Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

NicoleW85

Improved self-esteem & confidence would do wonders, I imagine. Having 1 or 2 close friends you can depend on to help pull you out of your shell and introduce you to new experiences/possibilities

Gremlinertia

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Stepping up is hard though! Can't they come to me?! LOL

That's the problem. I'm hitting it pretty hard with dbt right now. I'm so frustrated with myself because what to do seems pretty logical when I read or discuss it, but actually owning up to my feelings and trying to tolerate some things is just hard.. I kinda want to ostrich a bit at the minute because it's so tough.

Hugo Stiglitz

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Improved self-esteem & confidence would do wonders, I imagine. Having 1 or 2 close friends you can depend on to help pull you out of your shell and introduce you to new experiences/possibilities

Just one or two close friends too short alas! LOL

Gremlinertia wrote: »

That's the problem. I'm hitting it pretty hard with dbt right now. I'm so frustrated with myself because what to do seems pretty logical when I read or discuss it, but actually owning up to my feelings and trying to tolerate some things is just hard.. I kinda want to ostrich a bit at the minute because it's so tough.

*hugs*

Resist the urge to ostrich Grem. You're doing great. It's a tough path to follow but try to keep your eyes on the prize. Things will be amazing then. x

mg1982

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Stepping up is hard though! Can't they come to me?! LOL

I think the fact you really want to get your social life up and running is promising hugo and you can build from that foundation. You just need to have some faith in yourself and care a little less what others think of you. Hard to shift that mindst i know but still possible to do.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

I think the fact you really want to get your social life up and running is promising hugo and you can build from that foundation. You just need to have some faith in yourself and care a little less what others think of you. Hard to shift that mindst i know but still possible to do.

Thanks man.

Sorry for hijacking the thread.

Quick, someone take over!

greenfrogs

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Improved self-esteem & confidence would do wonders, I imagine. Having 1 or 2 close friends you can depend on to help pull you out of your shell and introduce you to new experiences/possibilities

Yes but some of us don't have friends at all. That is very isolating. I think for a period of 2 years I didn't speak to anyone besides my family. That was very tough. I thought I would never escape that. However over the course of the next few weeks I have a weekend away, 2 nights out and another occasion. To be fair its a busy month. But I never thought that this would be my life. I know I will find this month fun but it will also be hard. I'm after experiencing years of social isolation and social anxiety.

For me it was cbt. It made me realise that people don't pull away from me, I pull away with them. Ultimately you need to make an effort with people. Confidence comes slowly. You don't become a confident person overnight. I couldn't do it without the support of a therapist. I mean there were a few of my behaviours which isolated me from others. For example I used walk with my head down, say very little and speak lowly. I have tried to change that. So if i'm feeling on the outside of a group I think am I participating in the conversation, am I speaking too quietly so people can't hear me. Simple things but easy to remember. The thing is you have to put yourself in social situations which is tough to do when you find them stressful. But it gets easier. It will be the best thing you will ever do in your life.

I don't know if some of you remember but I had major issues texting/contacting a former friend before. It caused me great distress as I felt completely out of control. I felt I was going crazy. Since I started cbt for social anxiety I have text him once to apologise for my past behaviour. I can't stress to you how much I have changed as a person in the last few months. My mindset has changed so much.

Hugo Stiglitz

greenfrogs wrote: »

I don't know if some of you remember but I had major issues texting/contacting a former friend before. It caused me great distress as I felt completely out of control. I felt I was going crazy. Since I started cbt for social anxiety I have text him once to apologise for my past behaviour. I can't stress to you how much I have changed as a person in the last few months. My mindset has changed so much.

That's great that you got that under control GF.

NicoleW85

I have the friends but not within reaching, or even driving distance, so I might as well be doing it on my own. I started a new weight loss group on Monday and the room was crowded, but I was drawn to the back row, away from everyone else. It's like my safe zone when I feel lost. If I was with my friends I would be laughing & joking, but alone im a mouse. Split personality???

Hugo Stiglitz

NicoleW85 wrote: »

I have the friends but not within reaching, or even driving distance, so I might as well be doing it on my own. I started a new weight loss group on Monday and the room was crowded, but I was drawn to the back row, away from everyone else. It's like my safe zone when I feel lost. If I was with my friends I would be laughing & joking, but alone im a mouse. Split personality???

I'd be the very same N.

greenfrogs

NicoleW85 wrote: »

I have the friends but not within reaching, or even driving distance, so I might as well be doing it on my own. I started a new weight loss group on Monday and the room was crowded, but I was drawn to the back row, away from everyone else. It's like my safe zone when I feel lost. If I was with my friends I would be laughing & joking, but alone im a mouse. Split personality???

I'd say it's more shyness. The fact you have friends but in a different area suggests you are able to make and maintain friendships. Next time maybe sit at the front or engage in the group more.

Euphoria Intensifies

It's hard to go into a new group, especially when it's a really big one. I always end up taking over in group situations if I'm uncomfortable/nervous, because I like being in control. But that's not good either, I need to learn to go with the flow.

Hugo Stiglitz

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

It's hard to go into a new group, especially when it's a really big one. I always end up taking over in group situations if I'm uncomfortable/nervous, because I like being in control. But that's not good either, I need to learn to go with the flow.

You get involved at least.

NicoleW85

I acquired the friends when I met my husband but thankfully I've been able to develop & maintain the friendships. I believe doing GCSE & A level Drama helped me socially! Before then I couldn't speak to anyone without tripping over my words and going bright pink! There is hope, believe in yourselves

Euphoria Intensifies

I did speech & drama as a kid, and definitely think it helped contribute to my lack of fear when it comes to speaking in front of people/doing presentations etc. I do get a bit nervous before a presentation, but nothing unmanageable anyway.

I've heard that Act The Maggot is meant to be very good, if anyone's interested in drama classes http://actthemaggot.com/

carzony

I've never had friends outside of school/work and it never really bothers me. Other people don't accept it though and it's hard to not come across as a weirdo..

In my life, I don't really do anything, no hobbies worth talking about and that's why it's hard to get to know people in the first place..

heyday30

mg1982 wrote: »

I couldnt cope with someone with me all the time. I really need my alone time.

I completely get this mg. I need my alone time too. Sometimes I'm ill n too exhausted to do anything even speak to someone.
It's hard to explain to someone or a potential partner/ friends. Having to bail out or not being able to make Concrete plans often makes me feel horrible. Like I'm letting people down. And not being able to work makes me feel like a bum or burden to society and an outcast.

Sometimes I love and crave company. And have been told I'm great to be around when I'm on form.
Other times I need solitude.

Sorry for the rambling. ...

freudiangirl

It's my 8th day in St Pats ( 4th stay in psych ward in a year).
I have borderline personality disorder and clinical depression .
I was admitted becausw of 2 more suicide attempts a few weekends ago and my team in Cork unwilling to help.

I am under a great consultant here. He made a plan for my discharge which is great in theory. However, he wants me to go back to my psychiatrist in Cork and to the same lack of supports I had prior to being admitted.I must add it took my psychiatrist in Cork 10 days to write a letter that was holding up my admission to Pats.

Since Thursday, I have felt in limbo. I am not expecting a miracle cure from here but just a plan that support will be there when I have a major crisis like 2 weekends ago .
I am feeling a bit lost.
I have flagged my issues with both nurses and registrars on my consultants team but don't know what plan they will come up with. They keep mentioning talking to my old psychiatrist about the new plan they could put in place. I have no faith in her to be honest and want to change psychiatrist but cannot see that happening in the next 8-9 days before I am discharged.

They keep mentioning the local services like the day hospital and the crisis team. I have been under these previously and found due to their lack of knowledge of borderline p.d. , they get quite frustrated and accuse me of not trying hard enough. I was doing dbt in Cork but had a few issues and found it hard to trust people in my group so couldn't remain on it as I would not benefit if I stayed there.

I honestly feel as if nobody gets it or had knowledge necessary to help me.

Feeling very flat and fed up today. Had visitors yesterday so probably won't see anyone til Friday again.

Added to my frustration, I asked my partner could he get up here today just for chat regarding the issue with my treatment plan so I don't feel overwhelmed when talking to registrars tomorrow,his reply was "why? You won't have anything new to report til Monday"...so that dented my mood a bit also.

I don't know, maybe I just need to vent but just wondering is this is how I am going to spend the rest of my life feeling.

Depression is just vile.

NicoleW85

Freudiangirl I'm so sorry you're in this position. How often do you get your medication reviewed, and when was the last time this was done? I'm pretty sure you don't want to live life zombified, but having something that lifts the 'cloud' from over your head a bit would be better and hopefully give you a greater sense of belonging & connection to this big bad world. Try not to overthink what's out of your control - I know I've done it too and end up dragging myself so far down I have to fight to get back up again. I hope you get the proper care you need, there's nothing worse than having 'professionals' who you can't depend on! I wish there was more I could say, I wish you all the very best. And yes, depression is VILE

mg1982

heyday30 wrote: »

I completely get this mg. I need my alone time too. Sometimes I'm ill n too exhausted to do anything even speak to someone.
It's hard to explain to someone or a potential partner/ friends. Having to bail out or not being able to make Concrete plans often makes me feel horrible. Like I'm letting people down. And not being able to work makes me feel like a bum or burden to society and an outcast.

Sometimes I love and crave company. And have been told I'm great to be around when I'm on form.
Other times I need solitude.

Sorry for the rambling. ...

I know where your coming from H and your not ranting. I like a certain amount of socialising too but i find i get mentally tired very quick so stringing a sentence together becomes a huge effort.

freudiangirl

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Freudiangirl I'm so sorry you're in this position. How often do you get your medication reviewed, and when was the last time this was done? I'm pretty sure you don't want to live life zombified, but having something that lifts the 'cloud' from over your head a bit would be better and hopefully give you a greater sense of belonging & connection to this big bad world. Try not to overthink what's out of your control - I know I've done it too and end up dragging myself so far down I have to fight to get back up again. I hope you get the proper care you need, there's nothing worse than having 'professionals' who you can't depend on! I wish there was more I could say, I wish you all the very best. And yes, depression is VILE

Meds haven't been changed in a while say 6-8 months. I honestly don't think meds are doing much for me tbh. Today, I am just feeling agitated jittery and confused. I want to be around people but at same time I don't. I have no plans for today...thinking of maybe hiding in my room. I feel as if I am done with all this crap tbh.
My urges are back and feeling stronger than they have all week. I thought I was getting to grips with them but no today they are back with a bang. Just feeling a bit of a failure and weak tbh. My distraction really is not working today.

NicoleW85

Big hugs professionals need to be more empathetic - There's caring and then there's 'getting' what you're going through! You are worthwhile. Your life is worthwhile - make yourself heard & push for PROPER support. X

Roquentin

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Has anyone here ever seen someone recover from a totally shattered social life?

Hugo Stiglitz

One of the bad things about living with family when you're depressed is that there seems to be an unspoken expectation to be "normal". Somedays you don't feel like getting out of bed or having to interact with guests etc but you have to do it. It seems like apart from those times when you are totally rock bottom that they think you're 110%. Sometimes you just want to hide away from the world.

Not much one can do about it though. Can't afford a place of my own and living at home allows me to save towards such a goal. Just can be a bit demoralising at times.

Am I being a spoilt brat?

NicoleW85

Hugo Stiglitz wrote:

One of the bad things about living with family when you're depressed is that there seems to be an unspoken expectation to be "normal". Somedays you don't feel like getting out of bed or having to interact with guests etc but you have to do it. It seems like apart from those times when you are totally rock bottom that they think you're 110%. Sometimes you just want to hide away from the world.

Not much one can do about it though. Can't afford a place of my own and living at home allows me to save towards such a goal. Just can be a bit demoralising at times.

Am I being a spoilt brat?

Not at all! Being in a marriage I too feel that way sometimes. Like he forgets I have an illness just cos I've had a few good days! Then I start crying randomly and he's not sure how to react. Don't get me wrong, he isn't oblivious, but he's not entirely tuned in to my feelings. In your family, who are you closest to? Could you have a quiet word and just explain that there will be days when you need alone time. Have like a signal so that you don't need to make a fuss when those days come? They need to get you in order for you to take proper care of yourself.

Hugo Stiglitz

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Not at all! Being in a marriage I too feel that way sometimes. Like he forgets I have an illness just cos I've had a few good days! Then I start crying randomly and he's not sure how to react. Don't get me wrong, he isn't oblivious, but he's not entirely tuned in to my feelings. In your family, who are you closest to? Could you have a quiet word and just explain that there will be days when you need alone time. Have like a signal so that you don't need to make a fuss when those days come? They need to get you in order for you to take proper care of yourself.

It could be just me. Like I could just be perceiving it like that. Like don't great me wrong, my folks are my rock in so many ways. I probably wouldn't be here still without them.

greenfrogs

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

One of the bad things about living with family when you're depressed is that there seems to be an unspoken expectation to be "normal". Somedays you don't feel like getting out of bed or having to interact with guests etc but you have to do it. It seems like apart from those times when you are totally rock bottom that they think you're 110%. Sometimes you just want to hide away from the world.

Not much one can do about it though. Can't afford a place of my own and living at home allows me to save towards such a goal. Just can be a bit demoralising at times.

Am I being a spoilt brat?

I don't think it's healthy to stay in bed for hours on end. For your own sanity I think it's better to get up once you have had 8 to 9 hours sleep. However for everything else you are an adult. It's your choice on how you spend your time so ask your parents for some space.

Gremlinertia

Yet again I'm sick.. It's taking a toll on my ability to cope with low mood etc. Half wondering if some of this is manifesting due to stress but a month now of various things wrong seems excessive.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Yet again I'm sick.. It's taking a toll on my ability to cope with low mood etc. Half wondering if some of this is manifesting due to stress but a month now of various things wrong seems excessive.

*hugs* So sorry to hear that Grem.

Anything on your mind there?

Gremlinertia

Thanks Hugo, you're always there for me.. Nothing on my mind tbh just feeling miserable and heading into work..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Thanks Hugo, you're always there for me.. Nothing on my mind tbh just feeling miserable and heading into work..

Shur you're always there for me and everyone here too Grem! x

I hope work goes ok for you tonight there.