Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

mg1982

I think you need to recognise that you made a very big step in going back to college and overcame your anxiety and lasted the year. This is a major step forward and is something to be proud of. Its unfortunate that you feel you have regressed a bit since your on the summer break but i wouldnt be too hard on yourself though. Did you make any friends at college that you could maybe meet up with?

Gael23

carzony wrote: »

sorry for interrupting lads,

In the middle of a major panic attack.. can't breath, right arm is gone dead, shaking all over, heart is pounding and i'm dizzy.. needed to post cause i can't get rid of the panic and the above symptoms for the past hour atleast.. I've never experienced this previously, I actually contemplating ringing an ambulance..

my friend broke every red light in Dublin to get me home tonight....

the ****ing panic wont go away..

If this happens again, do call an Ambulance. They give you Oxygen to stop the hyperventilation which calms you down.

timecurve12 wrote: »

So contemplating suicide . Can't make a a decision about anything let alone something as huge as that so it's just turning over and over in my mind. Seems to be part of the comedown from being really anxious all day yesterday. Feel like I've let everyone down, so can't really turn to anyone. The mental health services have let me down to be honest. Anyway hope everyone else is feeling better.

Suicide is not the answer, Ever,ever.
Theres someone here day and night. Also consider calling the Samaratins or go to a&e if its that bad.

greenfrogs

Did anyone see the Kids in Crisis programme on channel 4 last night. I actually missed the end. However it was about the lack of funding for inpatient beds for teenagers with mental health issues in the UK. In some cases teenagers were sent hundreds of miles away from their families for residential care. Disgraceful when you think about it.
One of the statistics they claimed was that three quarters of mental illness begins in childhood. In one case the parents said they felt their child has detiorated when she changed from junior to senior school. I actually feel the same happened to me. My life changed when I began secondary school. I felt like I couldn't adapt to the change. I began to feel different when I was in 6th class. My personality changed. I used to write in my copy books that I wanted to die, that I was fat and ugly.

Whilst my peers developed their identity and social skills I withdrew further and further into myself. It's funny looking back how there were signs that something was wrong from such a young age.

Hugo Stiglitz

Joya wrote: »

Hope so too Hugo....
But "demons" must be faced sooner or later.. and I thought it's time so help me god...
it's also that I miss my family a lot......

If possible, could you face those demons in baby steps rather than big leaps. Might make it a little easier.

We're not family Joya but we all care for each other in here.

scrimshanker wrote: »

In such a funk after yesterday. So sad and so full of self pity today. Don't want to get up or do anything.

Hope you're feeling better there since you posted that Scrim.

cantstandya wrote: »

Long one here, so apologies in advance!

Welcome to the thread here CSY! It's a safe place to talk about how we feel and can often be a good source of both information but also friendship.

greenfrogs wrote: »

Whilst my peers developed their identity and social skills I withdrew further and further into myself. It's funny looking back how there were signs that something was wrong from such a young age.

Same here GF. Back in my teens I couldn't even imagine that mental health issues could affect me. Boy did we learn that in time!

scrimshanker

greenfrogs wrote: »

Did anyone see the Kids in Crisis programme on channel 4 last night. I actually missed the end. However it was about the lack of funding for inpatient beds for teenagers with mental health issues in the UK. In some cases teenagers were sent hundreds of miles away from their families for residential care. Disgraceful when you think about it.
One of the statistics they claimed was that three quarters of mental illness begins in childhood. In one case the parents said they felt their child has detiorated when she changed from junior to senior school. I actually feel the same happened to me. My life changed when I began secondary school. I felt like I couldn't adapt to the change. I began to feel different when I was in 6th class. My personality changed. I used to write in my copy books that I wanted to die, that I was fat and ugly.

Whilst my peers developed their identity and social skills I withdrew further and further into myself. It's funny looking back how there were signs that something was wrong from such a young age.

Yeah I was watching that as well. My heart broke for them. It just didn't seem to be helping them much, with being so very far away from all they know and are familiar with.

I kinda agree with the childhood thing, but probably more adolescence for me. I found adapting to secondary school tricky, but I was surviving and eventually made some friends. Had a few times I felt suicidal, but was mostly happy. College really sealed the deal for me though. I just couldn't adapt or make friends. Everything's gone downhill since then.

Hugo Stiglitz

scrimshanker wrote: »

I kinda agree with the childhood thing, but probably more adolescence for me. I found adapting to secondary school tricky, but I was surviving and eventually made some friends. Had a few times I felt suicidal, but was mostly happy. College really sealed the deal for me though. I just couldn't adapt or make friends. Everything's gone downhill since then.

It all went seriously downhill for me just after secondary school, but looking back on it there was signs. I was always bored and sad. Whenever I was out, I tended to be nervous and scared. I guess it just all came to a head when I reached 18.

cannotcope

cantstandya wrote: »

Long one here, so apologies in advance!

I've had severe social anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, I'm in my late 20's now. I plucked up the courage to finally see my GP about it 2010 and he referred me on to the local mental health team. Was seen by a psychiatrist and prescribed various antidepressants over the next two and a half years that didn't really make me feel any different. I also eventually got seen by a psychologist and had a few CBT sessions with him until he returned home and wasn't replaced. My only contact with the clinic then was seeing a different psych in a satellite clinic every 3 months for a cursory chat and to renew my script. I got tired of that and eventually gave up the meds cold turkey and stopped going to renew my script. I retreated back into my lonely world of sleeping, crying, self harming and signing on until early 2014 when a childhood friend and neighbor took his own life.

The shock and horror of that was like a wake up call, as he was in a similar enough situation to me, and I decided to have one last go of getting help. I contacted Pieta House and after being evaluated, was assigned a very good psychologist who I ended up seeing for 22 weeks there. Was convinced that maybe life was worth living by her, and was also persuaded to go back to education, and I enrolled in a 2 year course in a local VEC.

I had tried FAS courses etc before, but never managed to last more than a few days because of my anxiety, but I was determined not to let it beat me this time. First few weeks were incredibly hard, not the course itself just the social aspects like lunch, breaks etc and I had to really fight the urge to go home or hide in the bathroom. But I stuck it out and managed to get used to it, made a few casual friends, and ended up finishing with the highest exam marks in the class.

We finished at the end of May and aren't back til the start of September, and since we finished I've unfortunately reverted back to my ways of hiding from the world. I'm back to getting cold sweats doing normal stuff like walking down the street or queuing in the supermarket, and I just feel really lonely and hopeless all the time. Find it very hard to sleep as well.

It just feels like no matter how hard I try, I'll never beat this. I've tried so many things and nothing has worked long term. I honestly don't know what to do now. There's not much point going to the GP as he'll just refer to the community team who'll throw pills at me and I can't afford private counseling. I can't go back to Pieta either cos I've already taken up more than my fair share of their time. Just wish that I could be a normal person, and not the panic stricken, walking embarrassment that I am.

I don't know what I'm expecting to happen by waffling on here, just feels good to get this off my chest.

Sorry again for the long post.

i think you improved with proper support from pieta. .that shows you can improve. do they not refer you on when you are finished?

greenfrogs

scrimshanker wrote: »

Yeah I was watching that as well. My heart broke for them. It just didn't seem to be helping them much, with being so very far away from all they know and are familiar with.

I kinda agree with the childhood thing, but probably more adolescence for me. I found adapting to secondary school tricky, but I was surviving and eventually made some friends. Had a few times I felt suicidal, but was mostly happy. College really sealed the deal for me though. I just couldn't adapt or make friends. Everything's gone downhill since then.

I made friends throughout secondary school towards the end of first year or second year. However I would fall out with one friend and find a new best friend every year or two. When my friends became interested in heading out I wasn't interested. I felt far too ugly and fat. Until I was 21 I thought I was too ugly for a nightclub. I was extremely quiet. You know the way every year has its loser group I was definitely part of that group. In 6th year I became suicidal. That was very tough. It's hard because you are at such a young and vulnerable age.

Hugo Stiglitz

I too drifted from group to group. Got to know a lot of people, alas made few true friends as a result of it though.

scrimshanker

Yeah when everyone started going to clubs towards the end of 6th year that was it for me. I didn't look even near 18 so I had no hope of getting in anywhere, but that's beside the point cos I didn't want to go to clubs (still don't). They grew up I guess and I didn't.

Hugo Stiglitz

scrimshanker wrote: »

Yeah when everyone started going to clubs towards the end of 6th year that was it for me. I didn't look even near 18 so I had no hope of getting in anywhere, but that's beside the point cos I didn't want to go to clubs (still don't). They grew up I guess and I didn't.

**** the clubs anyway! We're better than that Scrim! :D

greenfrogs

scrimshanker wrote: »

Yeah when everyone started going to clubs towards the end of 6th year that was it for me. I didn't look even near 18 so I had no hope of getting in anywhere, but that's beside the point cos I didn't want to go to clubs (still don't). They grew up I guess and I didn't.

To me clubs and pubs sounded like hell. I just didn't want to grow up. I just felt so awkward and out of place everywhere I went. When I did begin going out I drank too much to overcome my anxiety. I don't drink now though. I can't say clubs are my favourite place. But I'm more confident in the way I look now. It's kinda hard to socialise in Ireland if you don't like clubs/pubs/drinking.

Hugo Stiglitz

To me, typical nightclubs are essentially a living hell.

NicoleW85

Hey guys, hope you're all well today! I've made a fairly big breakthrough in the past 24 hrs. Now it's not that exciting on a big scale, and I don't want to get myself too fired up about it, but I decided to buy chromium tablets after my trip to the psych (there was an ad for them in a health magazine). They stabilise your blood sugar levels, therefore reducing the risk of cravings. This would be a massive issue for me & the more I read about the benefits the more im glad I spent the money on them! It's still early days but I'm gonna pray they help me shift some weight!!! Might feel a bit better in myself then

mg1982

Have heard of them nicole and was thinking of trying them. Hopefully they will help with the sugar cravings.

For me it was 14 or 15 when things started going downhill for me. Ironically enough when i started experimenting with weed and ecstasy.

Hugo Stiglitz

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Hey guys, hope you're all well today! I've made a fairly big breakthrough in the past 24 hrs. Now it's not that exciting on a big scale, and I don't want to get myself too fired up about it, but I decided to buy chromium tablets after my trip to the psych (there was an ad for them in a health magazine). They stabilise your blood sugar levels, therefore reducing the risk of cravings. This would be a massive issue for me & the more I read about the benefits the more im glad I spent the money on them! It's still early days but I'm gonna pray they help me shift some weight!!! Might feel a bit better in myself then

A fellow Boardsie was on about them before. He swears by them!
I hope they work our for ya N!

mg1982 wrote: »

Have heard of them nicole and was thinking of trying them. Hopefully they will help with the sugar cravings.

For me it was 14 or 15 when things started going downhill for me. Ironically enough when i started experimenting with weed and ecstasy.

*bro-hugs*

greenfrogs

I have no experience with any such tablets. However I have found through experience the only things that shift weight are diet and exercise. I would consider myself a sugar addict. I love fizzy drinks, ice cream, cakes, biscuits, sweets and chocolate. You can still eat those things but the key is moderation. If you eat 2 bars of chocolate a day then reduce that to one. Small steps make a difference.

Today at therapy I was bawling crying when talking about my relationship with my sister. She really annoyed me and upset me recently. The therapist helped me identify why we find it difficult to get along and ways to interact better with my sister. I was surprised by how upset I got about it. However I suppose that we haven't got along for years. I always felt she was picking on me. It's nice to have a positive therapy session. I remember discussing this with a previous therapist. She focused on one off hand comment I said to my sister asking me why did I say that. I actually nearly had a fight with her about it. I told her that she was nit picking and she was wrong. She made it out like I was the person in the wrong when that is so not true. I've written a letter of complaint about the last therapist but I haven't sent it yet.

Euphoria Intensifies

My issues started up just after I started secondary school too. There really should be some sort of mental health screening around that age I think. Apparently that's when most long-term mental health issues start to become obvious.

Those chromium tablets sound good Nicole, where did you get them? I have PCOS so they sound like something that might be useful.

heyday30

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

My issues started up just after I started secondary school too. There really should be some sort of mental health screening around that age I think. Apparently that's when most long-term mental health issues start to become obvious.

Those chromium tablets sound good Nicole, where did you get them? I have PCOS so they sound like something that might be useful.

Sorry blokes for this one.
PCOS is a pain literally. My low moods are most certainly attributed to it as they happen during certain times in my cycle.

Together with thyroid issues I find it near on impossible to loose weight.
I'm trying to learn to like myself the way I am.

mg1982

I think puberty is a pretty tough time for everyone. Its a time of great change when your trying to find your own identity, going from kid to an adult. I just found it a really tough time, but maybe my problems started much earlier in life for me, who knows.

greenfrogs

Yeah I definitely changed a lot around the ages 11 to 13. I think early intervention could have made a huge difference. But then again that's 15 years ago for me. I don't think mental health issues were discussed in the public domain back then. I mean if you have a child who says they want to die then that should be followed up. I am quite annoyed at my parents for that.

However I know a family friend who is a similar age to me had some mental health issues. My mom knew a lot about her situation and I think the meds may have had some bad side effects on her. My mom was always anti meds for me as a result. That girl is now a doctor. It's hard to see that when I feel I have missed opportunities because I didn't seek treatment early on.

NicoleW85

I should add, I am following a healthy eating plan & exercising regularly, but have no self control when cravings kick in. I know I have an addiction but there's no treatment for food addicts (my ED therapist kindly pointed this out on my first visit) So a tablet to help stabilise my blood sugar levels seems worth a try

Joya

My symptoms started when I was about 11 years I old....

Hugo Stiglitz

Joya wrote: »

My symptoms started when I was about 11 years I old....

Far too young to be dealing with such ****.

NicoleW85

Euphoria Intensifies wrote:

sound

Euphoria Intensifies wrote:

Those chromium tablets sound good Nicole, where did you get them? I have PCOS so they sound like something that might be useful.

I just got them in my local pharmacy. €16.95 for 2 months supply. Hoping they're worth it!!

SillyMangoX

I had a little proud of myself moment today. I was feeling very gittery this morning - in the pre panic attack phase when I start to get light headed/breathing goes funny/brain feels itchy. Normally when I'm like that I find someplace nice and quiet to lie down and distract myself for a while and it would normally last anything from a half hour to all day. Well today I said fcuk it, I wanted to go to town, I had stuff I needed to buy. So forced myself to get dressed and by the time I had that done I was over it, had distracted myself out of it. So I went into town, walked around all day with my mam, met a friend for a lovely lunch and even though I felt gittery at various points throughout the day I pushed through it. I thought I would go into meltdown from having a pain in my chest (always immediately jump to worst case scenarios in my head) but for some reason today I just knew it was something muscular that's not serious. I think that's a big improvement to think what it actually was first before thinking it could be anything serious!
So basically taking every day as it comes, today was a very good today despite high anxiety levels. Tomorrow could be an awful day. But that's one day more I got through and can be proud of! Nice to be able to put a happyish post in this thread for a change!
Hope yer all doing okay!

Hugo Stiglitz

SillyMangoX wrote: »

I had a little proud of myself moment today. I was feeling very gittery this morning - in the pre panic attack phase when I start to get light headed/breathing goes funny/brain feels itchy. Normally when I'm like that I find someplace nice and quiet to lie down and distract myself for a while and it would normally last anything from a half hour to all day. Well today I said fcuk it, I wanted to go to town, I had stuff I needed to buy. So forced myself to get dressed and by the time I had that done I was over it, had distracted myself out of it. So I went into town, walked around all day with my mam, met a friend for a lovely lunch and even though I felt gittery at various points throughout the day I pushed through it. I thought I would go into meltdown from having a pain in my chest (always immediately jump to worst case scenarios in my head) but for some reason today I just knew it was something muscular that's not serious. I think that's a big improvement to think what it actually was first before thinking it could be anything serious!
So basically taking every day as it comes, today was a very good today despite high anxiety levels. Tomorrow could be an awful day. But that's one day more I got through and can be proud of! Nice to be able to put a happyish post in this thread for a change!
Hope yer all doing okay!

Well done SMX!

cantstandya

mg1982 wrote: »

I think you need to recognise that you made a very big step in going back to college and overcame your anxiety and lasted the year. This is a major step forward and is something to be proud of. Its unfortunate that you feel you have regressed a bit since your on the summer break but i wouldnt be too hard on yourself though. Did you make any friends at college that you could maybe meet up with?

I made friends with most of the group, but just mainly to pass the time during lunch with small talk and stuff. They were mostly older with families or really young, so no one was ever bothered about meeting up outside college.

cantstandya

cannotcope wrote: »

i think you improved with proper support from pieta. .that shows you can improve. do they not refer you on when you are finished?

They did give me a card for a low cost counseling service, and I went a few times. The staff I saw there weren't much use though, and were obsessed with talking about my childhood for some reason (whereas the pieta counsellor said that wasn't helpful or important.) It felt like they had just a therapy for dummies book or something. I ended up leaving those sessions feeling worse than when I went in.

cannotcope

cantstandya wrote: »

They did give me a card for a low cost counseling service, and I went a few times. The staff I saw there weren't much use though, and were obsessed with talking about my childhood for some reason (whereas the pieta counsellor said that wasn't helpful or important.) It felt like they had just a therapy for dummies book or something. I ended up leaving those sessions feeling worse than when I went in.

sounds like pieta did some sort of cbt type counselling focusing on controlling thoughs and taking action. the others sound like a psychoanalytical approach. can you not ask pieta for a referral to someone who does similar work to them?