Girlfriends Sister:( [mod warning post #24]

Stavro Mueller

The BBQ was the weekend that's just gone past. Even if the OP got through this one unscathed, the risk of the sister spilling the beans will always be there. It might not even take for the girl to get drunk for her to say anything. I'm sure she has given the situation some thought...

LegacyUser

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

CaraMay

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

Hope you finished with her

RossFixxxed

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

By now you've probably reaised that didn't work. So really the best thing to avoid this is to come clean about the whole thing. It's clearly eating away at you and your attempts to dodge it or rationalise it away have clearly atrophied and died by now.

Sorry man, I don't doubt it's a horrible feeling, but your actions have consequences as I said. You need to stand up straight, and handle this as best you can, honestly and apolgetically. Don't expect a good reaction, but hiding this is going to weigh on you and sooner or later is going to be out there in the open.

Stavro Mueller

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

Hopefully you'll learn some lessons from this and not make a mistake like this again. You were living in cloud cuckoo land if you thought that (a) the truth would stay hidden indefinitely and (b) that in time you could switch sisters and all play happy families.

Perhaps you could do with some time being single to reflect on the greater picture. Why were you staying with a girlfriend who was this needy? Especially when you found your head being turned so dramatically by her sister? As you've found out "only a kiss" doesn't wash as an excuse all the time.

iPink

FunLover18 wrote: »

Did you ever think that your gf might be shy and paranoid because she knows her sister is better looking and more confident. This will destroy her.

You're right you can't have either girl now and good for them. Your best course of action, break up with your girlfriend but DON'T tell her the real reason, and before hand contact the sister and explain to her that you're going to break up with your gf for some made up reason and ask that she never tells her the real reason for the your gf's sake.

I agree 100%... While honestly is almost always the best option this could destroy your gf, her relationship with her sister & potentially cause rifts in the whole family. ..
You need to break up with your gf, that much is clear but not to ever tell her the reasons why. .. also let her sister know & hopefully she will play ball but she may be a decent person & think she needs to tell her sister the full truth whatever the consequences...

OP I would be very concerned that you aren't really showing any real remorse here or understanding of the potential damage you might have caused. You say it was only a kiss yet it seemed very clear to me that you would have been more than happy for things to have gone further if the sister hadn't run away... also stating that you think you love your gf's sister who you have just met seems a bit immature & ott to me... do you honestly realise what you have done & the hurt it could cause? ?

Do the right (selfless) thing OP... years from now you will look back on this & be glad you did

FurBabyMomma

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

So... you deserve the sympathy in this case? Seriously, your narcissism is astounding. Now the 'woe is me story' instead of an admission that you were honest with your girlfriend and gave her the opportunity to walk away from someone who would disrespect her enough to cheat on her with her sister.

The only one who is going to feel sorry for you is YOU as the rest of us can see you deserve to feel bad.

iPink

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

It's good to know that you are feeling some remore (hopefully) & not just feeling sorry for yourself for the situation you have got yourself into.
We all make mistakes OP yes, but how we handle them is the telling of the kind of person we are.
Stop the 'pity party', take responsibility for your actions & do the right thing by you gf... this could be the making or breaking of you & the kind of person you want to be in the future

Legs.Eleven

If I was in the poor girl's shoes, I would never speak to my sister again over this tbh or it'd take me years to forgive her. I can't imagine what it would do to this girl if she found out. Whatever about the OP but the sister is the person I would be most angry with. This is unforgivable deceit in my view but that's just me.

sadie06

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

I apologise for that accusation. The quickest way to end this misery for yourself is to end the relationship. You can't undo what has been done, and you can't go on as if nothing has happened.

Do not tell your GF the reason why. Coming clean is not the right option in this situation as it could decimate the family unit.

You were not in a relationship that was going to go the distance anyway by the sounds of it, so you should get over it soon enough.

Seriously, the only way to feel better is to break up and move on.

MugMugs

This can go one of two ways.

You say nothing, she says nothing and things get more serious. Kids, marriage, shared property etc and then it comes out in the wash and devestates you, her and the sister.

or

You finish with her and walk away ( you clearly cannot be trusted anyway so it's not really her loss ) and leave it at that. Cut ties and kill contact and never do anything like this ever again.

You're going to inflict pain irrespective of what you do, it's just how much pain you cause is the question here.

If you out the sister, you could well topple a family. Don't be that guy. If the sister wants to come clean, let her.

beertons

Leave both girls alone and get a bit of cop on.

irishguy1983

sistershame wrote: »

Hi There,

I'll start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much but I've found myself in a situation I never thought I'd be in - I think I'm in love with her sister. Worse then that, I acted on it last weekend and I'm terrified it's all gonna come out over the long weekend we're sending with her family.

A bit of background, I've been with my gf for just over a year and we're both in our late twenties. She's a great person and I love her but she can be clingy and jealous and I feel like she puts alot of pressure on me. If I'm going out with my friends and she knows where we're going, I'll still get texts saying 'where are you? Many people there?'. Stuff that like really bothers me. I don't want to spend my night updating her on my whereabouts. She also freaks out over tiny things and can't handle my past at all. She's always banging on about ex-girlfriends and no amount of reassurance is enough.

I do love this girl though and I'm really cut up over what's happened/happening.

Her sister was living abroad but moved home a few weeks ago and I met her for the first time at her welcome home drinks. The minute she walked in, my jaw hit the floor. She's stunning, no man wouldn't want her, that's just a simple fact. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a pr*ck, it's just the truth.

She was smoking hot. On top of this, she's so cool. She's the most chilled out, laid back, funny, smart , sexy woman I've ever met. I was in awe of her and how she handled the room that night. My gf is shy and stuck by side and it's just not attractive. Again sorry but let's face it, confidence is more attractive then shyness.

Long story short, we kissed last week. We were drunk, my gf wasn't around and I ended up drunkenly telling her how hot she is. We kissed and were all over each other but just as it was about to go further she started freaking out and left. She was in tears and seemed disgusted by me.

I am SCREWED now. This weekend we're invited to a BBQ at her parents farmhouse and we're supposed to stay for 2 nights. I'm scared her sister will get drunk and will tell my gf. She's a bit of a messy drinker.

Any advice on what to do?? Please go easy on me, I'm torn to pieces and feel guilty enough as it is. If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either. It's lose lose or can I turn it round?

Help, I'm only human and being honest and decided not to sugar coat anything.

Is that you Ross O Carroll Kelly?

Neyite

Irishguy1983, yellow card for breach of charter.

SuperSean11

People seem to be jumping to extremes. My advice is aimed towards the sister situation and not your overall relationship with your girlfriend. I don't know enough to comment on it and wouldn't want to. Just tell her what happened longer ya leave it the more it will blow up. It's not the biggest deal either.

LegacyUser

I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

This is n't gonna be pretty though, my gf is still in love and won't take this well. I won't tell her why either. I'll just end it. She keeps asking me what's wrong so she knows something's up anyway. Sigh. This sucks.

Penny Tration

sistershame wrote: »

I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

This is n't gonna be pretty though, my gf is still in love and won't take this well. I won't tell her why either. I'll just end it. She keeps asking me what's wrong so she knows something's up anyway. Sigh. This sucks.

For what it's worth, I think you've made the right decision.

Maybe take some time out from dating to, well, grow up a little bit. I don't mean to be rude saying that, but you're gonna need to be more mature to have a good relationship in the future.

LegacyUser

sistershame wrote: »

I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

It's the right choice but your reasoning is so immature. Your putting all the blame on them. Your GF because your not in love with her anymore implying it's her fault your no longer in love with her and the sister because she isn't to be trusted?!?! Dear lord OP try and learn something from this if you can and maybe, just maybe, you'll be a little more mature for your next relationship.

beks101

sistershame wrote: »

I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

Agree 1000000%.
As you well know, you're far from an innocent party in this OP and would do well to contemplate and get to the bottom of the serious lack of loyalty and respect that you've shown to your girlfriend.
But I've a sister too, she's not far in age from me and the thought of ever even CONSIDERING something RESEMBLING inappropriate with a boyfriend of hers physically repels me. It makes me want to retch.
No amount of 'hot' can disguise the fact that this sister is a nasty, nasty piece of work.

LegacyUser

There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

Chara1001

That's very cold, calculating and manipulative advice

Penny Tration

advocate344f wrote: »

There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

Op, do not do this.

Using two women, playing on one's insecurities, just for short term gain? What a disgusting person you'd be if you did that.

You have more decency than that. Your girlfriend deserves to be single, to find someone who truly loves her, and for her relationship with her sister to remain intact.

Yeah_Right

advocate344f wrote: »

There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

This is outstanding advice. You could have lots of fun. The thrill of it would be awesome.

Of course it would all eventually turn to sh1t and you would have to be prepared to walk away as soon as it does. But I reckon the buzz you would get from playing this game for a while would be worth it.

Bedtimebaby

advocate344f wrote: »

There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

I wholeheartedly agree with this advice OP, you need to do whats best for you now.

Flippyfloppy

advocate344f wrote: »

There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

I disagree, humans, much less sisters are not social experiments to learn from. OP has made up his mind anyhow.

Ann84

advocate344f wrote: »

There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

Someone's been watching too much House of Cards...
What an awful display of faceless vacant malace over the internet. If you knew any of these people, you would never suggest such a potentially damaging scenario. Sad.

Flippyfloppy

Ann84 wrote: »

Someone's been watching too much House of Cards...
What an awful display of faceless vacant malace over the internet. If you knew any of these people, you would never suggest such a potentially damaging scenario. Sad.

Either way, the sister is never going to agree to keep it quiet. She's absolutely disgusted with him, if he approaches her she'll definitely spill the beans. Me thinks Advocate has no experience with the female brain

Linka

sistershame wrote: »

I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

The fact of the matter is you should have split up with your girlfriend when you began to dislike her so much. You hung onto her for the sake of keeping her, incredibly selfish. The fact that you're willing to hook up with someone you fancy while with your gf indicates your relationship was dead in the water, you chose to cheat than be honest.

This is n't gonna be pretty though, my gf is still in love and won't take this well. I won't tell her why either. I'll just end it. She keeps asking me what's wrong so she knows something's up anyway. Sigh. This sucks.

I'd expect no less of you to be honest, the cowardly way out. I'm not talking about the kiss with her sister, I'm talking about what you should have said to her LONG before that. You need to tell her you don't feel the same anymore, and you think it's best that you part ways. This is a real persons feelings you're dealing with, you can't just land her with the 'you're dumped' bomb and leave her trying to make sense of it all. Leaving her and her sister alone would be the unselfish thing to do , and I hope you've learned a lesson here.

zozo339

Okay...I'm not sure how to put this really...you say that you're really torn up and in bits about what happened...yet you said confidence is attractive or whatever...well maybe stop acting an idiot and actually make your girlfriend feel confident, then you get best of both worlds. Women can be insecure, myself being a perfect example...yes I'm clingy to my boyfriend buuuuut that doesn't mean I can't act confident, women have ups and downs with their confidence but the one thing we need, is our man just giving us the feeling we look beautiful...being attentive p, etc. yeah, she may be annoying, but you're probably just as annoying to her really, if you wanna put this into perspective. I'm sorry but you basically tear your gf apart with your comments here, saying about how "wonderful" her sister is, if you fell in love with your girlfriend, and are apparently "still in love" (by the way it doesn't actually sound like you are!) then you shouldn't see anyone else in the picture, I'm not saying that as actually physically seeing them...like for example...your gf wears a stunning dress, walks in, is a bit fidgety but feels amazing, and you see her and think wow, and then her sis walks in and wears something stunning and your jaw drops...and you think wow...well NO because your eyes should only be on your girl...you haven't really had a lot of respect for this girl, and it's just because she cares that she is checking up and trying to pay you all of this attention...you just needed to see that and appreciate it and embrace it instead of seeing it as annoying or you could've spoken to her about it instead of having a quick fumble with her sister...a moments (you know h.....) can ruin everything and you need to control that in your trousers! Sad thing is, you're going to lose her, as one way or another someone's going to tell her, whether it be you or her sis, as her sis could get mad for some reason at you and blurt everything!! Be prepared for that.

As for her sister - she clearly (as someone has already said) has serious confidence issues and other issues if she is willing to go with her sisters man! She clearly does NOT have any respect for her sister what so ever, if she had even thought about it let alone done it now. This sort of thing just makes me angry as you're waking up to the fact there's going to be some serious consequences here...you and your girlfriend could've had something some beautiful, and yet it was ruined and is ruined by a bit of heated moment.. Yourl regret it. And possibly yourl realise how amazing your girlfriend really was by being faithful and just all those things, when she's gone.

zozo339

Oh and should I just say, if you did get the sister as your girlfriend, What happens when a girl "hotter than her" walks in the room? Yourl try it on with her as well? Can't you just appreciate what you have and try to make it work...how do you think couples of a 65 year marriage have made it through...left as soon as it was rough? Cheated as soon as an argument broke out? NO. God, please think about what you want from a woman, and just leave both of them alone, really that's what's best, yourl cause so much damage otherwise.

FurBabyMomma

Advocate your advice is repugnant. OP I'm glad you've decided on a break up, it's the decent thing to do. But please don't phrase it in a way that makes her feel it's your fault - several posters have now pointed out you tend to shirk the blame. Go enjoy the single life til you find the right relationship.