Roomate trouble.

ElChe32

Un Croissant wrote: »

I'm sitting here trying to eat a bit of grub with a spoon and knife because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room. They are up there for weeks at a time so they must be mouldy and I continuously have to ask him to sort it out and clean them up.

However, a man eating a sausage with a spoon is, according to the EU, a breach of human rights. What should I do AH? How do you deal with crap roommates? Blast them with something?

I attribute my misspelling of the title to pure rage.

Blast them with piss

bumper234

Amateurs.

I know a lad years ago used to work in construction and one thing led to another with a flatmate so revenge was called for. One day while the flat mate was out my buddy got some glass wool (attic insulation) and systematically rubbed the inside of every pair of underwear the guy had. Cue several weeks of constant ball and arse scratching (this will not wash out when embedded in the fibers) and even a very worrying visit to the doctor to get tests done (he thought he had caught something) . Don't know what happened to the guy as my friend moved out 3 weeks later while the scratching was still ongoing.

Linoge

First thing you need to do is get an STI test

FreshKnickers

rarnes1 wrote: »

Feed him to the pigs. Make sausages from said pigs. Then eat the suasages.

With a fork.

whupdedo

**** up on his toothbrush...daily

stmol32

I live with these two complete lazy ****ers, it's up to me to put a wash in the machine I even have to go into their smelly dank pit of a bedroom to get their clothes to put in.

In the kitchen the expect me to make their dinner every day and then they never put their dishes even in the sink even though I said I'd wash them if they just made that tiny bit of effort.

They leave the bathroom in a state every morning and when I called them on it they just said they wouldn't bother washing, but when I said they had to shower they called me an arsehole and said "make up your mind - ya dope".

They've never once given me a penny towards bills or the rent but they'd go nuts if the broadband or, god forbid,the electricity was cancelled. They're quite literally the scumbaggiest roomamates I've ever had.

It all came to a head last week and I blew up and clattered the both of them for being inconsiderate bitches. It was rough.

So they called social services on me and now you're the states problem, daddy loves you girls!

whupdedo

stmol32 wrote: »

I live with these two complete lazy ****ers, it's up to me to put a wash in the machine I even have to go into their smelly dank pit of a bedroom to get their clothes to put in.

In the kitchen the expect me to make their dinner every day and then they never put their dishes even in the sink even though I said I'd wash them if they just made that tiny bit of effort.

They leave the bathroom in a state every morning and when I called them on it they just said they wouldn't bother washing, but when I said they had to shower they called me an arsehole and said "make up your mind - ya dope".

They've never once given me a penny towards bills or the rent but they'd go nuts if the broadband or, god forbid,the electricity was cancelled. They're quite literally the scumbaggiest roomamates I've ever had.

It all came to a head last week and I blew up and clattered the both of them for being inconsiderate bitches. It was rough.

Unsure of whether to thank or not !!!!!!
So they called social services on me and now you're the states problem, daddy loves you girls!

Unsure of whether to thank or not !!!!

SweetChaos

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

I would be inclined to get the pillow and pillow case he currently has on his bed, remove the pillow from the pillow case, take a dump inside the pillow case, then wipe my arse with the insides of the pillow case, then put the pillow back inside the pillow case, then return the pillow and pillow case to his bed as if nothing had happened.

Please be aware that this may escalate matters.

Arthur Beesley wrote: »

why not urinate in his shampoo bottle for a change?

shopaholic01 wrote: »

You have a knife. Stab him. Repeatedly.

The Diabolical Monocle wrote: »

All you need do is place your phallus on any one dining item in full view of your chums and it will remain unused by anyone else.

(may bring about ironic retribution however, with many phalli being placed in your bowl without your consent or knowledge)

somuj wrote: »

Hold him down and scrape a deep gash across his forehead with the spoon and peel his face off and wear it as a mask and then proceed to scoop out lumps of the good stuff underneath and devour it. Then bring up the subject about cutlery to him.

Santa Cruz wrote: »

or rub your genitals with his toothbrush

CINCLANTFLT wrote: »

Kill him

Eat him

Poop him out

Eat the poop

Poop out the poop that used to be him

Eat that poop

Oh, plastic knives and forks for all the poop eatting...

I suspose if you drink his blood while eat him, that would mean you have to drink your wee

You could mix the pee and poop together in a blender to make a kind of shake... Add some wheatgrass to make it more green...

It's a good plan... I challange anyone to come up with a better one... I once did this with my XO on the Bainbridge....forgot to drink my wee though... so annoyed now that I think of it... soooooo MaaaDDDDDDDDDD...... poopadoop

suicide_circus wrote: »

carefully hide a single long pubic hair in the bristles of his toothbrush so that he wont see it until he's brushing and has to stop to slowly pull the offending curly from between his teeth.

whupdedo wrote: »

**** up on his toothbrush...daily

Jesus H Christ - I thank my lucky stars that I dont have to house share if this is the mindframe of people revenge for just being a bit clotty its scary

OP buy your own cutlery leave it in your room and your roommate will find out quickly enough what he needs to do when he finds himself in need of a fork

1. Take your spoon to him.
2.Remove all his organs
3. Sell them on the black market.
4. Buy shít loads of cutlery.
5. Throw them on your bed.
6. Roll in them while laughing hysterically.

Rothko

stmol32 wrote: »

I live with these two complete lazy ****ers, it's up to me to put a wash in the machine I even have to go into their smelly dank pit of a bedroom to get their clothes to put in.

In the kitchen the expect me to make their dinner every day and then they never put their dishes even in the sink even though I said I'd wash them if they just made that tiny bit of effort.

They leave the bathroom in a state every morning and when I called them on it they just said they wouldn't bother washing, but when I said they had to shower they called me an arsehole and said "make up your mind - ya dope".

They've never once given me a penny towards bills or the rent but they'd go nuts if the broadband or, god forbid,the electricity was cancelled. They're quite literally the scumbaggiest roomamates I've ever had.

It all came to a head last week and I blew up and clattered the both of them for being inconsiderate bitches. It was rough.

So they called social services on me and now you're the states problem, daddy loves you girls!

Well played, sir.

cerastes

Buy your own cutlery and plates, keep them in your own food press, you keep your own food seperate? right? if he takes anything, kill him.

Dont leave your toothbrush out in a shared house, ever. Not even sure Id want to use anything from a shared accomodation based on what Ive heard, unless they use a dishwasher and put everything on hot wash.

CINCLANTFLT

SweetChaos wrote: »

Jesus H Christ - I thank my lucky stars that I dont have to house share if this is the mindframe of people revenge for just being a bit clotty its scary

OP buy your own cutlery leave it in your room and your roommate will find out quickly enough what he needs to do when he finds himself in need of a fork

And you've never pooped in the water tank in the attic or did a wee in the milk or even a "sex-wee" into the frying pan while making everyone bacon sandwiches to apologise for being caught with their toothbrushes up your arse... go back to Maine you square!!!!!

On a related note... I once broke a man's career for looking at my first wife's buttocks at a church service.... years later he was flying a US Airways flight from Miami to New York. I made myself known to him and later I saw him looking at my second wife's buttocks. I found out where he lived, broke in and did a poop in the kettle and then glued the switch so it boiled for over 12 hours. It took a hazmat team 2 days to make it okay for him to go in again... don'T stare and allS okay... O K A Y!?!?!

CINCLANTFLT

Okay I made the plane part up... he was driving a bus and it was my buttock he stared at.. happy?

corner of hells

CINCLANTFLT wrote: »

Okay I made the plane part up... he was driving a bus and it was my buttock he stared at.. happy?

Have you just the one buttock ?

sligojoek

corner of hells wrote: »

Have you just the one buttock ?

That's just a half arsed effort at a reply.

Sinister Pigeon

Cutlery is superfluous - just get your beak in there and chow down son.

galwayguy85

For fork's sake... give over.

pablo128

Knock on his bedroom door. When he comes out, perform a flying reverse dragon kick into his windpipe while screaming 'wwwoooooooochaaaaaaa!' He won't be getting up anytime soon.

Then take all the cutlery back.




No harm in going through his pockets for a few bob if he's unconsious too.

The Backwards Man

Violent place this.

Wabbit Ears

Fill the drawer with cheap ikea cutlery but rig it with explosives. When he next opens the drawer he'll be impaled by dozens of spiky objects. Pretty horrible but poetically justified way to go! Take photos, post on youtube, Go viral, plead insanity due to constant human rights abuses.

CINCLANTFLT

corner of hells wrote: »

Have you just the one buttock ?

Yes... I was in an unfortunate buttock related accident... why do you think I am so obsessed with poop and pooping... right now I am trying to have my morning poop, write this on a PC I keep near the toilet and balance on my remaining buttock...

Alf. A. Male

There's a Boardsie who can sort this out for you http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/member.php?u=29365

CINCLANTFLT

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

There's a Boardsie who can sort this out for you http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/member.php?u=29365

Sort my poop / balance issues or the room mate fork issue?

Plazaman

Go into the room wearing protective gear, gather all the plates, cups and cutlery. Wash all throughly. Lock up all but one set however attach chains to all these and leave on countertop in kitchen, that way the skanky fúcker has to eat all his meals there (standing up preferably).

nelly17

Buy a set of cutlery/crokery and keep it in your room, much easier sharing your problem with the internet

lintdrummer

Maybe you could ask him if he's ever seen "Edward Scissorhands"?
Then while he's replying, knock him out and replace all his fingers with cutlery.
Problem solved.

Pro Tip: Use Newbridge silverware or other high quality cutlery, cheap ones will rust or break and you'll end up having to carry out the procedure again.

CINCLANTFLT

nelly17 wrote: »

Buy a set of cutlery/crokery and keep it in your room, much easier sharing your problem with the internet

That's not the kind of killer attitude that helped us win at Iwo Jima*... I do dispair...

*I am not referring to the WWII battle but to a dance off I had there in 1997 involving me, a marine who looked like Elvis and a frenchman who was staring at my buttocks... and now that I think of it, did steal a fork from a restaurant...

razorblunt

nelly17 wrote: »

Buy a set of cutlery/crokery and keep it in your room, much easier sharing your problem with the internet

Yeah by a unique cheapy set, red handles in Tesco or whatnot. Don't leave them in the room just make it clear they're yours. If he takes them and doesn't return them, then you've got a reason to storm the room, take it back and defecate and/or urinate where already suggested.

seagull

1) Remove all the cutlery and plates from his room
2) Wash thoroughly and sterilise
3) Place all clean eating utensils in a locked cupboard in your room
4) Buy a dog bowl and plastic spoon, write your room mate's name on them.
5) Sit back and enjoy

Supergurrier

Blast him with piss

jmayo

Un Croissant wrote: »

I'm sitting here trying to eat a bit of grub with a spoon and knife because my roommate/housemate keeps talking all the cutlery and dishes up to his room. They are up there for weeks at a time so they must be mouldy and I continuously have to ask him to sort it out and clean them up.

However, a man eating a sausage with a spoon is, according to the EU, a breach of human rights. What should I do AH? How do you deal with crap roommates? Blast them with something?

I attribute my misspelling of the title to pure rage.

Get on Alanis Morissette.

She knows all about the spoon problem and thinks it rather ironic.

Mr. Nice

Have you never played knifey spoony before?

lightspeed

i dont understand, why are you not banging on his door asking where the fuk is the cuterly and tell to stop being such a dick.

LynnGrace

Talk to Joe...
Sounds disgusting, imagine the state of the room. You can buy single pieces of cutlery in places like Woodies. I'd buy a set and keep them out of the room mate's mitts.

lulu1

Yea I would buy a few off each forks knives crockery for myself and hide them if neccessary ( my god the lengths we have to go to over the head of a fork) and when he has used up all the old ones let him bloody well eat with his fingers