Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

greenfrogs

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Guess who got another rejection email this morning without being called for an interview? My self-esteem is slowly making its way down the drain

It's definitely a confidence knocker. I see how unemployment can suck the life out of someone. But we'll get there.

Hugo Stiglitz

greenfrogs wrote: »

There are pros and cons to working. For me I can't have a 9 to 5 job due to having therapy sessions.

Exactly GF. Like getting a job and keeping it is a big thing to achieve in life. That being said, it can hold up or eliminate chances of attending certain clinics that run fulltime therapy.

Hugo Stiglitz

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Guess who got another rejection email this morning without being called for an interview? My self-esteem is slowly making its way down the drain

*hugs*
Hang on in there Nicole. Something will come up.

What kind of jobs are you looking for?

mg1982

Have felt incredibily jaded the last few days especially today. I have stuff i need to do but my energy is disappeared. Have had to go for naps which i rarely do.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

Have felt incredibily jaded the last few days especially today. I have stuff i need to do but my energy is disappeared. Have had to go for naps which i rarely do.

Sometimes naps are needed man. Nothing wrong with them.
I hope your jadedness passes soon my friend.
Remember, the world is YOURS!

NicoleW85

Thanks, I'm applying from across country right now so basically anything im remotely qualified for - retail, hotel reservations & care work. Today's rejection was carphone warehouse. In fairness, I don't have any experience working with the old cellular telephones. But still, give me a chance to show I can learn quickly. At least they let me down gently. It was the sweetest rejection letter I've ever received haha

mg1982

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sometimes naps are needed man. Nothing wrong with them.
I hope your jadedness passes soon my friend.
Remember, the world is YOURS!

Thanks hugo man. I wish i had more control over it. Trouble is i have judgmental family members who might accuse me being a slacker or im being lazy and dont care enough.

Hugo Stiglitz

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Thanks, I'm applying from across country right now so basically anything im remotely qualified for - retail, hotel reservations & care work. Today's rejection was carphone warehouse. In fairness, I don't have any experience working with the old cellular telephones. But still, give me a chance to show I can learn quickly. At least they let me down gently. It was the sweetest rejection letter I've ever received haha

You're casting a wide net there so you should really catch something soon. It's great to have a wide bit of experience like you do.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

Thanks hugo man. I wish i had more control over it. Trouble is i have judgmental family members who might accuse me being a slacker or im being lazy and dont care enough.

Want me to kick their ass?! *pats fist in palm*

NicoleW85

mg1982 wrote:

Thanks hugo man. I wish i had more control over it. Trouble is i have judgmental family members who might accuse me being a slacker or im being lazy and dont care enough.

Let them judge. They know nothing. Nap when you need to and look after yourself

mg1982

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Want me to kick their ass?! *pats fist in palm*

By all means hugo
Its just im bad at going to bed in time and wake up feeling knackered so i could do more to help myself.

scrimshanker

Sometimes I feel so awful I want to go to A&E and sit there until someone fixes me. But that's not going to happen. It just feels a bit unfair that I'm doing everything I can do, doing it correctly and I've made no progress. I'm engaging with my GP, I'm being honest, I'm giving myself space by not doing the exams, I'm attending my therapist regularly. Sorry guys, just having a moan.

Hugo Stiglitz

scrimshanker wrote: »

Sometimes I feel so awful I want to go to A&E and sit there until someone fixes me. But that's not going to happen. It just feels a bit unfair that I'm doing everything I can do, doing it correctly and I've made no progress. I'm engaging with my GP, I'm being honest, I'm giving myself space by not doing the exams, I'm attending my therapist regularly. Sorry guys, just having a moan.

Moan away there Scrim! That's what this place is for!

greenfrogs

scrimshanker wrote: »

Sometimes I feel so awful I want to go to A&E and sit there until someone fixes me. But that's not going to happen. It just feels a bit unfair that I'm doing everything I can do, doing it correctly and I've made no progress. I'm engaging with my GP, I'm being honest, I'm giving myself space by not doing the exams, I'm attending my therapist regularly. Sorry guys, just having a moan.

Thats very frustrating. Can you think of any progress you have made in the last few months? Even something small.

Anon2013

Hi everyone,
Back from my break away but only as I have to be in work tomorrow :-( . Had a relaxing time, hardly any anxiety, back in the door home and the worries kick in, I am convinced it must be this house and area that is making me depressed. The worrys are kicking in already, completely irrational of course. Going to go for a run now and hopefully that will help a bit and of course just as I am getting ready to go out it starts to rain! Ah well, life goes on.

NicoleW85

I had a mini meltdown an hour ago and threw some frozen breaded fish across the kitchen. It was mildly therapeutic, but slightly insane. I really don't know how my fella puts up with me. He only wanted dinner - that's not a totally unreasonable request!!!

In a nutshell here is my story

I come from a big family but we all live very far apart , some abroad
I had an emotionally and physically abusive mother, I never knew love growing up.
I am intelligent, educated and have held down many good jobs
I have had depression quite a few times in my life

My middle daughter died from cancer but I coped and reared my other two girls despite my subsequent marriage breakdown and depression

I moved house 4 times and had many diffrerent jobs.
I had some serious relationships but none of them lasted sadly.

I am strong, work in an area of advocacy and advice, am very capable and good with people. I have friends but all of them are married or in relationships.

In the last year both my remaining daughters emigrated for work. I feel bereaved again and this time I dont feel I can go on. I miss them like I miss my daughter who died. We used to have such fun and laughs together. Life is a continual struggle now. I keep saying others are worse off. I join clubs, play tennis, go hill walking in a group, volunteer, am very fit and active..... but inside I'm dying with loneliness. Literally dying of a broken heart. I think if loneliness was an illness I would be terminally ill. I dont want to live like this and I dont see an end to this loneliness. I do everything that is advised to combat loneliness and nothing works.

I am a private person, but I always smile and chat to people and people like me both in work and other activities.
My ex husband remarried a few years ago and he is very happy. I just dont feel I belong anywhere or to anyone and that makes me so sad. This is no way to live.
I hate being alone and would love someone to share life with. I'm tall, attractive and look after myself and nobody looking at me would feel there is anything wrong at all.

I think loneliness is a huge contributor to depression. I know I'm not depressed , when I'm with people I'm very happy and enjoy myself. But thats not often enough. Most of them time I'm alone.


I'd love to know if anyone else feels like this?? I sometimes wish it was just over and can understand how people commit suicide on the spur of the moment... it just becomes too much.

I'd never do anything because that would hurt my family. . But sometimes that in itself is a living hell.

scrimshanker

NicoleW85 wrote: »

I had a mini meltdown an hour ago and threw some frozen breaded fish across the kitchen. It was mildly therapeutic, but slightly insane. I really don't know how my fella puts up with me. He only wanted dinner - that's not a totally unreasonable request!!!

I'm not a fan of violence but the fact that it was frozen fish makes it kinda funny...

You didn't throw it at him though did you?

Hugo Stiglitz

NicoleW85 wrote: »

I had a mini meltdown an hour ago and threw some frozen breaded fish across the kitchen. It was mildly therapeutic, but slightly insane. I really don't know how my fella puts up with me. He only wanted dinner - that's not a totally unreasonable request!!!

He doesn't put up with you. He LOVES you, just as you are.

Deleted User wrote: »

In a nutshell here is my story

Sorry for you loss there SM.

NicoleW85

scrimshanker wrote:

I'm not a fan of violence but the fact that it was frozen fish makes it kinda funny...

You didn't throw it at him though did you?

God no, he was in the opposite corner to where I threw it, and even at that I didn't aim it at anything in particular. I just had a sudden urge to throw something and it was either the fish or my €90 kettle . Or was it €100... I have had a particularly bad day so I just couldn't cope with the most simplest of tasks

Roquentin

NicoleW85 wrote: »

God no, he was in the opposite corner to where I threw it, and even at that I didn't aim it at anything in particular. I just had a sudden urge to throw something and it was either the fish or my €90 kettle . Or was it €100... I have had a particularly bad day so I just couldn't cope with the most simplest of tasks

kind of like when the woman throws the steak at tony soprano and hits him on the head in that great episode

mg1982

Im sorry to hear about the lonliness sweetmaggie. It can indeed be a terrible scourge. But you can be proud that you raised two good daughters and stayed strong for them. The lonliness could be a symptom of an underlying depression and maybe you could talk to your gp or find a therapist to discuss this with. From what i can see your doing an awful lot right in your life so you deserve to feel some happiness.

heyday30

Loneliness is indeed very hard to deal with.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

Im sorry to hear about the lonliness sweetmaggie. It can indeed be a terrible scourge. But you can be proud that you raised two good daughters and stayed strong for them. The lonliness could be a symptom of an underlying depression and maybe you could talk to your gp or find a therapist to discuss this with. From what i can see your doing an awful lot right in your life so you deserve to feel some happiness.

A great post there MG!

heyday30 wrote: »

Loneliness is indeed very hard to deal with.

It can be yeah.

NicoleW85

Loneliness is definitely heart breaking. Nobody really understands unless they're in that position. You can work all the hours God sends, have the busiest social life & still be the loneliest person because it's the times when you're on your own that it hits you the most and does all the damage.

Hugo Stiglitz

I have family thankfully so my own loneliness isn't 100%, just moreso loneliness in the sense socially and for companionship. But 100% loneliness like that posted earlier is truly heartbreaking.

NicoleW85

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Loneliness is definitely heart breaking. Nobody really understands unless they're in that position. You can work all the hours God sends, have the busiest social life & still be the loneliest person because it's the times when you're on your own that it hits you the most and does all the damage.

That's it Nicole..... you can work 8 hours a day , 5 days a week, but if you come home night in night out to an empty house and the same at weekends thats a lot of hours!

having someone to share life with and run things past, plan things with, give you a hug, make you coffee , throw frozen fish at (!) are the things that make life worth living . I never wanted my kids fo know how sad their leaving would make me , I wanted them to be happy.... but it sure is tough now

Euphoria Intensifies

I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling sweetmaggie. I know how much I miss my friends who have emigrated, so I can't even imagine how much you must miss your kids.

Have you talked to your GP about how you've been feeling? They might be able to recommend a therapist you could talk to, or if meds would be a good idea.

You will get through this. From what you wrote in your post, you have definitely been through a lot of tough times, so I'm sure you can work through this and get to a place where you feel better.

Even my GP said its not depression, it's loneliness !

I've been on anti depressants a few times after my daughter died, my marriage broke up and moving location a few times .........but this is different . I know myself what's wrong and what's missing in my life ... human company and contact.
Tablets won't fill that gap. But my dog helps ! ,

heyday30

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Even my GP said its not depression, it's loneliness !

I've been on anti depressants a few times after my daughter died, my marriage broke up and moving location a few times .........but this is different . I know myself what's wrong and what's missing in my life ... human company and contact.
Tablets won't fill that gap. But my dog helps ! ,

You've been through the mill Maggie. I'm truly sorry to hear it.

My poor dogs get to listen to me all the time too