Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Roquentin

“Being alone has a power over me that never fails. My interior dissolves (for the time being only superficially) and is ready to release what lies deeper. When I am willfully alone, a slight ordering of my interior begins to take place and I need nothing more.”


― Franz Kafka, Diaries of Franz Kafka

Roquentin

“April 27. Incapable of living with people, of speaking. Complete immersion in myself, thinking of myself. Apathetic, witless, fearful. I have nothing to say to anyone - never.”
― Franz Kafka, Diaries of Franz Kafka

greenfrogs

Yah I used think it was a lack of opportunities to socialise that lead to my lack of a social life. I tried putting myself in situations where I could meet people but I used feel very uncomfortable. So now I'm in the very early of therapy to overcome it.

I used find people would become frustrated with me in both work and college. I used distance myself and be very private because I was ashamed that someone would see how lonely and sad my life is.

scrimshanker

I think it's actually extremely difficult to make new friends. People always seem to have themselves set up in groups and you have to be really extroverted and upbeat to break into any of those groups, so I've found it hard to make friends unless I'm starting something new where everyone else is new. And actually, even then I don't have a great track record..

I'm generally really happy in my own company, but then sometimes it's nice to be able to say to someone "hey, want to grab a coffee?", or just someone to share your day with. Just to have a couple of people who care how your day went or want to hang out with you.

It's hard though, really hard to maintain friendships. It's never come naturally to me.

scrimshanker

Can anxiety mask depression?

The reason I ask is I had been REALLY anxious. Now meds have kicked in, I'm I would say mildly anxious but constantly down. Constant crushing mood. I've to contact my doctor in a week about medication review and I REALLY don't know what to say. It's by phone, so a list isn't an option this time. But I'm really scared, I don't know what about. Getting it wrong I guess. I just don't know anymore. I'm running out of time.

Gremlinertia

The two often coexist Scrim. Medication can treat one without making a notable difference to the other. My suggestion would be to call the doctor's office tomorrow and arrange an appointment instead of the phone consult. Is that possible?.

greenfrogs

scrimshanker wrote: »

Can anxiety mask depression?

The reason I ask is I had been REALLY anxious. Now meds have kicked in, I'm I would say mildly anxious but constantly down. Constant crushing mood. I've to contact my doctor in a week about medication review and I REALLY don't know what to say. It's by phone, so a list isn't an option this time. But I'm really scared, I don't know what about. Getting it wrong I guess. I just don't know anymore. I'm running out of time.

Maybe say what you have written down here. That you feel mildly anxious but constantly down and that you feel scared. Just tell the doctor how you are feeling. The doctor won't expect you to know why you feel like this.

You are not running out of time. Sometimes treatment is adjusted to what will suit us best. It may take time but you will get there.

Roquentin

scrimshanker wrote: »

Can anxiety mask depression?

The reason I ask is I had been REALLY anxious. Now meds have kicked in, I'm I would say mildly anxious but constantly down. Constant crushing mood. I've to contact my doctor in a week about medication review and I REALLY don't know what to say. It's by phone, so a list isn't an option this time. But I'm really scared, I don't know what about. Getting it wrong I guess. I just don't know anymore. I'm running out of time.

the two are often comorbid. a chemical imbalance is what it is. ever wonder why the very worst criminals feel no remorse. its because of the way the chemicals work in their heads

scrimshanker

Thanks guys. I don't think I can make an appointment to go in, he specifically told me to phone and if needs be he'd get me to come in if anything needed discussing further. I think he's trying to save me money (no medical card) so I do appreciate that. I'm just wondering about it because 6 weeks ago my mood felt great, except for being really anxious. Now my mood feels really bad, but the anxiety not so much. I guess the reason I'm worried about running out of time is I have 6 weeks left til my final exams and if the meds have to be changed they'll take time to kick in and side effects need time to settle down, and I'm still not really back to functioning in college properly. I don't even want to go in anymore

Gremlinertia

Ah I see. I'm that case write your list and explain on phone that you'll be reading from one. Are you calling him this week?.

scrimshanker

Yeah, will probably call him late this week. Reading from a list is a good idea. I don't know why, but sometimes the most obvious and sensible thing to do seems to completely evade me. It's actually very frustrating cos I work myself into a state over things I don't need to. At the moment I'm trying to keep in mind that my GP is a good doctor who is very understanding and not judgmental, because my mind keeps trying to go to places like "he's fed up with me already" and things like that and it's not true. I'm so scared the whole time, I have to keep my mind running away from thoughts.

Gremlinertia

Scrim, that could have been me writing that.. I was nodding the whole way through. I even get convinced I don't need any help because I'm making it all up or I'm unworthy of any help.. It's awful because it's so easy to travel a long way down that line of thought before you realise and it can take days to recover.

As for the "obvious" things.. When your head is like a shaken snowglobe it's hard to see anything at all, well that's how I visualise mine when I'm spooked or confused anyway.. I say this a lot but I will say again. You are very far from alone in these thoughts.. Always here for talks ok?.

scrimshanker

Thanks Grem, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Sometimes it feels like it. I get what you mean about thinking you're making it all up, despite being so confused and down and scared the whole time, I frequently am almost entirely certain that I'm making these feelings up, am a complete fraud and really should just cop on. It's a constant battle trying to work out which bit is real and which bit is my mind trying to trick myself. Not always sure of the answer On bad days I'm anxious, on good days I forget how I felt on bad days and was clearly making it all up..

The snowglobe analogy is a good one, it makes sense actually! I often wonder what other peoples' minds look like inside. The inside of my mind is just a bedroom with striped wallpaper (pinkish gold and cream, wide stripes, like you'd see in your great aunty's "good room"), pink carpet , a single wood framed bed halfway across the back wall with a plain blanket and 1 white pillow, and a stick person running around trying to pull the wallpaper off the walls and trying to scratch their way out the front of the room (my forehead) :P White skirting boards and a door on the left just at my temple!

Gremlinertia

I come back to the snowglobe one a lot as it can be peaceful or chaotic and anything in between too.

Another one was how a friend described what she thought of the inside of my head once.. She said it was like when you saw a sealion at the circus spinning a bunch of different hoops around it's neck, all at different speeds etc. I kinda like that one too.

I really like the details to yours. I could visualise it pretty well.. That'll prob be useful to you.

mg1982

Just back from another night shift. I dont mind the work but man i really suck at being around people. Hope all of you are doin ok.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

Just back from another night shift. I dont mind the work but man i really suck at being around people. Hope all of you are doin ok.

People are tough work at times man. I know how it can be. Fair play for sticking with it though

Gremlinertia

Feel the same at my job a lot. I manage to isolate myself a fair bit but obviously there is some interaction and it can be very painful at times. Tend to grit my teeth a bit and plough on with the promise of half an hour of peace somewhere in the night.

mg1982

Its nice to know im not alone in feeling like this. I guess i keep telling myself at least i get a decent wage out of it. It is a bit soul destroying though when you know its not the other people that are the problem the problem is with myself.

greenfrogs

Well lads ye all doing great to be able to hold down a job. I'm signed off work until June. I never thought I would be out of work so long. The thought of having to go to work and work along side others fills me with dread. I just can't imagine being able to go to work on my very down days. So ye really are doing so well as I know we all have days where it's such a struggle to even get out of bed.

Rothko

Feeling really low right now. I feel so alone and isolated. Yet, the worse I feel the harder it is for me to talk. I've stopped taking my medication too which probably doesn't help things. The thing that gets me so down is the feeling of loneliness. One of my friends is after starting a new relationship just a few days after her last one ended. I'm really happy for her but in one way it makes me feel so depressed. It's so frustrating to me how some people can find someone so easily or without effort and I never can. I don't know what to do.

Gremlinertia

greenfrogs wrote: »

Well lads ye all doing great to be able to hold down a job. I'm signed off work until June. I never thought I would be out of work so long. The thought of having to go to work and work along side others fills me with dread. I just can't imagine being able to go to work on my very down days. So ye really are doing so well as I know we all have days where it's such a struggle to even get out of bed.

For me, I'm too terrified to not work.. I know how bad and withdrawn and suicidal I become quickly once I'm not working. Too many days in a row off even gets to me.. While work has it's own issues for me it really is down to the lesser of two evils. Funny how it affects us all so similar in some ways and opposites in others..

Gremlinertia

Suas11 wrote: »

Feeling really low right now. I feel so alone and isolated. Yet, the worse I feel the harder it is for me to talk. I've stopped taking my medication too which probably doesn't help things. The thing that gets me so down is the feeling of loneliness. One of my friends is after starting a new relationship just a few days after her last one ended. I'm really happy for her but in one way it makes me feel so depressed. It's so frustrating to me how some people can find someone so easily or without effort and I never can. I don't know what to do.

I have zero focus on relationships currently because I have to put myself back together yet, but someone who bounces from one to the next in a turnaround of just a few days can't be attaching much value to those relationships so I wouldn't use that as a yardstick. You are your own person.. Have you spoken to anyone about your loneliness at all?

Rothko

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I have zero focus on relationships currently because I have to put myself back together yet, but someone who bounces from one to the next in a turnaround of just a few days can't be attaching much value to those relationships so I wouldn't use that as a yardstick. You are your own person.. Have you spoken to anyone about your loneliness at all?

Well my friend isn't really like that. Most of her relationships have been long-term. It's just the fact that some people and not me find it so easy to attract someone.

I used to talk to a psychologist but I haven't talked to her in months and I've given up on it.

Gremlinertia

Going off your meds and not talking may be leading to your current frame of mind though maybe? I went off my meds twice. Both times I went to very nasty places and barely came back.. Now I just try to look at my meds as like vitamins I take first thing rather than think too hard about them..

greenfrogs

Gremlinertia wrote: »

For me, I'm too terrified to not work.. I know how bad and withdrawn and suicidal I become quickly once I'm not working. Too many days in a row off even gets to me.. While work has it's own issues for me it really is down to the lesser of two evils. Funny how it affects us all so similar in some ways and opposites in others..

Yah I used be like that as well. I used hate having too much time off as I used feel really alone. However this time I'm feeling a lot more positive. It's like my job now is to get better.

Rothko

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Going off your meds and not talking may be leading to your current frame of mind though maybe? I went off my meds twice. Both times I went to very nasty places and barely came back.. Now I just try to look at my meds as like vitamins I take first thing rather than think too hard about them..

Maybe but I was already feeling like crap. I gave up on them because it just feels like I'm getting worse and worse and I don't think they've been helping me much.

greenfrogs

Suas11 wrote: »

Maybe but I was already feeling like crap. I gave up on them because it just feels like I'm getting worse and worse and I don't think they've been helping me much.

Have you spoken to your gp about not taking your meds. Tell your Gp the reasons why you stopped taking them.maybe your treatment needs to be tweaked to find what suits you best.

I have given up on relationships for the foreseeable future. I want to learn more about myself and to be happy on my own.

Gremlinertia

Question, and I'm not trying to annoy you, but was your doc or psych bringing you back on a regular basis to check the effectiveness of the meds?. I had to be stepped up a few times as they levelled and I hope you were being monitored too.

Rothko

greenfrogs wrote: »

Have you spoken to your gp about not taking your meds. Tell your Gp the reasons why you stopped taking them.maybe your treatment needs to be tweaked to find what suits you best.

I have given up on relationships for the foreseeable future. I want to learn more about myself and to be happy on my own.

No, I haven't talked to anyone about it.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Question, and I'm not trying to annoy you, but was your doc or psych bringing you back on a regular basis to check the effectiveness of the meds?. I had to be stepped up a few times as they levelled and I hope you were being monitored too.

They were but the consultant at the mental health clinic had me discharged as he thought I was doing fine. Since then, I haven't been monitored or had any appointments with any medical professionals.

Gremlinertia

Sounds like you need to get back to your gp to be honest Suas.. It's very frustrating, all of us on this thread have faced that though so you've got people to talk to it about.