Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Hugo Stiglitz

This Sunday has hit me like a ton of bricks for some reason.

Roquentin

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

This Sunday has hit me like a ton of bricks for some reason.

ending of the summer i think may have something to do with it

cloud493

I'm between relieved and frightened for the winter.

Killer_banana

It's been a while... All moved and settled in now more or less. Been up and town but today and yesterday have been baaaaad. Just out of bed and even then what got me up was I thought I heard knocking and thought maybe my housemate had forgotten her keys and was locked out. I'm in work this evening so that'll keep my mind occupied and I can get out of my own head for a while.

I registered with a GP practice two weeks ago but work and nerves mean I haven't gone yet. It has a weird booking system where you can only prebook certain appointments and then then there's also a number of same day appointments available as well (maybe it's an NHS thing?). Was too scared both yesterday and today to go for a same day appointment so I've booked one for next week instead. Going to write it all down this time and ask the doctor to read it. Tried reading it out with the last doctor but got talked over and cut short. Also if the doctor tries to wave off the compulsions like that last one I will ask for a second opinion.

Basically I'm feeling **** again but I'm in a better place in so far as looking for treatment still scares the **** out of me but I will force myself to get it this time and continue with it and not let anyone tell me nothing's wrong when I know there is.

GerB40

Killer_banana wrote: »

It's been a while... All moved and settled in now more or less. Been up and town but today and yesterday have been baaaaad. Just out of bed and even then what got me up was I thought I heard knocking and thought maybe my housemate had forgotten her keys and was locked out. I'm in work this evening so that'll keep my mind occupied and I can get out of my own head for a while.

I registered with a GP practice two weeks ago but work and nerves mean I haven't gone yet. It has a weird booking system where you can only prebook certain appointments and then then there's also a number of same day appointments available as well (maybe it's an NHS thing?). Was too scared both yesterday and today to go for a same day appointment so I've booked one for next week instead. Going to write it all down this time and ask the doctor to read it. Tried reading it out with the last doctor but got talked over and cut short. Also if the doctor tries to wave off the compulsions like that last one I will ask for a second opinion.

Basically I'm feeling **** again but I'm in a better place in so far as looking for treatment still scares the **** out of me but I will force myself to get it this time and continue with it and not let anyone tell me nothing's wrong when I know there is.

I'm not fond of clichés but it has to be said, the road to recovery starts with a single step. You seem to understand your condition and have a plan set out to get better and that, in itself, is a massive step forward. I hope the doctor works for you and you continue see changes for the better...

Edit: I'd also like to add that these steps, though barely noticeable at the time, are massive in hindsight. This sickness that we're both well acquainted with will try to convince you that nothing is changing.. With your understanding, and a proactive approach everything will change. Best of luck...

Roquentin

cloud493 wrote: »

I'm between relieved and frightened for the winter.

Joya

That's beautiful Roquetin
Love Camus....<3

Roquentin

Joya wrote: »

That's beautiful Roquetin
Love Camus....<3

camus, thoreau, sartre, kafka and Nietzsche all had some lovely prose

fr336

Argh probably come up a million times before but does anyone have their personal tips for beating or at least decreasing anxiety symptoms? Things just impossible for me at the moment. For my own part I advise the old cliches of exercise and good diet - these have worked wonders for me in the past. The bad thing is that when the anxiety gets too bad and I'm stuck in an almighty rut, I just can't give up the comfort food even though this does me so much good. And I can't find enough energy for sufficient exercise. I'm a big baby, basically

Hope most of you guys are getting better in your own little ways, much love to yis

Esel

fr336 wrote: »

Argh probably come up a million times before but does anyone have their personal tips for beating or at least decreasing anxiety symptoms? Things just impossible for me at the moment. For my own part I advise the old cliches of exercise and good diet - these have worked wonders for me in the past. The bad thing is that when the anxiety gets too bad and I'm stuck in an almighty rut, I just can't give up the comfort food even though this does me so much good. And I can't find enough energy for sufficient exercise. I'm a big baby, basically

Hope most of you guys are getting better in your own little ways, much love to yis

Have a read of my post here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=88717905&postcount=4854. It might help.

InReality

GerB40 wrote: »

Edit: I'd also like to add that these steps, though barely noticeable at the time, are massive in hindsight. This sickness that we're both well acquainted with will try to convince you that nothing is changing.. .

That's a super important point.

And ff336 sure if you can only do 1 minute of exercise its better than none !

Roquentin

fr336 wrote: »

Argh probably come up a million times before but does anyone have their personal tips for beating or at least decreasing anxiety symptoms? Things just impossible for me at the moment. For my own part I advise the old cliches of exercise and good diet - these have worked wonders for me in the past. The bad thing is that when the anxiety gets too bad and I'm stuck in an almighty rut, I just can't give up the comfort food even though this does me so much good. And I can't find enough energy for sufficient exercise. I'm a big baby, basically

Hope most of you guys are getting better in your own little ways, much love to yis

anxiety is a hard thing to turn off. there is no switch. for me i need chemicals to manipulate my mind. words dont work......

Now i do little things to make sure i am staying ahead of the demons. exercise, conversation (even though i am not a people person) reading, sports teams.... all these things distract me.

fr336

Roquentin wrote: »

anxiety is a hard thing to turn off. there is no switch. for me i need chemicals to manipulate my mind. words dont work......

Now i do little things to make sure i am staying ahead of the demons. exercise, conversation (even though i am not a people person) reading, sports teams.... all these things distract me.

Thanks for the input.

fr336

I can't think..... Most activities are horrific to do... I can't remember what I was just about to do... To just type this is painful... I am powerless

Killer_banana

GerB40 wrote: »

I'm not fond of clichés but it has to be said, the road to recovery starts with a single step. You seem to understand your condition and have a plan set out to get better and that, in itself, is a massive step forward. I hope the doctor works for you and you continue see changes for the better...

Edit: I'd also like to add that these steps, though barely noticeable at the time, are massive in hindsight. This sickness that we're both well acquainted with will try to convince you that nothing is changing.. With your understanding, and a proactive approach everything will change. Best of luck...

Thank you.

I'm just sick of being sick and I've prolonged my sickness too many times by not seeking treatment so I'm not going to do it again. A really good friend of mine has depression as well and I've seen her improving over the past few months so that encourages me as well. Moving has helped a lot as well. New place, new people, a job I really like, to be blunt it's given me more reasons to keep living, reasons depression hasn't been able to convince me aren't there yet. Also I want to once and for all find out if I have OCD or not. I'd be very surprised if I didn't but I want a diagnosis just to confirm it and get some sort of treatment underway. I've a few ways to cope with depression built up over time but my compulsions basically rule my life when they're bad. Basically like I said, I'm sick of being sick.

handbagmad

Yep killer_banana I agree, im honestly can't remember when I've felt happy and healthy....or even content.

every fcuking day there is something it seems. If its not mood/anxiety it's body.(dealing with crohns disease too)

Just try live day by day, don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Call Me Jimmy

The only comfort I'm taking is that if I come out the other side I will be bulletproof. This has been two lifetimes of pain condensed into a decade, if I get through it there will be nothing that can touch me.

My brother is having a party so this evening I wont even be able to leave my room. I was turning a corner with my skin but my obsession took over and wrecked it again by washing it too much trying to get myself to go out and see my friends, each day I'd **** it up more.

I got a letter (yes letter) from my sister abroad, which thankfully made me cry a bit. She's a very loving person but the way I am at the moment I don't know that I can return any love. Ye don't just 'get away' with living like you're dead for 3 or 4 years. It has had its effects on me, sometimes they feel irreversible but I know in my heart that anything that doesn't kill you can be used to help you.

But another weekend of complete isolation awaits. I have actually gotten back to meditation so that's a plus. It helps me a lot but when my obsession is at a fever pitch it's like trying to stay attentive when coming off heroin.

I've always prided myself on being at the very least a 'good' compassionate soul, but finding it very difficult to be compassionate towards myself or others now. When I sit and try to open myself to my own compassion it's like an electric shock is being sent through my body telling 'no no no no no' it doesn't feel right.

I have an unhealthy fondness for my past self. I'm caught between my memory of me and what I have become, there's a huge dissonance and what I have to do is let go of the old me and hope that it's characteristics naturally resurface if I get better, rather than fighting to try and keep it.

I do hope I can love again, without the heart this whole thing IS meaningless.

ZenPit

Has anyone heard of or tried Tianeptine? It's an SSRE that has shown a lot of promise in treating depression/anxiety that previous medications did little (or in some cases nothing) for.

Killer_banana

handbagmad wrote: »

Yep killer_banana I agree, im honestly can't remember when I've felt happy and healthy....or even content.

every fcuking day there is something it seems. If its not mood/anxiety it's body.(dealing with crohns disease too)

Just try live day by day, don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Mental illness and Crohn's disease, the perfect combination. Nothing nicer than your bowels playing hells as well as your mind.

And yeah day by day is definitely what works best for me. I had a really horrible day Tuesday but at the end I thought 'Well at least I got through it.' Yesterday I managed to eat a book a doctor's appointment, today I managed to wash before work, I make sure to celebrate the little victories.

lukesmom

ZenPit wrote: »

Has anyone heard of or tried Tianeptine? It's an SSRE that has shown a lot of promise in treating depression/anxiety that previous medications did little (or in some cases nothing) for.

Never heard of it.

Anxiety is back due to lack of sleep.

cloud493

Can't say I'm having the best night to be honest.

Roquentin

cloud493 wrote: »

Can't say I'm having the best night to be honest.

friday tommorow. weekend is close

cloud493

Its not really a weekend thing.

chinacup

I suddenly feel overwhelmed and depressed and horrified by the monster I've become. I need to make a lot of changes. How can I get back to the person I was? To think I thought it was bad then. I can't relate to people anymore. I just need to find people who get it. You guys get it. Yay for this thread. Nay for whatever is suddenly happening to me right now. Hello I'm china cup and I've got Borderline Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety. Where's the smoking area at?

chinacup

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

The only comfort I'm taking is that if I come out the other side I will be bulletproof. This has been two lifetimes of pain condensed into a decade, if I get through it there will be nothing that can touch me.

My brother is having a party so this evening I wont even be able to leave my room. I was turning a corner with my skin but my obsession took over and wrecked it again by washing it too much trying to get myself to go out and see my friends, each day I'd **** it up more.

I got a letter (yes letter) from my sister abroad, which thankfully made me cry a bit. She's a very loving person but the way I am at the moment I don't know that I can return any love. Ye don't just 'get away' with living like you're dead for 3 or 4 years. It has had its effects on me, sometimes they feel irreversible but I know in my heart that anything that doesn't kill you can be used to help you.

But another weekend of complete isolation awaits. I have actually gotten back to meditation so that's a plus. It helps me a lot but when my obsession is at a fever pitch it's like trying to stay attentive when coming off heroin.

I've always prided myself on being at the very least a 'good' compassionate soul, but finding it very difficult to be compassionate towards myself or others now. When I sit and try to open myself to my own compassion it's like an electric shock is being sent through my body telling 'no no no no no' it doesn't feel right.

I have an unhealthy fondness for my past self. I'm caught between my memory of me and what I have become, there's a huge dissonance and what I have to do is let go of the old me and hope that it's characteristics naturally resurface if I get better, rather than fighting to try and keep it.

I do hope I can love again, without the heart this whole thing IS meaningless.

I can literally relate to everything you've written in this post so much. Don't give up on being a good person please. You don't always have to feel it to do it. And its only by feeling again that you will experience the richness of life again. The part that's saying no to compassion in me at least, I realise, is the one that's killing me.

handbagmad

Killer_banana wrote: »

Mental illness and Crohn's disease, the perfect combination. Nothing nicer than your bowels playing hells as well as your mind.
.

ah yep somedays are a pain in the hole...literally :P

Roquentin

chinacup wrote: »

I suddenly feel overwhelmed and depressed and horrified by the monster I've become. I need to make a lot of changes. How can I get back to the person I was? To think I thought it was bad then. I can't relate to people anymore. I just need to find people who get it. You guys get it. Yay for this thread. Nay for whatever is suddenly happening to me right now. Hello I'm china cup and I've got Borderline Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety. Where's the smoking area at?

i highly suspect i have that too......

Hugo Stiglitz

chinacup wrote: »

Where's the smoking area at?

Spark up anywhere friend. We're a smoking friendly bunch in here!

is mise spartacus

Hugo Stiglitz

is mise spartacus wrote: »

Is something the matter IMS?