Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

freudiangirl

mg1982 wrote: »

Did you find the new hobby became a bit of an obsession for you and then became unenjoyable. I know that can happen to me at times, i have a bit of an obsessive personality.

Hope you get over this soon.

Exactly. I became aware that I was using it to distract from.negative things and it became a coping mechanism. No enjoyment in it all.

I have just put my blanket that I made away in cupboard as I can't even look at it.

I am totally fed up.

I was talking to nurse there about my week off next week. My consultant insists on people taking a week off every few weeks when they are in patient. I have no problem taking week off.
But, there will be no plan in place if things reach crisis mode in Cork. I was just told my only options are to ring St. Patricks in Dublin which won't really help as I am 3 hours away at least or to go the local a&e.

Now the local a&e , last two times I attempted to end it all by jumping in river (twice in 1 weekend)
I was sent to A&E.
The first time, I was assessed for about 40 mins, left wait for an hour then Sent home.
Second time,, 2 days later I was sent to psych ward. I got about 5/10 minutes of talking to psych on call and liasion nurse and was again sent away.
Hence, my referral to St.Pats.
So my stress levels are through the roof yet again over this situation.
I have asked to see the doctor today so he can clarify what can be put in place for me as a support.

I doubt I will get much reassurance tbh.

It's an endless spiral of disaster. It's never going to end.

Sorry for long rant

mg1982

freudiangirl wrote: »

Exactly. I became aware that I was using it to distract from.negative things and it became a coping mechanism. No enjoyment in it all.

I have just put my blanket that I made away in cupboard as I can't even look at it.

I am totally fed up.

I was talking to nurse there about my week off next week. My consultant insists on people taking a week off every few weeks when they are in patient. I have no problem taking week off.
But, there will be no plan in place if things reach crisis mode in Cork. I was just told my only options are to ring St. Patricks in Dublin which won't really help as I am 3 hours away at least or to go the local a&e.

Now the local a&e , last two times I attempted to end it all by jumping in river (twice in 1 weekend)
I was sent to A&E.
The first time, I was assessed for about 40 mins, left wait for an hour then Sent home.
Second time,, 2 days later I was sent to psych ward. I got about 5/10 minutes of talking to psych on call and liasion nurse and was again sent away.
Hence, my referral to St.Pats.
So my stress levels are through the roof yet again over this situation.
I have asked to see the doctor today so he can clarify what can be put in place for me as a support.

I doubt I will get much reassurance tbh.

It's an endless spiral of disaster. It's never going to end.

Sorry for long rant

Thats sounds pretty terrible care from your a&e department. Someone that has attempted suicide twice in the one weekend and letting you go after a few hours? Its just shows how hopeless the mental health services can be in this country.

freudiangirl

mg1982 wrote: »

Thats sounds pretty terrible care from your a&e department. Someone that has attempted suicide twice in the one weekend and letting you go after a few hours? Its just shows how hopeless the mental health services can be in this country.

Just saw registrars from my team in pats.
It's southdoc/gp or a& e dept if I get into crisis on my week off or ring st pats. Kinda useless.

I only got 5/10 mins of the psych on call time the second time that I attempted that we end so not even a few hours the second time

Hugo Stiglitz

Sorry to hear that you were treated like that FreudianGirl. That's actually shocking carry on.

mg1982

I know my community mental health nurse told me if i had suicidal feelings to just admit myself to the mental hospital in sligo. He never mentioned going to a&e.

veganrun

Ever get a mental block about things? I'm due to start a new job on Monday and all sorts of thoughts are running through my head. Mostly that it will be too tough and I won't be able to do it. It's going to be technical although that's an area I mostly worked in before so it's similar but I find it hard at times so I'm thinking the new job will be too much.

I never used to worry about getting the bullet from a job until one place I worked where they let about 3 people go who were all in their initial probation period. So it has kind of conditioned me now to thinking I could be easily shown the door anywhere.

I had this mental block this morning thinking "Nope, can't do it, can't start there on Monday, it's not going to happen".

The GP has me back on citalopram, and to be honest, I felt I really needed it. The last few months have been rough with stress and it has triggered my anxiety again.

Roquentin

veganrun wrote: »

Ever get a mental block about things? I'm due to start a new job on Monday and all sorts of thoughts are running through my head. Mostly that it will be too tough and I won't be able to do it. It's going to be technical although that's an area I mostly worked in before so it's similar but I find it hard at times so I'm thinking the new job will be too much.

I never used to worry about getting the bullet from a job until one place I worked where they let about 3 people go who were all in their initial probation period. So it has kind of conditioned me now to thinking I could be easily shown the door anywhere.

I had this mental block this morning thinking "Nope, can't do it, can't start there on Monday, it's not going to happen".

The GP has me back on citalopram, and to be honest, I felt I really needed it. The last few months have been rough with stress and it has triggered my anxiety again.

this is catastrophic thinking that accompanies anxiety or GAD

Hugo Stiglitz

I find my mind gets easily confused, that I have trouble understanding things when I'm anxious in work (which is pretty much all the time). I find I have to rely on asking people questions all the time and makes me feel totally incompetent. It's not a nice feeling at all and makes me not enjoy my time there anymore.

drugstore cowboy

I'm struggling along but having some good days and surviving the rat race

Roquentin

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I find my mind gets easily confused, that I have trouble understanding things when I'm anxious in work (which is pretty much all the time). I find I have to rely on asking people questions all the time and makes me feel totally incompetent. It's not a nice feeling at all and makes me not enjoy my time there anymore.

im like that as well. could be ADD in adults. although those with schizoid traits have trouble interacting as well.

alaskayoung

I feel like I have this void in my life but I don't know what's missing.

mg1982

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I find my mind gets easily confused, that I have trouble understanding things when I'm anxious in work (which is pretty much all the time). I find I have to rely on asking people questions all the time and makes me feel totally incompetent. It's not a nice feeling at all and makes me not enjoy my time there anymore.

I know all about it hugo. It can be very dispiriting in the workplace if things seem to go over your head. I found my ability to learn new things has greatly diminished since i was a teen.

Roquentin you could be right. Id say its the schizoid traits that causes it with me.

Hugo Stiglitz

Roquentin wrote: »

im like that as well. could be ADD in adults. although those with schizoid traits have trouble interacting as well.

mg1982 wrote: »

I know all about it hugo. It can be very dispiriting in the workplace if things seem to go over your head. I found my ability to learn new things has greatly diminished since i was a teen.

Roquentin you could be right. Id say its the schizoid traits that causes it with me.

It's hard to know really. I wonder if it could be a side affect of the meds. I've hard this with a couple of combinations though, so who knows.

Roquentin

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

It's hard to know really. I wonder if it could be a side affect of the meds. I've hard this with a couple of combinations though, so who knows.

some anti psychotics make people exhibit the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, if you are on them.

freudiangirl

mg1982 wrote: »

I know my community mental health nurse told me if i had suicidal feelings to just admit myself to the mental hospital in sligo. He never mentioned going to a&e.

Thing is you have to be assessed before you are admitted.I get 10 mins of their time

Hugo Stiglitz

Roquentin wrote: »

some anti psychotics make people exhibit the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, if you are on them.

I don't think I'm on anything like that.

Gremlinertia

I'm in a strange place where I feel a lot more vulnerable than I used to.. It's making me a bit scared despite the fact that there is also good in it.. Got to love being a walking contradiction.

freudiangirl

Took meds at 10 as had a crap day and wanted to escape. Well I am still wake 3 hours later. I normally get a fuzzy feeing in my head then I know they are kicking in.

Nothing tonight.
I think I know why. It's because I am so preoccupied over week off from St pats next week and lack of support in Cork in general.
I am a ball of anxiety and worry. My hands are shaky and legs. I can't lie down and I feel as though something bad is going to happen.

I dunno ,I am so fed up of feeling this way. It's been nearly a year since I have felt this bad and there seems to be no end to.it.
Am I destined to a life of feeling hopeless and self destructive?

freudiangirl

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I'm in a strange place where I feel a lot more vulnerable than I used to.. It's making me a bit scared despite the fact that there is also good in it.. Got to love being a walking contradiction.

Hope you have some solid support behind you .

carzony

hey everyone,

my councelling is over in the next 2 weeks, I'm actually a bit sad about that still hasnt really solved my problems. I could actually argue things have gotten worse since I started the councelling:(

Kinda scares me that after the 2 weeks there is literally nothing and i'm kinda back on my own.

I finding being in cars with people a real trigger for panic attacks wether i'm the driver or passenger. Really am avoiding going on any kind of journey atm..

This is the first week i've actually thought about the future in terms of employment so that ust be a good thing...

freudiangirl

carzony wrote: »

hey everyone,

my councelling is over in the next 2 weeks, I'm actually a bit sad about that still hasnt really solved my problems. I could actually argue things have gotten worse since I started the councelling:(

Kinda scares me that after the 2 weeks there is literally nothing and i'm kinda back on my own.

I finding being in cars with people a real trigger for panic attacks wether i'm the driver or passenger. Really am avoiding going on any kind of journey atm..

This is the first week i've actually thought about the future in terms of employment so that ust be a good thing...

It's a tough journey to recovery carzony . Vent here when you need to. I know the feeling of sadness/loss at ending counselling. It seems almost like a support system is being shaken

stinkle

Wasnt having a great day earlier and the sudden drop in mood really scared me. Am here alone for a few days and the loneliness was bothering me. Had a chance on Thurs to book a session with therapist but didnt and figured I was ok, but today really wished I had booked it, and at that stage it was too late in the day to call.

Was being a little bit passive aggressive and even snapped at someone earlier, which I feel bad about. I had a thing on with some workmates in the evening and wasnt mad keen on going as Friday was an awful long day in work, but it was actually grand in the end and helped to distract me. I plan to keep busy now over the weekend and will hopefully skype some friends too

greenfrogs

I'm really confused at the moment. I had a social event which lasted nearly a day. I got on alright. But I left early. I'm wondering is it that I don't get on with those people in terms of personality, or do I need alone time after spending a lot time with people or am I just on the outside. I felt actually pretty good. Not totally on the outside. It probably was the best social occasion I had, outside of family members, in years. It's weird how writing down my feelings helps me. I find myself focusing on the bigger picture, not focusing loads on the little things. I think my cbt is finishing shortly. To be fair it has helped me loads. I have the dbt to fall back on now anyways.

Gremlinertia

Frogs, social events, even when enjoyable, can be exhausting.. You said it lasted most of the day, no matter what you're doing it's tiring, look at how successful it was, well bloody done!.

mg1982

greenfrogs wrote: »

I'm really confused at the moment. I had a social event which lasted nearly a day. I got on alright. But I left early. I'm wondering is it that I don't get on with those people in terms of personality, or do I need alone time after spending a lot time with people or am I just on the outside. I felt actually pretty good. Not totally on the outside. It probably was the best social occasion I had, outside of family members, in years. It's weird how writing down my feelings helps me. I find myself focusing on the bigger picture, not focusing loads on the little things. I think my cbt is finishing shortly. To be fair it has helped me loads. I have the dbt to fall back on now anyways.

You did very well to last the day GF so id be looking at the positives. Its good that the cbt has made a difference.

veganrun

Definitely fighting a bit of low mood/depression earlier. Still have this stupid mental block about starting work on Monday. I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning, had no interest in anything.

In a way I think I need to start some sort of job again. Just feeling like this is a big mountain, will never fit in or get used to it etc.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Definitely fighting a bit of low mood/depression earlier. Still have this stupid mental block about starting work on Monday. I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning, had no interest in anything.

In a way I think I need to start some sort of job again. Just feeling like this is a big mountain, will never fit in or get used to it etc.

What kind of work will you be doing VeganRun?

fr336

Does anyone here get dilated pupils with their eyesight due to anxiety? I've had it for ages in hindsight but I thought it was purely anxiety and lack of sleep rather than something as specific as that. I'm really senisitve to sunlight etc and really should wear sunglasses more. My worry is even though I'm constantly covering my eyes from the sun etc because it does have such an effect on me, I'm still letting in way too many UV rays due to the dilation. Anyone here had similar issues and am I worrying over nothing?

veganrun

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

What kind of work will you be doing VeganRun?

IT software stuff. It's similar to what I have been doing until recently, but sometimes I find it hard and with all the new stuff in this place, kind of feeling a bit overwhelmed at the thought of it. Kind of have this block in my head that says "Nope, you can't go start there, it won't work".

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

IT software stuff. It's similar to what I have been doing until recently, but sometimes I find it hard and with all the new stuff in this place, kind of feeling a bit overwhelmed at the thought of it. Kind of have this block in my head that says "Nope, you can't go start there, it won't work".

Sounds good. You won't be dealing with the public or anything though, yeah?

I get a similar block. It's a horrible nagging feeling. It's not the truth though. It's like a little devil on your shoulder telling you that you're ****, you're not able for it or anything. You ARE able for it though.