Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

scrimshanker

Eurphoria Intensifies & Alaska Young, sorry for such a late post but hope you guys are managing to keep going okay. Been thinking of you guys, sorry for not working up to posting sooner.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

when i take to calling in sick for no reason i know it's time to try move..

This happens to me too... Starting to happen again. Here we go again. Except there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing at the moment. I'm on track. I'm not failing, I'm succeeding but I'm sabotaging it myself. Who needs enemies when I've got myself around?

Physical pain problems have resurfaced with a bang in the last week, have appointment with specialist next week Not helping the head.

Gongoozler

I have just started a course in my spare time. but it's a long way off before I'd be able to do anything with that. And a longer way still before it might be a full time thing. Basically a completely different area. So yeah I have to continue on with the search in this area, just for something I like to do, that pays more.

Gremlinertia

Physical pain is a real issue for me too, it's hugely tiring which makes it so so difficult to try maintain mood or contact with other people which would help mood, hide behind keyboard a lot.

Gong, i hope the course gets you places, i know it's hard to be patient, are you looking for a new job?

Gongoozler

It's hard to be patient when you're not happy.
Hell yeah I'm looking all the time

spudger1

Sorry in advance for the ramble everyone, and sorry also for sounding so self-absorbed when we all have things do deal with...but i'm overwhelmed today and need to get this out.



Referred to a Psychiatrist last week, diagnosed with depression, prescribed Sertaline...... and diagnosed with borderline Aspergers.

The medication isn't entirely new..i've been on anti-depressants before some years ago. Have always been a little unconventional to be honest. But would also say i have almost always been very shy and very very afraid of people rejecting me. This in turn comes from being bullied a lot in school. Maybe the diagnosis was correct, but some part of me is wondering if he (Psychiatrist) was a bit too Triggerhappy.

My self-esteem was on the low end before this, now it just feels like it's completely shattered, like i'm some sort of irredeemable circus-freak, good for nothing. I don't believe i will resort to drastic measures...but right now, i really do wish i had never been conceived... I don't know how much more of 'being me' i'm meant to take. People keep telling me things will look up, but i can't see how. I hate myself so much right now....


Sorry for the above, but sometimes i just feel like i'm gonna snap, and i hope you are all doing well today.

Gremlinertia

Oh I feel for you spud, you are far from alone. Are you getting any talk therapy? By the way, well done for posting. It's difficult and brave of you. Members on this thread have been through similar. Mind yourself as much as you can. Do comforting things for yourself that aren't harmful.

spudger1

Thank you for the welcome, it does help


Still trying to figure out options TBH. Psychiatrist seems to have sent me off on a bit of a wild goose chase WRT to a self-help group that may no longer exist.

Doctors appointment in a few days, i'm hoping maybe they can point me in the right direction...'casue i really don't know where to even start.

scrimshanker

Probably showing this to the already converted, but IFL Science linked to this video by asapSCIENCE:

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/science-meditation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw71zanwMnY

heyday30

spudger1 wrote: »

Thank you for the welcome, it does help


Still trying to figure out options TBH. Psychiatrist seems to have sent me off on a bit of a wild goose chase WRT to a self-help group that may no longer exist.

Doctors appointment in a few days, i'm hoping maybe they can point me in the right direction...'casue i really don't know where to even start.

Hiya and welcome.
I hope you get some clearer picture with your doctor.
Believe it or not you've already started

Before you go to your doctor one thing I might suggest is write down what you want to say/ ask during your appointment. I have to do this cause I get all flustered I end up not saying what I wanted to say.

greenfrogs

I know this may get deleted but has the recent high profile court case affected anyone. I just feel so sad reading about it. Some articles I couldn't finish as they were too much. It seems the victims life has been laid out in detail and it is so demeaning. It seems that her isolation, loneliness and mental health state made her vulnerable. I just hope that she is resting in peace and has found the happiness she was missing in this life.

heyday30

greenfrogs wrote: »

I know this may get deleted but has the recent high profile court case affected anyone. I just feel so sad reading about it. Some articles I couldn't finish as they were too much. It seems the victims life has been laid out in detail and it is so demeaning. It seems that her isolation, loneliness and mental health state made her vulnerable. I just hope that she is resting in peace and has found the happiness she was missing in this life.

I was thinking the same last week. I don't want to hear anymore of it. Media didn't need to release as much imo.
Horrendous and sad.

stinkle

100% with you both. Also not great reporting of mental health issues and representation of people who suffer from them.

greenfrogs

heyday30 wrote: »

I was thinking the same last week. I don't want to hear anymore of it. Media didn't need to release as much imo.
Horrendous and sad.

No the media didn't have to have so much coverage. The rte website had an article about it everyday. It's the families who are suffering now.

I just think what if I meet someone who was manipulate or used me when I was at my worst. I just think isolation and loneliness will lead a person to seeking out company anywhere they will get it. Even if the company is bad. Loneliness is very destructive. At the moment I am definitely making an effort to socialise more. I never want to be so lonely.

heyday30

greenfrogs wrote: »

No the media didn't have to have so much coverage. The rte website had an article about it everyday. It's the families who are suffering now.

I just think what if I meet someone who was manipulate or used me when I was at my worst. I just think isolation and loneliness will lead a person to seeking out company anywhere they will get it. Even if the company is bad. Loneliness is very destructive. At the moment I am definitely making an effort to socialise more. I never want to be so lonely.

Absolutely agree.
I think it's important to be comfortable in your own company.
I enjoy being by myself for the most part But I do understand it can be torture when you yern for company.

spudger1

heyday30 wrote: »

I was thinking the same last week. I don't want to hear anymore of it. Media didn't need to release as much imo.
Horrendous and sad.

Maybe i've become a bit too cynical, but generally seems like the "media" is out for any story designed to make us feel like we're lucky to be alive at all in this country, and that we should willingly hand over various taxes/charges as a result.

I've only paid so much attention to the case...but it seems like there was a major major failure to spot/provide the help needed. I wish this would translate into better provision for people who need such help, but hey crazy people don't vote anyway, right?

heyday30 wrote: »

Absolutely agree.
I think it's important to be comfortable in your own company.
I enjoy being by myself for the most part But I do understand it can be torture when you yern for company.

It's not just company...it's...well i guess quality of company.
People's intolerance, tempers, machinations, judgmental ways, get me to the point where being alone seems the lesser of two evils. ...

greenfrogs

heyday30 wrote: »

Absolutely agree.
I think it's important to be comfortable in your own company.
I enjoy being by myself for the most part But I do understand it can be torture when you yern for company.

I would say I am happy in my own company at times. But I do yearn for a more active social life. I know not everyone may want that but I do. So therefore for me to be more content I need to get out there and make friends. I am tackling my social anxiety through cbt. Its all about doing things that will make your life a happier place.

I'm glad you feel happy in your own company.

mg1982

There must be something fundamentally wrong with me then. If i didnt see or speak to another person from one day to the next it wouldnt bother me. I seem to have little or no interest in other people or even talking to them. Scary.

spudger1

mg1982 wrote: »

There must be something fundamentally wrong with me then. If i didnt see or speak to another person from one day to the next it wouldnt bother me. I seem to have little or no interest in other people or even talking to them. Scary.

I am often like that to be honest... but with the occasional exception of feeling like an isolated outcast.

heyday30

greenfrogs wrote: »

I would say I am happy in my own company at times. But I do yearn for a more active social life. I know not everyone may want that but I do. So therefore for me to be more content I need to get out there and make friends. I am tackling my social anxiety through cbt. Its all about doing things that will make your life a happier place.

I'm glad you feel happy in your own company.

Don't get me wrong gf. Not all the time. I've just Learned to be I suppose.

I'm trying like yourself to try get out and do things but it's slow process.

greenfrogs

mg1982 wrote: »

There must be something fundamentally wrong with me then. If i didnt see or speak to another person from one day to the next it wouldnt bother me. I seem to have little or no interest in other people or even talking to them. Scary.

No everyone is different. I just assumed that everybody feels lonely. If you don't then I envy you. I have cried many times because I have very few friends and few things to do. With the social anxiety I crave to be more sociable but for some reason it makes me anxious to actually socialise. Therefore for me I want to be around others and I feel other people can enrich my life.

mg1982

spudger1 wrote: »

I am often like that to be honest... but with the occasional exception of feeling like an isolated outcast.

Oh i do get lonely at times and its a terrible overwhelming feeling when it does happen. But i just cant relate to anyone anymore. Dont know what happened to me or how i ended up like this. In work i feel like a social outcast too as much as i try to fit in.

mg1982

greenfrogs wrote: »

No everyone is different. I just assumed that everybody feels lonely. If you don't then I envy you. I have cried many times because I have very few friends and few things to do. With the social anxiety I crave to be more sociable but for some reason it makes me anxious to actually socialise. Therefore for me I want to be around others and I feel other people can enrich my life.

As the old saying goes, no man/woman is an island, we all need company and to be around people, and it does enrich our lives. Which makes it all the more scary for me, i constantly ask myself, wtf is wrong with me? I guess it comes down to me not trusting anyone and thinking people will only end up hurting me so i keep everyone at arms length. No one really knows who i am, hell i dont even know anymore.

spudger1

greenfrogs wrote: »

No everyone is different. I just assumed that everybody feels lonely. If you don't then I envy you. I have cried many times because I have very few friends and few things to do. With the social anxiety I crave to be more sociable but for some reason it makes me anxious to actually socialise. Therefore for me I want to be around others and I feel other people can enrich my life.

If it's any consolation to you, i'm pretty sure i have a fair bit of social anxiety myself. To the point that i would sometimes cross the road rather than avoid someone walking towards me.

mg1982 wrote: »

I guess it comes down to me not trusting anyone and thinking people will only end up hurting me so i keep everyone at arms length.

Sounds familiar.

stinkle

greenfrogs wrote: »

No everyone is different. I just assumed that everybody feels lonely. If you don't then I envy you. I have cried many times because I have very few friends and few things to do. With the social anxiety I crave to be more sociable but for some reason it makes me anxious to actually socialise. Therefore for me I want to be around others and I feel other people can enrich my life.

Being lonely can be really stressful and upsetting. can you do stuff just for you, where you happen to encounter others? Im thinking of something like a yoga class - something you decide to go and take part in, youre surrounded by people BUT doing your own thing. You may end up in a friendly group where people chat before and after, you may not, but you'll have put yourself out there. Or ensure you ask questions of the teacher or other staff there - even just mention an injury/limitation and ask for advice about how to manage it.

Just a little idea is all - coming from someone who once ran away from a class due to anxiety cos the regular instructor wasnt on duty

Roquentin

mg1982 wrote: »

Oh i do get lonely at times and its a terrible overwhelming feeling when it does happen. But i just cant relate to anyone anymore. Dont know what happened to me or how i ended up like this. In work i feel like a social outcast too as much as i try to fit in.

same with me. im more alone in the company of people than i am alone

Hugo Stiglitz

Loneliness indeed does suck. I find it's a hard thing to break out of too.

mg1982

Well i had a better day, 9 and a half hours sleep does help. Hope everyone else is doing allright.

greenfrogs

I'm on my phone so I can't multi quote but it's reassuring to know I'm not alone in feeling lonely. I agree with the poster who said they feel more alone in a crowd than when they are just by themselves. It's like that ad for mental health where the woman said you could be in croke park surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. I feel like that all the time. I always feel l'm the outside of every group. I used think it was because nobody likes me but I know now it is due to me placing myself on the outside.

Sometimes I will go to an exercise class like a poster mentioned and won't speak to anyone there. That's a very common theme in my everyday life. It gets me down. But then I will avoid in going to a shop near me as I know a girl working there and don't want to make small talk. Anyway I just have to overcome it. Small small steps.

Gremlinertia

I find crowds can worsen how lonely i feel, like i'm kinda separate from the crowd, can see other people interacting with each other and i'm isolated from it..

mg1982

greenfrogs wrote: »

I'm on my phone so I can't multi quote but it's reassuring to know I'm not alone in feeling lonely. I agree with the poster who said they feel more alone in a crowd than when they are just by themselves. It's like that ad for mental health where the woman said you could be in croke park surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. I feel like that all the time. I always feel l'm the outside of every group. I used think it was because nobody likes me but I know now it is due to me placing myself on the outside.

Sometimes I will go to an exercise class like a poster mentioned and won't speak to anyone there. That's a very common theme in my everyday life. It gets me down. But then I will avoid in going to a shop near me as I know a girl working there and don't want to make small talk. Anyway I just have to overcome it. Small small steps.

Its so much harder to be socialable though when you feel deeply uncomfortable in that enviorment. I find i cant relax and be myself when im around people and it has been this way for 10 or 15 years. As much as i try to keep putting myself in those situations it doesnt seem to change.