Gents, would you take your girlfriend's surname after you got married?

newport2

I Heart Internet wrote: »

Men - would you take on your girlfriend's surname when you got married?

No, but I wouldn't expect my wife to take mine unless she wanted to (which she did). I'd never want to change my name for any reason, it's who I am.

jimgoose

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

No woman would ever be dumb enough to marry me so that's not gonna be an issue...

I dunno - if I was a woman I'd nearly marry you just so I could be called Mrs. Jimina Goose-Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo. :pac::pac::pac:

newport2

jimgoose wrote: »

I like double-barrel names, and I think they're a fine idea to ensure that the wife's (usually) name doesn't fade through lack of use. I'd reckon that's why the toff types in Blighty do it - chances are that both families of a young married couple would be considered quite "important" in a heraldic context.

--
Yours,

General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay-Melchett. Bah!!

What about the next generation when Mr. Mahony-Smith meets Ms. Fitzpatrick-Hagan.

They're a lovely couple, the Mahony-Smith-Fitzpatrick-Hagan's.

oldyouth

jimgoose wrote: »

I like double-barrel names, and I think they're a fine idea to ensure that the wife's (usually) name doesn't fade through lack of use. I'd reckon that's why the toff types in Blighty do it - chances are that both families of a young married couple would be considered quite "important" in a heraldic context.

--
Yours,

General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay-Melchett. Bah!!

And what happens when Mr Double Barrel has a child with Miss Double Barrel. What do they call that offspring?

newport2

oldyouth wrote: »

And what happens when Mr Double Barrel has a child with Miss Double Barrel. What do they call that offspring?

Ms Quadruple Barrel

Sleepy

I'd take my wife's surname before I'd double-barrel anyone's names.

Neither my wife nor my daughter have my surname since my step-son already had her surname and if there's to be an "odd-one-out" in the family, better it's the 30-something year old man than the 8 year old boy. It probably would have made sense for me to take her surname tbh but it's just so far outside "the norm" in Ireland that I'd have felt like one of those "right-on" wankers by doing so...

jimgoose

newport2 wrote: »

What about the next generation when Mr. Mahony-Smith meets Ms. Fitzpatrick-Hagan.

They're a lovely couple, the Mahony-Smith-Fitzpatrick-Hagan's.

oldyouth wrote: »

And what happens when Mr Double Barrel has a child with Miss Double Barrel. What do they call that offspring?

Triple- and quad-barrells do result, but I think most people are sensible about it! :pac:

Wabbit Ears

I find that I automatically loose a lot of respect for people who use boublebarreled names like theyre just incapable of making a decision or something. I mean if you cant get your sh1t together to stick with our own or take your partners name then really, you're a bit of a spa.

As for a guys taking their wifes name, Its not something Id do personally but I really cant see a good reason why not, especially if her names better then your own!

oldyouth

oldyouth wrote: »

And what happens when Mr Double Barrel has a child with Miss Double Barrel. What do they call that offspring?

Why do people ask this every single time as if it's some kind of trump card?
You don't think any of the countries who commonly have DB have thought of this?

newport2

jimgoose wrote: »

Triple- and quad-barrells do result, but I think most people are sensible about it! :pac:

Then we'd have to argue over whose name goes first.

Newport-Goose or Goose-Newport?

_Redzer_

bluewolf wrote: »

Sometimes a child has their mother's surname.

Don't really get the snobbery against double barrels tbh

Neither do I, but I wonder what happens when two double-barrels marry each other and have kids?

Dear god I'd hate having to sort out that mess!

newport2

bluewolf wrote: »

Why do people ask this every single time as if it's some kind of trump card?
You don't think any of the countries who commonly have DB have thought of this?

You're very deffensive of DB names bluewolf. Do you have one?

jimgoose

newport2 wrote: »

Then we'd have to argue over whose name goes first.

Newport-Goose or Goose-Newport?

I think Goose-Newport has a nicer ring to it. :cool:

Humanbean

I Heart Internet wrote: »

The tradition of a child taking their father's name simplifies genealogy. My father was Mr. Internet, his father was Mr. Internet, his father....etc.

Abandon that certainty and, in 150 years time, genealogy records will be a complete mess.

I am not sure that living your life entirely with the aim of making things easier for some unknown academic in future centuries is a particularly good idea. What if you want to move house - or the country - the horror, the horror!

andy1981

My wife took my second name when we got married. I would not take hers because, as many have said, I like my second name.. That's who I am, where I came from. I would have had no issue with my wife keeping her Maiden name at the same time.
Thinking about this I have realised I feel like I am more of a "insert my second name here" and closer to my fathers side of the family. For that reason I am glad my wife took my second name. Our daughter has my second name and I would have an issue if she didnt.

Rothko

Why not? I don't see the big deal with it, to be honest.

newport2

newport2 wrote: »

You're very deffensive of DB names bluewolf. Do you have one?

No, I don't, I just don't get the complete freak out people have about them

anto3473

Wonder how all this will work out when same sex marriage becomes legal... My own thinking is both should keep their own surnames or both should use the surname of one partner, the surname to be kept of course should be decided by hand to hand combat.

jimgoose

bluewolf wrote: »

No, I don't, I just don't get the complete freak out people have about them

The Sasenachs! The Sasenach, I tells ya!! Hairy Japanese Bastards!!

ash23

My daughter has my name so if I were to get married I don't think I'd take my husbands name. It may cause issues if we were to have more kids though as I'd like them all to have the same name so logically the easiest thing would be to have them all take my name.

However, I think a lot of men would have a problem with that and I'm not sure why really.

I know a guy from school took his wifes name as she had children and then they had more kids and they wanted all the kids to have the same name so the easiest was for him to change his name.

I don't really get the big deal to be honest. If it's easiest then why not? I don't get this notion of "carrying on the family name". My dad is always on about that because we are all girls and other than me, the others all changed their names and their kids no longer have our family surname. Big whoop. It's just a name.

czechlin

My uncle hated his surname. He was picked on over it as a kid and said that he doesn't want his kids to go trough the same. But he didn't want to take my auntie's surname either so they looked up his family tree and picked a surname they liked in the end.

I quite like the way the Spanish deal with this. I don't think I'd have a problem taking up the husband's name (if I'll ever get to marry someone) unless I really disliked it. I don't think any man would pick my surname because it's a pain in the head (especially living abroad). Double barrels don't bother me.

Inconspicuous

ash23 wrote: »

My daughter has my name so if I were to get married I don't think I'd take my husbands name. It may cause issues if we were to have more kids though as I'd like them all to have the same name so logically the easiest thing would be to have them all take my name.

However, I think a lot of men would have a problem with that and I'm not sure why really.

I know a guy from school took his wifes name as she had children and then they had more kids and they wanted all the kids to have the same name so the easiest was for him to change his name.

I don't really get the big deal to be honest. If it's easiest then why not? I don't get this notion of "carrying on the family name". My dad is always on about that because we are all girls and other than me, the others all changed their names and their kids no longer have our family surname. Big whoop. It's just a name.

Its an interesting situation.

Personally I didn't mind if my wife took my second name or not (she has for her personal life but kept her own name for professional life).

But one of the discussions I had with her was about the name we would give our children and agreed that it would be mine. I felt strongly about this one for many reasons. Firstly, and I will admit this, is plainly down to traditional male sterotype of wanting his offspring to have his family name.

But more importantly, i also believed that it would be more difficult for me as a father to have a child with a diffent second name. If travelling abroad alone with my child I have no doubt that as a male travelling with a child of a different name I would most certainly be scrutinised more closely by security officials rather than if I was a female.

Likewise in emergency situations like brining a child to hospital I beleive that I would be treated more suspiciously bringing in a child who didn't have the same name as me and having to try and actually prove that it is my child and I am the next of kin rather than a mother who can simply say she kept her maiden name.

This I feel is down to the common acceptance in Irish society that in the vast majority of cases, Irish children have their father's name.

And to clarify......this is just my perception!! It may not actually be the case, but I really didn't want to find out

Skylinehead

I Heart Internet wrote: »

The problem is not for her. It is for genealogists 200 years from now who have no clue who she's related to...

Forgive me if I don't give two craps about some genealogist who I'm never going to meet.

Maximus Alexander

Yeah, I'd take it and replace it with mine.

SterlingArcher

Anyone that double barrel their surname. Was lucky he was not born in Sparta. For he would have been tossed in the pit like the little runt.

CrabRevolution

From what I've seen, in a lot of cases when a child is given a double barrelled surname (one from each parent), they nearly always drop the mother's name and just use their father's surname.

A few lads in my school would have gone by say John Smith, but it'd only be when they got some official cert or document that you'd see their full name is actually John Murphy-Smith or something.

poundapunnet

See, I've used my surname for stuff that I'd like to come up if people google me, but on the other hand my name is long (12+ characters) and it's actually a pain sometimes, doesn't always fit on forms and stuff. I guess basically it'd depend on the new name and how much I liked it. I have a gaelic given name so if I ended up getting hitched to a Ms. Garcia or something I might change it for the craic to make myself seem more interesting :pac:

anto3473 wrote: »

Wonder how all this will work out when same sex marriage becomes legal... My own thinking is both should keep their own surnames or both should use the surname of one partner, the surname to be kept of course should be decided by hand to hand combat.

That's actually the accepted way to decide who gets to wear the dress too!

FunLover18

I wouldn't but I wouldn't insist that the girl take my name either.

MieshaTate

I don't see what the big issue is??

ash23

Inconspicuous wrote: »

Its an interesting situation.

Personally I didn't mind if my wife took my second name or not (she has for her personal life but kept her own name for professional life).

But one of the discussions I had with her was about the name we would give our children and agreed that it would be mine. I felt strongly about this one for many reasons. Firstly, and I will admit this, is plainly down to traditional male sterotype of wanting his offspring to have his family name.

But more importantly, i also believed that it would be more difficult for me as a father to have a child with a diffent second name. If travelling abroad alone with my child I have no doubt that as a male travelling with a child of a different name I would most certainly be scrutinised more closely by security officials rather than if I was a female.

Likewise in emergency situations like brining a child to hospital I beleive that I would be treated more suspiciously bringing in a child who didn't have the same name as me and having to try and actually prove that it is my child and I am the next of kin rather than a mother who can simply say she kept her maiden name.

This I feel is down to the common acceptance in Irish society that in the vast majority of cases, Irish children have their father's name.

And to clarify......this is just my perception!! It may not actually be the case, but I really didn't want to find out

If you took her name it wouldn't be an issue though.

Bannasidhe

I Heart Internet wrote: »

The tradition of a child taking their father's name simplifies genealogy. My father was Mr. Internet, his father was Mr. Internet, his father....etc.

Abandon that certainty and, in 150 years time, genealogy records will be a complete mess.

Not at all.

Most modern genealogy uses birth registration records so the parent(s) names are there. There really is no difference to searching mother's surname rather than fathers...

yes - I do genealogical research professionally.

Bannasidhe

murphyebass wrote: »

I'll probably be seen as sexist by saying this but I genuinely think its a really nice tradition for the woman to take the mans surname in marriage.

edit .. so to answer the op, no I definately would not take her name as I believe it should be her taking mine.

A tradition introduced by the English some 400 years ago.

Gaelic Irish women never changed their surname after marriage but that was too 'Irish' for the Tudors so they outlawed it on pain of death.

Bannasidhe

Skylinehead wrote: »

Forgive me if I don't give two craps about some genealogist who I'm never going to meet.

Hello.

I am a historian and genealogist.

Be nice to me.

CelticRambler

Inconspicuous wrote: »

But more importantly, i also believed that it would be more difficult for me as a father to have a child with a diffent second name. If travelling abroad alone with my child I have no doubt that as a male travelling with a child of a different name I would most certainly be scrutinised more closely by security officials rather than if I was a female.
...
And to clarify......this is just my perception!! It may not actually be the case, but I really didn't want to find out

Inconspicuous, it's not just a perception, it's a very real concern in some countries - like France, where a child cannot leave the country with an adult who has a different surname unless they're carrying a written authorisation by the same-surname parent. As there's already a well-established tradition in France for wives not to use their husband's names, recent changes in child protection legislation have seen raised eyebrows at border controls, for both mothers and fathers.

From a purely administrative point of view, choosing one or other name for all members of the family makes sense. There doesn't seem to be much point in marriage (same sex or otherwise) if the two individuals are determined to keep everything separate - names, finances, property, children, etc.

Paramite Pie

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Idiot parents make idiot children.

Really? I know a lot of people who are nothing like their parents.

Brien

Where I work, three men have taken their wives names, and strangely they all took it for different reasons. One married a farmer with her family name being also their well known brand name, he said he was getting a great deal for giving it up! The next guy had the situation from earlier where his now wife already had a son with her name, and she didn't wanna change it. Last guy plain and simple hated his parents and did it out of spite, as he was an only child, and without cousins.
I like my name, and honestly while I'm living abroad I get a kick out of austrian people trying to pronounce my kids names.

bumper234

If her name was Hilton? Sure i would

Pumpkinseeds

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

I find that I automatically loose a lot of respect for people who use boublebarreled names like theyre just incapable of making a decision or something. I mean if you cant get your sh1t together to stick with our own or take your partners name then really, you're a bit of a spa.

As for a guys taking their wifes name, Its not something Id do personally but I really cant see a good reason why not, especially if her names better then your own!

So you don't respect people with a double barrel surname heh, well I don't respect your lack of punctuation so screw you:P

coorsman

Whatever works for you is what counts. If anyone wants to change or keep a surname it is their own choice and own business.

My girlfriends surname originates in another Euro country and the surname is rather rare there. I want her to keep her name in the future and totally agree with our future kids using her surname. I intend to keep my own surname as I'm so used to it at this stage......... Your surname does not define who you are - your actions do. Im proud of my Irish family history but it is history and I hope our kids will be proud of their Mom and Dads family history in their own good time.

Grand Moff Tarkin

My other half counts her blessing every morning that she was able to change to my family name as her lot are a thundering shower of c***s.

spookymuffin

Got married last year and my husband took my name.

I'm a traditionalist in so far as I wanted us (and any future children) to have the same surname, but we didn't think that I should have to take his name just because of our genders.

We sat down and spoke about it as equals, and it was actually a really easy decision. I'm very attached to my name while, for personal reasons, he didn't feel the same way about his.

Legally, it's been grand. He just presents our marriage certificate whenever he needs to get his name changed in records/documents.

CL7

I didn't/wouldn't take wife's surname but wouldn't judge anyone who did. My wife took mine but she wanted to keep her own as well.

So there are some people out there who think my wife is an idiot (she's not) when they hear she has a double barrelled surname. Mother of God!

Paddy Cow

CelticRambler wrote: »

Inconspicuous, it's not just a perception, it's a very real concern in some countries - like France, where a child cannot leave the country with an adult who has a different surname unless they're carrying a written authorisation by the same-surname parent. As there's already a well-established tradition in France for wives not to use their husband's names, recent changes in child protection legislation have seen raised eyebrows at border controls, for both mothers and fathers.

From a purely administrative point of view, choosing one or other name for all members of the family makes sense. There doesn't seem to be much point in marriage (same sex or otherwise) if the two individuals are determined to keep everything separate - names, finances, property, children, etc.

I don't know why they don't just put the names and passport numbers of the parents on a child's passport. Would save a lot of hassle going through customs.

poundapunnet

spookymuffin wrote: »

Got married last year and my husband took my name.

I'm a traditionalist in so far as I wanted us (and any future children) to have the same surname, but we didn't think that I should have to take his name just because of our genders.

We sat down and spoke about it as equals, and it was actually a really easy decision. I'm very attached to my name while, for personal reasons, he didn't feel the same way about his.

Legally, it's been grand. He just presents our marriage certificate whenever he needs to get his name changed in records/documents.

Speaking as a card-carrying lesbian, I actually really do believe in the sanctity of marriage as a union between two committed people and I think that having the same name is a really touching symbol of that. It's nice that ye could have the conversation on those terms

Davidius

Back to the Gaelic kinship system.

Buroschaf

CL7 wrote: »

I didn't/wouldn't take wife's surname but wouldn't judge anyone who did. My wife took mine but she wanted to keep her own as well.

So there are some people out there who think my wife is an idiot (she's not) when they hear she has a double barrelled surname. Mother of God!

People think My wife and I are idiots fot givimg our children a quadruple barrelled name, some people just like to judge others.

bnt

I could do the double-barrel thing if the result was classy. I don't think either of us should lose a surname in the process of getting married. Mine has a long and varied history behind it, and I would like to keep it in some form.

mackeire

I wouldn't. But I am getting married next year and my fiance has a choice, either she takes my name or else she gets the hose again!

force eleven

Rabid feminists taking over again. Such a non story. If a woman wants to keep her name after marriage, fine. Personally I prefer tradition. Take the mans name. The man is the head of the family. Let's not fall into more of this emasculation nonsense.

ziggy

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