Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

We are all so hard on ourselves in general here.. It's so hard to feel even a little bit ok when that monologue is continuously playing in your mind.. I try to remind myself not to be so hard on myself.. When I first started repeating that phrase I felt like a tit tbh but like all the negative things we say to ourselves, repeat it enough and it'll become somewhat more believeable, a little kindness is a wonderful balm for the mind..

I know I'm hard enough on myself but I kind of feel that it is justified too though. I'm a rather bitter person.

Gremlinertia

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I know I'm hard enough on myself but I kind of feel that it is justified too though. I'm a rather bitter person.

Given half a chance I can justify pretty much any position.. To the negative for myself and the positive for others..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Given half a chance I can justify pretty much any position.. To the negative for myself and the positive for others..

Our own heads can be so cruel to us.

AppleBottle

Hey everyone,

Looking for a bit of advice that maybe people here could understand... What was the first step for you in asking for help? Did you go to your GP? And if so, how did you start the conversation.

For the last 10 years I have felt like I have been trapped! It kind of has always come and gone. I have some really hard times for months on end where I am just feeling worthless and hopeless to being okay and happy about the future to feeling lifeless shortly after. But in the last year things have just gone from bad to worse and I'm really struggling to cope. I have a breakdown in front of my boss a couple of months ago and that was when I said to myself that I couldn't actually go on like this or hide this any longer. I find myself having breakdowns on public transport just fighting myself until I am at home so I can left go of every emotion when I'm alone! I feel it's time that I ask for help before it's too late. I'm scared with how this could effect my life, family, friends, work and studies though. I'm 24 years old and I should be out living my life. Instead, I'm watching it pass by because I'm so stuck in my own misery.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...:(

scrimshanker

I went to my GP. Handed him a list of things that were wrong cos I couldn't speak properly.

alaskayoung

AppleBottle wrote: »

Hey everyone,

Looking for a bit of advice that maybe people here could understand... What was the first step for you in asking for help? Did you go to your GP? And if so, how did you start the conversation.

For the last 10 years I have felt like I have been trapped! It kind of has always come and gone. I have some really hard times for months on end where I am just feeling worthless and hopeless to being okay and happy about the future to feeling lifeless shortly after. But in the last year things have just gone from bad to worse and I'm really struggling to cope. I have a breakdown in front of my boss a couple of months ago and that was when I said to myself that I couldn't actually go on like this or hide this any longer. I find myself having breakdowns on public transport just fighting myself until I am at home so I can left go of every emotion when I'm alone! I feel it's time that I ask for help before it's too late. I'm scared with how this could effect my life, family, friends, work and studies though. I'm 24 years old and I should be out living my life. Instead, I'm watching it pass by because I'm so stuck in my own misery.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...:(

First of all, I'm sorry that things have been so tough for you the past while. It can be a very scary period when you're not really sure what's wrong but realizing that you need help and going out to seek it is a major step forward.
I think the majority of peoples first choice in seeking help is their GP. I myself saw a counselor first but it's really up to what you yourself are looking for. If you don't want to go down the route of medication, a GP will more than likely recommend seeing a therapist which you can easily find yourself but they'll still be able to offer you guidance on the matter.
I think nearly everyone here will be able to relate to how daunting it can be in approaching someone for the first time but it really is never as hard as you think it'll be. The majority of people are extremely understanding and compassionate. Try to remember that a GP has probably had similar conversations with many other people and they'd all have been nervous too. In regards to how to bring it up, just say something like "I'm actually here because the past year or so I've been feeling really down a lot and it's recently it's been getting quite a bit worse and I'm not sure what to do". They won't expect you to completely open up or anything, just mention it to them and they'll just ask you a few questions about how it's been affecting you and then give you some advice.
I hope that's in any way helpful! I was so so terrified in approaching anyone that I put it off for months and as a result got a whole lot worse when really it probably could have been prevented by speaking up sooner. It's so much easier than you imagine. It's new for you to talk about it but for them they've had this conversation so many times before. You'll feel like a massive weight has been lifted from your shoulders afterwards. Good luck!

freudiangirl

Hey all,

Still feeling quite low in myself. I have self harmed on my right arm now as well ...This is my dominant arm and rarely have I done this.
I am going to do the responsible thing and ask to be moved to the bay ward by nurses station where I won't be on my own.

I'd be lost without ye on here. All support is appreciated.

Gremlinertia

Freudiangirl well done on taking responsibility for yourself.. Having been a lifelong self harmer I know how practiced you can get at hiding things even when an inpatient. Hugs for you, I hope you manage rest tonight as lack of sleep destroys mood.. It's like emotionally hobbling yourself..

greenfrogs

freudiangirl wrote: »

Thanks it's just I was made feel that it was wrong for me to feel the way I did after the exchange. I also have bpd so it's a big thing I tend to ruminate a lot and the littlest thing can set me off.
Thing is one of the patients who also has bpd said to them after I had said it triggered me.
"Oh that's part of her illness " as if I was being dramatic.


I just feel people especially in here (st pats) need to think a bit more
Not all of us have a biological depression that can be sorted with meds.

I think I will stick to myself in future.

I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bpd traits. Although I don't have bpd I have enough of the traits to require dbt. It is really difficult to manage and overcome. It is so different to depression. If I just had depression and anxiety I would be at the end of treatment and getting back to my regular life. It really complicates your treatment and diagnoses.

There were many points in my life where I genuinely thought I had gone mad. It has such a big control over your emotions and ultimately controls your life. I actually believe it is a disability. Getting help with my social anxiety helped with it a lot thank god. However I know it is still there lurking in the background. Hopefully one day I will be in full control of my emotions. I am more aware of my triggers so I tend to avoid those now which is a big help. The other side to that is I began to avoid certain normal activities as I know I couldn't deal with them at the time. However I am hoping to begin to overcome one of these in particular in the foreseeable future.

I know how the smallest things can set off your emotions. Other people may claim they know what an emotional rollercoaster is but until you have bpd (traits) then they can't know how bad it gets. It is tiring and I know how you just want to switch off those thoughts.

Sometimes it is better to keep your cards close to your chest. Maybe if possible talk to other (nicer) people with bpd. It is such a relief to know there are people like you out there. That is why I enjoy dbt so much. I love hearing other peoples stories. It makes me feel not so alone in this world. And, these people are just regular, everyday like ourselves.

You will get through this. Therapy takes time to work. Be kind to yourself as well. You are so strong to be fighting this illness.

freudiangirl

Hey all
Trying to find the right nurse to talk to today.
My arm is still fairly raw and I gave in again this morning

It's just hard

Edit: I talked to nurse and she is going to either move me today or tomorrow . It's for my own good.

greenfrogs

Well done freudiangirl. It's great that you have built up relationships with a few nurses.

Feeling a little bit tense today. I know what is causing it. I just have to not let minor things greatly affect my mood. Easier said than done.

chsdeddijj

Hi freudiangirl,
I'm a newbie so bear with me on this. I have been reading your posts and they have made me feel very sorry for you. I have no experience with cutting only what I've heard through the media, so I can't advise you on that. I went on this site to see if anyone was like me and I suppose to seek help from others like me. I will go into that at a later stage but one thing I noticed from your posts is that you apologize a lot when you express how you feel and your troubles. I have found that I do that too, and I shouldn't. You shouldn't apologize either, we all here know, that like us, you are suffering from an illness. you are doing the best you can to get better and my heart goes out to you.

chsdeddijj

scrims. I had that with the vivid dreams when I upped my meds back to when I felt better than now. I call them night terrors, they seemed so real, and were really frightening, so I stopped the higher dose and they stopped. So perhaps your dreams had something to do with your meds?

Gremlinertia

chsdeddijj wrote: »

scrims. I had that with the vivid dreams when I upped my meds back to when I felt better than now. I call them night terrors, they seemed so real, and were really frightening, so I stopped the higher dose and they stopped. So perhaps your dreams had something to do with your meds?

Hey and welcome to the thread Chsd, careful on the meds talk as it's against rules to advise.. Not trying to be a bitch, just saving you possible hassle..

Moving on, night terrors are horrendous, they usually affect all of my next day as i try to untangle fact from fiction, as if the fear itself wasn't enough.. I'm also very tired currently which isn't helping my mood..

How are you?

chsdeddijj

Hi Grem. Thank you for your advise:). I would never dream of giving advise on meds as I am not qualified to do so, nor would I on this site, even if I were qualified. What I meant was that I also had experienced similar type of dreams to what had been described, and that I discovered that it was because I had upped my medication... So I said that it could be their medication, meaning that they could perhaps speak to their doctor about that. Sadly I failed to put that last bit in as I thought that if would be obvious/taken that way. My apologies if it wasn't.

Gremlinertia

No apologies, just trying to spare a mod conversation i guess!

All that over, how are you?

pracky2k10

Hi all, I've just found this thread and I'd love to join in and maybe receive support, and where I can offer it. Ye seem like a really kind bunch. I have OCD since forever and I get a handle on it for a while but then inevitably have a relapse and end up going back into hospital. I'm in one of those situations at the moment, been in to my consultant and they're gonna monitor me for the next while. Changing my medication too which is always tough. Anyway,nice to meet ye :-)

Gremlinertia

Hi there Pracky and welcome, this thread is indeed brilliant, it's proved to be a huge support to me through tough times, some great posters sharing experiences etc. Hope it proves the same for you. My story, briefly, is i have bpd symptoms/traits, ocd features but fairly mildly usually unless i'm more anxious or distressed than usual. For the most part i'm more of a cyclical pattern from down to mild euphoria..

chsdeddijj

Not good. Been very very down lately. Each day that goes by I feel is such a waste of a day. I have so much waiting on me to do and I seldom do anything of it. Most days I just go from the bed to the couch to the bed. I feel I have tried everything, doctors, medication, and talking and cbt. Nothing helped. I first started on meds in my forties and I regret that, and as no meds have helped I have come off them with docters help slowly a few times. I think I was ok for a few months after but then tried other ones for a while and I felt terrible on them, couldn't stop crying. I eventually go back on the same old ones. I don't know if any of the other meds would have helped eventually as it states on the leaflets that goes with them that one will feel worse when one starts them before they kick in and they start to work. I could never hold out longer than a month or so. I suffer with depression and anxiety. I was always a worrier. I made bad decisions in my life which contributes to my low feelings.. and now I feel that I have wasted my whole life.. and I'm too nervous/afraid to make any changes, and I don't think that I could afford it even if I was mentally and physically able to. Another thing is that I have one child who is grown up now and not living at home, who finds that I stifle him and that I affect him negatively, and only wants limited contact with him. I do understand him, but it really hurts as I love him so much of course. I could go on but I think I've said enough for now.

Gremlinertia

Oh dear.. That's quite a mind full of stuff to deal with.. I have to get ready for work but i'll be back on later if you would like to chat?.

chsdeddijj

I feel very alone and I really don't have any reason to go on, especially not like this.

Gremlinertia

Just wait a little while until i can get back to chat with you. I'm a pretty good ear (or so i'm told) least you can share things out on here..

chsdeddijj

It's no life. It's just an existence.

Gremlinertia

chsdeddijj wrote: »

It's no life. It's just an existence.

I have said exactly that so many times, on a dbt course at the moment where i had to make goals at the start and couldn't even do that..

chsdeddijj

sure. no worries.

chsdeddijj

Sure. No worries.

freudiangirl

chsdeddijj wrote: »

Hi freudiangirl,
I'm a newbie so bear with me on this. I have been reading your posts and they have made me feel very sorry for you. I have no experience with cutting only what I've heard through the media, so I can't advise you on that. I went on this site to see if anyone was like me and I suppose to seek help from others like me. I will go into that at a later stage but one thing I noticed from your posts is that you apologize a lot when you express how you feel and your troubles. I have found that I do that too, and I shouldn't. You shouldn't apologize either, we all here know, that like us, you are suffering from an illness. you are doing the best you can to get better and my heart goes out to you.

Thanks.I appreciate your post. I am nearly always apologising, it's a habit I need to stop.
Thanks for all the advice on here. It helps a lot.

Am being moved to the bay which is a shared ward tomorrow rather than having my own roo. Which suits me.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I have said exactly that so many times, on a dbt course at the moment where i had to make goals at the start and couldn't even do that..

You'll get there though Grem. Making goals can be a goal in itself.

Kaylami

I made a complete show of myself last night.

Had to go to the hospital and when they wanted to admit me I had a anxiety attack and refused point blank to stay. Worked myself up into such a state. Was hooked up to the monitor and could see directly how much my anxiety and panic was effecting my baby and felt awful but selfishly I still couldn't make myself stay.

Now I'm having really dark thoughts on how all my kids would be better off without me.

Gremlinertia

Kaylami wrote: »

I made a complete show of myself last night.

Had to go to the hospital and when they wanted to admit me I had a anxiety attack and refused point blank to stay. Worked myself up into such a state. Was hooked up to the monitor and could see directly how much my anxiety and panic was effecting my baby and felt awful but selfishly I still couldn't make myself stay.

Now I'm having really dark thoughts on how all my kids would be better off without me.

Hey there, it's a pity the medical staff weren't able to make you more comfortable, try not to be too hard on yourself, we are much tougher in many ways than we'll ever realise. Perhaps a talk with your gp and an outpatient appointment will help you figure out a strategy for the immediate future..