If the ground could swallow me..

Cerveja69

I've been away in Portugal for the past few weeks renting a gaf from this Scottish couple. They run a little holiday villa space so they live next door to me and rent out another little villa across from me. The garden and bbq area are communal so inevitably I see them every day.

They're sound and we always exchange a few words when we meet in the yard but inside I'm dying and want to just push past them and run away. I just clam up, pull stupid faces and feel awkward. I tend to find landlords or boss types a bit intimidating and this woman has HUGE knashers you can't help but stare at!

There's a pub up the road I've been going to most nights to have dinner and a few beers. The barman is from New York so speaks perfect English. I just sit at the bar eating pizza drinking beers with him. When I walk in, he gives me a headnod and opens me a bottle. My pizza arrives a bit later without me even asking for it.

Last night I went up to watch the football. I sat at the bar and said the usual. Next minute my landlord/neighbours walk in. I was sitting at the bar and they pulled up stools beside me. They asked if I'd had the food there before and if I was having dinner and i said no, no just stopped in for a quick one before meeting a friend. With that I downed my drink and left.

I was starving and really wanted to watch the game so I went up the road to a different bar and decided to have a beer and dinner there instead. As I sat there, it dawned on me that when I said the usual, the barman would have assumed I meant a beer and a pizza. He'd even put a napkin and cutlery beside me which is probably why they asked me if I was eating there. This hadn't occurred to me at the time as I was too busy dealing with my irrational paranoia!

So as I sat there thinking of plausible excuses I'd make if they asked me wtf I was doing, they walked into the bar. I almost died. They looked at me, then at each other, then at me again bewildered before sitting at a table miles away from me.

I threw back my drink and legged it. I've managed to avoid them since but will definitely have to see them again:(

CRINGE!!! Make me feel better with your tales of mortification!!

cloud493

You could have just made a bit of chit chat, talked with them, had your pizza, then gone home no?

wazky

Tell me more about these tits you speak of.

--LOS--

Oh gawd you over-thought things way too much, just forget about it now and chat to them as normal, youre not going to redeem yourself with stupid excuses :P

Fox_In_Socks

wazky wrote: »

Tell me more about these tits you speak of.

Calm down. Knashers could meet teeth.

Karl Stein

♫ Under the sea,
Under the sea,
There'll be no accusations,
Just friendly crustaceans
Under the Seeeeeeeeeeeeea! ♫

Cerveja69

cloud493 wrote: »

You could have just made a bit of chit chat, talked with them, had your pizza, then gone home no?

I know but I find it bad enough chatting to them briefly if we pass in the garden, let alone spend an hour in the pub eating with them. The woman is scary too!! She has massive fake tits so woulda been more tit chat lewl

PirateShampoo

If the ground could swallow me, then I wouldn't need a girlfriend....


Ba Dum Tsssst

Fresh Pots

How huge are we talkin'?

umop.episdn

Read that 3 times & it still makes no sense....did you manage to get a motorboat or not?!

wazky

Fox_In_Socks wrote: »

Calm down. Knashers could meet teeth.

It's been confirmed, tits it is.

cml387

You have authority issues OP which you need deal with.

And as for the person who thought it was big buzzoms, do you think of anything else.

umop.episdn

PirateShampoo wrote: »

If the ground could swallow me, then I wouldn't need a girlfriend....


Ba Dum Tsssst

Girlfriend......yeah.....we believe ya

Cerveja69

To be clear - I'm a girl and when I said knashers, I meant teeth. She has huge bleached white teeth and she also has fake tits.

Hope that clears things up!

And no, I don't have her number.... just her email;)

cml387

wazky wrote: »

It's been confirmed, tits it is.

Knashers?

Anyway my first point still stands.

Un Croissant

A hilarious poster called Un Croissant started a thread full of AH cringe moments. Read that thread and you will feel much, much better.

Fox_In_Socks

Cerveja69 wrote: »

To be clear - I'm a girl and when I said knashers, I meant teeth. She has huge bleached white teeth and she also has fake tits.

Hope that clears things up!

And no, I don't have her number.... just her email;)

Hurrah, we're both right!

I prefer to say choppers instead of knashers, though, as in:

"She has a set of choppers on her that she could eat an apple through a letterbox!"

Mariasofia

Cut my dads hair the other day using the wrong blade.....scalped him! He told my neighbour as he left. Same neighbour slagged me the next day bout haircut and I say...."call over any time ya need a really tight one"....... /awkward silence and he gave a hint of a smirk..... fcuking morto..... :O

Frosty McSnowballs

I'm paying more attention now that I know the OP is a girl.

Continue fräulein.

Cerveja69

Suggestions on how to weasel my whey out of this one on a postcard please

Menas

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

I'm paying more attention now that I know the OP is a girl.

Continue fräulein.

A girl who likes Beer, pizza and footie to boot.

KeithM89

Just use the old classic 'I had explosive diahorrea and needed to run' excuse.
Works every time.

Cerveja69

An additional facet is that the barman will wonder why I ran off without saying anything. I hadn't even paid for my beer!

What a ridiculous amount of hassle I've created for myself!

Make me feel better with your stories pls!!!

kowloon

Could you say you had to run off for some sort of emergency?

Un Croissant

http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057173822/1/#post89573788

kumate_champ07

cool fake story

woodoo

You will have to just learn to make small talk with people and leave in a socially acceptable way, its not that hard.

5starpool

Be less weird and awkward in future and you'll be grand.

Cee-Jay-Cee

You could have just spoke to them, they're not your landlords, they own a holiday villa you are renting...your a bit of a drama Queen by the sounds of it. Eat a snickers.

PizzamanIRL

It's not a big deal. Next time you see her, approach her and say 'Look, sorry about the other night I was having a really bad day and didn't really want to talk'

End of awkwardness. She might even feel sorry for you. Only downfall is you will have to talk to her for a few minutes.

Smidge

Cerveja69 wrote: »

Suggestions on how to weasel my whey out of this one on a postcard please

There used to be a poster on here called "Little Miss Moffat". She'd be able to tell you.

ringadingding

New identity and escape from the island.

It's your only choice

smcgiff

You might need to suggest a threesome with them so they don't realise you feel awkward around them.

Alf. A. Male

A woman who wants to do nothing but drink beer and eat pizza in silence is on holidays in the sun while I'm at home pulling me wire. I have missed a great opportunity :mad:

Smidge

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

A woman who wants to do nothing but drink beer and eat pizza in silence is on holidays in the sun while I'm at home pulling me wire. I have missed a great opportunity :mad:

You must have also missed the part where she was "there to watch the match" too :eek:

biko

So this is what it's like for introvert people?

Alf. A. Male

Smidge wrote: »

You must have also missed the part where she was "there to watch the match" too :eek:

Things were bad enough without you pointing that out. Thanks, thanks a ****ing bunch :mad:

biko

biko wrote: »

So this is what it's like for introvert people?

No

MRnotlob606

At least things didnt get this bad

Cerveja69

bluewolf wrote: »

No

What an insightful response on behalf of everyone who suffers from social awkwardness and introversion.

You know nothing about me or why I feel socially intimidated at times. It can actually be quite crippling and I'm sure lot of other people out there who've suffered anxiety would relate to me.

I usually try my best to overcome my shyness but I'm bereaved at the moment and didn't feel up to it so maybe think in future before you post and try not be so condescending. It's unnecessary.

Cerveja69

biko wrote: »

So this is what it's like for introvert people?

It can be!

Thing is though, I pull off a great act. People always seem surprised when I tell them i'm shy (probs cos I'm so hawt n ****), but it really can be difficult. It doesn't matter how nice the other people are in any given situation either, you still want to get as far away from them as possible. Interviews can be a nightmare for example!!

frag420

So what you doing tonight OP?

smcgiff

Cerveja69 wrote: »

What an insightful response on behalf of everyone who suffers from social awkwardness and introversion.

Pretty sure Bluewolf meant no offence but rather gave in to pedantry. You (and you'd not be alone) seem to equate shyness with being introvert. That is a mis comprehension.

Legs.Eleven

smcgiff wrote: »

Pretty sure Bluewolf meant no offence but rather gave in to pedantry. You (and you'd not be alone) seem to equate shyness with being introvert. That is a mis comprehension.

Fact.

Un Croissant

Cerveja69 wrote: »

I usually try my best to overcome my shyness but I'm bereaved at the moment and didn't feel up to it so maybe think in future before you post and try not be so condescending. It's unnecessary.

As an aside..this stuff drives me loopy. I'm guilty of it myself but its like someone asking you if they are fat and you (hypothetically, because I'm not sure if someone would) say yes! Then they come back with 'Well I'm on medication and I'm just after a baby so think next time before you comment'.

Ive seen it a few times on boards where info is drip fed as a reply to the answer sought.

PizzamanIRL

Cerveja69 wrote: »

It can be!

Thing is though, I pull off a great act. People always seem surprised when I tell them i'm shy (probs cos I'm so hawt n ****), but it really can be difficult. It doesn't matter how nice the other people are in any given situation either, you still want to get as far away from them as possible. Interviews can be a nightmare for example!!

Reading that, I'm surprised it's not the landlords who try to avoid you as much as possible.

Cerveja69

Un Croissant wrote: »

As an aside..this stuff drives me loopy. I'm guilty of it myself but its like someone asking you if they are fat and you (hypothetically, because I'm not sure if someone would) say yes! Then they come back with 'Well I'm on medication and I'm just after a baby so think next time before you comment'.

Ive seen it a few times on boards where info is drip fed as a reply to the answer sought.

Lol... I'm on holiday and found the situation funny so thought I'd post it here and see if anyone else had similar scarlet stories. I've no interest in discussing social anxiety and only mentioned it to highlight Bluewolfs ignorance in relation to introversion.

But of course her choir of nerd worshippers lept to her defence. Shock! Think I'll top up my tan and my pina colada before Bluewolf (AKA - Boards answer to Mo Mowlan) berate me again lol

Un Croissant

Cerveja69 wrote: »

Lol... I'm on holiday and found the situation funny so thought I'd post it here and see if anyone else had similar scarlet stories. I've no interest in discussing social anxiety and only mentioned it to highlight Bluewolfs ignorance in relation to introversion.

But of course her choir of nerd worshippers lept to her defence. Shock! Think I'll top up my tan and my pina colada before Bluewolf (AKA - Boards answer to Mo Mowlan) berate me again lol

Had a nerdgasm reading this.

PLUG71

Cerveja69 wrote: »

To be clear - I'm a girl and when I said knashers, I meant teeth. She has huge bleached white teeth and she also has fake tits.

Hope that clears things up!

And no, I don't have her number.... just her email;)

Are they huge fake tits any pictures ;)

Cerveja69

Cerveja69 wrote: »

Bluewolf (AKA - Boards answer to Mo Mowlan) berate me again lol

P.S. I meant she has a similar barnet to Mo Mowlan, not personality (see her 1,056 selfies in the Ladies Lounge lol)

FullblownRose

Cerveja69 wrote: »

What an insightful response on behalf of everyone who suffers from social awkwardness and introversion.

You know nothing about me or why I feel socially intimidated at times. It can actually be quite crippling and I'm sure lot of other people out there who've suffered anxiety would relate to me.

I usually try my best to overcome my shyness but I'm bereaved at the moment and didn't feel up to it so maybe think in future before you post and try not be so condescending. It's unnecessary.

Yes, I can relate to your story. She sunds kind of..physically intimidating! (If you weren't in a talktative mood I mean..):D
Hopefully you'll enoy the rest of your holiday and be able to forget about the awkwardness, easer said than done, I know