Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Gremlinertia

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

I'm being let out. Thankful that my consultant is a fan of community based care over hospital based where possible. So back to the day hospital/home care team I go. Thanks again guys. This is such a lovely supportive thread. Hugs to you all.

Delighted for you. Just out of dbt myself and I'd definitely prefer not to stay on hospital grounds if possible.. Mind yourself, there's plenty of us here for you.

mg1982

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

I'm being let out. Thankful that my consultant is a fan of community based care over hospital based where possible. So back to the day hospital/home care team I go. Thanks again guys. This is such a lovely supportive thread. Hugs to you all.

Welcome back EI

greenfrogs

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

I'm being let out. Thankful that my consultant is a fan of community based care over hospital based where possible. So back to the day hospital/home care team I go. Thanks again guys. This is such a lovely supportive thread. Hugs to you all.

That's great news. I hope you feel a bit better after your stay in hospital. Community care is really good. I'd be lost without it.

heyday30

That's great euphoria. X

Hugo Stiglitz

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

I'm being let out. Thankful that my consultant is a fan of community based care over hospital based where possible. So back to the day hospital/home care team I go. Thanks again guys. This is such a lovely supportive thread. Hugs to you all.

Glad to hear it EI!

stinkle

Meh. Ever feel like you're not in step with everyone else? Like everyone else got the memo to be/act a certain way and you didnt, and suffer as a result? Like you're constantly on edge/apologising for being yourself (in my case an anxious person who doesnt like to bother others), but then things kick off and you blame yourself for not reacting to something in time (maybe cos you were too anxious to do it, maybe cos you genuinely didnt realise there would be an issue and assumed things would be grand).

Not even sure am I making sense.

greenfrogs

stinkle wrote: »

Meh. Ever feel like you're not in step with everyone else? Like everyone else got the memo to be/act a certain way and you didnt, and suffer as a result? Like you're constantly on edge/apologising for being yourself (in my case an anxious person who doesnt like to bother others), but then things kick off and you blame yourself for not reacting to something in time (maybe cos you were too anxious to do it, maybe cos you genuinely didnt realise there would be an issue and assumed things would be grand).

Not even sure am I making sense.

Yes I definitely get you on not getting that memo. It's like everyone else knows how to react to situations. And it seems to me that I always react badly or make the wrong choice.

But I doubt it's that everyone else is smarter than us. More that everyone makes mistakes and many people can brush off these mistakes whereas I can't. Also I find it difficult to make the 'right' decision as I can have a million different thoughts running in my head. Anxiety and depression are very energy draining.

stinkle

greenfrogs wrote: »

Yes I definitely get you on not getting that memo. It's like everyone else knows how to react to situations. And it seems to me that I always react badly or make the wrong choice.

But I doubt it's that everyone else is smarter than us. More that everyone makes mistakes and many people can brush off these mistakes whereas I can't. Also I find it difficult to make the 'right' decision as I can have a million different thoughts running in my head. Anxiety and depression are very energy draining.

Thank you!!!! Youre spot on when you say you react badly or make the wrong choice. I get that too. Do ya find that in situations involving other people, no one ever cuts you any slack whereas you would be more tolerant/generous/forgiving? I think I empathise more cos of anxiety, adn wouldnt change that for the world, but have to deal with a lot of heartache when others dont give my feelings the same respect. Which adds to anxiety cos then I feel like a bad person/not worthy/just not on the same planet as everyone else

greenfrogs

I think other people can be absorbed in thenselves. And maybe not realise how their behaviour affects others. Other people have hurt me due to lack of support or consideration for my feelings. That's the kind of person they have chosen to be. I prefer to try and be more understanding. But then I have limitations as well. I find myself to be very impatient and abrupt at times.
I have found out recently that if people aren't supportive of you then maybe it's better to not have them in your life. A bad friend is worse than no friend.

stinkle

That's true. Im lucky that friends are good, I should remember that more. I've gotten upset about accommodation issues, or workplace issues, or family. None of which are easily distanced from.

Just had a situation where I tried really hard to do the right thing and the other person still wasnt happy. If I was horrible or uncaring or deliberately messed up, then grand. And I'd still be in the same position. But no kudos is given for trying, y'know. Then the pattern repeats itself and I start to think - is it me?

greenfrogs

Workplace and family issues can be tough going. And stressful. But I think in that situation the other person may be the one with the issue. Not you. All you can do is your best. Its hard when you go that extra mile for someone and they don't even recognise it.

stinkle

Thanks. Guess I'm just idealistic too, and always try to see both sides of something. A blessing and a curse, lol. I just always seem to end up in these situations where Im rubbing along nicely and just trying to do my best, then bam! Get hassle over something, and treated almost like a child. I think thats the crux of it - being talked down to just cos I'm not so assertive and like to please others, even at my own expense.

There's not enough room on the internet for a long psychoanalysis post, but stuff from my old sessions is coming back to me. I hate having to be a hardass, and potentially hurting someone else's feelings, but I think failure to react in that way immediately trouble rears its head means that I get taken advantage of. BUT - being like this is from years of family members "keeping the peace", and me being conditioned to believe that was a good thing, and when others lost their cool over something, that that was something to avoid. yet deep down I do have a strong temper that pops out now and again - not something that I want to let loose all the time, but could do with letting out now and again.

Can't wait to see the back of this crappy month.

heyday30

greenfrogs wrote: »

Workplace and family issues can be tough going. And stressful. But I think in that situation the other person may be the one with the issue. Not you. All you can do is your best. Its hard when you go that extra mile for someone and they don't even recognise it.

I don't have many friends but I find with family going the extra mile to reach out to them is often now expected.
I get angry sometimes that they don't understand me even though I've tried many a time to explain

greenfrogs

Stinkle I would be very sensitive as well. Both to myself and to other peoples feelings. That's a good quality. But people can take advantage of those who are less assertive. You don't have to lose your cool to tell someone they are being unreasonable. A certain level of anger is normal. Also don't worry too much about hurting other people.

A relative of mine passed a smart comment to me last week. Rather than get upset and ignore him I answered with an equally smart comment. He would definitely have considered me a pushover before. He wasn't long saying his goodbyes. Hopefully next time he thinks about passing a smart comment he will think twice.

Heyday30 I dislike having a go that extra mile for people who wouldn't return the favour. I myself have a very good immediate family. However I sometimes see the effort my mom goes to for her siblings and I find it frustrating. I would find it much easier to cut them off. Families can be very difficult sometimes.

stinkle

I agree with both of you. Defo family can really expect too much - my own mother is the same, and does far too much for her siblings. But then its been passed on to me. Recently I had a huge guiltrip cos she misses me now im abroad - BUT I had to deal with an upsetting conversation about it while in work, which wasnt fun - me being a few time zones away wasnt taken into account. Then when it all blew over no one in the family contacted me to say all was well again. Not the first time something like that has happened. I think I set good boundaries by not going home at xmas etc, but will be home soon and am afraid that all the good work will be undone - ill be expected at every little event thereafter.

I agree with you greenfrogs that being assertive is ok - i just need to get better at it. To be honest, the thing that upset me earlier got somewhat dealt with by me being assertive in the end, so yay. I hate the feeling of it cos it doesnt come naturally, and I hate the guilt over maybe upsetting someone else, but I know deep down that its better to have addressed it than lie down and take it and still feel bad for not sticking up for myself.

I guess I feel im always on the back foot - living life minding my own business, then for whatever reason when an issue arises it's not dealt with in an adult way - Id love that, if theres a problem to address it together. But no, it gets turned into a bigger deal.

heyday30

stinkle wrote: »

Thanks. - being like this is from years of family members "keeping the peace", and me being conditioned to believe that was a good thing, and when others lost their cool over something, that that was something to avoid. yet deep down I do have a strong temper that pops out now and again - not something that I want to let loose all the time, but could do with letting out now and again.

Can't wait to see the back of this crappy month.

This has struck a chord.
I've always been the quiet one the pushover, the yes woman. Inside I'd be raging.

The last year I'd say I've being saying No! And people don't like it. It's the one positive I've gotten from CBT.
Saying no with no explanation.

stinkle

heyday30 wrote: »

This has struck a chord.
I've always been the quiet one the pushover, the yes woman. Inside I'd be raging.

The last year I'd say I've being saying No! And people don't like it. It's the one positive I've gotten from CBT.
Saying no with no explanation.

Yup! Family-wise: "the eldest", "the good one", "the sensible one", "the dependable one".

What kinda stuff have you been able to say no to? dont mean to pry, just more like - are you doing it because you can (like setting boundaries), or you really ahve to deal with a nasty situation/people?

heyday30

stinkle wrote: »

Yup! Family-wise: "the eldest", "the good one", "the sensible one", "the dependable one".

What kinda stuff have you been able to say no to? dont mean to pry, just more like - are you doing it because you can (like setting boundaries), or you really ahve to deal with a nasty situation/people?

It may sound trivial but things like oh you'll mind the kids that day your not working. asking for a loan of money ( I'd often leave myself short) just generally assuming because I'm Quite ill do whatever is " expected" of me.

Not really nasty just selfish.

stinkle

Am on a bit of a roll here too - overthinking stuff means i totally blow up potential situations in my head e.g. If I say no to X, then thatll be really awkward->Ill feel bad->theyll hate me->world will end. Ok not quite, but I reckon if I wasnt in my own head so much that Id be better able to let things wash over me.

Ever get told "you take things to heart too much"? I get it all the time, and am all too aware of it!!!! It doesnt help being told that! Its like, yeah maybe I do, but saying that isnt going to magically un-upset me.

stinkle

heyday30 wrote: »

It may sound trivial but things like oh you'll mind the kids that day your not working. asking for a loan of money ( I'd often leave myself short) just generally assuming because I'm Quite ill do whatever is " expected" of me.

Not really nasty just selfish.

Thats prob harder to deal with actually - outright nasty stuff might be easier to say no to! I think thats the prob - wolf in sheeps clothing taking advantage.

heyday30

stinkle wrote: »

Am on a bit of a roll here too - overthinking stuff means i totally blow up potential situations in my head e.g. If I say no to X, then thatll be really awkward->Ill feel bad->theyll hate me->world will end. Ok not quite, but I reckon if I wasnt in my own head so much that Id be better able to let things wash over me.

Ever get told "you take things to heart too much"? I get it all the time, and am all too aware of it!!!! It doesnt help being told that! Its like, yeah maybe I do, but saying that isnt going to magically un-upset me.

Yeah I get that. Taking things to heart.!!!

What I have learned again through CBT that being caring, quiet, thoughtful even emotional are traits of my personality. And you shouldn't have to change that for anybody. Nor should you let anyone take advantage of those traits.

You need to stop feeling bad for saying no. I promise you its liberating when you do. I'm not saying you have to be nasty but if it's something you genuinely don't feel you want or are able to do don't.

I'm on a roll too so apologies.

stinkle

No need to apologise!!! Yay sensies!!! One of my prouder moments was after getting annoyed in work last year by bullies in a meeting I decided to go to the boss. Got accused of being too sensitve, but as I was doing CBT adn reading Elaine Aron's book at the time I was able to say "yeah, Im sensitive. Not gonna apologise for that, and it doesnt excuse the toxic bullying environment that exists."

I used to help out with some charity work, and it was weird how the good qualities of being quiet, thoughtful etc were so valued there and it was one place where I really belonged, but Id previously felt like a failure in work and even personal life due to being TOO quiet/timid/etc (in other people's words). Like cos I wasnt running around being a giant loudmouth it seemed to mean I wasnt good enough or interested enough or whatever, even though being a giant loudmouth really has very little to do with the actual job. It was useful cos it taught me that everyone is welcome somewhere and perceived weaknesses are strengths in other ways.

heyday30

stinkle wrote: »

No need to apologise!!! Yay sensies!!! One of my prouder moments was after getting annoyed in work last year by bullies in a meeting I decided to go to the boss. Got accused of being too sensitve, but as I was doing CBT adn reading Elaine Aron's book at the time I was able to say "yeah, Im sensitive. Not gonna apologise for that, and it doesnt excuse the toxic bullying environment that exists."

I used to help out with some charity work, and it was weird how the good qualities of being quiet, thoughtful etc were so valued there and it was one place where I really belonged, but Id previously felt like a failure in work and even personal life due to being TOO quiet/timid/etc (in other people's words). Like cos I wasnt running around being a giant loudmouth it seemed to mean I wasnt good enough or interested enough or whatever, even though being a giant loudmouth really has very little to do with the actual job. It was useful cos it taught me that everyone is welcome somewhere and perceived weaknesses are strengths in other ways.

Exactly!
could have written that myself.
failed Miserably at attempts to work in large factory's Ect.
Not being nor wanting to be the gossiping backstabbing 24/7 type I never fitted in.
I was good at the work, not the work environment!

stinkle

Amen! From sports teams, school, and certain jobs I was always the odd one out. Even some "groups" of friends - I might know and like one or two out of a group, but might be uneasy around other people. But like the gas thing is I dont go out of my way to be different or odd, just myself. Have my own life outside of work etc, dont antagonise anyone, just get the head down and get on with things. Dunno is being quiet or not getting involved in the politics seen as being rude or superior or what, but it's annoying how shyness etc is looked down on and not really tolerated.

Feels good to vent - I thought Id be in tears when OH got home, but am ok and able to laugh a bit about the situation I was in earlier. Closure now regarding it too. I must try the online CBT course again, now Ive more time and space. Or a book or something.

heyday30

stinkle wrote: »

Amen! From sports teams, school, and certain jobs I was always the odd one out. Even some "groups" of friends - I might know and like one or two out of a group, but might be uneasy around other people. But like the gas thing is I dont go out of my way to be different or odd, just myself. Have my own life outside of work etc, dont antagonise anyone, just get the head down and get on with things. Dunno is being quiet or not getting involved in the politics seen as being rude or superior or what, but it's annoying how shyness etc is looked down on and not really tolerated.

Feels good to vent - I thought Id be in tears when OH got home, but am ok and able to laugh a bit about the situation I was in earlier. Closure now regarding it too. I must try the online CBT course again, now Ive more time and space. Or a book or something.

Thats good you feel a bit better.
A good Vent is needed every now n then.

I'm on here most nights stinkle.

Must get some sleep.
take care

Gremlinertia

On this very topic, someone posted this on fb earlier, usually i don't like posting pics but this is good..

Gongoozler

I'm not doing too good. I'm trying, but I'm finding it all very difficult. I feel so bad about myself at work. It's constant. It's such a badly managed place and it just affects everyone so much. It's everything you do. It's all day long. It makes me feel bad. It shouldn't. It's their problem. It shouldn't make me feel bad about myself. I feel like I'm not worth anything, not worth their respect, not worth listening to. And I feel like I'll never get out of here.
I feel like it's too much to keep coming into every day.

Gremlinertia

As much as i say work saves me, it can be soul destroying, i had to change company a few years back, when i take to calling in sick for no reason i know it's time to try move.. Have you any options there Gong?.

Gongoozler

I'm fussy, or have been, about what kind of place I work in, and so it's really cutting down my options. I want a job I can feel happy about doing, and for me that's not what I'm doing. I'm capable of much more, but getting the chance is next to impossible. I need to earn more money too, so again that makes things difficult.

Gremlinertia

Hey, it's fair enough to be choosy, it's good for the mental health at least. Just a suggestion, and ignore me if i'm arseways, but can you do a course or something to better your chances of gaining employment in a place better for you? Any progressive step has the potential to take your mind off work a little..