Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Zippie84

Feeling in bits after therapy today.

So much in my head, but so much hurt, and don't know where I even start with it. Feel so alone with it. Just want it to hurt a little less. It's sh1t.

Hugo Stiglitz

Zippie84 wrote: »

Feeling in bits after therapy today.

So much in my head, but so much hurt, and don't know where I even start with it. Feel so alone with it. Just want it to hurt a little less. It's sh1t.

Hey Zippy,

Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Feeling alone can be one of the worst feelings to hit at us. We're all here for each other though. Anything you want to talk about?

scrimshanker

Carzony,

want to talk about the difficulties?

Zippie84

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Hey Zippy,

Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Feeling alone can be one of the worst feelings to hit at us. We're all here for each other though. Anything you want to talk about?

Thanks Hugo. Nothing on here though, not sure how safe / anonymous boards is for this, and not sure why I'm posting here.

I know that sometimes writing helps get it out, and feel like I should try, but don't know where to start either.

Just that thing today where session is tough, but out of relatively nowhere in a massive state of extreme distress that is totally unbearable, and of course thoughts soon turn to self-harm, suicide, all sorts... and it's scary how easily it can go from one to the other, how that pain is clearly bubbling away under the surface, ready to erupt, yet still so skilled at everyday functioning. It's all just scary sometimes.

Hugo Stiglitz

Zippie84 wrote: »

Thanks Hugo. Nothing on here though, not sure how safe / anonymous boards is for this, and not sure why I'm posting here.

I know that sometimes writing helps get it out, and feel like I should try, but don't know where to start either.

Just that thing today where session is tough, but out of relatively nowhere in a massive state of extreme distress that is totally unbearable, and of course thoughts soon turn to self-harm, suicide, all sorts... and it's scary how easily it can go from one to the other, how that pain is clearly bubbling away under the surface, ready to erupt, yet still so skilled at everyday functioning. It's all just scary sometimes.

Your post there is extremely apt I must say. It really hits the nail on the head how our minds can so drastically plunge into darker places.

Zippie84

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Your post there is extremely apt I must say. It really hits the nail on the head how our minds can so drastically plunge into darker places.

Yep. I don't think it's even about depression or anxiety specifically - just emotional pain in whatever form it takes - yet thought people would get it here.

Hugo Stiglitz

Zippie84 wrote: »

Yep. I don't think it's even about depression or anxiety specifically - just emotional pain in whatever form it takes - yet thought people would get it here.

I'm fairly certain many of us here can relate exactly to this, myself included.

greenfrogs

carzony wrote: »

Hey folks,

Well i've not been doing well lately, Things are still fairly difficult and i'm still having the breathing difficulties in the mornings..


I feel the health system couldnt care less either as the doctor is more than happy to throw any pills at me and the councellor seems to have forgotten about me.. I'm amazed i've been left this long without getting an appointment to talk to someone..

I'm not suicidal but I really feel bad anyone who really, desperately needs help quickly.. No wonder people complain about the state of the health service and the facilities for mental health not being there... How politicians sleep at night i'll never know.

Hi Carzony. Sorry to hear how you feel. I know there was a gap of two months until I get a psych apt and then a month I think until counselling began. It is a long time when you feel so down. I went to private counselling when I had the money but at 70 euro a go it's really expensive. I really don't have much advice but could you ring some helpline like aware to maybe chat.

Once are in the system I think it's a good service though it probably varies in different areas.

efb

I just want to go back to work!!!

Hugo Stiglitz

efb wrote: »

I just want to go back to work!!!

You'll get there Efb.

Kimbot

Its been a while since I posted on here and in that time so much has happened to me.

I had a complete and utter breakdown a month and a half ago, I spent 3 days straight just crying for no reason. My mam got worried and rang my GP and they both agreed that signing me into the hospital would be benificial. I packed a bag and my mam brought me to the hospital who evaluated me, they changed all of my medications as I was on my previous one for 6 months and was only getting worse. Made appointments to go and see a consultant. A few weeks passed and I was still feeling foggy but things seemed to be on the mend, then out of nowhere the uncontrollable crying started again. My family brought me straight back into the hospital on mothers day (my poor mam had to spend all day with me) and they just looked at me baffled as to why I was crying all the time, there was no triggers but I was thinking alot more about suicide so they told me to take one of my medications 3 times a day instead of once at night (Serquil i think the name is, the generic is quentipiene) and no change in the other meds as I was due to see the consultant on the wednesday of that week. I start taking an extra dose in the morning and immediately noticed a huge improvement. Met with the consultant and went through everything, we agreed to up all my meds slighlty as I was already improving. Its been nearly 2 weeks and im starting to feel like myself again, the me from a few years ago where I could take on the world. Hopefully this change is permanent (I have had a really stressful week that would make anyone crumble but im still happy enough, slightly stressed but im back in work and all and handling it all fine).
I do find that mental health services are lacking in this country tho but im glad I went to the hospital when I did as I really needed the help and they were brilliant.

Drumpot

jonny24ie wrote: »

Its been a while since I posted on here and in that time so much has happened to me.

I had a complete and utter breakdown a month and a half ago, I spent 3 days straight just crying for no reason. My mam got worried and rang my GP and they both agreed that signing me into the hospital would be benificial. I packed a bag and my mam brought me to the hospital who evaluated me, they changed all of my medications as I was on my previous one for 6 months and was only getting worse. Made appointments to go and see a consultant. A few weeks passed and I was still feeling foggy but things seemed to be on the mend, then out of nowhere the uncontrollable crying started again. My family brought me straight back into the hospital on mothers day (my poor mam had to spend all day with me) and they just looked at me baffled as to why I was crying all the time, there was no triggers but I was thinking alot more about suicide so they told me to take one of my medications 3 times a day instead of once at night (Serquil i think the name is, the generic is quentipiene) and no change in the other meds as I was due to see the consultant on the wednesday of that week. I start taking an extra dose in the morning and immediately noticed a huge improvement. Met with the consultant and went through everything, we agreed to up all my meds slighlty as I was already improving. Its been nearly 2 weeks and im starting to feel like myself again, the me from a few years ago where I could take on the world. Hopefully this change is permanent (I have had a really stressful week that would make anyone crumble but im still happy enough, slightly stressed but im back in work and all and handling it all fine).
I do find that mental health services are lacking in this country tho but im glad I went to the hospital when I did as I really needed the help and they were brilliant.

Just a suggestion but a great lesson I have learned is that I had to make life changes and prioritise my mental health over everything, before I begun to have a more consistently balanced life. . All the following in this post are things I have done and learned by vigorously putting my mental health first and learning new ways of living.

I am self employed which is extremely stressful. That's not to mention my wife and three children that rely on me. I used to goto GP, councelling whenever I would have a breakdown, get patched up and seize the positivity for as long as I could, before eventually hitting bottom again.

I am not saying that this will happen to you, but what I am suggesting is that if you want things to be different it might mean you will need to make changes that you haven't considered. Perhaps follow up your recent episode with other forms of therapy. Make it a priority to goto councelling or CBT to try and learn new life skills that will help you deal with whatever it was that was upsetting you. Discuss it further with your doctor and get some feedback or suggestions.

Build up your support network (friends, family, professionals, support groups) while you are feeling better and more confident. Its when I feel low , when I isolate myself and feel lonely. If you have a support network in place at least there is a better chance that you will use it if you have another negative episode.

I see and hear it time again, where people get a boost (whether by medication, intervention or therapy) and then fall flat again and wonder why it keeps happening. If you were suicidal its even more important that you understand why you got so low because there is a chance it could happen again.

You are right about the mental health services in this country and I would go further and say most peoples understanding of mental health is so poorly limited, its just not funny. Educate yourself more, get more support networks built up now and don't ever presume "you are fixed". Make your mental health a programme for living and let everything else (work, family , friends, personal desires) be built around your mental health. People make the mistake of allowing people, places and things the tools they rely on to pick them up. If only - my job, my finances, my relationship (etc) was better I would feel better. This is setting you up for disappointment.

Learn to be self sufficient, balanced and able to be comfortable with yourself and you will find lifes troubles easier to deal with. You will also get an understanding of yourself that you might of thought not possible.

writer_lady170

anxiety through the roof today:(

Kimbot

Drumpot wrote: »

Just a suggestion but a great lesson I have learned is that I had to make life changes and prioritise my mental health over everything, before I begun to have a more consistently balanced life. . All the following in this post are things I have done and learned by vigorously putting my mental health first and learning new ways of living.

I am self employed which is extremely stressful. That's not to mention my wife and three children that rely on me. I used to goto GP, councelling whenever I would have a breakdown, get patched up and seize the positivity for as long as I could, before eventually hitting bottom again.

I am not saying that this will happen to you, but what I am suggesting is that if you want things to be different it might mean you will need to make changes that you haven't considered. Perhaps follow up your recent episode with other forms of therapy. Make it a priority to goto councelling or CBT to try and learn new life skills that will help you deal with whatever it was that was upsetting you. Discuss it further with your doctor and get some feedback or suggestions.

Build up your support network (friends, family, professionals, support groups) while you are feeling better and more confident. Its when I feel low , when I isolate myself and feel lonely. If you have a support network in place at least there is a better chance that you will use it if you have another negative episode.

I see and hear it time again, where people get a boost (whether by medication, intervention or therapy) and then fall flat again and wonder why it keeps happening. If you were suicidal its even more important that you understand why you got so low because there is a chance it could happen again.

You are right about the mental health services in this country and I would go further and say most peoples understanding of mental health is so poorly limited, its just not funny. Educate yourself more, get more support networks built up now and don't ever presume "you are fixed". Make your mental health a programme for living and let everything else (work, family , friends, personal desires) be built around your mental health. People make the mistake of allowing people, places and things the tools they rely on to pick them up. If only - my job, my finances, my relationship (etc) was better I would feel better. This is setting you up for disappointment.

Learn to be self sufficient, balanced and able to be comfortable with yourself and you will find lifes troubles easier to deal with. You will also get an understanding of yourself that you might of thought not possible.

Thanks Drumpot, I have begun to make these changes in my life hence the improvement. The consultant psych is currently tayloring a support programme for me which includes which groups I should be attending and also more 1 on 1 sessions with her. I have improved my diet and am now living at home with my mam and my family are beginning to understand all thats going on with me which really has helped me alot as they are all there for me (Well some arent but im removing the negative from my life). At one point I couldn't bear to leave the house but Im forcing myself to get up and get out and do things now and the anxiety levels have dropped a lot. I know its going to be a long road but for once Im ready to take it on.

heyday30

Drumpot ur so right and thanks for ur post.

I have quite bad social anxiety and clinical depression.
I was told last year that for me full time employment was making me very ill so on advice of docs and psycs I gave up The job. At the time I thought great I'm useless on the scrap heap having worked since I was 16.

But now I can see just how much better I am. I can't cope with the stresses of the rat race. I no longer feel guilty or a burden on society as I did for a long long time.

I now know anything I do requires me to take baby steps. I now nearly always recognise when my mood is getting low and can catch it before it spirals. I'm for the first time learning who I am and what works for me.

Sorry for blabbing.

heyday30

writer_lady170 wrote: »

anxiety through the roof today:(

Deep breaths writer. X

writer_lady170

heyday30 wrote: »

Deep breaths writer. X

thanks heyday, going through an adjustment in college with the staff getting to know me and how i work, ended up breaking down in tears cos I was trying to tell one of my tutors I''m NOT a sports person at all and they didn't get it. Listening to some music now, still a bit upset

*deep breaths*

Kimbot

writer_lady170 wrote: »

thanks heyday, going through an adjustment in college with the staff getting to know me and how i work, ended up breaking down in tears cos I was trying to tell one of my tutors I''m NOT a sports person at all and they didn't get it. Listening to some music now, still a bit upset

*deep breaths*

Deep breaths and pleasant thoughts will get you through it

heyday30

writer_lady170 wrote: »

thanks heyday, going through an adjustment in college with the staff getting to know me and how i work, ended up breaking down in tears cos I was trying to tell one of my tutors I''m NOT a sports person at all and they didn't get it. Listening to some music now, still a bit upset

*deep breaths*

Aww writer *hugs.

greenfrogs

I know this sounds trivial but earlier I sat down and realised I have absolutely nothing to do tonight. I felt my mood go down and remembered that I didn't take my tablet. Before it was this thought that used get me so down and I'd be down for days and terrible to be around.

The psychiatrist mentioned reducing my meds but I really don't think that's a good idea. It's a bit unnerving to think that if it wasn't for the meds I would be in an awful state.

Hugo Stiglitz

greenfrogs wrote: »

I know this sounds trivial but earlier I sat down and realised I have absolutely nothing to do tonight.

I'm the very same GF. I find weekends particularly empty and boring which makes my mind wander into darker thoughts I'd rather not think.

Hugo Stiglitz

I see Zippie closed the account. I hope all is ok there. :-/

Gremlinertia

I noticed that too Hugo.. Closed accounts on these sort of threads make me sad. Hope that things will work out.

Regarding weekend stuff, I manage to work almost all weekends.. It's avoidance, I know, but for now it works for me..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I noticed that too Hugo.. Closed accounts on these sort of threads make me sad. Hope that things will work out.

Regarding weekend stuff, I manage to work almost all weekends.. It's avoidance, I know, but for now it works for me..

Me too Grem. I hope Zippie returns.

I heard people saying meetup.com is good but it's lacking in stuff for my neck of the woods. Even if stuff was on, I'd most likely chicken out going along.

greenfrogs

Weekends suck. I think because I didn't go to training last night I feel worse. Instead I stayed at home and ate junk food and felt sick all day today. Sometimes I don't know why I do these things. I should be grabbing each social opportunity. It seems at times I can be my own worst enemy.

mg1982

greenfrogs wrote: »

Weekends suck. I think because I didn't go to training last night I feel worse. Instead I stayed at home and ate junk food and felt sick all day today. Sometimes I don't know why I do these things. I should be grabbing each social opportunity. It seems at times I can be my own worst enemy.

Its only one night you missed so dont feel bad about it GF. What kind of training are you doing? I dont find weekends too bad, im so used to not socialising it doesnt bother me and i always try to keep busy. Boredom can be a dangerous thing.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

Boredom can be a dangerous thing.

It really can be yeah.

greenfrogs

mg1982 wrote: »

Its only one night you missed so dont feel bad about it GF. What kind of training are you doing? I dont find weekends too bad, im so used to not socialising it doesnt bother me and i always try to keep busy. Boredom can be a dangerous thing.

It's a sport team. its only one night but I've only been to three since January. I think I'm going to make a promise to myself to keep going every week. They actually organise regular nights out so it would be great to get more involved in that. They had a night out last weekend as well. I said I'd call in for a bit but I didn't. I feel very flakey.

scrimshanker

Counselling is hard. Think the issue is less that the counsellor thinks I'm making more progress than I am, and more that I'm being pushed to make progress... I guess that's kinda the point of it though, isn't it? Either way, I have to say, it's really not easy. Very down today cos I've realised just how much is wrong with me and that it's going to take a long time and a lot of effort to fix.

Hugo Stiglitz

scrimshanker wrote: »

Very down today cos I've realised just how much is wrong with me and that it's going to take a long time and a lot of effort to fix.

*bro-hugs*

You'll get there though Scrim. We all will.