Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

mg1982

fr336 wrote: »

Does anyone here get dilated pupils with their eyesight due to anxiety? I've had it for ages in hindsight but I thought it was purely anxiety and lack of sleep rather than something as specific as that. I'm really senisitve to sunlight etc and really should wear sunglasses more. My worry is even though I'm constantly covering my eyes from the sun etc because it does have such an effect on me, I'm still letting in way too many UV rays due to the dilation. Anyone here had similar issues and am I worrying over nothing?

I dont know much about that fr with the sunlight. I know with the anxiety i have noticed it at times especially when my brain is in overdrive. Also when i was taking an anti depressant named Cymbalta my pupils were dilated all the time. My mum thought i was on something illegal lol.

Gremlinertia

Some of the medications can certainly alter your pupils temporarily alright. Worry on and off about being drug tested as it'll look suspect! Then again I'm pretty convinced I'm becoming ever more photo sensitive as time goes on and I've no idea why that is..

fr336

mg1982 wrote: »

I dont know much about that fr with the sunlight. I know with the anxiety i have noticed it at times especially when my brain is in overdrive. Also when i was taking an anti depressant named Cymbalta my pupils were dilated all the time. My mum thought i was on something illegal lol.

Ah I hope you're a bit better now, thanks for the reply. And maybe something to look into yourself re the sun rays. As far as I can ascertain it's long term damage that can be done, but you can always make things better or less worse especially if you're younger. Thanks again.

greenfrogs

Actually I noticed I have become more sensitive to light. At nighttime I read and sometimes I find I have to shield my eyes from the light as they begin to hurt. It's really strange.

fr336

greenfrogs wrote: »

Actually I noticed I have become more sensitive to light. At nighttime I read and sometimes I find I have to shield my eyes from the light as they begin to hurt. It's really strange.

Yeah that could be it, slight pupil dilation and / or anxiety heightening your senses generally. The first one isn't ideal health wise.

stinkle

stinkle wrote: »

Wasnt having a great day earlier and the sudden drop in mood really scared me. Am here alone for a few days and the loneliness was bothering me. Had a chance on Thurs to book a session with therapist but didnt and figured I was ok, but today really wished I had booked it, and at that stage it was too late in the day to call.

Was being a little bit passive aggressive and even snapped at someone earlier, which I feel bad about. I had a thing on with some workmates in the evening and wasnt mad keen on going as Friday was an awful long day in work, but it was actually grand in the end and helped to distract me. I plan to keep busy now over the weekend and will hopefully skype some friends too

Meh. Was feeling good before going to bed, but then got woken by phone message and I lashed out at the sender (who I was already annoyed with). Couldnt just let it lie. Now it's a full argument and Im not even sure why I'm so bothered in the first place.

YFlyer

carzony wrote: »

Everyone asleep?

i spent most of the day in bed but god i enjoyed the relaxation of it. I'm still having problems with panic though. I've been asked by the councellor to do meditation but it's so difficult to get in the mood to do it.

Look into transcendental meditation. Its so simple and effortless to do. Benefits are plentiful.

Gremlinertia

Hi YFlyer, I think most people on thread have tried and are trying some form of meditation or mindfulness however the very nature of depression and anxiety make it difficult to concentrate on the practice as it were.. In my own experience I've been practicing for four months now and when low mood or panic hits it's still a matter of trying to minimise negativity for the most part.. Hoping to find it easier in time though.. Rough night at work not helping here, mind very scattered indeed..

veganrun

Had horrible anxiety this morning in public. Was quite bad, wished I had taken something beforehand. I'm still in denial about starting the job tomorrow.

mg1982

YFlyer wrote: »

Look into transcendental meditation. Its so simple and effortless to do. Benefits are plentiful.

You have to find someone that does it and they are rare enough. Theres nothing really online where it teaches you.

carzony

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hi YFlyer, I think most people on thread have tried and are trying some form of meditation or mindfulness however the very nature of depression and anxiety make it difficult to concentrate on the practice as it were..

I know what you mean mate, Last week I started doing the meditation with the counseller and I couldnt wait for the hour session to end. I felt stupid, most of the time I was finding it difficult to breath because of the silence and it made me more tense not being aware of the time ect..

I've to do a whole hour session of meditation with him during the week.. dreading it..

Hugo Stiglitz

carzony wrote: »

I know what you mean mate, Last week I started doing the meditation with the counseller and I couldnt wait for the hour session to end. I felt stupid, most of the time I was finding it difficult to breath because of the silence and it made me more tense not being aware of the time ect..

I've to do a whole hour session of meditation with him during the week.. dreading it..

I found it very hard to get into myself, Carzony. Ultimately I gave it up then. I'm sure it can work though as many folks here have mentioned its merits. I just can't follow through on things.

carzony

I just find it hard to continue with the healthy lifestyle that the counsellor keeps telling me is so important. Healthy eating, proper sleeping pattern and exercise just seems like a massive effort for me.. Then the breathing exercise, meditation.

i just feel a lot of the things reccomended to me is a waste of time..

Hugo Stiglitz

carzony wrote: »

I just find it hard to continue with the healthy lifestyle that the counsellor keeps telling me is so important. Healthy eating, proper sleeping pattern and exercise just seems like a massive effort for me.. Then the breathing exercise, meditation.

i just feel a lot of the things reccomended to me is a waste of time..

It's natural to feel like that man. People with depression etc seem to have a lot of trouble with motivation. It's something I struggle with myself.

How's the weekend treating you in general there?

veganrun

Anxiety from earlier has gone and been replaced with a general sense of "meh".

I think one thing that's bothering me is that I feel like I've no break to look forward to. I wasn't happy in my last job but there was light at the end of the tunnel in that I knew I was leaving and was going to be having some time off.

Now I just feel kind of like I've nothing to look forward to as even when it's next weekend, I will just feel the same way as I am now.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Anxiety from earlier has gone and been replaced with a general sense of "meh".

I think one thing that's bothering me is that I feel like I've no break to look forward to. I wasn't happy in my last job but there was light at the end of the tunnel in that I knew I was leaving and was going to be having some time off.

Now I just feel kind of like I've nothing to look forward to as even when it's next weekend, I will just feel the same way as I am now.

Although I'd much rather "meh" to the blues of anxiety, meh is still pretty ****ty.

Are you active enough on the weekends VeganRun?

veganrun

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Although I'd much rather "meh" to the blues of anxiety, meh is still pretty ****ty.

Are you active enough on the weekends VeganRun?

Definitely not.

Might head out for a short drive now or something.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Definitely not.

Might head out for a short drive now or something.

My weekends are always boring. I know that in the end that it comes down to me having to change that, but I can't.

Yeah a change of scene there might lift you up a bit.

mg1982

veganrun wrote: »

Anxiety from earlier has gone and been replaced with a general sense of "meh".

I think one thing that's bothering me is that I feel like I've no break to look forward to. I wasn't happy in my last job but there was light at the end of the tunnel in that I knew I was leaving and was going to be having some time off.

Now I just feel kind of like I've nothing to look forward to as even when it's next weekend, I will just feel the same way as I am now.

Its an awful feeling in not having anything to look forward too. Something a lot of us can relate to on here.

Hopefully if you get the first week over at your new job you feel more comfortable in it and it will be less stressfull. Best of luck with it.

Gremlinertia

carzony wrote: »

I just find it hard to continue with the healthy lifestyle that the counsellor keeps telling me is so important. Healthy eating, proper sleeping pattern and exercise just seems like a massive effort for me.. Then the breathing exercise, meditation.

i just feel a lot of the things reccomended to me is a waste of time..

+ 1000, and when i do manage to sleep without keeping myself for hours i do feel somewhat better but then think i don't deserve to feel better.. Also. an hour's meditation is waaaaay too long for me, we do maybe a five minute or so guided meditation or mindfulness exercise every week, that's more than enough for me for now.

greenfrogs

carzony wrote: »

I just find it hard to continue with the healthy lifestyle that the counsellor keeps telling me is so important. Healthy eating, proper sleeping pattern and exercise just seems like a massive effort for me.. Then the breathing exercise, meditation.

i just feel a lot of the things reccomended to me is a waste of time..

Same here. I still have a terrible sleep routine, my diet is pretty bad as well. I've done mindfulness in therapy. I've used it once.

Maybe just plan to focus on one per week/month. However, I still haven't found any balance in these areas of my life.

Hugo Stiglitz

Anyone here feel like this is it? Like this will all there will ever be?

Gremlinertia

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Anyone here feel like this is it? Like this will all there will ever be?

All the time Hugo.. Change is slow, scary and difficult so it's all too easy to return to the rut despite the knowledge it hurts it's a known hurt.. Fear of the unknown paralyses me at times.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

All the time Hugo.. Change is slow, scary and difficult so it's all too easy to return to the rut despite the knowledge it hurts it's a known hurt.. Fear of the unknown paralyses me at times.

Well said there Grem. It can be like suffering is easier than trying to be happy.

I'm so resistant to change though. My life goals are to be happy, content, get out more, make friends and meet someone nice. I know that in order to meet each of those goals, I need to change my ways completely. I know that they should all make me a better person who will be happy, but I actively resist change. I'm so ****ing lazy at times, it drives me mental.

Apologies for the rant. I feel like I'm in the middle of a funky spiral.

stinkle

Is it even laziness though or lack of motivation caused by feeling overwhelmed? Dont be so hard on yourself. I notice a difference between my actual laziness (eg after a long day/week of work) and "laziness" due to the world sometimes freaking me out and not feeling able to do anything. Almost like paralysis.

Its still morning time for me and thats nice. I woke up early with an injury and was in bad form cos am still in a mood with person who upset me. And Im ashamed at my mood and some of my behaviour, but at the same time feelings are feelings and I did feel they should have treated me with more consideration. Their absence is the reason Im lonely right now. Its temporary, and Ive had longer alone periods, but this just hit me like a ton of bricks and I dont know why. Maybe its cos its the weekend and I'll be sufficiently distracted once the working week kicks in and I have other adults to talk to.

We talked and I do feel better - I dont want constant attention from them, I never did, but it's nice to get a call to see how eveything is and to be asked how Im doing. The only communication Id had was stupid texts that kinda rubbed it in that Im not there too though know it wasnt a deliberate slight, just insensitive I guess. I still feel irrational in other ways and like I dont deserve to be respected or treated with kindness/sensitivity I feel like *maybe* I should have bitten my tongue and just let the bad emotions pass before lashing out. I had 2 exercise classes booked for today, but cancelled the earlier one as a lie in seemed like a better idea. Stupid 5am injury waking me then! Just back from later class now, my injury is kinda bothering me now. It was good to seize the day and go out though, even the breating helped my head a bit and I have some kind of plan for the day ahead - neeed to eat, run some errands, do some laundry and Ill skype my family when laundry is on. its good to have that "time boundary" I feel. Need to get som groceries and Ill do that after, which gives me time to plan some meals anyway. Then maybe Ill go out for an hour or two.

Yesterday I had morning stuff and then somewhere to be in the evening and that actually didnt help cos I was kinda trapped here in between, feeling sorry for myself. Then later on I just had no motivation - just sat on the couch watching crap tv that I wasnt even into. Couldnt even face reading my (really good) book. I do have some work to do though, so am unsure if my newfound motivation today is really just procrastination of that. Im really posting cos it feels good to write this all down actualy.

Like yesterday all this stuff was just too much, and I was feeling so sorry for myself that all the good was taken out of potentially fun and distracting options. Look up new recipes? Nah. At least read a page of book to see if its nicely distracting? Nah. Get some groceries so my only food option isnt pizza? Nah. Switch off old black and white movie that is terrible and Im not even really paying attention too? Nah. I couldnt even decide on anything to watch on Netflix. Waking at 5 was the ulitmate pain cos it felt like the new day was even longer and more boring than the last.

Hugo Stiglitz

I hope your injury heals up quickly there Stinkle. x

stinkle

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I hope your injury heals up quickly there Stinkle. x

Thanks! Not sure if exercise was helpful or not... wouldnt it be just typical that the one day I have to drag myself to gym is the day it makes injury worse?!

Feeling better now the day has some kind of a plan.

Hugo Stiglitz

stinkle wrote: »

Thanks! Not sure if exercise was helpful or not... wouldnt it be just typical that the one day I have to drag myself to gym is the day it makes injury worse?!

Feeling better now the day has some kind of a plan.

I wish I had the whole day ahead of me here. Sunday night blues is attacking strong this evening! lol

Gremlinertia

In at work the last twenty minutes. Trying to pick up the pieces.. Ugh.

stinkle

The Sunday blues is a pain alright Id say the weather hasnt helped much, especially this time of year.