Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Wilberto

alaskayoung wrote: »

I miss my psychologist so much. Between my holidays and hers it's been almost a month since I've seen her and I'm used to seeing her every week. I constantly worry over how attached to her I feel. The idea of losing her scares the life out of me and I feel like that's wrong. I find myself panicking sometimes over what would happen if she left her job or transferred me or died and it puts me on the verge of tears. I feel like if I ever got to the point where she was considering discharge I'd be so tempted to sabotage myself just so she wouldn't leave me.

I wanted to reply to this earlier but couldn't. I can somewhat relate to this. Amazingly though, it's actually with my Account Manager in work rather than a psychologist. She's absolutely brilliant to me. Unfortunately though, she informed me about two weeks ago that she's leaving at the end of August. I was absolutely devastated by it and, to be honest, it almost (if not actually) triggered a fair depressive episode for about a week.

I guess my point to you is that, life will go on regardless of what happens, and that the only person you can guarantee that will be by your side for the rest of your life is yourself. So, you just need to not invest yourself so emotionally in other people and become more independent. I agree though that this is a lot easier said than done!

freudiangirl

There was a discussion had last night here amongst patients where a lot of people thought they were armchair psychiatrists and what I should be doing.
They were implying that I should.be going home despite me saying I am actively suicidal and if I keep saying it I will never go home.
Now I know it's ignorance on their part but it's hard not to let it get into your head.
Also they ate saying how hard it will be if I don't go home soon....

I hate how people think they have the right to say what they feel and never think il about how.it could affect different people.
Added to this yesterday was a very significant negative date that was already quite triggering in itself so I did not need it

I know these people do not have borderline plus depression so it is hard for them to understand my situation.

I mean do they not think I would like to go home to my children etc. I am genuinely worried I would not even make bus station to get home without being tempted by rivers etc...

I would have thought that the fact that they are in a psych ward themselves, that they would have a bit of empathy or cop on.

I actually felt that they were implying that I was making it up the whole feeling actively suicidal thing.

Sorry for long post.
Very low today...don't even want to talk tbh.
Have visitors coming up from Cork today so have to be bright and chirpy. Meh

freudiangirl

This little piggy wrote: »

So eh ... I'm back in the dating game.

And ... I've met someone.

He's a single dad himself to a little girl. Who shares my name. Like he said, the four of us are a ready-made little family. With maybe more to add.

It's not ideal, I mean clearly I'm still in turmoil over the break-up. But I'm 110% over my ex. Yes, I move on fast. I didn't expect to meet someone I like so much so soon. But it's nice.

There's hope for us all!

Mind yourself

Gremlinertia

Hey Mocha, I'm glad for you but as others said, take care.. These things can move very fast.. Says me with zero experience..
Both group and therapy were bloody hard this week.. Bit down and shook up after them.. However in other news I've begun seeing someone. First time in fifteen odd years. Luckily she understands my problems and is supportive.. Absolutely the last thing I expected to happen.. Happy and scared!.

Diamond Doll

I'm taking on board all of your advice, but sometimes the best things can happen at the worst of times!

I mean if anything, I'm fussier than I ever was before, but this guy really gets me. We're on the exact same wavelength.

It might seem crazy for me to pursue a new relationship so soon .... but when you click with someone so much, it seems even crazier to let it go!

Yeah it's moving fast but I've always been a serial monogomist. And maybe - just maybe - this is my forever guy.

timecurve12

freudiangirl wrote: »

There was a discussion had last night here amongst patients where a lot of people thought they were armchair psychiatrists and what I should be doing.
They were implying that I should.be going home despite me saying I am actively suicidal and if I keep saying it I will never go home.
Now I know it's ignorance on their part but it's hard not to let it get into your head.
Also they ate saying how hard it will be if I don't go home soon....

I hate how people think they have the right to say what they feel and never think il about how.it could affect different people.
Added to this yesterday was a very significant negative date that was already quite triggering in itself so I did not need it

I know these people do not have borderline plus depression so it is hard for them to understand my situation.

I mean do they not think I would like to go home to my children etc. I am genuinely worried I would not even make bus station to get home without being tempted by rivers etc...

I would have thought that the fact that they are in a psych ward themselves, that they would have a bit of empathy or cop on.

I actually felt that they were implying that I was making it up the whole feeling actively suicidal thing.

Sorry for long post.
Very low today...don't even want to talk tbh.
Have visitors coming up from Cork today so have to be bright and chirpy. Meh

That's really tough fg, I can see why you would be upset. I had a similar situation, I was really upset and didn't think I do something - I was just in a terrible state, and I just got told 'of course you can'. It makes you feel like your feelings aren't being heard, as well as them downplaying what you're going through. Stick to your guns though, you know what's best for you.

freudiangirl

timecurve12 wrote: »

That's really tough fg, I can see why you would be upset. I had a similar situation, I was really upset and didn't think I do something - I was just in a terrible state, and I just got told 'of course you can'. It makes you feel like your feelings aren't being heard, as well as them downplaying what you're going through. Stick to your guns though, you know what's best for you.

I just thought patients would have more empathy in general
.I ahve noticed that mental illness can make some people quite self absorbed and unaware of other people's needs.

alaskayoung

Wilberto wrote: »

I guess my point to you is that, life will go on regardless of what happens, and that the only person you can guarantee that will be by your side for the rest of your life is yourself. So, you just need to not invest yourself so emotionally in other people and become more independent. I agree though that this is a lot easier said than done!

That's very true. It's funny in most ways I'd actually consider myself very independent but in this past year or so I just feel the deepest need for people to take care of me, not in any physical sense but emotionally. It's usually always authority figures, certain teachers at school, doctors, my psychologist... Particularly during my weeks in hospital I was desperate for emotional support from the nurses and latched on to a few of them. I found it extremely difficult leaving for that reason. It really scares me though having that kind of reliance on a person because I end up living in fear that they will leave me eventually and where will I be then? I'm hoping that as I get better, I'll feel less vulnerable and my need for them will lessen but it's still something I worry about. I actually dreamt a few nights ago that my psychologist told me she had cancer and would be dead within two weeks! I guess it's just classic BPD fears of abandonment woohoo :P

Hugo Stiglitz

alaskayoung wrote: »

I guess it's just classic BPD fears of abandonment woohoo :P

I have huge issues with rejection/abandonment. :eek: Feck!

veganrun

Well the first week at the job is finished. Monday morning was very tough, I had very bad anxiety on the way to work but some medication helped.

After that, each subsequent day got easier.

The place seems ok as do the people but its still early days. I'm always wondering am I going to get stuck and be unable to do the job as I haven't done much yet.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

Well the first week at the job is finished. Monday morning was very tough, I had very bad anxiety on the way to work but some medication helped.

After that, each subsequent day got easier.

The place seems ok as do the people but its still early days. I'm always wondering am I going to get stuck and be unable to do the job as I haven't done much yet.

Glad to hear that you got through it.

I'm sure you'll be grand there. Try mix as best as you can, this can make asking questions a bit easier I've found.

pheasant tail

freudiangirl wrote: »

There was a discussion had last night here amongst patients where a lot of people thought they were armchair psychiatrists and what I should be doing.
They were implying that I should.be going home despite me saying I am actively suicidal and if I keep saying it I will never go home.
Now I know it's ignorance on their part but it's hard not to let it get into your head.
Also they ate saying how hard it will be if I don't go home soon....

I hate how people think they have the right to say what they feel and never think il about how.it could affect different people.
Added to this yesterday was a very significant negative date that was already quite triggering in itself so I did not need it

I know these people do not have borderline plus depression so it is hard for them to understand my situation.

I mean do they not think I would like to go home to my children etc. I am genuinely worried I would not even make bus station to get home without being tempted by rivers etc...

I would have thought that the fact that they are in a psych ward themselves, that they would have a bit of empathy or cop on.

I actually felt that they were implying that I was making it up the whole feeling actively suicidal thing.

Sorry for long post.
Very low today...don't even want to talk tbh.
Have visitors coming up from Cork today so have to be bright and chirpy. Meh

Hi Fredian girl. Don't worry about spending too long in there, your in there for a reason and your to go home when yourself and your team feel your ready. I got much the same too during my stays in Pats, others that have been in and out telling you what they think, what you should do, they know best etc, pass no remarks. People can mean well and while everyone with mental illness has something in common, no 2 situations are the same. Hope you get sorted

greenfrogs

freudiangirl wrote: »

I just thought patients would have more empathy in general
.I ahve noticed that mental illness can make some people quite self absorbed and unaware of other people's needs.

I think any serious illness can make people very self absorbed. It's only in the last while I have realised that for months my illness was my main concern. It was more important to me than anything to the point I ignored other parts of my life. Now I realise as I have gotten better I have time for other things and people in my life. I think what worked for me is fantastic yet my treatment may not have worked for the next person. Try not to listen to armchair psychiatrists as you call them.

freudiangirl

pheasant tail wrote: »

Hi Fredian girl. Don't worry about spending too long in there, your in there for a reason and your to go home when yourself and your team feel your ready. I got much the same too during my stays in Pats, others that have been in and out telling you what they think, what you should do, they know best etc, pass no remarks. People can mean well and while everyone with mental illness has something in common, no 2 situations are the same. Hope you get sorted

Thanks it's just I was made feel that it was wrong for me to feel the way I did after the exchange. I also have bpd so it's a big thing I tend to ruminate a lot and the littlest thing can set me off.
Thing is one of the patients who also has bpd said to them after I had said it triggered me.
"Oh that's part of her illness " as if I was being dramatic.


I just feel people especially in here (st pats) need to think a bit more
Not all of us have a biological depression that can be sorted with meds.

I think I will stick to myself in future.

scrimshanker

Big feeling of oh feck

freudiangirl

scrimshanker wrote: »

Big feeling of oh feck

Me too but I know why.
Am taking meds early and going to bed .
Just can't cope with today

Hugo Stiglitz

scrimshanker wrote: »

Big feeling of oh feck

freudiangirl wrote: »

Me too but I know why.
Am taking meds early and going to bed .
Just can't cope with today

Sorry to hear that ladies. Hopefully things will turn around for ye both soon there. x

freudiangirl

Night All.
I acted on urges I should not have and now have physical discomfort as well mental pain.
I just can't seem to stop

Hugo Stiglitz

freudiangirl wrote: »

Night All.
I acted on urges I should not have and now have physical discomfort as well mental pain.
I just can't seem to stop

Mind yourself there FG. Night.

scrimshanker

freudiangirl wrote: »

Night All.
I acted on urges I should not have and now have physical discomfort as well mental pain.
I just can't seem to stop

Night night, fg. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. If you ever need to talk, send me a PM or something. Can't guarantee I will know what to say but I'll listen.

Wilberto

veganrun wrote: »

Well the first week at the job is finished. Monday morning was very tough, I had very bad anxiety on the way to work but some medication helped.

After that, each subsequent day got easier.

The place seems ok as do the people but its still early days. I'm always wondering am I going to get stuck and be unable to do the job as I haven't done much yet.

That's going to be the same for the majority of people when they start a new job. I mean, yes, the company wants the new employee to "hit the ground running" but that doesn't mean that they expect them to know everything immediately, as that's simply impossible. There's always that "bedding in" period where you almost feel as if your accomplishing nothing, but really, you're just still learning. Once that period is over though you'll be flying.

Gremlinertia

Thinking of you Freudiangirl, I guess the armchair psychiatrists can really impact on you. I know it upsets me, even when they mean well.. Be good to yourself and shut them off when you need to..

NicoleW85

It's amazing how one day you can forget your worries, have a laugh and just feel like you can smile and mean it, then something happens and the next day you're back at rock bottom, feeling like **** and struggling to make sense of anything.
I thought my husband was starting to understand me - but clearly we have a long way to go.
Anyway I hope you have a good day today everyone

greenfrogs

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey Mocha, I'm glad for you but as others said, take care.. These things can move very fast.. Says me with zero experience..
Both group and therapy were bloody hard this week.. Bit down and shook up after them.. However in other news I've begun seeing someone. First time in fifteen odd years. Luckily she understands my problems and is supportive.. Absolutely the last thing I expected to happen.. Happy and scared!.

That's great news that you are seeing someone. I hope it's going well. A supportive and understanding person can make a huge difference to our lives.

freudiangirl

Thanks everyone.
Having low day today... No appetite energy or anything. Meh

Was going to see Inside Out but feeling a bit flighty so nit going to risk it. I can feel urges bubbling.

Hugo Stiglitz

freudiangirl wrote: »

Thanks everyone.
Having low day today... No appetite energy or anything. Meh

Was going to see Inside Out but feeling a bit flighty so nit going to risk it. I can feel urges bubbling.

Sorry to hear that FG. Anything on your mind there?

freudiangirl

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sorry to hear that FG. Anything on your mind there?

Just the comments from other people and my uncle said similar things yesterday and mentioned how I should be more open towards my mum. Long story.

So lots on my mind as well as guilt of self harming and even I realised I went a bit farther than I normally would have with the harm.I had to see blood before urge was quenched.

I dunno life is seeming so tough and even my negative self talk is seeming low and fed up

Sorry for complaining.

Hugo Stiglitz

freudiangirl wrote: »

Just the comments from other people and my uncle said similar things yesterday and mentioned how I should be more open towards my mum. Long story.

So lots on my mind as well as guilt of self harming and even I realised I went a bit farther than I normally would have with the harm.I had to see blood before urge was quenched.

I dunno life is seeming so tough and even my negative self talk is seeming low and fed up

Sorry for complaining.

No need to apologise at all FG, that's what this forum is for.

Iseedeadpixels

freudiangirl wrote: »

Thanks everyone.
Having low day today... No appetite energy or anything. Meh

Was going to see Inside Out but feeling a bit flighty so nit going to risk it. I can feel urges bubbling.

Some good quality streams online, I was the same no mood for a packed cinema so streamed it online

Gremlinertia

We are all so hard on ourselves in general here.. It's so hard to feel even a little bit ok when that monologue is continuously playing in your mind.. I try to remind myself not to be so hard on myself.. When I first started repeating that phrase I felt like a tit tbh but like all the negative things we say to ourselves, repeat it enough and it'll become somewhat more believeable, a little kindness is a wonderful balm for the mind..