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Anxiety and/or depression discussion.
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greenfrogs wrote: »Another guy. I just get obsessive. With a previous guy friend he actually ending up blocking my number because of my behaviour
Behaviour. Discuss0 -
Behaviour. Discuss
Ok teacher
. Well first all of I would text them a lot, if they don't text back I would text again. Then I can get angry and tell them I can't be friends anymore because I find it too hard. Bear in mind I had romantic feelings for both these guys. They both were uninterested. I could be angry with them for some perceived insult (i.e they didn't text me fast enough, they were ignoring me, they hated me). Repeat every few weeks. My entire mood would be dependent on whether they text me. When I repeated text them I would shame, guilt and disappointed. I would feel like I am an idiot, that they hate me etc.
http://www.bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves
I was reading this and I feel the vast majority of it applies to me. I quoted all of it but maybe I shouldn't of had
Regardless of how a person with Borderline Personality Disorder alters and tailor their appearance or actions to please others, a failed relationship often presents with a characteristic pattern over time. This pattern may take months or even years to evolve through. In the later periods, the personality often swings back and forth from one phase to the next.
What is the Progression of a Failed "BPD" Relationship? Typically a pattern that evolves through three stages: the Vulnerable Seducer, the Clinger, and the Hater.
Love: The Vulnerable Seducer Phase
At first, a Borderline female (or male) may appear sweet, shy, vulnerable and "ambivalently in need of being rescued"; looking for her Knight in Shining Armor. In the beginning, you will feel a rapidly accelerating sense of compassion because she portrays herself as she "victim of love" and you are saving her. But listen closely to how she sees herself as a victim. As her peculiar emotions advances upon you, you will hear how no one understands her - except you. Other people have been "insensitive." She has been betrayed, just when she starts trusting people. But there is something "special" about you, because "you really seem to know her".
It is this intense way she has of bearing down on you emotionally that can feel very seductive. You will feel elevated, adored, idealized - almost worshiped, maybe even to the level of being uncomfortable. And you will feel that way quickly. It may seem like a great deal has happened between the two of you in a short period of time, because conversation is intense, her attention, and her eyes are so deeply focused on you. Here is a woman who may look like a dream come true. She not only seems to make you the center of her attention, but she even craves listening to your opinions, thoughts and ideas. It will seem like you have really found your heart's desire.
Like many things that seems too good to be true, this is. This is borderline personality disorder.
It will all seem so real because it is real in her mind. But what is in her mind it is not what you perceive to be happening.
Love: The Clinger Phase
Her intense interest in you will subtly transform over time. She still appears to be interested in you, but no longer in what you are interested in. Her interest becomes your exclusive interest in her. This is when you start to notice “something”. Your thoughts, feelings and ideas fascinate her, but more so when they focus on her. You can tell when this happens because you can feel her "perk-up" emotionally whenever your attention focuses upon her feelings and issues. Those moments can emotionally hook your compassion more deeply into her, because that is when she will treat you well - tenderly.
It’s often here, you begin to confuse your compassion with love, and you believe you're in love with her. Especially if your instinct is strong and rescuing is at the heart of your "code." Following that code results in the most common excuse I hear as a therapist, as to why many men stay with borderline women, "
But I love her!" Adult love is built on mutual interest, care and respect - not on one-way emotional rescues.
But, if like King Priam, you do fall prey to this Trojan Horse and let her inside your city gates, the first Berserker to leave the horse will be the devious Clinger. A master at strengthening her control through empathy, she is brilliant at eliciting sympathy and identifying those most likely to provide it-like the steady-tempered and tenderhearted.
The world ails her. Physical complaints are common. Her back hurts. Her head aches. Peculiar pains of all sorts come and go like invisible, malignant companions. If you track their appearance, though, you may see a pattern of occurrence connected to the waning or waxing of your attentions. Her complaints are ways of saying, "don't leave me. Save me!" And Her maladies are not simply physical. Her feelings ail her too.
She is depressed or anxious, detached and indifferent or vulnerable and hypersensitive. She can swing from elated agitation to mournful gloom at the blink of an eye. Watching the erratic changes in her moods is like tracking the needle on a Richter-scale chart at the site of an active volcano, and you never know which flick of the needle will predict the big explosion. But after every emotional Vesuvius she pleads for your mercy. And if she has imbedded her guilt-hooks deep enough into your conscientious nature, you will stay around and continue tracking this volcanic earthquake, caught in the illusion that you can discover how to stop Vesuvius before she blows again. But, in reality, staying around this cauldron of emotional unpredictability is pointless. Every effort to understand or help this type of woman is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue.
It is like you are a Coast Guard cutter and she is a drowning woman. But she drowns in a peculiar way. Every time you pull her out of the turbulent sea, feed her warm tea and biscuits, wrap her in a comfy blanket and tell her everything is okay, she suddenly jumps overboard and starts pleading for help again. And, no matter how many times you rush to the emotional - rescue, she still keeps jumping back into trouble. It is this repeating, endlessly frustrating pattern which should confirm to you that you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder. No matter how effective you are at helping her, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of your self into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger. And if you keep pouring it in long enough, one-day you'll fall right down that hole yourself. There will be nothing left of you but your own shadow, just as it falls through her predatory "event horizon." But before that happens, other signs will reveal her true colors.
Sex will be incredible. She will be instinctually tuned in to reading your needs. It will seem wonderful - for a while.
The intensity of her erotic passion can sweep you away, but her motive is double-edged. One side of it comes from the instinctually built-in, turbulent emotionality of her disorder. Intensity is her trump-card.
But the other side of her is driven by an equally instinctually and concentrated need to control you. The sexual experiences, while imposing, are motivated from a desire to dominate you, not please you. Her erotic intensity will be there in a cunning way tailored so you will not readily perceive it.
“I love you” means – “I need you to love me”. “That was the best ever for me” means – tell me “it was the best ever for you”. Show me that I have you.
Love: The Hater Phase
Once a Borderline Controller has succeeded and is in control, the Hater appears. This hateful part of her may have emerged before, but you probably will not see it in full, acidic bloom until she feels she has achieved a firm hold on your conscience and compassion. But when that part makes its first appearance, rage is how it breaks into your life.
What gives this rage its characteristically borderline flavor is that it is very difficult for someone witnessing it to know what triggered it in reality. But that is its primary identifying clue: the actual rage-trigger is difficult for you to see. But in the Borderline's mind it always seems to be very clear. To her, there is always a cause. And the cause is always you. Whether it is the tone of your voice, how you think, how you feel, dress, move or breathe - or "the way you're looking at me," - she will always justify her rage by blaming you for "having to hurt her."
Rage reactions are also unpredictable and unexpected. They happen when you least expect it. And they can become extremely dangerous. It all serves to break you down over time. Your self esteem melts away. You change and alter your behavior in hopes of returning to the “Clinger Stage”. And periodically you will, but only to cycle back to the hater when you least expect it, possibly on her birthday, or your anniversary.
Instable relationships are a hallmark of Borderline Personality Disorder.0 -
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Christmas is all in the head really, apart from the closures and no public transport etc. That'll only go on for two days and from 27th everything will get back to normal very quickly. Hell my gym is open 24/7 over the whole thing
(Wouldn't be surprised to be in there on the 26th tbh..it is a gym in England btw) 0 -
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Join Date:Posts: 8512
Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »I'm a Celebrations man myself, except for the Bounties!
Ain't nobody got time for the Bounties! :pac: 0 -
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Ain't nobody got time for the Bounties! :pac:I'd post them coconut Bounties back to the island they came from if I had an address. Coupled with a note to say "do not send to Ireland or else..."
I don't mind a bit of coconut though. Like there was a time when I would literally go through a pack and a half of Tesco's own brand Nice biscuits! 0 -
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Anxiety is so tangible today that I'm just letting it race over my head and embracing the pain...am I nuts? My whole body feels like it's going 100 miles an hour
And I just want more and more nice food...or drink (not alcohol)...one after the other...it's like a comfort blanket because do I really enjoy it? 0 -
Anxiety is so tangible today that I'm just letting it race over my head and embracing the pain...am I nuts? My whole body feels like it's going 100 miles an hour And I just want more and more nice food...or drink (not alcohol)...one after the other...it's like a comfort blanket because do I really enjoy it?
I really hope it passes for you soon Fr 0 -
Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »I really hope it passes for you soon Fr
It will don't you worry about that. Gym tomorrow. Maybe some more gym on the 26th. Nothing or nobody will get in the way of me living life for the first time.0 -
It will don't you worry about that. Gym tomorrow. Maybe some more gym on the 26th. Nothing or nobody will get in the way of me living life for the first time.
Am glad to hear it man.
Even a little walk can work wonders for my mood and anxiety here. Only thing is though, I'm a right lazy fucker a lot of the time though:( 0 -
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Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »Am glad to hear it man.
Even a little walk can work wonders for my mood and anxiety here. Only thing is though, I'm a right lazy fucker a lot of the time though:(
Exercise alone does nothing for me. I'm so used to topping myself up with what ranges from crap to pure junk that it has no effect by itself. I need to cut all the bad stuff out of the system while exercising. Doing that feels crazy good in the past, yet I STILL can't find the strength mostly to give it another good go. I will shortly though..have to..got a load of college assignments due in and so far it looks like I've done nothing on the course. Even if there's no chance of me being kicked out as I'm technically paying for it, I don't want the slim risk stressing me out even more. Life must be like a normal person by midnight January 5th.0 -
Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »Am glad to hear it man.
Even a little walk can work wonders for my mood and anxiety here. Only thing is though, I'm a right lazy fucker a lot of the time though:(
Yah same here. I am quite lazy as well but when I do some exercise I feel really good.0 -
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Anxiety is so tangible today that I'm just letting it race over my head and embracing the pain...am I nuts? My whole body feels like it's going 100 miles an hour And I just want more and more nice food...or drink (not alcohol)...one after the other...it's like a comfort blanket because do I really enjoy it?
Once, I felt my whole body and mind racing I just went with as in followed every thread of thought and movement of sensations to their completion really quickly and it was an unreal but pleasant experience. Hope ye feel better (if ye feel bad).0
This discussion has been closed.
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