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I slapped my 3 year old

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    #122
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    Zulu wrote: »
    Apologies! I mistook your meaning for an excuse to slap. If you're being purely objective - then yes, you are probably entirely correct, but I'd argue the symantics of the word "valuable" in your post. :o

    I can see where you got confused , if I was on my laptop I would strike through the word valuable!

    Another thing for all the parents who deal with bad behaviours with slaps and not explanations/withdrawing of treats. When I started working with kids there was one child who began to misbehave badly. Biting everyone etc. no matter what we did we were failing at stopping her. And we quickly found out why when the sad said to me 'give ____ a slap, that's what we do' no wonder the child did not care about what we thought. It wasn't punishment compared to what happened at home.

    So parents who use slapping beware that no one else in the real world will do the same to your child nor should they. So the likelihood is that you'll have an obedient child at home but a child who runs riot in school and around other adults.


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    #123
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    diveout wrote: »
    Look I'm not saying it's ok. I've divorced myself from the moral argument and more involved in the practical argument.

    When needs don't get met, and people are under extreme stress, **** happens.

    So for example, in the US right now, returned soldiers with PTSD are one of the strongest committers of domestic violence. They need help, not judgement, as do a lot of people who are under extreme stress.

    Expecting too much from human capacity is not going to help either carers or their kids. They need help.

    Wait a minute, I have every sympathy for someone suffering from PTSD or depression but that won't absolve them of blame for their actions. I'm not sitting in judgement on people here, that's just a fact. Mental illness is a huge burden for a person and they need every help and support they can get in recovering from it. One of the twelve steps for recovering from addiction is to apologise for your actions to the people you have wronged. Only through acknowledgement of what you've done wrong, can you help yourself to move on and be a better person.

    The OP was clearly shocked by what she has done and has decided to look for ways to better handle the situation in the future. That is extremely commendable imo. Justifying slapping a child because you're tired or you couldn't reason with them isn't right.


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    #124
    diveout
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭diveout


    Zulu wrote: »
    hummm. That's fine once it's established that the behavior is wrong, but I'm not sure that's been established.

    People seem to accept that domestic violence is wrong (against adults - leaving the obvious gender arguments out of this), but it would appear that there is a sizable group that doesn't extend that to children.

    Yes I can see what you are saying- there is a gap there.

    However, I think there is a DV hysteria going around. When I was growing up DV was about a pattern of abuse where there were real physical consequences.

    Now it's someone gets shoved and oh call the cops! Go get a restraining order!

    So I think a perspective has been lost.

    OP doesn't 'use slapping' as a method of discipline as has been suggested here. She was under extreme stress, snapped, showed remorse, and wants to fix things. And there should be discernment when people look at these things and to look at them in context.

    None of us know the wider context of her family, her home life and her parenting either or her child.


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    #125
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    diveout wrote: »
    Carers are known for losing it sometimes.

    When needs aren't met...this kind of stuff happens.

    Taking that to it's logical conclusion, a person could justify raping someone because their needs weren't being met…


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    #126
    diveout
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭diveout


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    Taking that to it's logical conclusion, a person could justify raping someone because their needs weren't being met…

    See.... this is a total lack of discernment in looking at the context of the OP and so unnecessary.


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    #127
    diveout
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭diveout


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    This thread is beginning to scare me :(

    Well, then life should scare you because that is a reality.


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    #128
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    diveout wrote: »
    See.... this is a total lack of discernment in looking at the context of the OP and so unnecessary.

    It's not about a lack of discernment, I'm just pointing out the fallacy of your argument.


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    #129
    diveout
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭diveout


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    It's not about a lack of discernment, I'm just pointing out the fallacy of your argument.

    This isn't a debate at your local debating society. This is a parent who was in crisis.


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    #130
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    diveout wrote: »
    This isn't a debate at your local debating society. This is a parent who was in crisis.

    So what, logic goes out the window?


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    #131
    wexfordman2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,555 ✭✭✭wexfordman2


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    As you say this is slightly off topic but it is incredibly irresponsible to adopt a learn as you go attitude as you are then unable to deal with new issues as they arise. In my profession if I adopted the learn as you go I would have been fired long ago and parenting is much more important than that. Are you telling me that you were presented with a baby and had no idea what to do with it? You had to learn as you went how to change a nappy, feed it, wind it etc etc? Most parents in my experience at the least attend classes prior to the birth (at a bare minimum). As a new parent I realised I couldn't know it all so it makes sense to read the work of experts who have experience of hundreds of children to better look after my own. I am not sure why you are so shocked by books. They are ubiquitous in the shops which would mean that they must be pretty popular. It would have been incredibly arrogant of me to assume that I would make all of the correct decisions as I went along. There seems to be a reluctance with people to admit that they do not know it all.
    If I were you I would take a step back and assess how prepared you are for issues that may arise. For example if your child inhales water or gets an electric shock do you know what to do?
    What will you do if your child is bullied or a bully. How will you deal with puberty? Waiting until these issues arise seems irresponsible in the extreme (to me at least).


    That's hilarious. Not sure of your based in Ireland or not but i can assure you that attending classes to learn how to be a parent is not the norm, and Irish mammies and daddies are the greatest :-)


    I have two kids and never went to parenting classes, never needed to, and all of the parents I know are in exactly the same boat.


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    #132
    wexfordman2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,555 ✭✭✭wexfordman2


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    True but I would rather have too much information and then make a judgement call rather than no information and muddle through based on 'trial and error'.


    Trial and error ?

    Did you learn nothing from your own parents ?


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    #133
    diveout
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭diveout


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    Taking that to it's logical conclusion, a person could justify raping someone because their needs weren't being met…

    No you actually couldn't. Rape has nothing to do with this thread.

    You seem to consistently confuse two things:

    Justification with explanation and blame with responsibility.


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    #134
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    wexfordman2 wrote: »
    Trial and error ?

    Did you learn nothing from your own parents ?

    I learned not to hit kids from my parents, after the mental damage it did to me.

    Regardless of peoples' views on corporal punishment (I don't condone even a slap on the bum, but can understand it tbh), slapping a child ACROSS THE FACE is wrong.


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    #135
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,385 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    wexfordman2 wrote: »
    Trial and error ?

    Did you learn nothing from your own parents ?
    Big difference between being brought up and raising your own. Life in this country has changed enormously since I was a child anyway.
    wexfordman2 wrote: »
    That's hilarious. Not sure of your based in Ireland or not but i can assure you that attending classes to learn how to be a parent is not the norm, and Irish mammies and daddies are the greatest :-)


    I have two kids and never went to parenting classes, never needed to, and all of the parents I know are in exactly the same boat.

    Really? My wife had 6-7 pre natal classes. I went to three or four of them too. I thought this was pretty standard but maybe I am wrong.

    And Irish parents are not the best. A basic history lesson will show you that but that is a conversation for another thread


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    #136
    wexfordman2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,555 ✭✭✭wexfordman2


    green_screen wrote: »
    I learned not to hit kids from my parents, after the mental damage it did to me.

    Regardless of peoples' views on corporal punishment (I don't condone even a slap on the bum, but can understand it tbh), slapping a child ACROSS THE FACE is wrong.


    So, you learnt from your parents based on your experience of their parenting.


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    #137
    TireeTerror
    Registered Users Posts: 2,271 ✭✭✭TireeTerror


    January wrote: »
    Actually, not going to bother. Don't feed the troll people, will deal with it as soon as I get to a laptop.

    What is your problem here?

    I was very clear in what I said and it certainly is not trolling. Just because I do not like kids screaming and ruining my precious spare time and I'm willing to speak out about it, does not make me a troll. I did mention about being a troll, but I was referring to the actual event taking place, not what I was doing while posting about it.

    I understand many people take parenting very seriously and thats fair enough, but just because not every single person shares the same view is no reason to start calling people a troll and making statements like yours. I take it you're implying a yellow card or some form of ban which may be a facility you cannot use abuse on your mobile device. I consider this a form of bullying, where you are stifling open debate by threatening my posting privileges. I just think its very sad if that is the case.

    Do not think I am alone either. There are many people I know who cannot stand the sight of children screaming and having a tantrum. Yes of course it is a stage in a child's development, but its not my child, so while they are acting like that, please keep them out of sight as much as possible.

    The children taking a fit is not the worst of it anyway, its actually usually the parents reaction which is most damning. Dragging the child dangling by one arm, with a basket in the other, screaming at them to shut up, to one particularly pleasant time when I heard a mother shout at her child "SHUUUUUUUUT UP or I will give you something to cry about, I will break every bone in your damn body!!!!". That was time time I did not laugh, it just made me think to myself "OMG I never ever want to have any kids, I don't want them to drive me that insane that I would act like that".


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    #138
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    diveout wrote: »
    No you actually couldn't. Rape has nothing to do with this thread.

    You seem to consistently confuse two things:

    Justification with explanation and blame with responsibility.

    Considering that we are on two different sides of the argument in terms of physical punishment, naturally what you'd consider as an explanation of why you would hit a child, I'd see as justification.

    I'll be honest in saying I don't know what you're getting at in terms of the blame/responsibility issue.


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    #139
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Thread closed, the OP has gotten enough advice and it is turning into a debate on whether or not slapping a child is ok, which is not what the thread was started for.


This discussion has been closed.
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