Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

mg1982

greenfrogs wrote: »

I am a big crier. It can be a good energy release sometimes.

I get really bad back pain easily. I'm wondering if it is stress related. I have been sitting at my desk studying for about an hour and my back got so tense and sore. It's very annoying.

Might have been just the way you were sitting. I tend to slouch a lot when im sitting down and its not good for the back.

heyday30

scrimshanker wrote: »

exams start monday, still couldn't study today

What exams my friend? Things will get better honest. Deep breaths.

scrimshanker

heyday30 wrote: »

What exams my friend? Things will get better honest. Deep breaths.

College, just finding it hard to believe things will get better. I think they'll get a lot worse before they get any better (if they get any better).

I was half thinking of bawling at my parents to take me to A&E but I've calmed down a bit now thankfully. I feel like such a lazy sh!t wishing for a hospital stay just to get out of a few exams that I should have studied for.

greenfrogs

I think you are being quite hard on yourself Scrimshanker. How many exams do you have?

Hugo Stiglitz

Often we are the hardest on ourselves.

Gremlinertia

Frogs you totally got the nail on the head there, when you're down you get self critical and that feeds the emotions, and emotions are selfish things that like being fed. Vicious circle.. I'm on my course trying to learn how to break that cycle, hard fcukin work..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Frogs you totally got the nail on the head there, when you're down you get self critical and that feeds the emotions, and emotions are selfish things that like being fed. Vicious circle.. I'm on my course trying to learn how to break that cycle, hard fcukin work..

I hope we all break that vicious cycle. I really do.

mg1982

Thought id share this with you. This is a breathing technique that i found useful for helping me sleep and lowering anxiety levels. Hope it can be of some help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF-Jarjsn2g

greenfrogs

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Frogs you totally got the nail on the head there, when you're down you get self critical and that feeds the emotions, and emotions are selfish things that like being fed. Vicious circle.. I'm on my course trying to learn how to break that cycle, hard fcukin work..

It is a vicious circle. We are at times our own worst enemy. It is a very hard cycle to break. And it does take hard work. My brain is hardwired so differently to how it should be. It takes time to sort that out. In the end it will be worth it.

mg1982

greenfrogs wrote: »

It is a vicious circle. We are at times our own worst enemy. It is a very hard cycle to break. And it does take hard work. My brain is hardwired so differently to how it should be. It takes time to sort that out. In the end it will be worth it.

I have this awful feeling that i will never break free from this. I totally understand when you say how your brain is wired differently to others. I just think with me i cant be fixed.

scrimshanker

It's a hugely vicious cycle and actually it prevents me from doing anything like study that would relieve the self hate and criticism so it's just about impossible to get off the merry go round.

Still kinda want to die but thankfully the intensity has let up a bit. Not happy but hanging around for another little while. I'd still really like to kill myself though

Gremlinertia

I'm treating my illness like it's arthritis mostly.. Can be managed when right treatment is found but flare ups will happen.. It makes it so much easier to manage in my mind.. I'm death obsessed, I go over and over friend's deaths and ponder mine incessantly, I try to treat it as a symptom rather than giving it space to spread.. Loads easier said than done of course..

greenfrogs

Yah flare ups will happen. I know mental health issues will probably follow me through my life. But I just need to learn the signs and the tools to manage it.

I rarely think of death and suicide now. I have done in my bad moments but it is not a constant thought. I hope that ye have supports in place where you are able to discuss these thoughts.

scrimshanker

I think it's going to be another one of those days. Woke up feeling absolutely crushed, for want of a better word. Not again. Not more

I don't have more left to give. I can't do this

Euphoria Intensifies

Big, big hugs Scrim. Sounds like you're going through a really tough time.

Hugo Stiglitz

scrimshanker wrote: »

I think it's going to be another one of those days. Woke up feeling absolutely crushed, for want of a better word. Not again. Not more

I don't have more left to give. I can't do this

*hugs*

It's heartbreaking to hear what you're going through there Scrim.

If all this depression, anxiety and a lack of self-worth was a person, I'd want to kick the living **** out of him.

mg1982

scrimshanker wrote: »

I think it's going to be another one of those days. Woke up feeling absolutely crushed, for want of a better word. Not again. Not more

I don't have more left to give. I can't do this

It is an awful feeling scrim. I really feel for you. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Apart from us of course.

scrimshanker

mg1982 wrote: »

It is an awful feeling scrim. I really feel for you. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Apart from us of course.

A friend is a very good listener but I don't want to overdo it. I still want to preserve a bit of a friendship. Seeing my counsellor in a couple of days. Might bring up the whole wanting to be dead thing.

mg1982

scrimshanker wrote: »

A friend is a very good listener but I don't want to overdo it. I still want to preserve a bit of a friendship. Seeing my counsellor in a couple of days. Might bring up the whole wanting to be dead thing.

The fact that you felt this way for a few days in worrying. I tend to get suicidal thoughts most days both it doesnt last too long. It sounds like your going through the depths of depression there scrim and your not going to do yourself justice in these exams when your feeling like this.

greenfrogs

Scrimshanker you seen to want to the exams. However once you are finished them I think you really need to focus on you. You owe it to yourself. It sounds like you are in a bad place. Maybe you think that the exams are causing this. However stressful situations shouldn't cause you to feel so down.

scrimshanker

Yeah, once the exams are over (and the results are out and I've recovered from them) I'll try sort myself out a bit. I don't feel like I'm going to do myself any justice tbh. I don't know what to do about it either. I'm really screwed. Some of the exams are really reliant on memory and at the moment I have the memory of a goldfish. That's not good!

I'm also not entirely sure how I'm supposed to focus for 3 hours. My throat closes up at the thought of it. It's really bad. Really bad.

I've a sneaking suspicion that the meds are making things worse. I've to see the doctor later this week. I've no idea what I'm going to say, but hey. No idea. I agree that exams shouldn't make things this bad... I can't seem to get all my thoughts in order to even figure out what has to be done. I don't like feeling suicidal. I want to see what it's like without chemical interference. Mind you, without chemical interference I've been actually on my way to killing myself before (thankfully was interrupted) so who knows. Maybe it's just a cycle.

greenfrogs

scrimshanker wrote: »

Yeah, once the exams are over (and the results are out and I've recovered from them) I'll try sort myself out a bit. I don't feel like I'm going to do myself any justice tbh. I don't know what to do about it either. I'm really screwed. Some of the exams are really reliant on memory and at the moment I have the memory of a goldfish. That's not good!

I'm also not entirely sure how I'm supposed to focus for 3 hours. My throat closes up at the thought of it. It's really bad. Really bad.

I've a sneaking suspicion that the meds are making things worse. I've to see the doctor later this week. I've no idea what I'm going to say, but hey. No idea. I agree that exams shouldn't make things this bad... I can't seem to get all my thoughts in order to even figure out what has to be done. I don't like feeling suicidal. I want to see what it's like without chemical interference. Mind you, without chemical interference I've been actually on my way to killing myself before (thankfully was interrupted) so who knows. Maybe it's just a cycle.

I think you have two options. One don't do the exams and go to your doctor asap or do the exams and then focus on your health. I understand that you are under pressure to do these exams but to be honest you are more important than these exams. From my understanding if you think the meds are doing more harm than good then you should seek medical advice as soon as possible.

acuriouscat

Sinking deeper and deeper and can't get out of it. I really hope this must clears soon.helps to know im not the only one

scrimshanker

How is it possible to be in a panic freaking out with my mind screaming "I'm going to die, I'm going to die!" and panicking about that, but at the same time actually wishing for death. How in the name of god does that work???????????????????

mg1982

scrimshanker wrote: »

How is it possible to be in a panic freaking out with my mind screaming "I'm going to die, I'm going to die!" and panicking about that, but at the same time actually wishing for death. How in the name of god does that work???????????????????

Sometimes there is no logic to what goes on in our heads. I guess the panicking about death is the anxiety and the wishing for death is the depression.

Reggie.

mg1982 wrote: »

Sometimes there is no logic to what goes on in our heads. I guess the panicking about death is the anxiety and the wishing for death is the depression.

Tell me about it. My head is killing me the last while. Constant pain from stress or depression or whatever. Comes and goes but always in the background. 4 years of it so far. Episodes are getting closer together of late where years ago it was just the odd occasion

greenfrogs

My mood is after completely slumping. I have exams as well this week. I think the pressure is getting to me now. All I want to do is sleep. And to text someone who has been ignoring me for months. It doesn't make sense. I suppose it highlights how lonely I feel. I have no one in real life to reach out to for any sort of comfort or reassurance. Small problems I know compared to some here.

scrimshanker

Has anyone ever asked their GP to refer them to the Dean Clinics for assessment?

Reggie.

greenfrogs wrote: »

My mood is after completely slumping. I have exams as well this week. I think the pressure is getting to me now. All I want to do is sleep. And to text someone who has been ignoring me for months. It doesn't make sense. I suppose it highlights how lonely I feel. I have no one in real life to reach out to for any sort of comfort or reassurance. Small problems I know compared to some here.

I'm in the very same boat my friend. Phone could go days here with no text messages or nothing. You aren't the only one out there

greenfrogs

Reggie. wrote: »

I'm in the very same boat my friend. Phone could go days here with no text messages or nothing. You aren't the only one out there

Yah it's just hard when you see people who were in your life move on with theirs. I know I need to create a new life for myself with new people.