baby got any sleep, a catheter bag from another patient spilled all over the floor of the room and wasn't cleaned up for 4 hours (so she couldn't get out of the bed to pee, herself). So I got a tearful 6am phone call and I was in the Rotunda @ 7:30. Security didn't even blink when I walked in. Likewise that night I was there till after midnight, just pulled the curtains and stayed quiet, nobody said a word to us.


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    #46
    plasteritup
    Registered Users Posts: 477 ✭✭plasteritup


    only read the op but i would not have wanted to go to work after my son was born,my partner had a natural birth and she says she would not have managed without me there,can remember her being really stressed trying to get our fella to latch on aswell,he wont want to miss those magic first few days either,it is time he doesnt get back remember,**** work.


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    #47
    Drdoc
    Registered Users Posts: 168 ✭✭Drdoc


    Maybe I'm a complete pansy but I definitely wanted my husband there after the birth of my boy. It was a normal delivery but I was an emotional mess and felt like crying when he'd leave in the evening and made him promise to be back in at 8 the next morning. I just felt so vulnerable and overwhelmed without him.


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    #48
    plasteritup
    Registered Users Posts: 477 ✭✭plasteritup


    Drdoc wrote: »
    Maybe I'm a complete pansy but I definitely wanted my husband there after the birth of my boy. It was a normal delivery but I was an emotional mess and felt like crying when he'd leave in the evening and made him promise to be back in at 8 the next morning. I just felt so vulnerable and overwhelmed without him.


    my partner was the same,i also dont think i could have worked anyway.


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    #49
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Drdoc wrote: »
    Maybe I'm a complete pansy but I definitely wanted my husband there after the birth of my boy. It was a normal delivery but I was an emotional mess and felt like crying when he'd leave in the evening and made him promise to be back in at 8 the next morning. I just felt so vulnerable and overwhelmed without him.

    I don't think you're a pansy. My first time was very traumatic but even if it hadn't been the main person that I wanted to see, to help me, to share those first experiences was the man who had been with me through the whole pregnancy, who came to my appointments, saved his money, sympathised with me and shared the whole experience with me.

    Not my mam or sisters, not an in law, but my husband, my baby's daddy.


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    #50
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    plasteritup wrote: »
    my partner was the same,i also dont think i could have worked anyway.

    This was true for my husband - he didn't want to be away from us.


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    #51
    Chara1001
    Registered Users Posts: 291 ✭✭Chara1001


    I had a section also, and the baby's dad was there, but there wasn't much for him to do.

    The others in the ward and I would take turns to watch over the babies while the mums went for showers, so there wasn't much that he needed to be there to help with- generally he felt a bit useless unfortunately. He brought things in that we needed which was brilliant, but if you have people coming in to visit regularly while you're in hospital could they bring some things- or even when he comes in before/ after work, he could bring you what you need anyway?

    I would imagine you would need the help and moral support more so when you arrived home. There's less pressure also in the hospital at there's plenty of people around to answer your questions, but at home you're suddenly in the deep end and it's a bit tough when you go from loads of people around to you on your own.


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    #52
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    December2012 wrote: »
    This was true for my husband - he didn't want to be away from us.

    God I wish my husband was like that! Lol. Mine couldn't wait to get away from the bedside at 8 or 9 pm to go play football!!! Typical!


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    #53
    GerardKeating
    Registered Users Posts: 7,667 ✭✭✭GerardKeating


    contrary_mary wrote: »
    All going well we'll be welcoming our first baby in just over a month. At the moment I'm scheduled in for a c-section and it is looking more and more unlikely that this plan will change unfortunately.

    My OH plans to take 2-3 weeks off if possible - the majority of that will be unpaid leave. The section is scheduled for a Tuesday - obviously he will take that day off - but we're wondering if he should go back to work then for a couple of days and save the time off for when we're back at home? He feels weird about it, and I like the idea of him being around the hospital to keep me company, but I'm wondering if it's an awful waste of leave? A few people have said there's no point in him being off when I'm in hospital, but I'd love to hear some real life experiences?

    I took Half-days off work when the OT was in for the first section, It seemed a good balance. It stretched out what leave I had and gave more leave for when she was at home.


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    #54
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    lazygal wrote: »
    What do you mean by that? I'd expect nursing staff to assist any patients who've had major abdominal surgery. If you don't ask for help of course you'll be assumed to not need any.

    Look at you trying hard for an argument lol.

    I mean exactly what I said. Different strokes for different folks. You wanted help you asked for it. There's no subtext to my comment. .no judgement. ..I really don't see why you have such an issue with me not asking. ..surely its my decision whether I ask the staff for help or not?? Lol why derail the thread?


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    #55
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    GerardKeating wrote: »
    I took Half-days off work when the OT was in for the first section, It seemed a good balance. It stretched out what leave I had and gave more leave for when she was at home.

    That's a great idea!


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    #56
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,385 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    Sligo1 wrote: »
    God I wish my husband was like that! Lol. Mine couldn't wait to get away from the bedside at 8 or 9 pm to go play football!!! Typical!

    There is nothing typical about that kind of behaviour so please don't imply there is. Most parents spend as much time with their kids as they can, unfortunately our archaic laws force women to spend more time with them than their fathers.

    Sounds like you need a serious chat with your husband.


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    #57
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    There is nothing typical about that kind of behaviour so please don't imply there is. Most parents spend as much time with their kids as they can, unfortunately our archaic laws force women to spend more time with them than their fathers.

    Sounds like you need a serious chat with your husband.

    Omg are you actually for real!!! I'm actually laughing at your comment here! I was
    Saying this is typical for my husband!!! Not all men! Jeez... As Hannibal said. - a lot of people looking for arguments here to derail thread.

    FWIW I was only having a laugh as my husband is football obsessed! Other than that he's the most caring, helpful and kind person I know and does so for his kids. More than his fair share!


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    #58
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    If I actually showed my hubby these last couple of posts he'd laugh his head off! Rofl


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    #59
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Chara1001 wrote: »
    I had a section also, and the baby's dad was there, but there wasn't much for him to do.

    The others in the ward and I would take turns to watch over the babies while the mums went for showers, so there wasn't much that he needed to be there to help with- generally he felt a bit useless unfortunately. He brought things in that we needed which was brilliant, but if you have people coming in to visit regularly while you're in hospital could they bring some things- or even when he comes in before/ after work, he could bring you what you need anyway?
    Yeah, so I guess it's all situation dependent. The other women in my wife's ward were the curtains pulled type, who basically scowled at people walking past the end of their bed. Nobody else in the ward said a word to her or eachother, even when she was clearly upset and struggling with feeding/sleeping/showering. One woman even spent her time huffing and tutting when the baby was crying in the middle of the night and my wife likewise!

    If she'd had a ward full of helpful and friendly women I've no doubt she'd have felt much more comfortable and I'd have felt useless.

    So perhaps the best plan of action for husbands is to take off the day of the birth and keep their options open in terms of the rest of the week. Obviously that depends on a lot of factors; I had an employer and a type of job where I could have either arrived into work or called them and said I wouldn't be in for the next 3 days. So if that flexibility is available to, that's probably the best plan to take; get your wife settled on the first day and decide then if you need to come in and help for the rest of the week.


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    #60
    xalot
    Registered Users Posts: 1,097 ✭✭✭xalot


    It's a tough one op. I had an emergency section in the Coombe and luckily my husband had three weeks off. If I had to choose between having him at home or in the hospital I would definitely pick at home, the midwives/nurses and other mums are great at helping you when you're in the hospital but I found being at home alone very overwhelming. Do you have family / friends around that can help out?

    If you're breastfeeding you'll be up all night doing the feeds by yourself and will really benefit from having your partner take the baby in the mornings so you can catch up on sleep.

    That said, our little man was moved to the special care unit for a week and I would have cracked up without my husband there to calm me down and ask the doctors all the right questions.

    Another poster mentioned they took half days, could your partner split his leave that way? Best of luck whatever you decide.


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    #61
    jester77
    Registered Users Posts: 11,264 ✭✭✭✭jester77


    Those first few days in the hospital are something you never forget. I stayed in the room with partner and baby and it was an amazing few days. Just being there and bonding with the baby and having him falling asleep on your chest, those are memories that can't be replaced and I would imagine your partner would regret not being there in the future, I know I would.


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