Should pets be forced to take up employment?

Mr.Crinklewood

They cost us all money, but yet pay no taxes.

They sit on their backside (apart from fish and the like) all day while we work.

They could do certain jobs.

Some pets are nocturnal, and could work at night.

At a young age they would be ready to work.

It would keep them off our streets (apart from those employed as lolly pop cats)

They can be trained.

I'm aware that some pets already do work.

What job could your pet do?

frag420

Lets start by making dogs bring blind people for walkies in the park!!

Wacker The Attacker

I'd be more in favour of punching them.

Outkast_IRE

My dog deters burglars, and has been doing it successfully for over 8 years now, also deters cats.Pretty good at alerting me if someone is coming in the driveway too. She earns her keep in my opinion.

mgcf81

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I'd be more in favour of punching them.

Dogs or blind people?

Wacker The Attacker

mgcf81 wrote: »

Dogs or blind people?

both but only after I've given some cats a good kicking

Mr.Crinklewood

frag420 wrote: »

Lets start by making dogs bring blind people for walkies in the park!!

That's why I referenced the pets that already work in my post.

Another plus for pets, is that some are more intelligent that people.

wretcheddomain

Pets are already involved in employment - they provide jobs for the geriatric population by kindly providing excrement that needs to be cleaned up.

kiffer

My cat kills a shocking amount of mice... though there was that training period when she wouldn't kill them just brung them home and release them un injured in the sitting room.
Now she just kills and eats them.
She's a little murder machine.

In order to pay taxes we'd have to pay them... cash.
at the moment they are more like slaves.
they don't get paid for the things they do for us...
Providing company or killing vermin or guarding us while we sleep.

If you want to tax them then they'll need paying.
What would minimum wage be for a Gerbil?

Mr.Crinklewood

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

My dog deters burglars, and has been doing it successfully for over 8 years now, also deters cats.Pretty good at alerting me if someone is coming in the driveway too. She earns her keep in my opinion.

How much tax has your dog paid whilst doing this job over the past eight years?

kiffer

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

How much tax has your dog paid whilst doing this job over the past eight years?

Does it need to pay benefit in kind for the use of the kennel?

Alf. A. Male

Cats are too busy being in charge and conspiring against us.

McDermotX

Dog provides company, early warning security etc etc, and doesn't ask for any money.
Wild hedgehog out the back cuts down the number of slugs hanging around, and costs next to nothing to keep
IN FACT, the only one who doesn't do feck all is, unsurprisingly, the cat.

She thinks I'm impressed whenever she appears at the back door with a dead bird. I know damn well she didn't kill it, just happened across it.

Mr.Crinklewood

kiffer wrote: »

My cat kills a shocking amount of mice... though there was that training period when she wouldn't kill them just brung them home and release them un injured in the sitting room.
Now she just kills and eats them.
She's a little murder machine.

In order to pay taxes we'd have to pay them... cash.I
at the moment they are more like slaves.
they don't get paid for the things they do for us...
Providing company or killing vermin or guarding us while we sleep.

If you want to tax them then they'll need paying.
What would minimum wage be for a Gerbil?

Depends on how much the gerbil is paid and if it's full time or part time.

Plazaman

I have several dogs on wheels out the back generating electricity for me 24/7. Sure I lose about 3 or 4 a year through exhaustion but if they straightened up and fly right they wouldn't be dropping dead and making me miss my stories on the telly.

Mr.Crinklewood

kiffer wrote: »

Does it need to pay benefit in kind for the use of the kennel?

What are the dimensions?

Anything over 4 foot by 5 foot should be taxed

umop.episdn

Hamsters make wonderful sexual partners....so I'm told, perhaps we could put them to work & ease the escorts heavy work load?

kiffer

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

Depends on how much the gerbil is paid and if it's full time or part time.

Well... its job is to entertain and enchant children of all ages and so on...
Running it its wheel and chewing things for our entertainment.
obviously, it's a gerbil full time... even though we may only watch it or play with it for a short period of time each day it is on call pretty much 24/7...
Clearly a full time position.

wretcheddomain

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

They cost us all money, but yet pay no taxes.

They sit on their backside (apart from fish and the like) all day while we work.

They could do certain jobs.

Some pets are nocturnal, and could work at night.

At a young age they would be ready to work.

It would keep them off our streets (apart from those employed as lolly pop cats)

They can be trained.

I'm aware that some pets already do work.

Stop talking about our politicians in such a scurrilous way.

RobbingBandit

Say it with me OP, Meth is a hell of a drug.

kiffer

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

What are the dimensions?

Anything over 4 foot by 5 foot should be taxed

And of course they should be paying rent no doubt... and the owner then would have to pay tax on the income from that rent.

Mr.Crinklewood

kiffer wrote: »

Well... its job is to entertain and enchant children of all ages and so on...
Running it its wheel and chewing things for our entertainment.
obviously, it's a gerbil full time... even though we may only watch it or play with it for a short period of time each day it is on call pretty much 24/7...
Clearly a full time position.

Entertainment jobs would be tax free (excluding the sex industry)

Mr.Crinklewood

kiffer wrote: »

And of course they should be paying rent no doubt... and the owner then would have to pay tax on the income from that rent.

Now you're with me.

kiffer

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

Entertainment jobs would be tax free (excluding the sex industry)

Surely only creative entertainment jobs have those tax deals?
What about those ferrets that are used to run cables?
What should they be paid?

Mr.Crinklewood

kiffer wrote: »

Surely only creative entertainment jobs have those tax deals?
What about those ferrets that are used to run cables?
What should they be paid?

Id say the example that you gave is a creative role.

How much would it take a human to do the same job?

Take seven percent off this, and that is your answer.

kiffer

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

Id say the example that you gave is a creative role.

How much would it take a human to do the same job?

Take seven percent off this, and that is your answer.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/582123.stm
Hmmm I don't think humans can crawl through tiny pipes...


At the very least they need to be getting minimum wage.
...

Mr.Crinklewood

kiffer wrote: »

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/582123.stm
Hmmm I don't think humans can crawl through tiny pipes...

In that case the ferret can name its price.

Thanks for providing another reason for pets working.

Pumpkinseeds

Our cats amuse us, kill mice/rats and guard us while we're asleep, that's more than earning their keep:)

umop.episdn

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Our cats amuse us, kill mice/rats and guard us while we're asleep, that's more than earning their keep:)

Your cat pisses in your muesli when you're not watching, little fecker deserves to be on the dole queue

Pumpkinseeds

umop.episdn wrote: »

Your cat pisses in your muesli when you're not watching, little fecker deserves to be on the dole queue

I don't eat muesli:D

umop.episdn

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

I don't eat muesli:D

And now you know why

corner of hells

kiffer wrote: »

Surely only creative entertainment jobs have those tax deals?
What about those ferrets that are used to run cables?
What should they be paid?

Sir ,
We used to have a supply of cable mice to pull cables through pipework , twas a sight to behold , a working mouse , all got fcuked up when they became unionised.

SEPT 23 1989

In some countries police sniffer dogs are on a wage get bonuses are are taxed for their treachery

Mr.Crinklewood

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

In some countries police sniffer dogs are on a wage get bonuses are are taxed for their treachery

Probably successful countries.

DoozerT6

That's it - I'm sending my budgie down the mines.

Lazy fecker, sitting in his cage with his head under his wing.....

GET OUT THERE AND EARN YOUR KEEP YOU SPONGER!!

The Th!ng

Animals > Politicians.

FloatingVoter

My cat is on LinkedIn and has had more job offers than I've had. Some from multinationals that should know that a four-legged environmental waste consultant is not serious about seeking employment.

gugleguy

Small mammals like rats and mice could be employed to test true usefulness of cats employed to catch them. And be given danger money.

Arthur Beesley

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

They cost us all money, but yet pay no taxes.

They sit on their backside (apart from fish and the like) all day while we work.

They could do certain jobs.

Some pets are nocturnal, and could work at night.

At a young age they would be ready to work.

It would keep them off our streets (apart from those employed as lolly pop cats)

They can be trained.

I'm aware that some pets already do work.

What job could your pet do?

Stopped reading after first line. Too much like junkies.

Adamantium

I've had a pet bird. I'd imagine it'd great combing the streets for bad toupee's and roughing citizens up.

"Yippee ki yay mother falcon!"

UCDVet

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

My dog deters burglars, and has been doing it successfully for over 8 years now, also deters cats.Pretty good at alerting me if someone is coming in the driveway too. She earns her keep in my opinion.

Eh - a dog is more likely to be stolen than to stop a burglar. If you are home, the dog might give you an early warning bark; but they're a lot less effective than a normal home security system.

fearrua

I've actually brought in a team of hamsters that I've set up to run on their wheels in shifts to power the house.

Saved loads on electricity.

Outkast_IRE

UCDVet wrote: »

Eh - a dog is more likely to be stolen than to stop a burglar. If you are home, the dog might give you an early warning bark; but they're a lot less effective than a normal home security system.

We still have an alarm system, it would hard to steal a dog around here, plenty of retired neighbors and housewives who are alert and watching anytime there is a noise out of the ordinary its an old housing estate where everybody knows one another. To be honest i have never heard of a dog theft from a house in my area, so we are lucky in that regard.

People who steal dogs generally arent the same ones who burgle houses, plenty of gardai would tell ya that they generally avoid houses with dogs as there are easier targets.

Only time the house was ever robbed was 20 years ago and they drugged the dog, vet said we were lucky the dose didnt kill him.