Gay adoption, Put the childs feelings first

tiablue

I have No problem with gay people. Have lots of gay friends. Most of them are lovely friendly bubbly people. Its a touchy subject for some and I am only speaking in terms of the childs feelings, Not my views on gay people or gay marriage or adoption. Was surprised alot of my gay friends agreed with me on this.

I think everybody is entitled to be a parent. The most important thing is that the child is treated with unconditional love, care and stability and to teach them respect and tolerance of others. Unfortunately in this day and age tolerance and respect arent being taught to alot of kids. And this is why i feel the way i do.

Gay adoption.....

Basically I dont think it should be inflicted on somebody elses child, whatever about your own biological child, You cant exactly get rid of them or hide them from it but theres no need to put that life on somebody elses child, because no matter what people say about giving the child all the love in the world, its a given that the child will experience bullying and teasing over it and its not fair to the child.

Alot of gay/bisexual people have biological children for some reason, they possibly didnt realise they were gay at the time or got somebody pregnant to cover it up... for whatever reason it happens sometimes.... and that is fair enough if they enter a gay relationship and already have biological children but to put that stress and teasing on somebody elses child, I really dont find it fair to the child, considering the world we live in when people arent as accepting as they should be. Its a tough life to inflict on a child regardless of the love they are shown by their parents.

I just think gay adoption isnt very fair on a child, ive seen it with a friends children, leading to bullying,teasing and people being mean and making fun of them. And kids growing up with the awful idea their gay parents are "weird" and being so embarrassed about it and resenting their parents for not being "normal", which is terrible.

J_E

tiablue wrote: »

I just think gay adoption isnt very fair on a child, ive seen it with a friends children, leading to bullying,teasing and people being mean and making fun of them. And kids growing up with the awful idea their gay parents are "weird" and being so embarrassed about it and resenting their parents for not being "normal", which is terrible.

Children get teased for having glasses, being too short, etc. Interesting you would blame good parents by default for their sexuality. You don't think it's fair, well that's your opinion. I'm pretty sure if it was shown now that gay adoption was damaging for a child, it wouldn't be allowed or legal.

tiablue wrote: »

And who is a priest to judge an unmarried couple? a persons circumstances isnt really anyones business including the priest. People pussy footing round people "above" them and not standing up for themselves is just a waste of time. If you feel or think something then just say it, thats my motto.

Couldn't help but notice you posted this just an hour ago. Just an interesting juxtaposition.

eviltwin

Newsflash, kids tease other kids regardless of who their parents are. And give kids more credit, most are a hell of a lot more open minded about the differences in families than adults are.

Cocolola

Such rubbish. My parents were heterosexual, married for 15 years with 2 kids already when they had me. Guess what, I was bullied in school (both primary and secondary) anyway. Why? Because every child gets picked on at some stage for usually no reason at all. I was pretty shy and quiet, that was all the reason that was needed.

Somehow I haven't been scarred for life by it either.

tiablue

eviltwin wrote: »

Newsflash, kids tease other kids regardless of who their parents are. And give kids more credit, most are a hell of a lot more open minded about the differences in families than adults are.

yes kids tease other kids about hair weight color, and its not right, but i am not talking about being bullied over hair teeth ect. Im only speaking about the gay adoption.

I have witnessed my friends children being badly bullied for having gay parents and alot of my gay friends have stated they would never adopt as they would not inflict it on the child.

I am not asking people to agree with me or have a go at my opinion, I am simply asking what are yer views on it, I am not going to slate yer opinions the same way ye shouldnt slate mine

Christy42

tiablue wrote: »

I have No problem with gay people. Have lots of gay friends. Most of them are lovely friendly bubbly people. Its a touchy subject for some and I am only speaking in terms of the childs feelings, Not my views on gay people or gay marriage or adoption. Was surprised alot of my gay friends agreed with me on this.

I think everybody is entitled to be a parent. The most important thing is that the child is treated with unconditional love, care and stability and to teach them respect and tolerance of others. Unfortunately in this day and age tolerance and respect arent being taught to alot of kids. And this is why i feel the way i do.

Gotta love that opening, slightly more involved than I'm not racist but same general idea (well homophobic in this case).

I am sure that the kids will be much better staying in the orphanage. Your argument only has any merit if you expand the same line of thinking towards every adoption. Thus we must, for every adoption, ensure that there is nothing about the parents in terms of social class, appearance, hobbies, jobs etc. that other kids can bully the adopted child over.

I mean I saw kids teased over fat parents, how is that any different? Are you going to put weight limits on adoption?

eviltwin

tiablue wrote: »

yes kids tease other kids about hair weight color, and its not right, but i am not talking about being bullied over hair teeth ect. Im only speaking about the gay adoption.

I have witnessed my friends children being badly bullied for having gay parents and alot of my gay friends have stated they would never adopt as they would not inflict it on the child.

I am not asking people to agree with me or have a go at my opinion, I am simply asking what are yer views on it, I am not going to slate yer opinions the same way ye shouldnt slate mine

I feel very sorry for any child subjected to bullying but the issue is the bully, deal with them. Otherwise what kind of message does that send out. If a child was bullied for any other reason would you change them?

tiablue

Couldn't help but notice you posted this just an hour ago. Just an interesting juxtaposition.[/QUOTE]

That was a different forum, and believe it or not people have different opinions on different subjects and topics, and I said if i feel or think something i will say and thats what im doing..... so what is your point exactly......

tiablue

ye can all say people get bullied for weight, hair, teeth, fat parents, class ect..... I am speaking about the gay adoption and what ive seen it do to a friends kids... so im not being rude but im not interested in other topics or what ifs or other scenarios. I am just speaking about the gay adoption, not race or anything else. thanks

Delirium

tiablue wrote: »

I have No problem with gay people. Have lots of gay friends. Most of them are lovely friendly bubbly people. Its a touchy subject for some and I am only speaking in terms of the childs feelings, Not my views on gay people or gay marriage or adoption. Was surprised alot of my gay friends agreed with me on this.

I think everybody is entitled to be a parent. The most important thing is that the child is treated with unconditional love, care and stability and to teach them respect and tolerance of others. Unfortunately in this day and age tolerance and respect arent being taught to alot of kids. And this is why i feel the way i do.

Gay adoption.....

Basically I dont think it should be inflicted on somebody elses child, whatever about your own biological child, You cant exactly get rid of them or hide them from it but theres no need to put that life on somebody elses child, because no matter what people say about giving the child all the love in the world, its a given that the child will experience bullying and teasing over it and its not fair to the child.

Alot of gay/bisexual people have biological children for some reason, they possibly didnt realise they were gay at the time or got somebody pregnant to cover it up... for whatever reason it happens sometimes.... and that is fair enough if they enter a gay relationship and already have biological children but to put that stress and teasing on somebody elses child, I really dont find it fair to the child, considering the world we live in when people arent as accepting as they should be. Its a tough life to inflict on a child regardless of the love they are shown by their parents.

I just think gay adoption isnt very fair on a child, ive seen it with a friends children, leading to bullying,teasing and people being mean and making fun of them. And kids growing up with the awful idea their gay parents are "weird" and being so embarrassed about it and resenting their parents for not being "normal", which is terrible.

How is it fair to not allow a child to be adopted by a same-sex couple deemed to be a suitable family for the child because they might be bullied?

Daith

SW wrote: »

How is it fair to not allow a child to be adopted by a same-sex couple deemed to be a suitable family for the child because they might be bullied?

Because bullies should decide what people can and can't do.

eviltwin

tiablue wrote: »

ye can all say people get bullied for weight, hair, teeth, fat parents, class ect..... I am speaking about the gay adoption and what ive seen it do to a friends kids... so im not being rude but im not interested in other topics or what ifs or other scenarios. I am just speaking about the gay adoption, not race or anything else. thanks

for every child bullied there are probably more who never have an issue so it is a crazy decision not to adopt on the basis of something that might happen. They mustn't really want kids that much in the first place.

FunLover18

The sooner gay adoption is allowed, the sooner kids with gay parents becomes more of a norm in society, the less likely they are going to be bullied for not having a "normal" up-bringing.

tiablue

why arent any of ye understanding that i am entitled to my own opinion???

why let somebody elses child put up with being bullied and teased over it?

Daith

FunLover18 wrote: »

The sooner gay adoption is allowed, the sooner kids with gay parents becomes more of a norm in society, the less likely they are going to be bullied for not having a "normal" up-bringing.

Gay adoption is allowed.

Joint gay adoption isn't.

tiablue

FunLover18 wrote: »

The sooner gay adoption is allowed, the sooner kids with gay parents becomes more of a norm in society, the less likely they are going to be bullied for not having a "normal" up-bringing.[/QUOTE

wouldnt it be a great world if it was more the "norm" so the kids dont get bullied, but unfortunatly alot of parents dont teach their kids to accept others, so face the facts people the bullying is there and it happens and i just dont think its fair to inflict it on another persons kid that you adopted

eviltwin

tiablue wrote: »

why arent any of ye understanding that i am entitled to my own opinion???

why let somebody elses child put up with being bullied and teased over it?

should overweight, disabled, single, older etc parents be banned from adoption or is it just gay parents you have an issue with?

tiablue

Daith wrote: »

Because bullies should decide what people can and can't do.[/QUOTE

i didnt say that

Daith

tiablue wrote: »

Daith wrote: »

Because bullies should decide what people can and can't do.

i didnt say that

It's your entire point.

FunLover18

tiablue wrote: »

why arent any of ye understanding that i am entitled to my own opinion???

why let somebody elses child put up with being bullied and teased over it?

I'm sure there are children in the world who get bullied for being adopted, regardless of their parents' sexuality but should we stop adoption no.

What about kids who are bullied for being adopted by parents of a different race.

You are entitled to your opinion but your opinion seems to suggest that you agree with the bullies.

tiablue

eviltwin wrote: »

should overweight, disabled, single, older etc parents be banned from adoption or is it just gay parents you have an issue with?

i already stated that i wasnt interested in talking about other points, i asked literally what was yer opinions on it, not personal attacks on my opinion, like the word twisting and aggression im getting from Daith

Mick55

tiablue wrote: »

weight, hair, teeth, fat parents, class ect...

All these factors, and many more, are significant factors in children getting bullied. It seems you are attaching special significance to the type of bullying a child may receive if he/she has gay parents.

Would you be as vehement about an morbidly obese parent who's child is getting teased because of his/her parents appearance?

If not it seems you have a fundamental problem with the concept of gay people adopting. If you like gay people and have no problem with them , but don't think they should adopt because the type of bullying they may receive in their lifetime would be differ than any other bullying they may encounter doesn't seem consistent with a non biased opinion... in my opinion.

Daith

tiablue wrote: »

i already stated that i wasnt interested in talking about other points, i asked literally what was yer opinions on it, not personal attacks on my opinion, like the word twisting and aggression im getting from Daith

Why are you attacking me for my opinion. I'm entitled to my opinion.

tiablue

FunLover18 wrote: »

I'm sure there are children in the world who get bullied for being adopted, regardless of their parents' sexuality but should we stop adoption no.

What about kids who are bullied for being adopted by parents of a different race.

You are entitled to your opinion but your opinion seems to suggest that you agree with the bullies.

I dont agree with the bullies, and who are you to make that assumption

MY POINT IS

i really dont think its fair to put that on somebody elses kid..... but for reason ye all seem to think im against adoption in general or against gay people or whatever it is ye think

FunLover18

tiablue wrote: »

wouldnt it be a great world if it was more the "norm" so the kids dont get bullied, but unfortunatly alot of parents dont teach their kids to accept others, so face the facts people the bullying is there and it happens and i just dont think its fair to inflict it on another persons kid that you adopted

Then the parents of the bullies are at fault and not the parents of the victim

vitani

tiablue wrote: »

why arent any of ye understanding that i am entitled to my own opinion???

why let somebody elses child put up with being bullied and teased over it?

What if my opinion is that your opinion is ridiculous? If we're trading anecdotes, then I know people who grew up with same-sex parents who were never bullied over it.

Seriously, I'd feel more sorry for the children that grow up to be bullies, because no child licks that off the stones.

Daith

tiablue wrote: »

I dont agree with the bullies, and who are you to make that assumption

MY POINT IS

i really dont think its fair to put that on somebody elses kid..... but for reason ye all seem to think im against adoption in general or against gay people or whatever it is ye think

We are allowed to think what we want. We have an opinion. Are you saying we shouldn't have an opinion?

Christy42

tiablue wrote: »

ye can all say people get bullied for weight, hair, teeth, fat parents, class ect..... I am speaking about the gay adoption and what ive seen it do to a friends kids... so im not being rude but im not interested in other topics or what ifs or other scenarios. I am just speaking about the gay adoption, not race or anything else. thanks

That's doublethink. You don't are overly concerned with children being bullied because of gay parents but somehow couldn't care about any other reasoning? You can't use a piece of logic in one place and ignore it everywhere else. If the main aim was to stop children being bullied than you would look at how to stop children being bullied as a whole subject however you are ignoring the vast majority of the reasons a child is bullied. Those aren't what ifs, they are real reasons kids are being bullied, today, right now in our society.

You want pieces opinions on gay adoption then you should have asked for that in it OP. Instead you gave an attempt at justification for your own stance and got upset when people didn't blindly accept your logic.

If you think gay people shouldn't be allowed adopt because a kid might get bullied, but don't think this rule should apply other couples, whose kids are equally likely to get bullied then that is pretty much the definition of homophobia.

If you just want my stance on the subject, take 3 guesses.

tiablue

Daith wrote: »

Why are you attacking me for my opinion. I'm entitled to my opinion.

You attacked me for my opinion. tell me where you think i attacked you??? is it because i mentioned how you were agressive toward me in a comment, do you not think that was bullying in what you said to me??? Yes your entitled to your opinion, like i said i asked for opinions. i didnt ask for you to act childish and make a personal attack on me over a forum.

FunLover18

tiablue wrote: »

I dont agree with the bullies, and who are you to make that assumption

MY POINT IS

i really dont think its fair to put that on somebody elses kid..... but for reason ye all seem to think im against adoption in general or against gay people or whatever it is ye think

If you don't agree with them then why give in to them? The bullies are wrong and the only way to let them know that is to either ignore them are stand up to them

I'm sure people in America once said "we shouldn't integrate the schools, the black kids will just get bullied".

Caiseoipe19

My father used to embarrass me when he'd pick me up from primary school in his dirty work clothes while everyone used to get collected by parents in clean clothes. All parents embarrass kids.

Should overweight people not be allowed to adopt, for fear the child will be mocked as a result?
Same questions for red-haired people, Travellers, black people, unemployed etc., even if they are loving parents and would take care of the child?

Also, re. the assumptions that the kids will get mocked and then resent the parents...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFcnZWdZRK0

"I'm so happy to have the parents that I have..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JG0yqhzVuYA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMLZO-sObzQ

Daith

tiablue wrote: »

You attacked me for my opinion. tell me where you think i attacked you??? is it because i mentioned how you were agressive toward me in a comment, do you not think that was bullying in what you said to me??? Yes your entitled to your opinion, like i said i asked for opinions. i didnt ask for you to act childish and make a personal attack on me over a forum.

I simply pointed out that you are against gay adoption because the child may be bullied. Therefore you are allowing bullies to dictate who should and shouldn't adopt?

eviltwin

tiablue wrote: »

i already stated that i wasnt interested in talking about other points, i asked literally what was yer opinions on it, not personal attacks on my opinion, like the word twisting and aggression im getting from Daith

Your equating bullying with gay parents. Not all kids with gay parents will be bullied just as a bully won't just target a child with a gay parent, once they find a victim they will target everything and anything. Bullying is a complex issue and reducing it to a gay adoption is bad argument is plain silly. Stop the bullying, don't stop people adopting.

tiablue

Christy42 wrote: »

That's doublethink. You don't are overly concerned with children being bullied because of gay parents but somehow couldn't care about any other reasoning? .

Yes you know me so well to be able to say i dont care about kids being bullied for any other reason.......... I am simply saying I am not talking about that right now, and if you read the posts you'd see i said bullying is wrong. or was that not specific enough for your liking, should i have went in to detail about all the other types of bullying and reasons for it when the thread was about gay adoption

J_E

tiablue wrote: »

im not interested in other topics or what ifs or other scenarios.

Your whole argument is 'but what if they get bullied in school' though, that's why it's causing a bit of contention.

tiablue wrote: »

why arent any of ye understanding that i am entitled to my own opinion???

Everyone here is also. That's the idea of a discussion. If you can't handle the heat, don't tickle the dragon!

Delirium

tiablue wrote: »

why arent any of ye understanding that i am entitled to my own opinion???

why let somebody elses child put up with being bullied and teased over it?

Adoptive children can be bullied because they are adopted. Should we just not allow any children to be adopted?

PLUG71

tiablue wrote: »

i already stated that i wasnt interested in talking about other points, i asked literally what was yer opinions on it, not personal attacks on my opinion, like the word twisting and aggression im getting from Daith

So your the only one with an opinion thats right?

You cant start thread and moan about other posters opinion!

eviltwin

tiablue wrote: »

Yes you know me so well to be able to say i dont care about kids being bullied for any other reason.......... I am simply saying I am not talking about that right now, and if you read the posts you'd see i said bullying is wrong. or was that not specific enough for your liking, should i have went in to detail about all the other types of bullying and reasons for it when the thread was about gay adoption

If your straight friends adopted child was bullied for any reason would you have bothered to question their right to adopt?

tiablue

eviltwin wrote: »

Your equating bullying with gay parents. Not all kids with gay parents will be bullied just as a bully won't just target a child with a gay parent, once they find a victim they will target everything and anything. Bullying is a complex issue and reducing it to a gay adoption is bad argument is plain silly. Stop the bullying, don't stop people adopting.

Kids are always going to bully other kids and that will always be an issue because some parents dont seem to teach their kids how wrong it is and how it affects others. And to say not all kids with gay parents will be bullied, thats just not realistic, it might not be everyday bullying from the school bully but it will have comments made at some stage, thats still bullying

Philo Beddoe

tiablue wrote: »

Yes you know me so well to be able to say i dont care about kids being bullied for any other reason.......... I am simply saying I am not talking about that right now, and if you read the posts you'd see i said bullying is wrong. or was that not specific enough for your liking, should i have went in to detail about all the other types of bullying and reasons for it when the thread was about gay adoption

You should explain why you are specifically targeting gay adoption as potentially leading to bullying. You can't just say "I'm not talking about that now" when people give other examples of potential reasons for bullying. That's not how discussions work.

eviltwin

tiablue wrote: »

Kids are always going to bully other kids and that will always be an issue because some parents dont seem to teach their kids how wrong it is and how it affects others. And to say not all kids with gay parents will be bullied, thats just not realistic, it might not be everyday bullying from the school bully but it will have comments made at some stage, thats still bullying

that's life unfortunately!

J_E

tiablue wrote: »

Kids are always going to bully other kids and that will always be an issue because some parents dont seem to teach their kids how wrong it is and how it affects others. And to say not all kids with gay parents will be bullied, thats just not realistic, it might not be everyday bullying from the school bully but it will have comments made at some stage, thats still bullying

Exactly - so why discourage gay parents from adopting because of the chance this will happen to any child? It's kind of like saying 'well, overweight couples shouldn't have kids because they'll get teased for the parents being fat and may be fat themselves too'

rainbow kirby

By starting a thread on a discussion forum you are inviting opinions. This isn't a soapbox, so don't be getting all defensive when you're called out on yours.

Apart from the obvious, you also seem to have a grudge against bisexual people having their own natural children. As a bi woman in a heteronormative relationship, I'm pretty offended by the implication that that's a bad thing.

tiablue

theres literally only a couple of people on here making valid points and having something remotely smart to say and not jumping down my throat for having an opinion, so im ignoring the silly replys and only talking to the ones who have an actual opinion or something useful to say as there is no point reading comments that are just looking to vent a bit of anger over somebodys opinion

J_E

tiablue wrote: »

theres literally only a couple of people on here making valid points and having something remotely smart to say and not jumping down my throat for having an opinion, so im ignoring the silly replys and only talking to the ones who have an actual opinion or something useful to say as there is no point reading comments that are just looking to vent a bit of anger over somebodys opinion

What's the point of a discussion forum at all if you only want to hear what you want and block the rest? Absurd...

the_syco

tiablue wrote: »

Gay adoption.....

How about if both heterosexual parents are gingers? Gingers have no souls! :pac:

No, but seriously, kids will find something to slag you over. Your hair, your height, your weight, the area you live, the county you came from, the colour of your eyes, the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you think, the way you blink, the way you breathe, the shape of your face, your ears, your hands... and the list goes on.

And that's before the bullies start on the family.

eviltwin

tiablue wrote: »

theres literally only a couple of people on here making valid points and having something remotely smart to say and not jumping down my throat for having an opinion, so im ignoring the silly replys and only talking to the ones who have an actual opinion or something useful to say as there is no point reading comments that are just looking to vent a bit of anger over somebodys opinion

You posted this in the LGBT forum, what did you expect??

Dolbert

tiablue

rainbow kirby wrote: »

By starting a thread on a discussion forum you are inviting opinions. This isn't a soapbox, so don't be getting all defensive when you're called out on yours.

Apart from the obvious, you also seem to have a grudge against bisexual people having their own natural children. As a bi woman in a heteronormative relationship, I'm pretty offended by the implication that that's a bad thing.

how do you think ive a grudge against bi people having kids??? read the full thread

and if you did you'd also see i was open to opinions but not stupid ones that are going on at me personally like they know me and think they know everything i stand for!!!

and i dont see where your opinion is on the subject so i dont see why you bothered to write to be honest. Im not here for a slangin match. Just asked yer opinions if ye agreed with it or not but not many of ye are grasping that concept

Zillah

There is zero point in having a conversation with someone that thinks you are attacking them or their right to have an opinion because you disagree with their opinion.

The first two lines of the OP are a dead give away too.

tiablue

Cydoniac wrote: »

What's the point of a discussion forum at all if you only want to hear what you want and block the rest? Absurd...

i didnt say i was blocking anybody, im just not replying to stupid comments, lol....no i wanted to hear opinions on if people agreed with it, not other random things people are throwing in to the topic that havent anything to do with what i was talkin about in the first place