English Essay Feedback

oswinoswald

Hi. I constantly get a B1 in English. My teacher tells me that I will get an A in the real thing but when I ask her why I don't get As for the essays I give her, she says 'Oh, you know, I was going to give you an A but...'. So if any of you have any criticism please GIVE ME IT. I will not be offended. I have posted here an essay on Plath (it got a B1). If anyone actually replies to this, I have another essay that I would like to post too (Macbeth)
Thanks in advance!!

‘What emerges in Plath’s poetry is a vivid portrait of a tormented and anguished person’


In her poetry, Sylvia Plath definitely paints a vivid portrait of her own anguished and tormented character. Influenced by her own life, Plath explores emotional extremes and her own experience of depression in her work. I admire her portrayal of heavy themes such as suffering and grief through her witty use of language, and her talent for creating dramatic imagery which is memorable, haunting and sometimes terrifying.

Without a doubt, the poem on the course which I believe best reflects Plath’s tormented and anguished state of mind is ‘Elm’. I found this a very complex poem to read, though it perfectly captures Plath’s disturbed psychic state at the time through its rich use of imagery and symbolism, as well as its unusual narrative. There are two voices in this poem: that of a personified Elm tree, and the voice of a woman. At times in the poem, I found it difficult to distinguish between the two voices, as they appear to merge, their suffering reflective of one another’s.

Typical of Plath’s poetry, the speaker is clearly troubled: The opening line ‘I know the bottom’ instantly suggests to me that the speaker is in the depths of depression. It seems as if this woman’s despair is due to disappointment in love, described as a ‘shadow’ that has ‘gone off, like a horse’.
This image of love as a ‘shadow’ leads me to believe that love has had a darkening effect on her life, ‘gone off’, abandoning her. At this time, Plath’s marriage to Ted Hughes was at breaking point. These lines clearly show the anguish Plath felt at this time in her life. To me, the voice of the Elm is cold and insensitive when delivering these words. It offers no comfort or consolation to the woman.

The use of assonance in ‘echoing, echoing’ really show the reader a sense of the loneliness the woman feels, and the loneliness that filled Plath’s life. I found images such as ‘The atrocity of sunsets’ and ‘my red filaments’ both disturbing and shocking to read. They relate to the poet’s own experience of electric-shock treatment. I believe that lines such as these truly show the extent of her torment and anguish.

As the poem progresses, the Elm and the woman speak as one voice. She feels ‘inhabited’, scared of the dark side of her own nature:
‘I am terrified of this dark thing / That sleeps in me’
I find this imagery incredibly dark; it is full of terror and self hatred. The repetition of ‘kill’ at the end of the poem appears like a frenzy of violence.
This poem is deeply personal, and offers a glimpse into the poet’s violent, uneasy condition, as well as her personal torment and anguish. As a reader, I found it a haunting and troubling experience, and I felt pity for Plath’s complete depression. However, despite its gloominess, this poem contains wonderfully imaginative language and striking creative imagery.

Plath’s inner torment and anguish can also be seen clearly in the poem ‘Morning Song’. Despite the fact that it was written on the birth of her first child, and that it does contain some element of joy, the dominant mood of this poem is negative. She describes her newborn baby as a ‘new statue in a draughty museum’. It is cold, distant and withdrawn to her. Even the joy of a new baby cannot lighten Plath’s depression. Her feelings of estrangement are further highlighted in the lines:
‘I’m no more your mother
Than the cloud that distils a mirror to reflect its own slow
Effacement at the wind’s hand.’
I found these lines shocking to read. It is difficult to understand how Plath could view motherhood in such a way. Just as a cloud’s disintegration is witnessed by the puddle it created, the child will see its mother’s demise. The word ‘effacement’ suggests that Plath feels wiped out, her role diminished since having a baby. She feels disconnected from the child. I believe that this poem deals with Plath’s torment and anguish, especially through her fear of effacement. She fears that the birth of her child will rob her of her identity. I find her description of motherhood disconcerting.

‘Child’ is another of Plath’s poems on the theme of her children. This poem explicitly reveals her inner torment and struggle with depression. Written only two weeks before her death by suicide, this is a poem I believe to be full of despair.
This is shown from the very first line:
‘Your clear eye is the one absolutely beautiful thing’.
This clearly hints at her troubled mind: to her, everything in the world but her child is tarnished. The simple language used in this poem creates a sense of childish wonder and delight for the reader: ‘colour and ducks/ The zoo of the new’.
Plath wishes that she could bring joy to her child’s life, a life full of ‘grand and classical’ images, but sadly Plath doubts her ability to bing such happiness to her children.
The lines ‘-this troublous/ Wringing of hands, this dark/ Ceiling without a star’ are frightfully upsetting to me. I can sense the poet’s pain and disappointment, and her feelings of despair are clearly shown with the ‘wringing of hands’. We see her sense of failure in the incredibly dark image of the ‘ceiling without a star’. This poem is an obvious example of Plath’s depressed state of mind. She expresses her anguish at her inability to provide the beautiful, magical experiences she wishes for her child to have. This is emphasized by the stark contrasts between the childlike joy of the first, second and third stanzas and the complete darkness of the last. This poem is one that I found both beautiful and sad. I believe that the fact that Plath committed suicide only two weeks after writing this poem adds to its poignancy, and shows us truly how tormented she felt.

‘Poppies in July’, like ‘Child’, is explicitly disturbing, immersed in Plath’s pain, torment and anguish. Written in July 1962, the poem is directed at Assia Weevil, with whom Plath’s husband Ted was having an affair.
From the very beginning of the poem, I realized that that this speaker is troubled. She is in a state that most people would find profoundly terrifying. She is more than depressed – She feels nothing, as we see when she says: ‘I put my hands among the flames. Nothing burns.’
The poppies, which she describes as ‘little hell flames’, ‘exhaust’ her, yet she still watched them ‘flickering’. This poem is full of evidence of the poet’s troubled and anguished persona. The use of imagery associated with blood, for example, ‘Little bloody skirts!’ and ‘A mouth just bloodied’, suggests thoughts of violence. I believe that Plath’s tormented mind is best shown when she wishes for pain or death:
‘If I could bleed or sleep’
As a reader I found this difficult to read. It shocks me that somebody could be so depressed that they couldn’t even feel, as the line ‘colourless, colourless’ suggests. Of all of Plath’s poems on the course, I believe that ‘Poppies in July’ is the most honest description of the poet’s own excruciating emotional crisis.

The theme explored in the poem ‘Black Rook in Rainy Weather’ is the lack of inspiration, and the depression that arises from the poet’s dilemma. However, I believe that this poem also shows Plath’s struggle with torment and anguish. One of the earlier poems on the course, this poem deals with the poet’s sadness, her fear of becoming uninspired, and the suffering that arises from her bland life, which she describes as a ‘season of fatigue.’
Her sadness is evident as she hopes for some occasional inspiration to save her from a ‘fear of total neutrality’. This line reminded me of the inability to feel that is present in ‘Poppies in July’. I also found this line quite sad. She is clearly anguished if she sees her life as ‘total neutrality’ that is only relieved when some idea offers her a ‘brief respite from fear’.
The imagery of the poem emphasizes the emptiness that fills her life. Everything seems bleak, to the extent that even a ‘wet black rook’ seems an inspiration to her, and that a ‘certain minor light may still/Leap incandescent/Out of a kitchen table or chair’. Here, she has some hope. She uses words such as ‘celestial’ and ‘radiance’ to describe inspiration. It is sacred to her, and this leads me to believe that it is for what she lives. This idea alone implies the torment she felt, and really provided me with an insight into her suffering.

Overall, the poetry of Sylvia Plath is filled with mesmerizing images, captivating language, and complete honesty. In almost all of her poems, a vivid portrait of someone who is tormented and anguished emerges, a person who rejects hope, and who deals with fears, sadness and depression. As a reader, I believe that she communicates these powerful emotions in such a way that one can attempt to understand her mindset, the torment and the anguish which dominated her life, ultimately prompting her to make the grim decision to take her own life.

Hotale.com

I know this a bit nitpicky but...

I would try to avoid using the same words in consecutive sentences (within reason), or in a close proximity to one another. I know that is a bit overly-critical, but if you're going for an A I'd expect that you'd be seeking such critique. You've done this in both your first and last paragraphs, with the repetition of "her" several times in your opening paragraph (I'd suggest trying to alter the sentence structure here to avoid using "her" so often), and in your final sentence of the essay you repeat "life" twice in one sentence, I know this seems very trivial, but reading this as someone who doesn't know you, who was asked to analyse the essay you wrote (like the corrector will be), it is one of the first things that struck me. I don'tknow if this would cost you marks in the real deal (I'd imagine 1 or 2 at most) but it would be something to look out for.

Besides that I believe you've shown an excellent ability to understand Plath's work, have developed your own opinions on each of her poems and have articulated your ideas in an appropriate and impressive manner. Well done!

oswinoswald

Hotale.com wrote: »

I know this a bit nitpicky but...

I would try to avoid using the same words in consecutive sentences (within reason), or in a close proximity to one another. I know that is a bit overly-critical, but if you're going for an A I'd expect that you'd be seeking such critique. You've done this in both your first and last paragraphs, with the repetition of "her" several times in your opening paragraph (I'd suggest trying to alter the sentence structure here to avoid using "her" so often), and in your final sentence of the essay you repeat "life" twice in one sentence, I know this seems very trivial, but reading this as someone who doesn't know you, who was asked to analyse the essay you wrote (like the corrector will be), it is one of the first things that struck me. I don'tknow if this would cost you marks in the real deal (I'd imagine 1 or 2 at most) but it would be something to look out for.

Besides that I believe you've shown an excellent ability to understand Plath's work, have developed your own opinions on each of her poems and have articulated your ideas in an appropriate and impressive manner. Well done!

thanks a lot! I noticed that when I read it to myself, it is quite jarring (is that a word? idk)

Hotale.com

oswinoswald wrote: »

thanks a lot! I noticed that when I read it to myself, it is quite jarring (is that a word? idk)

I think that's a word :P That's one of the things I always look out for in my essays, I just read over my previous few sentences every few minutes to make sure it all sounds good, I know it's hard to do in a pressurised environment like the exam centre but it really helps a lot

d1234

A very well structured and factual answer OP. Well done! Here are a few pointers:

- I would advise doing a longer opening. It creates an excellent impression and you can show the examiner that you have a genuine interest in her life and poetry.

- In "Elm", give examples of the imagery and symbolism.

- Avoid using 'sad' and 'like' use words such as depressing, mundane, glum etc and similar to, rather identical to etc.

Overall an excellent article. Well done!!

oswinoswald

d1234 wrote: »

A very well structured and factual answer OP. Well done! Here are a few pointers:

- I would advise doing a longer opening. It creates an excellent impression and you can show the examiner that you have a genuine interest in her life and poetry.

- In "Elm", give examples of the imagery and symbolism.

- Avoid using 'sad' and 'like' use words such as depressing, mundane, glum etc and similar to, rather identical to etc.

Overall an excellent article. Well done!!

Thank you for your advice!!