Are ugliness and disability comparable disadvantages when dating??

onrail

Not sure if this will make me out to be a bollocks, but here it goes...

I recently began chatting to a girl on an online dating site, and we hit it off straight away. The conversation was witty, charming and put simply it just worked!

So after a few days of texting back and forth we concluded that we should meet. This was grand and we chatted for a while until she decided to 'drop the bombshell' (her words) that she has a 'mild' disability.

The messages from her immediately following this were filled with 'walk away' and such negative language. I assured her that this made no difference and we've been getting on really well ever since. I plan to meet her in the next couple of days.

So here's my question: when we meet and I witness this 'disability' (whatever it is) am I a terrible terrible person if it lessens my attraction to this girl? One justification (and I'm looking for one) is that if she decided that I'm too ugly to take things further (and I am dreadfully unforfortunate looking) I, and society, would have little problem with it.

What are peoples thoughts on this? Should i try to ignore whatever it is? Try to make it work? To be fair, if I met a girl out of my league, I would hope that she would do similar regarding my looks!

Sir Osis of Liver.

Maybe her fanny is where her face should be.

Either way,you're on a winner.

Frito

You're over thinking it.

You can't help who you're attracted to and the converse is true for her.

You seem to have chemistry, that's a good start. Just see what happens.

frag420

If she doesn't like you because your ugly then I would steal her crutches!!

End game right there!!

Curly Judge

It might work out.
It might not.
Either way I think you should meet.
Best of luck and please invite me to the wedding.:)

jamo2oo9

Ugliness, yes. Disability, no. I'd give them kudos for admitting they have a disability, mild or not. It takes balls to admit they have it.

Motivator

jamo2oo9 wrote: »

I'd give them kudos for admitting they have a disability, mild or not. It takes balls to admit they have it.

Why? If she turns up with 1 leg or a Hairlip then he'll soon spot it. She's just giving him a warning. If she's letting you know now then it's probably bad - bad enough for her to be on an internet dating website.

onrail

jamo2oo9 wrote: »

Ugliness, yes. Disability, no. I'd give them kudos for admitting they have a disability, mild or not. It takes balls to admit they have it.

What's there to admit!? I'd find out pretty quickly once we meet like!

The Th!ng

It's possible that "she" has a 9" cock, but can't get an erection.

Pwindedd

I concur, have a meet up and see what this mild disability is. You got the chemistry going on and that's always a good start. But if you find you can't get over it then don't feel bad. You're not a monster for being honest with yourself and over time it may be less of an issue if you continue to see her.

Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.

I've got a dodgy eye (squint) and my husband is a wee bit fat and half bald. We're made for each other though.

Legs.Eleven

You can´t control who your attracted to, OP and you´re not obliged to fancy someone either for whatever reason. Just see how it goes. I hope it does work out for you though as it seems you get along.

hfallada

Go on a date and see how it is. You might find that you dont have anything in common and that you just arent right for each other. Nothing to do with your looks or her "disability". Its better to have a ****ty date, than thinking you have missed out

catallus

She hasn't told you what the disability is?

Maphisto

Firstly I don't believe there are "leagues" at all, other than in people's heads. There are people that are attracted to each that go on to become couples and there are not - That's it.

So here's my question: when we meet and I witness this 'disability' (whatever it is) am I a terrible terrible person if it lessens my attraction to this girl?

No, but without knowing what the disability is you are running the risk of an awful lot of emotions - sympathy, pity, shock and you're going to try and not show it in your face?

One justification (and I'm looking for one) is that if she decided that I'm too ugly to take things further (and I am dreadfully unforfortunate looking) I, and society, would have little problem with it

That's all bollox. You either click or you don't.

Good Luck

onrail

catallus wrote: »

She hasn't told you what the disability is?

Nah. . its not immediately apparent from photos anyway! I can't go ahead and ask her like!

catallus

If she tells you she has a disability and won't say what it is I'd be suspicious of an entrapment gang.

Frito

As she brought it up of course you can ask. She doesn't have to tell you though.

onrail

onrail wrote: »

Nah. . its not immediately apparent from photos anyway! I can't go ahead and ask her like!

I should also add that I tried a bit of Facebook stalking (dont judge) and this disability wasn't apparent from photos on that either!

anncoates

She might just mean that her sense of mild is disabled, therefore just being a unnecessarily verbose way of conveying that she's bad tempered.

umop.episdn

jamo2oo9 wrote: »

Ugliness, yes. Disability, no. I'd give them kudos for admitting they have a disability, mild or not. It takes balls to admit they have it.

Her having balls isn't a disability.... Is it?

Maphisto

onrail wrote: »

Nah. . its not immediately apparent from photos anyway! I can't go ahead and ask her like!

Why not?

catallus

onrail wrote: »

I should also add that I tried a bit of Facebook stalking (dont judge) and this disability wasn't apparent from photos on that either!

She may be being strange with her words and suggesting something like depression.

Or she may be a member of a gang. Who knows?

You will OP. If we hear nothing back we can assume you're dead, right?

Holsten

Depends on the disability.

umop.episdn

onrail wrote: »

I should also add that I tried a bit of Facebook stalking (dont judge) and this disability wasn't apparent from photos on that either!

It's probably not physical, it could be a neurological or mental disability?
Mild asbergers or bat**** crazy

Reedsie

She's probably reading this...

frag420

Maphisto wrote: »

You either click or you don't

That's probably her hip...

Frito

umop.episdn wrote: »

It's probably not physical, it could be a neurological or mental disability?
Mild asbergers or bat**** crazy

It could be a movement disorder, obviously not visible in a photo.

Pointless to speculate though, just ask her OP.

Reedsie

Paddy_R wrote: »

She's probably reading this...

Oh maybe she's blind!

ratmouse

Maybe she has impaired hearing or a speech impediment, something that isn't visible from the photos you have seen. I would be focusing on the fact that thus far, you click very well with each other and go along on a date and take it from there.

El Weirdo

Paddy_R wrote: »

Oh maybe she's blind!

^This.

Win-win.

onrail

El Weirdo wrote: »

^This.

Win-win.

Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

Duck's hoop

You make a joke about homosexuality or depression on here and get slaughtered.

Disability issues? Out roll (:/) all the puns and bad taste possible.

Shìtkicking crackers.

bmm

Motivator wrote: »

it's probably bad - bad enough for her to be on an internet dating website.

What a nasty and ignorant thing to say! Some motivator you are !

KyussBishop

Ask her?

D1stant

Don't sweat it OP. Go and meet and have a chat. And give yourself a break

_Whimsical_

If she brought it up in conversation she expected you to ask her what it is. She was probably putting it out there to see how you would react. If it was me I'd find it incredibly odd if you reacted by not asking any questions. I definitely would not be more comfortable with the idea that someone had no curiosity at all about me.

I say ask her when next you chat online. Sometimes when you're caught off guard by revelation about someone you react strangely and you'd love to go back and relive that moment but you never get it back.If you ask her online you at least get a moment or two to yourself to be surprised and then compose yourself before you respond and react. A disability can be confronting too so it might be that at first you're put off but if you talk to her and learn a little more about it you might realize it's something you can totally handle. You might even like and admire her more for her story. However all this is really not easily done on a first date.
If she's over 18 and has a disability you can be sure she's used to talking about it and answering questions and she'd probably rather you ask than just draw your own conclusions based on noticing but nodding and smiling as if you don't.

Sir Osis of Liver.

catallus wrote: »

She may be being strange with her words and suggesting something like depression.

Or she may be a member of a gang. Who knows?

You will OP. If we hear nothing back we can assume you're dead, right?

Or a depression gang.
Miserable bastards that kick the head off you.

Mr. Incognito

Is she from Leitrim. Mild disability right there.

Legs.Eleven

Maybe she has debilitatingly massive mamos?

fussyonion

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Maybe she has debilitatingly massive mamos?

Here you! Go back and get those tomatoes!

Spunge

nymphomania for sure

Dublinstiofán

I'd say her cocks bigger than yours and she doesn't want you to feel inadequate.

Just make sure you meet her in a public place, but not very public, you don't want her to feel self conscious about her hump!

rockbeast

Hot and disabled >>> Ugly and abled

Everytime

Daveysil15

Well op, don't get offended if she calls you a bastard. She may mild tourettes. Take a chance and see how it goes.

caustic 1

Tsk, I have no patience, can't wait now see how you get on. Better keep us posted op.

Czarcasm

"Comparable disadvantages"? Honestly OP, the only disability I can see here is your lack of self-esteem - "She's disabled but I'm ugly so we're both at a disadvantage".

The idea itself is just laughable. Shouldn't you be looking to enhance each others lives, not point out each others faults! Genuinely it sounds like you could guilt trip each other into a relationship because you both have such low self-esteem you think all you deserve is each other!

umop.episdn

Czarcasm wrote: »

"Comparable disadvantages"? Honestly OP, the only disability I can see here is your lack of self-esteem - "She's disabled but I'm ugly so we're both at a disadvantage".

The idea itself is just laughable. Shouldn't you be looking to enhance each others lives, not point out each others faults! Genuinely it sounds like you could guilt trip each other into a relationship because you both have such low self-esteem you think all you deserve is each other!

Sounds like a recipe for a successful Catholic marriage!

Soft Falling Rain

Czarcasm wrote: »

"Comparable disadvantages"? Honestly OP, the only disability I can see here is your lack of self-esteem - "She's disabled but I'm ugly so we're both at a disadvantage".

The idea itself is just laughable. Shouldn't you be looking to enhance each others lives, not point out each others faults! Genuinely it sounds like you could guilt trip each other into a relationship because you both have such low self-esteem you think all you deserve is each other!

Disabled or not, it's never a good sign when someone is telling you to "walk away" before anything has even really started.

rockbeast

Soft Falling Rain wrote: »

Disabled or not, it's never a good sign when someone is telling you to "walk away" before anything has even really started.

Maybe she can't "walk away":eek:

Neeson

Maybe she doesn't have a vagina?

The Diabolical Monocle

Neeson wrote: »

Maybe she doesn't have a vagina?

Maybe she has two.