Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

spudger1

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

. I seem feel a bit empty, if that makes any sense.

I don't want to presume it's the same as your empty feeling, but i seem to have that a lot.

BringBackMick

The happiness has left my life.

Where do I find happiness anymore? Perhaps in family, some friends.

But the joy has gone out of things, well…. mostly.

Anxiety has numbed me. inhibited me from doing things I would enjoy.

I would love to play football, play tennis, golf, go swimming….

Most of these things are not possible for me or if they are, they are met with huge apprehension, gut wrenching nervousness.. the shakes….even the thought I am going to keel over a die…

Even going out with friends for lunch is a difficult proposition. I always need an escape. My friend could collect me and I would get a gut wrenching wave of anxiety, check my pulse, feel I am going to faint… I would then keep insisting I am fine, which I am. The journey would involve me pressing waves of anxiety, occasional nausea. Briefly numbed my mild scratching of my arms, digging my nail into my thumb. The fresh air when exiting the car would bring some relief but not much. I would have an intense fear that I am going to faint, I would always try and have some excuse to pull a runner… to allow myself escape the situation and save face. The coffee would only make it worse… the caffeine heightening the sense. I would want the meeting to end as abruptly as possible. Suggestion might be made to go and do some other activity, many of which i would thoroughly enjoy. Although of course I would refuse, any excuse to make it home as quickly as possible to get some sense of peace. The 1 hour coffee trip is over. I have returned home again, wondering what the hell is wrong with me, how has it come to this…



in the last 2 or 3 years the symptoms have accelerated. Work at my previous job became very difficult. I would have panic attacks quite frequently at the office, for no reason by heart would start pumping and i would get the urge to get out of there.. stumble down the hall way to the bathroom, believing I was about to pass out….

the journeys home would often be worse, the thought of jumping aboard the packed commuter time train awful…. the thought of bumping into a friends on board even more so!…. what if I collapsed in front of them… or couldn't hold up a conversation because i began to feel sick just the anxiety…. the journeys would often be torturous…. some of the worst 20mins you can imagine… sweating profusely… heart palpations… scratching the arm…. only to try and get it together on the walk home from the station…….

Then the drink… In recent times I found a short term cure…. the anxiety would often get so tough that after one of those train rides I would go home and secretly down a can of lager in my room… just to give myself a break… the worst thing is it worked!

On occasion before heading to an event I might have a can just to stop myself from feeling the pain… the nausea….

No the drinking didn't get that bad… but it is still an issue… the anxiety has not resolved and the drinking is getting a little worse…

I have no problem entering most situations that i would die normally with a few cans…. of course it is a slippery slope….

I can just about function at work but I find stimulation at lunch is the worst.. if i leave the office to go to lunch I often get a real wave of anxiety.. peaking on return to the desk… with perhaps a 30minute phase of leg tapping… scrapping… deep breathing… dread… on occasion an escape to the bathroom to douse myself in water….and as for coffee drinking…. a complete no no…. it would make my day completely unbearable….

So what can I do… how can I stop this cycle and become to enjoy life again… how can I go and play sport and not think I will die…. how can i board the train without thinking the thing will breakdown and i will have a mad panic attack and collapse…. how can i stop walking through crowds and all i can focus on is making sure i am walking straight and breathing!…. it seems a waste of my life to continue like this… I am living half a life and only in my early twenties..

Roquentin

wont quote the whole post Mick. what you have is a chemical imbalance. the reason you feel anxious at certain times is because chemicals are being produced that make you anxious. for instance if you accomplished something in life and felt good after it, it is only because chemicals are again produced that made you feel good.

i would recommend meds. now they are not fool proof but do often help. now you could get xanax but that is only like alcohol in that it is for the short term. there are proper meds for anxiety that arent addictive.

maybe counseling as well to gain tips in how to change your perception of life and so on. but for me the meds are the main ones. They address the chemical imbalance

mg1982

heyday30 wrote: »

A lot of things mg. I suppose mood swings ta and over thinking. Everything is muddled going around in my head.
Going to write it all down in a while and try prioritise.
starting to come down of the steroids ( tapering down)
I have a tranquilliser. Might take it.
Very anxious

It could be the tapering down off the steroids that's causing it. They can really mess with your head but at least I hope they got you over your illness.

Hugo Stiglitz

spudger1 wrote: »

I don't want to presume it's the same as your empty feeling, but i seem to have that a lot.

I'd imagine it's a common enough feeling amongst us all here at times.

Roquentin

Euphoria Intensifies

I take venlafaxine (Effexor) and quetiapine (Seroquel) which both have **** loads of possible awful side effects and withdrawal symptoms. But this cocktail seems to be keeping me remotely sane at the minute so I don't really care tbh.

Lots of hugs to you all. We'll get through this.

candycock

This mite seem silly but I jus feel like I want to post this,I've been having a terrible few days an being very low,I've been offered an internship but I was ment to start Monday and panicked on the way,I don't no if I over thought the situation or if it was an anxiety attack,I don't no what they are really....,I've an appointment tomoro morning with the doctor,then with a councillor for assessment I can't explain my moods or why I feel like this I'm 31 and dragging my ass through life.

Kayleigh..

Everything seems pointless and wrong

BringBackMick

candycock wrote: »

This mite seem silly but I jus feel like I want to post this,I've been having a terrible few days an being very low,I've been offered an internship but I was ment to start Monday and panicked on the way,I don't no if I over thought the situation or if it was an anxiety attack,I don't no what they are really....,I've an appointment tomoro morning with the doctor,then with a councillor for assessment I can't explain my moods or why I feel like this I'm 31 and dragging my ass through life.

Say, you had something come up and couldn't make it first week.

Try again for a start on Monday... It is better to go through pain and panic then to sit in your house all day thinking what you are missing out on.

Just go for it. Easier said then done, I know all too well. But eventual you will learn strategies to deal with this pain, methods to get around it.. That is even without the potential help some meds can do for you.

mg1982

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

I take venlafaxine (Effexor) and quetiapine (Seroquel) which both have **** loads of possible awful side effects and withdrawal symptoms. But this cocktail seems to be keeping me remotely sane at the minute so I don't really care tbh.

Lots of hugs to you all. We'll get through this.

As long as its working for you thats all that matters. Worry about side effects further down the line. At this point in our lives, mental health takes priority over physical.

greenfrogs

I'm wondering if I should defer my exam until the next sitting. I still have stomach cramps and feeling very tired. The exam isn't on until Saturday though so maybe I'll see how I feel in the morning. It's tough because I will be looking for jobs once I finish my exams so it would be nice to have down that I've completed them all.

Gremlinertia

Yesterday was so damn rough. I know it's supposed to be tough fixing yourself but that was an eyeopener, got through though I guess. Few of ye not great today. I wish I had answers or suggestions or, well, anything for you all. Mind yourselves, it's a war, just pick your battles. Side effects aren't as common as you'd think with medication - sometimes I think they put down nearly everything as a disclaimer..

carzony

Hey everyone, I need some advice please

I've about 4 pills left until I need to get another prescription. Considering i'll most probably never get to see a councellor I was wondering would it be sensible to just not bother getting another prescription and going off the pills altogether?

greenfrogs

carzony wrote: »

Hey everyone, I need some advice please

I've about 4 pills left until I need to get another prescription. Considering i'll most probably never get to see a councellor I was wondering would it be sensible to just not bother getting another prescription and going off the pills altogether?

My advise would be to speak to your doctor. Tell him that you are thinking about doing. Don't go off the pills cold turkey. I don't think that's recommended. I really feel for you. I would tell him how urgently you need this counselling. Maybe he could see if there are other options available for the short term.

carzony

greenfrogs wrote: »

My advise would be to speak to your doctor. Tell him that you are thinking about doing. Don't go off the pills cold turkey. I don't think that's recommended. I really feel for you. I would tell him how urgently you need this counselling. Maybe he could see if there are other options available for the short term.

I've one more box of tablets left in the chemist for me to collect.. Being honest i'm just a little curious to see what things might be like without them. I actually don't know if things would be any different like i'm still taking lots of days off college, still have severe breathing difficulties and still spend most days late in bed.. I havnt had many severe panic attacks but then i've not really been out all that much in the last few months/weeks.. Fecking confused so I am

Gremlinertia

As Frogs said, do please make contact with doctor.. Tell them that you still have that amount of symptoms, see if there's some way to get you to a counsellor more quickly. Sorry you're having a bad time of it..

greenfrogs

carzony wrote: »

I've one more box of tablets left in the chemist for me to collect.. Being honest i'm just a little curious to see what things might be like without them. I actually don't know if things would be any different like i'm still taking lots of days off college, still have severe breathing difficulties and still spend most days late in bed.. I havnt had many severe panic attacks but then i've not really been out all that much in the last few months/weeks.. Fecking confused so I am

It really is affecting your day to day so much. It's hard when that is happening. I am so familiar with the staying in bed really late. It's not the fact that you are staying in bed but rather what keeps you there. No motivation to get up, dressed, to go about your day. It's a tough situation to be in. I would go back to your doctor and insist that you need more help. That your current treatment plan is not working. And that does happen. Everybody requires different treatment so what works for one may not work for another. I know it can be nerve wreaking talking to health care professionals but they are professionals. They won't mind if you question or doubt their treatment.

I know you have posted here before but my brain is like a sieve. Have you tried college counselling? Is there anywhere near you that provides low cost counselling?

carzony

greenfrogs wrote: »

It really is affecting your day to day so much. It's hard when that is happening. I am so familiar with the staying in bed really late. It's not the fact that you are staying in bed but rather what keeps you there. No motivation to get up, dressed, to go about your day. It's a tough situation to be in. I would go back to your doctor and insist that you need more help. That your current treatment plan is not working. And that does happen. Everybody requires different treatment so what works for one may not work for another. I know it can be nerve wreaking talking to health care professionals but they are professionals. They won't mind if you question or doubt their treatment.

I know you have posted here before but my brain is like a sieve. Have you tried college counselling? Is there anywhere near you that provides low cost counselling?

No college councellor. Ye, It's a woeful effort getting dressed, brushing the teeth ect. Actually the thought of doing most things is a woeful effort.. Life is one big effort if you ask me lol........


I'll just continue doing what i'm doing.. Can't be bother going to the gp to be told ''nothing we can do but wait''

greenfrogs

carzony wrote: »

No college councellor. Ye, It's a woeful effort getting dressed, brushing the teeth ect. Actually the thought of doing most things is a woeful effort.. Life is one big effort if you ask me lol........


I'll just continue doing what i'm doing.. Can't be bother going to the gp to be told ''nothing we can do but wait''

It's frustrating alright. It's easy to say you just have to wait. But it's not their life that's ticking by, it's yours. For many years I considered going to a doctor re my mental health issues. But the fear of fobbed off or them not having any treatment did put me off quite a bit. I was actually encouraged by a counsellor I was seeing at the time to go to my doctor and that a psychiatrist appointment would be beneficial also. I went to my doctor the next day and told her this information. I know that she referred me to mental health services straight away. Within 3 months I was seeing a therapist. I really think having the first counsellor saying I need a psych appointment got me on the waiting list a lot quicker. Sometimes a second opinion is good. That may not be an option if you have a medical card though.

If you ever feel particularly motivated you could contact your local elected councillor. These waiting lists are far too long.

carzony

greenfrogs wrote: »

It's frustrating alright. It's easy to say you just have to wait. But it's not their life that's ticking by, it's yours. For many years I considered going to a doctor re my mental health issues. But the fear of fobbed off or them not having any treatment did put me off quite a bit. I was actually encouraged by a counsellor I was seeing at the time to go to my doctor and that a psychiatrist appointment would be beneficial also. I went to my doctor the next day and told her this information. I know that she referred me to mental health services straight away. Within 3 months I was seeing a therapist. I really think having the first counsellor saying I need a psych appointment got me on the waiting list a lot quicker. Sometimes a second opinion is good. That may not be an option if you have a medical card though.

If you ever feel particularly motivated you could contact your local elected councillor. These waiting lists are far too long.

They already know that people are being left behind, Particularly Sinn Fein know the problems assosicated with the mental health side of things but nothing has even been done.

I've really lost faith in the whole thing.. My lack of motivation (or depression) is really beginning to defeat me atm.....

Gremlinertia

carzony wrote: »

They already know that people are being left behind, Particularly Sinn Fein know the problems assosicated with the mental health side of things but nothing has even been done.

I've really lost faith in the whole thing.. My lack of motivation (or depression) is really beginning to defeat me atm.....

Some (a lot) of representatives work on the very local basis where they'll personally step in to help if they can. Be careful doing anything with your medication, stopping suddenly on some types can be plain dangerous. I juggled with a lot of drugs for nearly a year and a half before I found two that work enough for me..

scrimshanker

Carzony, if it's not working, it's not working. Go back to the doctor. It might be a simple case of increasing your dose. You're on 10mg, right? That's long enough to let the full effect kick in. go back to the doctor. You won't be fobbed off. You're doing everything right - taking the pills, trying your best, applied for counselling. If that's not working it's not your fault, it's just not working. That's when it becomes their turn to try something else. There are a whole range of options open to them. Please don't go off them cold turkey... Have a look online at SSRI withdrawal symptoms. They really aren't going to make things easier for you.

Grem, sorry to hear yesterday was so tough. Well done on pushing through and carrying on. Is there any reward you can give yourself for it?

alaskayoung

The longer I'm in the system the more I realize that you can see all these different people and specialists, take all these different medications but it really comes down to you having to figure out things, ways to cope and live with this yourself.
Maybe it was just me being naive at the beginning, when I thought it would be as easy as talking to these people and following their advice but it's a harsh reality that although they can certainly help, nobody's going to fix you or sort out your life for you.
I keep thinking once "x" happens, things will improve, things will be better but nothing really changes, not really. First it was once I saw my GP, then it once I was referred to a psychiatrist, once I was on medication, once I was seeing a psychologist, once I got out of hospital, on and on but the hard truth is this is still your life, you still have all the same problems and it's you who's still going to have to deal with them, not any of the above.
I don't know. This isn't in response to anyone or I'm not saying anything in particular, just I guess this is something I'm going to have to accept, resign to I suppose. It doesn't really matter how many people I work with or tablets I take, the hard work is going to have to come from myself. It's me who has to live my life, feel these things everyday. They can help and listen but you're on your own really. After all, although I'm sure they care, no ones as sorry as you are when things fall apart or don't work out as hoped.
I think it's time to stop waiting for something to happen that's going to change things because these things come and go with not nearly as much effect that you anticipated. Expectation simply leads to disappointment. Just do your best in the present, take things with an open mind as they come and take control yourself because nobody's going to do it for you.

Roquentin

alaskayoung wrote: »

The longer I'm in the system the more I realize that you can see all these different people and specialists, take all these different medications but it really comes down to you having to figure out things, ways to cope and live with this yourself.
Maybe it was just me being naive at the beginning, when I thought it would be as easy as talking to these people and following their advice but it's a harsh reality that although they can certainly help, nobody's going to fix you or sort out your life for you.
I keep thinking once "x" happens, things will improve, things will be better but nothing really changes, not really. First it was once I saw my GP, then it once I was referred to a psychiatrist, once I was on medication, once I was seeing a psychologist, once I got out of hospital, on and on but the hard truth is this is still your life, you still have all the same problems and it's you who's still going to have to deal with them, not any of the above.
I don't know. This isn't in response to anyone or I'm not saying anything in particular, just I guess this is something I'm going to have to accept, resign to I suppose. It doesn't really matter how many people I work with or tablets I take, the hard work is going to have to come from myself. It's me who has to live my life, feel these things everyday. They can help and listen but you're on your own really. After all, although I'm sure they care, no ones as sorry as you are when things fall apart or don't work out as hoped.
I think it's time to stop waiting for something to happen that's going to change things because these things come and go with not nearly as much effect that you anticipated. Expectation simply leads to disappointment. Just do your best in the present, take things with an open mind as they come and take control yourself because nobody's going to do it for you.

only you can change yourself

Hugo Stiglitz

Happy Friday guys. Hope ye all will have a nice weekend there that is free of worry and sadness.

mg1982

Hope all you people are doing ok today. Sorry to hear about what your going through carzony. Try and get back to see the doc as there are many different types of meds you can try and it does sound like your going through a depressive episode.

Hugo Stiglitz

alaskayoung wrote: »

Just do your best in the present, take things with an open mind as they come and take control yourself

Great points there AY.

I must confess though, those are things that I could have some difficulty in doing.

greenfrogs

alaskayoung wrote: »

The longer I'm in the system the more I realize that you can see all these different people and specialists, take all these different medications but it really comes down to you having to figure out things, ways to cope and live with this yourself.
Maybe it was just me being naive at the beginning, when I thought it would be as easy as talking to these people and following their advice but it's a harsh reality that although they can certainly help, nobody's going to fix you or sort out your life for you.
I keep thinking once "x" happens, things will improve, things will be better but nothing really changes, not really. First it was once I saw my GP, then it once I was referred to a psychiatrist, once I was on medication, once I was seeing a psychologist, once I got out of hospital, on and on but the hard truth is this is still your life, you still have all the same problems and it's you who's still going to have to deal with them, not any of the above.
I don't know. This isn't in response to anyone or I'm not saying anything in particular, just I guess this is something I'm going to have to accept, resign to I suppose. It doesn't really matter how many people I work with or tablets I take, the hard work is going to have to come from myself. It's me who has to live my life, feel these things everyday. They can help and listen but you're on your own really. After all, although I'm sure they care, no ones as sorry as you are when things fall apart or don't work out as hoped.
I think it's time to stop waiting for something to happen that's going to change things because these things come and go with not nearly as much effect that you anticipated. Expectation simply leads to disappointment. Just do your best in the present, take things with an open mind as they come and take control yourself because nobody's going to do it for you.

I agree with you and disagree in equal measure. But then again I am only speaking from my experience. I would not be in the place I am today if it weren't were for meds and therapy. But it does take hard work from you yourself. Not easy when you have mental health issues.

I don't know what caused me to end up in this place. I was just wandering through life so very lonely and scared. I have worked within healthcare so maybe I see that these people do care and will genuinely fight for you to get better. There are limitations that they are forced to work under such as time and resource constraints. I have had zero experience with psych before this happened to me. I have some criticisms for them though. There was nearly 6 months between my first and second pysch appointments. I really suffered during those few months being honest. By the second appointment i thought I was crazy. Then at this second appointment I was put on 4 week appointments. I refused this after a month as I didn't feel it necessary. I feel quite detached from them. To be honest I don't think depression is their main focus, i think they focus more on other mental illnesses. When I had depression I wasn't high up on their list but now that bpd comes into the picture suddenly they are all interested.

scrimshanker

Today I got some work done. Took a xanax, had a nap and then shuffled some paper for a while, then realised I was too anxious to get real work done. Took one more and got an actual bit of real work done. Anxiety was very bad while starting it but went down gradually as I stuck with it. Going to try asleeping pill tonight because xanax alone didn't cut it.