Time off for Dad after the birth

monflat

seamus wrote: »

Yeah, so I guess it's all situation dependent. The other women in my wife's ward were the curtains pulled type, who basically scowled at people walking past the end of their bed. Nobody else in the ward said a word to her or eachother, even when she was clearly upset and struggling with feeding/sleeping/showering. One woman even spent her time huffing and tutting when the baby was crying in the middle of the night and my wife likewise!

If she'd had a ward full of helpful and friendly women I've no doubt she'd have felt much more comfortable and I'd have felt useless.

So perhaps the best plan of action for husbands is to take off the day of the birth and keep their options open in terms of the rest of the week. Obviously that depends on a lot of factors; I had an employer and a type of job where I could have either arrived into work or called them and said I wouldn't be in for the next 3 days. So if that flexibility is available to, that's probably the best plan to take; get your wife settled on the first day and decide then if you need to come in and help for the rest of the week.

Sorry but i totally dont agree with you in regards to the " curtains pulled around type"
Comin from a mans perspective how do you know what each woman is like ?
As i stated in a previous post i hit ROCK BOTTOM on day two i breast fed both my children and those early days are very very hard. No matter what type of a person you are.
If someone sees me breastfeeding and asks for help/ advice i will give . but in my opinion the WORST thing you can do to a breastfeeding mother is to critisize her.
I was not goin interfering in other peoples business.

Maybe those women ScOWLED maybe they did but do you realise what women go through its not all roses in the garden ooooh lovely a new baby.
Its blooddy painful is emotional you can burst out crying at any minute .

I had two emmergency c s one was excruciating and YES I HAD CURTSINS pulled around because i was a bloddy mess.

I dont go into hospital to make friends. Its about me and the baby and my family no one else.

So unless you have given birth breast fed yourself then pl ease do not be so judgemental

Pawwed Rig

seamus wrote: »

Yeah, so I guess it's all situation dependent. The other women in my wife's ward were the curtains pulled type, who basically scowled at people walking past the end of their bed. Nobody else in the ward said a word to her or eachother, even when she was clearly upset and struggling with feeding/sleeping/showering. One woman even spent her time huffing and tutting when the baby was crying in the middle of the night and my wife likewise!.

Your poor wife. The other couples in our ward were all lovely. The girl in the next bed even lent us nappies one day after we had run out.
I actually felt sorry for the people in the private rooms as it must have been alot more difficult for them.
So I guess it is just luck who you end up in a room with.

Way back (in the mid 90's) my sister in law had her handbag stolen by the 'lady' in the next bed:eek:.

January

Ah guys... I think we all need to calm down... it's an emotive enough topic.

I'll give my experiences, when I was in on my first in the Rotunda I had the curtains closed crowd, nobody interacted with each other at all. In the Coombe everyone had their curtains pulled back at all times except for when the docs were around, we all sat at a table to eat and were up chatting to each other in the night while we were all feeding on my second. On the third (Rotunda), I wasn't on a ward with women who had babies, I was on a ward with women who were having miscarriages and were in for observation so I felt that I had to keep my curtain closed because my newborn could have potentially upset any of the women losing their baby. I felt obliged to keep her quiet if she even whimpered. But that wasn't my fault it was the hospitals.

Hannibal Smith

One night on my second I had fallen asleep and I heard a baby cry opened my eyes and my cot was gone with the baby in it!!! I jumped up in a panic and pulled back the curtain thinking the cot had some how slipped underneath on to her side. ..there was the poor girl trying to breastfeed and she nearly lept out of her skin lol. It was then I remembered I'd actually moved the cot to the other side of my bed so he wouldn't disturb anyone when he woke (we had the Window bed) lol

The next morning I apologised so much to the girl but she was thanking me lol. She thought I assumed she was in the bathroom and was making sure the baby was ok lol. I never corrected her either

January

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

One night on my second I had fallen asleep and I heard a baby cry opened my eyes and my cot was gone with the baby in it!!! I jumped up in a panic and pulled back the curtain thinking the cot had some how slipped underneath on to her side. ..there was the poor girl trying to breastfeed and she nearly lept out of her skin lol. It was then I remembered I'd actually moved the cot to the other side of my bed so he wouldn't disturb anyone when he woke (we had the Window bed) lol

The next morning I apologised so much to the girl but she was thanking me lol. She thought I assumed she was in the bathroom and was making sure the baby was ok lol. I never corrected her either

There was a young woman (I say this when I was 22 giving birth to my second!), around 17/18 when I was in the Coombe and she actually slept through her baby crying the first night. The nurses could not wake her up at all. It was especially bad because she had had gestational diabetes and the baby needed to be monitored for blood sugars and fed regularly. The poor nurse was rushed off her feet trying to get the baby sorted that I offered to feed him while she tended to another woman in a different room.

Penny Dreadful

January wrote: »

God, I wish I had magic babies like that.

Mine is still in the "preperation" stage (due 1st week in October) I'd like to know what I need to do between now and then to ensure delivery of such a baby too;)

Hannibal Smith

January wrote: »

There was a young woman (I say this when I was 22 giving birth to my second!), around 17/18 when I was in the Coombe and she actually slept through her baby crying the first night. The nurses could not wake her up at all. It was especially bad because she had had gestational diabetes and the baby needed to be monitored for blood sugars and fed regularly. The poor nurse was rushed off her feet trying to get the baby sorted that I offered to feed him while she tended to another woman in a different room.

That was lovely of you.

ted1

jester77 wrote: »

Those first few days in the hospital are something you never forget. I stayed in the room with partner and baby and it was an amazing few days. Just being there and bonding with the baby and having him falling asleep on your chest, those are memories that can't be replaced and I would imagine your partner would regret not being there in the future, I know I would.

Unless your had a section you could be out within 24 hours in lots of places, especially if its not your first.

jester77

ted1 wrote: »

Unless your had a section you could be out within 24 hours in lots of places, especially if its not your first.

I guess things are different here, we had a natural birth and spent 3 nights in hospital afterwards, I think this was the minimum as there are various checkups for mother and baby in the days after. My partner would have been in no shape to go home within 24 hours.

ThisRegard

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I actually felt sorry for the people in the private rooms as it must have been alot more difficult for them.

Not at all. My wife had 2 sections. First one she was in a semi private ward, she didn't really like it as with everyone running on different time schedules you would rarely have any quiet time.

Second time around she had a private room and she found it great. She had plenty of peace to nap whenever the kid napped, plenty of privacy for when it was required and I could stay there as long as I wanted and not feel like I was invading the privacy of other mothers or generally just feeling like I was in the way.

It just depends on what you want really. I took time off when she was in hospital and pretty much spent the day there with her, getting whatever she needed, giving her time to take a nap when she really needed one etc. Then come evening time I would go home to our other child.

Sligo1

First night in semi private I had no sleep... It was awful. Only because there was a snorer beside me. Other nights in the private room were bliss! Each to their own. I've heard of women making great friends who share rooms which would be nice. I just wanted my sleep tho.

Suucee

I think it depends alot on the child and how the mother is. I didnt have a section. With no 1 i couldnt get out if the bed after the epidural. OH was gone home and i felt sick. Was attempting to bfeed baba. Rang the bell. (They were busy) rang again as was feeling worse . Midwife came in and i told her . She went to get me a puke bag and an injection for the nausea but it was too late. I puked all down the side of the bed and the floor. It was horrible.
I spent that night trying to feed and by 6am i was on the phone to OH to come in so i could eat . I was sore, nervous and weepy.

With no 2 had the epidural but was up about 3hrs later. Only wanted OH in so i could shower in peace. It was also nice to have a but of company but i was out the next day anyway.

Half days might be an idea as another poster suggested but i liked havin OH in first thing in the morning so he could mind the baba while i showered and had a rest after being up all night.

jester77

We had a family room, it was nice just having the room to the three of us and that I could sleep there for the 3 nights. This wouldn't have been possible if we were in a room with other mothers.

sopretty

Sligo1 wrote: »

First night in semi private I had no sleep... It was awful. Only because there was a snorer beside me. Other nights in the private room were bliss! Each to their own. I've heard of women making great friends who share rooms which would be nice. I just wanted my sleep tho.

I've an older friend. Back in her day, the nurses would take all the babies to the nurseries at night, and the women would then sit up in their beds and chat and smoke cigarettes! Lol.

Penny Dreadful

Sligo1 wrote: »

First night in semi private I had no sleep... It was awful. Only because there was a snorer beside me. Other nights in the private room were bliss! Each to their own. I've heard of women making great friends who share rooms which would be nice. I just wanted my sleep tho.

That would be me. I'll have my wonderful mother and sister with kids and another who is a paediatric nurse for advice and help and assistance once the baby comes in addition to my husband. I don't mind being nice and friendly to other people in the same ward as me (going semi private- might get a room of my own fingers crossed) but I don't want to become best friends with them.
I'm going to the hospital to have my baby not make lots of new friends. I really just want to be able to sleep, get used to the little one, have the time with my husband too as we get used to being parents.

December2012

jester77 wrote: »

We had a family room, it was nice just having the room to the three of us and that I could sleep there for the 3 nights. This wouldn't have been possible if we were in a room with other mothers.

Was this in Ireland?

ted1

jester77 wrote: »

I guess things are different here, we had a natural birth and spent 3 nights in hospital afterwards, I think this was the minimum as there are various checkups for mother and baby in the days after. My partner would have been in no shape to go home within 24 hours.

if you do a mid wife lead scheme. once they do all the tests, they send you home after a few hours and then a mid wife visits you. i think they even do the heel prick test at home. i can't quite recall.

My wife (who had 2 natural births) and I'm sure that other women (not all) would prefer to be at home with their home comforts, she doesn't see much point being in the hospital if everything went well.

Neyite

GerardKeating wrote: »

I took Half-days off work when the OT was in for the first section, It seemed a good balance. It stretched out what leave I had and gave more leave for when she was at home.

This is very similar to what we did. I had a c-section but also baby had 3 days of neo-natal care so we were in different wards. Himself would text in the morning to see how we were, I'd let him know if there was anything I needed from home or from a shop, he would go into work for a few hours, I'd have the nurses/doctors rounds and back and forth to NN for feeding.
After lunch, himself would turn up with my supplies, and take over with the baby and I would snooze. Then in the evening visitors would arrive and he would stay as late as he could.

But he did take the first week we had baby home off. Now that was wonderful - not only in terms of moral support and practical help, but for us as a brand new family having that private time to bond with the baby, without any nurses or visitors hovering around was wonderful. and slightly terrifying

jester77 wrote: »

We had a family room, it was nice just having the room to the three of us and that I could sleep there for the 3 nights. This wouldn't have been possible if we were in a room with other mothers.

I'm presuming this was not in Ireland? That sounds amazing!

jester77

ted1 wrote: »

if you do a mid wife lead scheme. once they do all the tests, they send you home after a few hours and then a mid wife visits you. i think they even do the heel prick test at home. i can't quite recall.

My wife (who had 2 natural births) and I'm sure that other women (not all) would prefer to be at home with their home comforts, she doesn't see much point being in the hospital if everything went well.

It's a bit different here. They carry out different tests on the third day, can't remember what most of them were, the only one I remember was a drop test for testing reflexes. The midwife then comes every day to the home for the first 2 weeks and once or twice a week after that for the following few weeks.

December2012 wrote: »

Was this in Ireland?

Neyite wrote: »

I'm presuming this was not in Ireland? That sounds amazing!

This was in Germany. The hospitals have a number of family rooms, and you can request one after the baby is born. It's free for the mum, but I had to pay €60 per night for it and it included meals.

Bosley1421

The Midwifery Led Unit in Our Lady of Lourdes in Drogheda allows dads or family to stay with a new mam in a private room for 2 nights! No charge, it's part of the public health care system but it can be a lottery to get in. Meals etc. are just for the mam.

I had my daughter there.

The One Doctor

January wrote: »

There is no entitlement to paternity leave in Ireland at the moment, some companies do offer it though, usually a week or two.

There's no paternity leave, but there is a legal entitlement to 18 weeks unpaid parental leave.

minusthebear

I took 2 weeks off the help OH after a C section, she was in a lot of pain. Spent 9am - 11pm there for 5 days with her, then the nurses took over in the small hours. We learnt a lot about the little fella in those 5 days. I can't imagine being in work during that time. Then we had a week at home to enjoy it all before I went back to work.

newtoboards

Had a section 6 months ago and sent my husband back to work while I stayed in hospital. I used the buzzer to get the nurses anytime I needed them and they were great. I was watched when I went in for first shower as I was a little weak and they minded baby while I sat on the shower seat and enjoyed the clean warm water! My husband called in after work and took home dirty clothes and brought in fresh ones and then took the time off when I returned home. I was glad to go home to my own bed and have my husband in the dead of night. I had a couple of stroppy midwives in my entire stay both antenatal and postnatal but other than that the midwives seemed happy to help or at the very least professional.

wdmfapq4zs83hv

I would keep him around in the hospital especially if its your first. You may find there is very little help in the hospital with baby as the staff are so busy. And you will need him if you want to go for a shower, have a sleep etc. I had zero help in the hospital with my first (twins) not because the nurses werent great but they just didnt have the time, so I was literally clock watching for my husband to come in the morning so I could then go to sleep.

pwurple

sopretty wrote: »

I've an older friend. Back in her day, the nurses would take all the babies to the nurseries at night, and the women would then sit up in their beds and chat and smoke cigarettes! Lol.

They still have the nurseries btw. It seems to be a well kept secret! My next door neighbour is a midwife who told me to ask. They took my babies to the nursery for a couple of hours during the night on both my births so i could get a small sleep.

Roesy

pwurple wrote: »

They still have the nurseries btw. It seems to be a well kept secret! My next door neighbour is a midwife who told me to ask. They took my babies to the nursery for a couple of hours during the night on both my births so i could get a small sleep.

Yeah, I had heavy bleeding after my baby and wasn't allowed out of bed for the first day and night so they took her around 11.30pm when my husband was sent home and brought her back around 5.30ish.

ncmc

This is such an interesting thread. I'm due in 5 weeks and had planned for my husband to go back to work between me giving birth and going home, but after reading the replies here, I'm not so sure! He's lucky in that he's basically block booked the month of June off and his boss has agreed to be flexible with dates, so I guess we will wait and see how I'm getting on and if I think I need him. The half day idea is a good one.

January

They don't have nurseries as such any more, just the midwives take the baby's to the nurses station and keep an eye on them and feed them if they need to be fed or bring back to mammy if breast feeding. The only hospital in Dublin that had a nursery was Mount Carmel.

Roesy

January wrote: »

They don't have nurseries as such any more, just the midwives take the baby's to the nurses station and keep an eye on them and feed them if they need to be fed or bring back to mammy if breast feeding. The only hospital in Dublin that had a nursery was Mount Carmel.

We were told that the nursery nurse would come and get her when she was back from her break, that's why I assumed it was a nursery in CUMH.

January

Sometimes I forget there are other hospitals lol

My apologies!