Devestated

LegacyUser

I have recently lost my beloved cat if 14 years.

First of all I would like to apologise to anyone on here who have lost parents, partners, sons and daughter and feel that my issue is trivial by comparison. You might be right in a way but don't underestimate how strong an attachment I had to my poor little cat.

I am absolutely heartbroken and I don't know how I am going to fully recover from this. I have lost pets before but this one was different. Her and I were very close and she loved me more then anyone else. She was such a sweet natured, gentle and clever girl, she brought so much joy and love to my life. I see her wherever I look and can't believe I am never going to see her run towards me again, or have her sit on my lap again, or have her roll on her back for a tummy tickle. The NEVER going to happen anymore and I can't seem to accept that. I just want her back.

She has not been in the best of health over the last year but got very bad the last few days she was very bad. We were took her to the vets, which she hated and was terrified by, and they did blood tests and allowed me to take her home, we were hopeful and this point as the vet hadn't seemed as concerned as we though and was talking abut possible medication depending on what was wrong with her. Unfortunately she deteriorated drastically over night, she couldn't eat or sleep and was obviously in a lot of pain and discomfort. We had to take her back the next morning first thing as she was in a terrible state. I hates having t force her into the carrier when she was unwell, she was so scared and crying but we couldn't leave her like that. We new that there was little hope at this point.

The vet said they could try and operation but she might not survive it and that even if she did it is unlikely that she would have a decent quality of life later on that was without the treatment she would need for whatever was causing this. The vet said it was kinder to ut her down. We agrees because she was in a horrible way and very distressed.

There's part of me that wished that I had made them do the operation. She might have survived, she might have pulled though perhaps her condition was treatable, I could have nursed her if she needed it and money was even a consideration. But the other half of me says that she was suffering, old, week and was very unlikely to pull through at all leave alone get back to an acceptable standard of living. I wanted to give her every chance.

How am I going to cope with this. The imagine of her in pain, and off her struggling in the cat carrier afraid and finally of her lying dead on the vets table is haunting me.

I want her back, I want her in my arms, I want her to know I love her and for her to be happy again like she used to be. I want this so bad I think my heart will break.

Tokyo

Don't apologise OP - loss is loss, and it's obvious that this is affecting you deeply. I'm sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately the the very nature of having pets is that we are destined to outlast them. The only thing I can say really is to take solace in the fact that your cat had a long and healthy life, and that surgery may have just ensured another year or two of living, but suffering at the same time.

Maphisto

Sorry for your loss OP. As Mike said don't apologise for being sad.

I've lost close relatives and pets. They both made me sad. I don't try and rank them as to which made me sadder.

As I was reading your post I looked round for my dog, I know I'll be in exactly the same boat when his time comes. It doesn't mean I value humans any less.

Be kind to yourself and I hope you start to feel better soon.

eviltwin

I'm sorry for your loss, as a pet owner I don't buy the whole its "only" a cat/dog/rabbit etc, she was your pet, your companion and its natural to grieve them. I think maybe its harder because you don't feel you can talk it out, there is a fear that people will tell you you're being silly or insensitive to others but talking is good.

Its natural to think "what if" but you took the advice of the vet, a professional, so you have nothing to feel guilty about. As horrible as it is from our point of view seeing an animal being put to sleep it really is painless for them so she wouldn't have felt any pain or trauma.

Give yourself time to grieve xx

encore1

You poor thing. I was in the same situation last August so I know where you're coming from.
I know it was a tough decision but in the end it was the right one. She's not in any pain anymore and there's no more suffering for her.

I know you're thinking "what if" but she could have had the operation and it may not have worked or like the vet said, her quality of life would have been reduced, which would have only led to more suffering - for her and you!

She's at peace now and that's because of you. You did the right thing.

Of course you're heartbroken, she was your family for 14 years but the pain will ease eventually and you'll have a whole lifetime of memories to look back on.

Mind yourself OP x

Frigga_92

Very sorry for your loss OP. It's incredibly tough losing a pet because even in this day there is still a reluctance in a lot of people to acknowledge pets as huge important parts of our lives.

I had my beloved 4 year old great dane put to sleep 3 months ago. He suffered a short but serious illness and in the end he couldn't eat or go to the toilet so it was the best decision for him.
I am still absolutely heartbroken and cry very regularly for him. He has left a huge hole in my life.
I second guessed my decision for so long. What if he got better? What if the tablets started to work? What if this, what if that? But in my mind a dog being kept barely functioning on 8 tablets a day is no existence for a dog.
It does get easier though. I have found it helps to remember him when he was happiest and full of life and bounce and not sad and sick as he was towards the end.

Big Bag of Chips

If it helps at all, realise that if you had insisted on the operation it would have been more for your sake than hers. You would have insisted on the operation just so you could have kept her around for longer.

Life for her was never going to get good again. She was always going to be frail, and unwell and in need of nursing and care. You might have been more than happy to offer her all that care, but realistically you would just be prolonging her agony. In the end you did what was right for her.

It is a very very difficult decision to make, and it is heartbreaking to lose a pet. You will go through a grieving process that some will understand and some won't. But you are entitled to feel the way you do. You made the right decision, in the long run, for your pet. And in time you will accept that.

For now, you just need to grieve.

Oryx

We lost our wonderful dog three years ago. He got very sick very quickly but we couldn't bring ourselves to have him put to sleep. We held onto him longer than we should have in hindsight. He suffered dreadfully at the end. I still regret that we didn't make the decision to let him go sooner. So please take faith that you made the right choices for your cat, and you should have no regrets - you did not prolong her suffering needlessly.

Losing a pet hurts. You should not apologise for that. I sometimes think it's so hard because their love and trust is so unconditional. They accept us in a way people don't. You are allowed to cry and grieve in whatever way you need to. Why wouldn't you? Youve lost your best pal. Give yourself the time you need.

sadie06

This is a nice ongoing thread that you may find helpful: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054924749

LegacyUser

Hey OP here.

Thanks for the kind words everyone. It really helps to know that I am not the only one that goes through this when a pet goes and that the doubts are normal. That thread is great but it made me cry my eyes out! I have been crying a lot over the last few days, the sadness seems to come over me in wanted. It was awful today, coming back home and knowing she wouldn't be here waiting, wouldn't come running to me as soon as she saw me and howl for food, like she always did.

At times I can still see her big eyes looking up at me like she wanted me to help her, but I couldn't do anything, at times it's almost to much to bear.

Like one of the other posters said, I think it's particularly hard when you lose a pet because their love in so unconditional and they are some accepting of us. My poor Kitty only really loved me an one other person, she was so vulnerable and I couldn't help her at the end. I suppose you could say that I did help her.

Thanks again to everyone for taking the time. It is a great comfort.