Hen parties...why not just one night as tradition?

Stheno

Boombastic wrote: »

doesn't everyone chip in and pay for the bride?

For three hens including one abroad?

I know where I'd be telling her to go

Boombastic

lazygal wrote: »

Three times and a wedding gift too?! I don't think so!

invite different people to each event? :pac:

Stheno

Stheno wrote: »

For three hens including one abroad?

I know where I'd be telling her to go

I did!! but I know I will still be invited to the wedding because they are depending on "Cards" to pay for it.

Stheno

Deleted User wrote: »

I did!! but I know I will still be invited to the wedding because they are depending on "Cards" to pay for it.

Will they have the cash to pay if the cards are just cards?

Boombastic

Boombastic wrote: »

doesn't everyone chip in and pay for the bride?

Do they??!!!! some brides have all the luck! no seriously, I don't think people would mind covering the brides dinner on a night out, but I think they'd draw the line at funding a trip to Lanzarote!!!

Stheno

Stheno wrote: »

Will they have the cash to pay if the cards are just cards?

No they would be totally screwed in all seriousness, they are both on the dole. I'm not giving them cash for this reason, I'm not going to be mean, I will give them a lovely present for their home, a nice piece of furniture or something.

Gatica

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

I hate to break it to you but you're not the only one who asks about sweet carts and chocolate fountains. It's a common theme.

It is, but it was a comment specific to "Chocolate fountains and candy carts". I don't think I've seen any other threads with those exact 2 phrases in them, at least not recently.
The relevant comment was quite specific and I doubt anyone would've thought of any other thread when reading it. but yes, on a forum one should have a thick skin...

illgetthere

lazygal wrote: »

I didn't have a hen party. I couldn't be arsed with one, organizing the wedding was enough work and enough focus on me as a bride. I know its the 'job' of a bridesmaid to do the hen night stuff but I didn't feel right expecting my bridesmaid to do that, she was busy enough and I don't regret not having one. Sure my friends all came to the actual celebration, my wedding!

I don't get why there is a need for a hen party at all, to be brutally honest. You're already asking people to celebrate your marriage at a wedding. Why a pre wedding party? Don't get me started on Americanisms like bridal showers and baby showers that are creeping into some people's worlds. Why do we need to celebrate every bloody thing?!

Can I ask what your friends thought of you not having a hen party??

I am getting married next year and have absolutely no desire for a hen party (my other half feels similar about stag parties!) but already I am feeling the pressure from my friends. Most of them live in different parts of Ireland and the UK and I think travelling for the wedding is more than enough without adding a hen party. Plus, it's just not my thing but I get the impression my friends would think I was, well a bit sad really(!) for not having a hen party

Gatica

Deleted User wrote: »

No they would be totally screwed in all seriousness, they are both on the dole. I'm not giving them cash for this reason, I'm not going to be mean, I will give them a lovely present for their home, a nice piece of furniture or something.

Why are you even going? Are these relatives you can't avoid?

Gatica

Gatica wrote: »

Why are you even going? Are these relatives you can't avoid?

I wish! no I cant really avoid it, the groom being my cousin practically grew up in my house, he's close to my parents, its just the way it is! It would look rude on my part if I didn't go, I just want to keep the peace!

Kate!!!

illgetthere wrote: »

Can I ask what your friends thought of you not having a hen party??

I am getting married next year and have absolutely no desire for a hen party (my other half feels similar about stag parties!) but already I am feeling the pressure from my friends. Most of them live in different parts of Ireland and the UK and I think travelling for the wedding is more than enough without adding a hen party. Plus, it's just not my thing but I get the impression my friends would think I was, well a bit sad really(!) for not having a hen party

My cousin didn't have a hen at all. She did have a few close friends to her house for a takeaway about a month before the wedding just for a chat/drink and it was a lovely night. We didn't call it a hen it was more of a get together. I think If you don't want one they don't feel pressures to . Do what makes you happy.

ABajaninCork

illgetthere wrote: »

Can I ask what your friends thought of you not having a hen party??

I am getting married next year and have absolutely no desire for a hen party (my other half feels similar about stag parties!) but already I am feeling the pressure from my friends. Most of them live in different parts of Ireland and the UK and I think travelling for the wedding is more than enough without adding a hen party. Plus, it's just not my thing but I get the impression my friends would think I was, well a bit sad really(!) for not having a hen party

I feel exactly the same, and HELL NO I didn't have a hen party. A few of my mates did squawk a bit, but I did point out I'm not a hen party person - I can't stand them. And they were already spending a lot of money travelling over to Cork from London, Jamaica and Barbados. My MoH had just had a baby, so I didn't think it was fair that more money be spent on an event I wouldn't enjoy.

And you know what? I couldn't have cared less...

lazygal

illgetthere wrote: »

Can I ask what your friends thought of you not having a hen party??

I am getting married next year and have absolutely no desire for a hen party (my other half feels similar about stag parties!) but already I am feeling the pressure from my friends. Most of them live in different parts of Ireland and the UK and I think travelling for the wedding is more than enough without adding a hen party. Plus, it's just not my thing but I get the impression my friends would think I was, well a bit sad really(!) for not having a hen party

Tbh I think they were delighted. I didn't really get any comments though.

Addle

I find it very difficult to believe that anyone would be genuinely disappointed that a bride to be chose not to have a hen night/weekend.

ABajaninCork

Addle wrote: »

I find it very difficult to believe that anyone would be genuinely disappointed that a bride to be chose not to have a hen night/weekend.

You'd be amazed. Weddings tend to bring out the worst in people - I have no clue why. People I thought would be chilled about mine, turned out to be an absolute nightmare and no bloody help at all. Others that I thought would be bossy and interfering, turned out to be absolutely brilliant. Gave me invaluable help and support as well as suggestions.

ABajaninCork

ABajaninCork wrote: »

. Weddings tend to bring out the worst in people - .

Truer words have never been spoken!!!!

illgetthere

I find that when it comes to weddings some people make huge assumptions about what they expect to happen just because its a wedding or because it's what they would do, without taking into account the personality or circumstances of the couple. Not everyone off course but some people just can't seem to fathom that you would do things evenly slightly difference to the norm!

Kate!!!

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Truer words have never been spoken!!!!

Completely agree

Kate!!!

Typer Monkey wrote: »

All mrsbyrne's posts on this forum are sneery and judgemental..don't know why she comes in here when everything about modern weddings seems to wind her up so much

Agreed ! I reckon she likes nothing more than to complain. 😄 she must have a lot of negative energy in her life !!!!

mrsbyrne

ABajaninCork wrote: »

You'd be amazed. Weddings tend to bring out the worst in people - I have no clue why. People I thought would be chilled about mine, turned out to be an absolute nightmare and no bloody help at all. Others that I thought would be bossy and interfering, turned out to be absolutely brilliant. Gave me invaluable help and support as well as suggestions.

Agreed!Some people who are perfectly normal in every way seem to transform into monsters as soon as a wedding appears on the horizon! A lot of women perfectly capable of running their own lives, holding down a job paying their rent maintaining relationships etc with no bother turn into needy attention seeking money wasting wretches as soon as the date is set.
Bridesmaids who spend their weekends slobbing around in sweatpants and t-shirt suddenly have avery high standard about what neckline of a dress suits them and what colour makes them washed out looking. Guests who would be normally considerate and compliant dinner guests suddenly start to decide that even though the invite states Mary and pat only that they can bring the whole house including their mother! theres no explanation!

mrsbyrne

Kate!!! wrote: »

Agreed ! I reckon she likes nothing more than to complain. 😄 she must have a lot of negative energy in her life !!!!

Kate Ive asked you nicely twice to stop bitching about me. Youve ignored me twice. Your determined to persist. Now I'm reporting this post to a mod.

Kate!!!

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Kate Ive asked you nicely twice to stop bitching about me. Youve ignored me twice. Your determined to persist. Now I'm reporting this post to a mod.

Bitching is a very strong word mrsbyrne . You seem to have some personal problem with me ? From what I see lots of people like me call you up on your judgemental comments !!! If you look back you will see I responded to you. Amazes me that you can dish out the comments yet can't take any back ? Pot kettle black I think !!!

Kate!!!

Kate!!! wrote: »

Bitching is a very strong word mrsbyrne . You seem to have some personal problem with me ? From what I see lots of people like me call you up on your judgemental comments !!! If you look back you will see I responded to you. Amazes me that you can dish out the comments yet can't take any back ? Pot kettle black I think !!!

Btw you cannot refer to your comments to me as nice !!!

CelticRambler

The Cool wrote: »

I have recently been on a hen weekend for a bride who has been living in England for the past two years, and a gang of 15 of us went, and it was absolutely brilliant because a lot of us hadn't hung out with the bride properly in such a long time, so we got to really make the most of it. If it had only been one night she would have been too stretched between us all, to get catching up properly.

Isn't that the whole point of the wedding reception, especially the afters? If the bride (or groom) is too stretched to catch up with friends in this day and age of mobile phones, texts, facebook, boards.ie even, then what sort of friends are they?

I'm with MrsByrne on this one - many so-called traditions are either new inventions, or events that have no connection at all with the original meaning. The honeymoon is the most absurd of the lot when the couple have probably been on half a dozen exotic holidays together already, but stag/hen parties are a close contender. If anything, it's five years into the marriage that the two of them will each need a night or two out on their own ...

mrsbyrne

Kate!!! wrote: »

Bitching is a very strong word mrsbyrne . You seem to have some personal problem with me ? From what I see lots of people like me call you up on your judgemental comments !!! If you look back you will see I responded to you. Amazes me that you can dish out the comments yet can't take any back ? Pot kettle black I think !!!

I cant have apersonal problem with you as i dont know you nor do I wish to know you. Actually ive put you on ignore now. This post has been reported as well as your now following me around this thread like a bad smell. Ignore means its pointless you replying to me any more as i wont be able to see it. Goodbye Kate.

mrsbyrne

CelticRambler wrote: »

Isn't that the whole point of the wedding reception, especially the afters? If the bride (or groom) is too stretched to catch up with friends in this day and age of mobile phones, texts, facebook, boards.ie even, then what sort of friends are they?

I'm with MrsByrne on this one - many so-called traditions are either new inventions, or events that have no connection at all with the original meaning. The honeymoon is the most absurd of the lot when the couple have probably been on half a dozen exotic holidays together already, but stag/hen parties are a close contender. If anything, it's five years into the marriage that the two of them will each need a night or two out on their own ...

Five years and a couple of kids celticrambler!

MsBubbles

We're getting married in September my 'hen party' was my close friends and family came over to my house for pizza and prosecco. My husband to be didn't have a stag.
He has no interest.

Addle

Addle wrote: »

Have you been to many weddings Kate?

Well?

Kate!!!

Addle wrote: »

Well?

Why the interest ?

eviltwin

I didn't have a hens either, my husband didn't have a stag. Both of us have a good mix of friends of both sexes so the idea of having a girls only / boys only event seemed a bit stupid. No one cared, we did have a few drinks as a group that some people considered a joint stag/hen but it was just a normal night out that everyone made an effort to go to, nothing special, no L plates or strippers or anything like that. Some people did think it was odd or a bit sad we didn't have one, one girl I work with feels I didn't have a full wedding experience but isn't that the great thing about weddings, that they are personal to the people involved and represent them?

Addle

Kate!!! wrote: »

Why the interest ?

Because I think your attitude to hens and weddings will change once you've been to a few.

There are wedding specific forums. You might be better off at one of them.

mrsbyrne

illgetthere wrote: »

Can I ask what your friends thought of you not having a hen party??

I am getting married next year and have absolutely no desire for a hen party (my other half feels similar about stag parties!) but already I am feeling the pressure from my friends. Most of them live in different parts of Ireland and the UK and I think travelling for the wedding is more than enough without adding a hen party. Plus, it's just not my thing but I get the impression my friends would think I was, well a bit sad really(!) for not having a hen party

If you are having a bridal party at all (i mean bridesmaids and groomsmen best man etc) you will probably need to get together for a rehearsal at some stage or even just to go over the logistics of the day. Maybe you could ask your bridesmaid organise a nice lunch with drinks that day and announce it as a rehearsal/stag/hen? But specify that you dont want any nasty surprises and will be upset if any arise?

Kate!!!

Addle wrote: »

Because I think your attitude to hens and weddings will change once you've been to a few.

There are wedding specific forums. You might be better off at one of them.

Well thank you for the advice however I am happy here! Yes I have in fact been to many weddings.

mrsbyrne

eviltwin wrote: »

I didn't have a hens either, my husband didn't have a stag. Both of us have a good mix of friends of both sexes so the idea of having a girls only / boys only event seemed a bit stupid. No one cared, we did have a few drinks as a group that some people considered a joint stag/hen but it was just a normal night out that everyone made an effort to go to, nothing special, no L plates or strippers or anything like that. Some people did think it was odd or a bit sad we didn't have one, one girl I work with feels I didn't have a full wedding experience but isn't that the great thing about weddings, that they are personal to the people involved and represent them?

A pal of mine became totally blotto at a hen where the bride (a mother of 3) was wearing L plates on a sash. My pal doesnt drink much and she started slagging the hen over these L plates and it all ended very badly. She (my pal) ended up mooning other revelllers outside the pub with the L plates stuck to the two cheeks of her backside and the poor hen in floods:eek:
You may not have had the "full wedding experience" according to your colleague but you probably feel just as married as she!

illgetthere

mrsbyrne wrote: »

If you are having a bridal party at all (i mean bridesmaids and groomsmen best man etc) you will probably need to get together for a rehearsal at some stage or even just to go over the logistics of the day. Maybe you could ask your bridesmaid organise a nice lunch with drinks that day and announce it as a rehearsal/stag/hen? But specify that you dont want any nasty surprises and will be upset if any arise?

Thanks, I like your thinking. We're are not actually having a bridal party. I'm sure I'll meet up with friends in the run up to the wedding and have drinks or whatever with them. I'm just don't feel that the organised hen-party weekend type affair is for me - and for some reason I feel the eyes of judgement on me for it!

Addle

Kate!!! wrote: »

Well thank you for the advice however I am happy here! Yes I have in fact been to many weddings.

You don't seem to know too much about weddings for having been to so many.

Kate!!!

Addle wrote: »

You don't seem to know too much about weddings for having been to so many.

Asking for opinions/costs does not mean I have never been to a wedding before !!!

Toots

OK this is the one on thread warning there's going to be. Sniping and bitching has to stop. Making personal comments about people is absolutely not on. I suggest everyone read the new charter at the top of the forum and make sure you're posts aren't going against the rules. Next poster who attacks another personally is getting a 7 day ban.

mrsbyrne

illgetthere wrote: »

Thanks, I like your thinking. We're are not actually having a bridal party. I'm sure I'll meet up with friends in the run up to the wedding and have drinks or whatever with them. I'm just don't feel that the organised hen-party weekend type affair is for me - and for some reason I feel the eyes of judgement on me for it!

Well, people seem to enjoy making other feel uncomfortable when they dont/wont knuckle down and conform. It definitely wasnt or isnt for me either or others on this thread. Just make sure no well meaning friends dont jump out of a corner at you one nite waving a pink plastic plonker and shouting surprise!

Electric Sheep

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Well, people seem to enjoy making other feel uncomfortable when they dont/wont knuckle down and conform. It definitely wasnt or isnt for me either or others on this thread. Just make sure no well meaning friends dont jump out of a corner at you one nite waving a pink plastic plonker and shouting surprise!

That really would be my idea of hell.

mrsbyrne

Electric Sheep wrote: »

That really would be my idea of hell.

Me too Apparently we're just not good"craic" people.

Kate!!!

All brides should have the night/nights they want !!! Whether it is a big lavish weekend away or a night in the pub. Having the night you want does not make you selfish if someone you invite doesn't want to attend that's their choice . If you don't do what you want you will regret it. Life is too short !

kkcatlou

Kate!!! wrote: »

All brides should have the night/nights they want !!! Whether it is a big lavish weekend away or a night in the pub. Having the night you want does not make you selfish if someone you invite doesn't want to attend that's their choice . If you don't do what you want you will regret it. Life is too short !

I agree....unless they are putting everybody else to loads of expense or hassle...for the simple reason that people either won't turn up or will resent being there and be no craic on the night!

With regard to what makes good craic on a hen - I don't think it was ever insinuated by anyone here that good craic is made up having willies and L plates everywhere and everybody getting stocious drunk. To me, what makes a good hen party is having lots of people, who actually want to be there, celebrating that somebody they care about is about to do something really special (get married) and show they care by getting involved in whatever it is the bride in question wants to do.

For me, that would be a bit of "organised fun" as in some way for all of my different groups of friends/ family to get to know each other before they socialise at our wedding. It definitely won't be willies and L plates and lots of gifts for me, and ridiculous amounts of drink. But I've been at hens where that was what they wanted, and I embraced it because the hens involved meant a lot to me!

Kate!!!

kkcatlou wrote: »

I agree....unless they are putting everybody else to loads of expense or hassle...for the simple reason that people either won't turn up or will resent being there and be no craic on the night!

With regard to what makes good craic on a hen - I don't think it was ever insinuated by anyone here that good craic is made up having willies and L plates everywhere and everybody getting stocious drunk. To me, what makes a good hen party is having lots of people, who actually want to be there, celebrating that somebody they care about is about to do something really special (get married) and show they care by getting involved in whatever it is the bride in question wants to do.

For me, that would be a bit of "organised fun" as in some way for all of my different groups of friends/ family to get to know each other before they socialise at our wedding. It definitely won't be willies and L plates and lots of gifts for me, and ridiculous amounts of drink. But I've been at hens where that was what they wanted, and I embraced it because the hens involved meant a lot to me!

I agree keep a group small and have those you want there and who want to be there only. No willies or L plates for me either 😄

Teyla Emmagan

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Well, people seem to enjoy making other feel uncomfortable when they dont/wont knuckle down and conform. It definitely wasnt or isnt for me either or others on this thread. Just make sure no well meaning friends dont jump out of a corner at you one nite waving a pink plastic plonker and shouting surprise!

Funny, isn't it? People don't seem to like people going there own way for some reason. As if it's a criticism of other people's choices if you don't do what they did. That you 'have' to do x, y or z.

The best hen night I was ever at was in a friend's house. She cooked dinner, there was 6 of us, and we spent the night chatting and laughing and telling old tales. It was actually lovely.

I would also like to add mrsbyrne that I for one enjoy your contribution to these threads, I find your perspective generally very interesting!

mrsbyrne

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Funny, isn't it? People don't seem to like people going there own way for some reason. As if it's a criticism of other people's choices if you don't do what they did. That you 'have' to do x, y or z.

The best hen night I was ever at was in a friend's house. She cooked dinner, there was 6 of us, and we spent the night chatting and laughing and telling old tales. It was actually lovely.

I would also like to add mrsbyrne that I for one enjoy your contribution to these threads, I find your perspective generally very interesting!

And I enjoy your contributions!
How many hens have found themselves tied to a chair with an aging stripper wiggling his family jewels 2cm from her nose while her mother in law looks on in never to be erased horror. And all because the matron of honor wanted some other girl to be the tackiest hen in the groups history.

ABajaninCork

Oh don't!! That happened at a hen I was at in Soho once. The bride just wanted a meal and a dance. She said NO STRPPERS!! Fair enough, I say. Suits me fine.

We were all dancing and having a good time when my boss comes round asking for £20. What for? I says. To get a lap dance for Jane she says. Are you sure? I thought she said no strippers?? Nah, she'll be fine. She'll love it says my boss. I had no money, intending to go to the cashpoint later, so I tell her that.

They got the stripper anyway. And guess what? The bride had an absolute screaming fit and rushed out of the place in tears. Killed the night stone dead...

After that? NO MORE HEN PARTIES!!!

xzanti

mrsbyrne wrote: »

an aging stripper wiggling his family jewels 2cm from her nose

How could you resist?

Kate!!!

That's terrible forcing a stripper on the girl. People have very little respect for what other people want . People try to live vicariously through others !!!

Electric Sheep

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Oh don't!! That happened at a hen I was at in Soho once. The bride just wanted a meal and a dance. She said NO STRPPERS!! Fair enough, I say. Suits me fine.

We were all dancing and having a good time when my boss comes round asking for £20. What for? I says. To get a lap dance for Jane she says. Are you sure? I thought she said no strippers?? Nah, she'll be fine. She'll love it says my boss. I had no money, intending to go to the cashpoint later, so I tell her that.

They got the stripper anyway. And guess what? The bride had an absolute screaming fit and rushed out of the place in tears. Killed the night stone dead...

After that? NO MORE HEN PARTIES!!!

Which just goes to show that one person't "great craic" is another person's miserable experience. Why do people need to force their tackiness on others?