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self relations

  • 15-06-2014 9:10am
    #1
    rotun
    Closed Accounts Posts: 303 ✭✭


    As it's father's day, my wife has packed up the kids and headed to do the shopping, leaving me 90 mins of quality self relation time.

    Now, I have the talc and gloves ready, bit of Celine Dion down low to set the mood..

    What else do ye pros use?


    (Edit: don't want to go down the usual xhamster route..)


Comments

  • #2
    kingtiger
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭kingtiger


    rotun wrote: »
    Now, I have the talc and gloves ready

    :confused:


  • #3
    stefan idiot jones
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,518 ✭✭✭stefan idiot jones


    Swarfega and Motorhead.

    FRICTION !!!!!!!!!!


  • #4
    Slicemeister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,526 ✭✭✭Slicemeister


    Open a tin of John West and rest it in with the sardines for a minute.


    Best. Lube. Ever.


  • #5
    Lucifer MorningStar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,218 ✭✭✭Lucifer MorningStar


    Go mow the lawn ya lazy sod :pac:


  • #6
    maguic24
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭maguic24


    rotun wrote: »

    Now, I have the talc and gloves ready, bit of Celine Dion down low to set the mood..

    What else do ye pros use?


    (Edit: don't want to go down the usual xhamster route..)

    I think you're doing it wrong......

    Talc, a major no no!


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  • #7
    ElleEm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    I thought talc was just for old ladies!

    Surely it gets messy when mixed with your love juice.. it must turn into a sort of paste. Ugh!


  • #8
    Fr_Dougal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,166 ✭✭✭Fr_Dougal


    Bit of steel wool and sea salt for the aul lube.


  • #9
    PLUG71
    Registered Users Posts: 640 ✭✭✭PLUG71


    :D
    Slicemeister wrote: »
    Open a tin of John West and rest it in with the sardines for a minute.


    Best. Lube. Ever.


  • #10
    maguic24
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭maguic24


    Also, why would you need gloves? That sh*t is an excellent moisturiser, no joke!


  • #11
    Arthur Beesley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Arthur Beesley


    Slicemeister wrote: »
    Open a tin of John West and rest it in with the sardines for a minute.


    Best. Lube. Ever.

    Why does my John West tuna contain sardines?


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  • #12
    Arthur Beesley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Arthur Beesley


    maguic24 wrote: »
    I think you're doing it wrong......

    Talc, a major no no!

    But the Celine Dion is ok?


  • #13
    maguic24
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭maguic24


    Arthur Beesley wrote: »
    But the Celine Dion is ok?

    Yeah good point.....this would be more appropriate:



  • #14
    caustic 1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,314 ✭✭✭caustic 1


    maguic24 wrote: »
    Yeah good point.....this would be more appropriate:



    smooth :D


  • #15
    UCDVet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭UCDVet


    a woman?


  • #16
    mad muffin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭mad muffin


    Slicemeister wrote: »
    Open a tin of John West and rest it in with the sardines for a minute.


    Best. Lube. Ever.

    Just make sure it's in sunflower oil and not brine. Made the mistake of using the brine variety. Boy did it sting…
    maguic24 wrote: »
    Yeah good point.....this would be more appropriate:


    Am I the only one that thought it was Matt Damon?


  • #17
    Wacker The Attacker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,473 ✭✭✭Wacker The Attacker


    rotun wrote: »
    As it's father's day, my wife has packed up the kids and headed to do the shopping, leaving me 90 mins of quality self relation time.

    Now, I have the talc and gloves ready, bit of Celine Dion down low to set the mood..

    What else do ye pros use?


    (Edit: don't want to go down the usual xhamster route..)


    A massive cucumber, a towel and a pillow


  • #18
    Birneybau
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,370 ✭✭✭✭Birneybau


    rotun wrote: »
    As it's father's day, my wife has packed up the kids and headed to do the shopping, leaving me 90 mins of quality self relation time.

    Now, I have the talc and gloves ready, bit of Celine Dion down low to set the mood..

    What else do ye pros use?


    (Edit: don't want to go down the usual xhamster route..)

    That is just bizarre.


  • #19
    c_man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,436 ✭✭✭c_man


    Quit arsing around. You've 90 minutes, that's time for three standard internet ones. You can browse boards in between


    *looks at time*


  • #20
    TheBrinch
    Registered Users Posts: 291 ✭✭TheBrinch


    The best thing you can do is rub jalapeño juice all over your downstairs mix-up. Nice tingly feeling ;)


  • #21
    Karl Stein
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,689 ✭✭✭Karl Stein


    Have you considered cocooning yourself in duct tape?


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  • #22
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,105 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    rotun wrote: »
    Now, I have the talc and gloves ready
    kingtiger wrote: »
    :confused:

    Isn't it obvious?


    Cum powder.


  • #23
    Jezek
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 737 ✭✭✭Jezek


    Put down tarp, and lube your whole naked body up. Writhe sensually around while repeating 'I am a slug, I am a slug, I am a sexy slug."


  • #24
    Fred Swanson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭Fred Swanson


    This post has been deleted.


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