Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

fr336

bleach94 wrote: »

Just a quick update.. Went to my GP, I was told to explore different options with regards to my course choice and living away from home possibilities, also got a letter stating I'm under medical supervision for my course coordinator. Exam went ok, just a few more to get through now. I'll take it from there I suppose!

Well done Bleach, giving yourself plenty of wriggle room from all sides now. Now try and enjoy the Christmas break (in around revision).

bleach94

Thanks guys. I have a careers appointment tomorrow, I may as well voice my concerns over my course choice to someone who may be able to advise me regarding making the right decision.

fr336

bleach94 wrote: »

Thanks guys. I have a careers appointment tomorrow, I may as well voice my concerns over my course choice to someone who may be able to advise me regarding making the right decision.

Well don't do anything rash or give them reason to try and force you out "for your own medical good" unless you've made a firm decision etc. I'd leave things till the new year and recharge your batteries even just a little bit (the stress of being at college may be at least one thing off your plate during this time...you may feel very different after having some time out)

fr336

This is too hard to handle on my own

Wilberto

fr336 wrote: »

This is too hard to handle on my own

But, you're not on your own.

fr336

Wilberto wrote: »

But, you're not on your own.

I've just basically had no life...crappy family, no real friends, few exciting moments career wise but only entry level...the whole thing a mish mash of randomness and stupidity, mainly stupidity. I think the root has for a long, long time been anxiety / sleep issues I hadn't picked up. I didn't want to go down the medication route when I realised this, and still don't, but my word I'm 26 next Monday and so much I need to turnaround...ironically the last two years when I wanted to sort myself out once and for all is when I've let my health slip more than ever. Seriously worried about teeth at the moment...to look at they just look a bit worn etc, and they're actually all white to look at, but for a few months last year I let them seriously go way bad due to the worst of the depression..can't remember much from that time in fact, let's just say they weren't cleaned as often as they should have been. That's my main, possibly irreversiable issue, but the whole thing is wrong What's hilarious is I'm super ambitious and want so much at the end of this, but I can't see it. I just can't find the strength to pull myself back up...that I have nothing to show for life and noone to easily 'pick up the phone to' makes things very depressing Sigh

Erm...how are you?

Wilberto

fr336 wrote: »

I've just basically had no life...crappy family, no real friends, few exciting moments career wise but only entry level...the whole thing a mish mash of randomness and stupidity, mainly stupidity. I think the root has for a long, long time been anxiety / sleep issues I hadn't picked up. I didn't want to go down the medication route when I realised this, and still don't, but my word I'm 26 next Monday and so much I need to turnaround...ironically the last two years when I wanted to sort myself out once and for all is when I've let my health slip more than ever. Seriously worried about teeth at the moment...to look at they just look a bit worn etc, and they're actually all white to look at, but for a few months last year I let them seriously go way bad due to the worst of the depression..can't remember much from that time in fact, let's just say they weren't cleaned as often as they should have been. That's my main, possibly irreversiable issue, but the whole thing is wrong What's hilarious is I'm super ambitious and want so much at the end of this, but I can't see it. I just can't find the strength to pull myself back up...that I have nothing to show for life and noone to easily 'pick up the phone to' makes things very depressing Sigh

Erm...how are you?

Yeah, I can relate to most of that. Maybe not the teeth bit as, even though I've never had the whitest of white teeth, I like to think I have looked after them well enough up to now.

But yes, the rest of it is sort of similar to myself. So many good intentions from doing well in my career, getting more involved with music (largely including eventually learning the piano that I bought for myself), getting back to running marathons, and trying to become a more sociable person but the anxiety and/or depression is what's clearly holding me back from any of that.

It's so frustrating to work with myself at the moment as I know I have so much more potential than what I'm showing, and I assume that's the same for everyone in this thread really, and that's what's getting me down at the moment. That, and also convincing myself that I'm an immense disappointment to my amazing account manager.

Aside from that though this week hasn't been the worst of them so that's something to be thankful for at least! :pac:

Call Me Jimmy

fr it is a low moment. im 27 and I barely brushed my teeth for a year or so. (am back to brushing).

you're doing good, I read your post and I read my own when the **** hits the fan. For some reason I got a sudden wave of tiredness and downness this evening which ended up knocking me out to sleep. Maybe some green mile shtuff is going on or could that be my ego? jk

hope ye feel better sooner than later.

fr336

I've just realised, I feel so lonely these days due to not being able to converse on anything substantial or substantially. I'm just a shell of a person right now and in many ways it was ever thus. Ah well guess I'll have to take the rough before the smooth

greenfrogs

fr336 wrote: »

I've just realised, I feel so lonely these days due to not being able to converse on anything substantial or substantially. I'm just a shell of a person right now and in many ways it was ever thus. Ah well guess I'll have to take the rough before the smooth

Hi I hope you are feeling better today.

I am getting a bit tired and bored of doing nothing everyday. Some days I find myself thinking quite negative thoughts which upset me. Mainly I find it happening when I hear sad Christmas songs. Why do people make sad Christmas songs???

Anyway overall I feel that things aren't so good at the moment. I feel in some ways I am not getting better, that I am stuck this way. I just want things to get better so I can move on with my life. My outpatient appointment with the psychiatrist was meant to be on next week but they have postponed it until March due to unforeseen circumstances. I am kinda annoyed as that is a long time and I want to know if the treatment I am getting is the best. I am in the public system. Does anyone have any experience with the private sector and how much such appointments cost?

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

Private- 150-200 euro for specialist consultant. You really get what you pay for. Swift consultation(usually) and specialist areas(eg.PTSD).

Thanks for that. How often would I have to see the consultant? What would a session involve? I have depression and anxiety. I am seeing a CBT nurse specialist at the moment through the public system. Did you find the private treatment effective?

I have the basic VHI health insurance. Can I claim anything back through this?

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

I could answer with how many times I seen the psych. Your situation/issue may be completely different to mine so I don't want to say a number with certainty. I had seen the psych two or three times since June 2013. I stupidly never followed the advice on medication the first time.

My sessions were very thorough as I required a report. I'd say the sessions are no different to many of the sessions you've had already with nurses/GPs/counsellors.

Most of the time(when going private), you are getting the very best person in the area. A specialist. I found it extremely helpful as I could get reports for various reasons in quick time(eg. a report for college to defer exams).

I don't have any info on your VHI. Sorry. I just paid cash.(I have a medical card but I never needed to use it)

That's very interesting. Although I am so sick and tired of repeating my life story to GP/nurses/counsellor/psychiatrists it would be helpful to have a consultant who specialises in the main areas I have problems in. I think I'll do some research into it the new year.

But then at the same time I know that the CBT is taking a long time for me to progress as I am very slowly adapting to it. For example I learn one thing one week and I have forgotten it by the next week. It took me weeks and weeks to get into a daily routine. Sometimes it makes me feel quite guilty but I know that the GP has signed me off looking for work as I am not able for it. So maybe I just have to accept that it will take a long time to get on back on track.

Edit: I am also feeling very stressed as yesterday I got a court date for my divorce. I got married stupidly young to a not very nice man. I just hope he won't create any problems and it gets sorted quickly and smoothly.

Roquentin

greenfrogs wrote: »

That's very interesting. Although I am so sick and tired of repeating my life story to GP/nurses/counsellor/psychiatrists it would be helpful to have a consultant who specialises in the main areas I have problems in. I think I'll do some research into it the new year.

But then at the same time I know that the CBT is taking a long time for me to progress as I am very slowly adapting to it. For example I learn one thing one week and I have forgotten it by the next week. It took me weeks and weeks to get into a daily routine. Sometimes it makes me feel quite guilty but I know that the GP has signed me off looking for work as I am not able for it. So maybe I just have to accept that it will take a long time to get on back on track.

Edit: I am also feeling very stressed as yesterday I got a court date for my divorce. I got married stupidly young to a not very nice man. I just hope he won't create any problems and it gets sorted quickly and smoothly.

greenfrogs

Love it. That's so true. I'm just upset that I may have to have contact with him. He has brought so much stress into my life and is a complete user. He is very manipulative and can be emotionally abusive. I am already stressed at the moment. I do not need him creating more. Must think positive thoughts.

Hugo Stiglitz

Was shooting the breeze with a fellow Boardsie last night about depression etc. We were talking about how hard it can be to break out of the cycle of loneliness and the isolation that being depressed and anxious can cause for peope. A major point was that some people, such as myself, find it hard to socialise and even more hard to meet new people when alone. The lack of a "wingman" or a group of friends with whom to go out and do activities can effectively be a roadblock to getting out there again.

Anyone else feel that is the same for them?

fr336

Yes Hugo but then I wouldn't want to be meeting 99% of the people round here, especially in pubs / clubs. Come to think of it I prefer to meet people through my choice of work, education etc - you can have loads of 'friends' but if they're not truly your type of people (and sometimes it takes meeting those who are you click with to work this out for real), then you kind of end up feeling even more lonelier as odd as that sounds? I've been there a few times now. Kind of happier in this department now I've realised this and know where to be looking in the future.

God this anxiety takes it out of ya - was a big of a struggle just typing this.

Hugo Stiglitz

fr336 wrote: »

Yes Hugo but then I wouldn't want to be meeting 99% of the people round here, especially in pubs / clubs. Come to think of it I prefer to meet people through my choice of work, education etc - you can have loads of 'friends' but if they're not truly your type of people (and sometimes it takes meeting those who are you click with to work this out for real), then you kind of end up feeling even more lonelier as odd as that sounds? I've been there a few times now. Kind of happier in this department now I've realised this and know where to be looking in the future.

God this anxiety takes it out of ya - was a big of a struggle just typing this.

Well said Fr! Yeah I've been lonely when surrounded by loads of people. Sometimes finding the kind of folks that you'll click with is hard though.

Anxiety is truly a harsh mistress unfortunately!

Call Me Jimmy

Agreed definitely hugo.

I have to say, it's kind of boring because it's what is always said (and what CBT promotes). The only way to break out is to get out of your comfort zone. Usually that means building up little by little, doing small things.

As I mentioned recently though, I just went and signed up for a lifeguard course smack bang in the middle of feeling my absolute worst, and being at my least ready physically, mentally.

I've been a recluse for years but I signed up and went to the assessment day there on tuesday. It was so weird by the time I was there, 'I'm here!' I kept thinking.

And so I'll be pretty much doing that course (full time) which I am scared about, think I will never be able to go out somewhere every day (ye can't miss anything because each module is for different qualifications that progress on each other).

So I'm still the exact same as I was mentally, I'm still feeling like I've got very little reason to live but I realised I can't kill myself, physically I can't do it - therefore I may as well try this while I'm feeling terrible. If it works out I know I'll be at least on the right side of functioning for the first time in my life. Happiness etc. not guaranteed (but I haven't gotten that so far anyway)

Hugo Stiglitz

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Agreed definitely hugo.

I have to say, it's kind of boring because it's what is always said (and what CBT promotes). The only way to break out is to get out of your comfort zone. Usually that means building up little by little, doing small things.

As I mentioned recently though, I just went and signed up for a lifeguard course smack bang in the middle of feeling my absolute worst, and being at my least ready physically, mentally.

I've been a recluse for years but I signed up and went to the assessment day there on tuesday. It was so weird by the time I was there, 'I'm here!' I kept thinking.

And so I'll be pretty much doing that course (full time) which I am scared about, think I will never be able to go out somewhere every day (ye can't miss anything because each module is for different qualifications that progress on each other).

So I'm still the exact same as I was mentally, I'm still feeling like I've got very little reason to live but I realised I can't kill myself, physically I can't do it - therefore I may as well try this while I'm feeling terrible. If it works out I know I'll be at least on the right side of functioning for the first time in my life. Happiness etc. not guaranteed (but I haven't gotten that so far anyway)

I actually remember you talking about signing up for the course on here a while back. Fair play to ya man for going ahead with it! It actually is encouraging to see someone breaking out of their shell like that.

Call Me Jimmy

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I actually remember you talking about signing up for the course on here a while back. Fair play to ya man for going ahead with it! It actually is encouraging to see someone breaking out of their shell like that.

Cheers man. It's kinda still in the optimistic phase in terms of being able to do it. Hell I could end up being your next-door neighbour if I make it all the way through

Hugo Stiglitz

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Cheers man. It's kinda still in the optimistic phase in terms of being able to do it. Hell I could end up being your next-door neighbour if I make it all the way through

That almost sounds like a threat! LOL

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

Is this a separation hearing as opposed to a divorce hearing? Are kids involved?

I could write a book on this. Very stressful. Hope it goes ok for you.

It is a divorce hearing and there are no children. I was just speaking to my solicitor and I am feeling a lot more relieved.

CZ 453

greenfrogs wrote: »

It is a divorce hearing and there are no children. I was just speaking to my solicitor and I am feeling a lot more relieved.

You should have all the donkey work done from the separation stage so. It'll be just a case of the court stamping on the separation order/agreement.

Gongoozler

Jimmy, are you doing this course because you've lost any fear about dying?

Call Me Jimmy

No, sort of the opposite. I'm too afraid to die or kill myself so I don't have suicide as an out anymore. Before I would just let things get worse and worse thinking I can just kill myself but I've learned that I can't kill myself. So I better do something about living.

Going in to a 9-5 office job is one of my biggest fears about living. So I'm doing something to avoid that. Then there is all my usual worries/hangups/bad feeling, but at the moment I'm thinking that's going to be there anyway, may as well TRY this with a chance of some sort of freedom at the end of it.

It's a long shot but for now I'm trying it

greenfrogs

CZ 453 wrote: »

You should have all the donkey work done from the separation stage so. It'll be just a case of the court stamping on the separation order/agreement.

There is no separation agreement. I hope it will just be a case of me saying we have been seperated since such a date and there is no hope of a reconciliation. And hopefully I'll walk out of court a divorcee (at 27 :eek:)

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

No, sort of the opposite. I'm too afraid to die or kill myself so I don't have suicide as an out anymore. Before I would just let things get worse and worse thinking I can just kill myself but I've learned that I can't kill myself. So I better do something about living.

Going in to a 9-5 office job is one of my biggest fears about living. So I'm doing something to avoid that. Then there is all my usual worries/hangups/bad feeling, but at the moment I'm thinking that's going to be there anyway, may as well TRY this with a chance of some sort of freedom at the end of it.

It's a long shot but for now I'm trying it

Right back at ya. I really admire you. You are actually going outside your comfort zone massively. Even if you find that it doesn't work out it is still a huge step forward

Call Me Jimmy

Thanks! That's my attitude which I think is helping, I'm not fearing failure because if I 'fail' I'll be in a better position than I am so win-win

Gongoozler

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

No, sort of the opposite. I'm too afraid to die or kill myself so I don't have suicide as an out anymore. Before I would just let things get worse and worse thinking I can just kill myself but I've learned that I can't kill myself. So I better do something about living.

Going in to a 9-5 office job is one of my biggest fears about living. So I'm doing something to avoid that. Then there is all my usual worries/hangups/bad feeling, but at the moment I'm thinking that's going to be there anyway, may as well TRY this with a chance of some sort of freedom at the end of it.

It's a long shot but for now I'm trying it

I just wondered if you were almost going with that because of the knowing that you can't kill yourself.

Don't you dis 9 - 5s Jimmy, they're all I got

Call Me Jimmy

Forgivaness Prease *bows*

Gongoozler

Funny thing is I'm recently considering a very different career path, well not that I had one before just different to what I'm currently doing. It would not be 9- 5. It would probably eventually lead the direction of working for myself and that is a majorly scary thought for me.