Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Diamond Doll

Couldn't get to sleep until 3:30. Had some awful nightmare. Awake again at 4.30.

Lying awake in bed in this stupid big house all alone, thinking of all the things I have to do and how I'm too sick and drained to do any of them. Kept hearing little noises and freaking out that someone was breaking in and that they'd realise I was home alone and do something awful.

Next thing I heard an unmistakable "real" noise, something falling and clattering around in the kitchen. I just froze. Then I knew I'd have to investigate it, so I had to call my poor mother to stay on the phone while I checked it out. It was an orange juice carton that had fallen from the top of the recycling bin. No sign of anyone having been there to knock it over, it had just fallen over on it's own, in fairness there were a few badly stacked cartons there.

How the hell does anyone live alone? I cannot bloody wait to get out of this hellhole and get into an apartment. I feel so much more secure up off the ground. I'm stuck here another couple of weeks though. With my ex in and out to collect his things, still lots of them left, and it's so depressing.

I'm back in bed now shaking violently and sweating and my heart racing. I hate this.

greenfrogs

Literally forcing myself to go for a shower. All I want to do is to stay in bed and wallow in self pity.

Diamond Doll

greenfrogs wrote: »

Literally forcing myself to go for a shower. All I want to do is to stay in bed and wallow in self pity.

Hey that's more than I've done since Sunday.

carzony

Are there any drugs out there I can take to dull the sense of panic/anxiety? I've been in a bad way since yesterday morning. Only thing I can do is stay in bed, even talking to family is putting me into panic..

greenfrogs

carzony wrote: »

Are there any drugs out there I can take to dull the sense of panic/anxiety? I've been in a bad way since yesterday morning. Only thing I can do is stay in bed, even talking to family is putting me into panic..

Yah there are. I find diazepam really good. You need a prescription though.

greenfrogs

This little piggy wrote: »

Hey that's more than I've done since Sunday.

I actually feel a little better after the shower. I make a list every night about what I will do the next day. It helps me get through the day. Some days are tough. I know if I don't get myself out of this funk it will spiral downwards. Then I'll have to go to my therapists/doctors for help. Last night I thought that was where I was heading. I find treating myself to food such as chocolate helps a lot. Maybe not ideal but it's better than feeling like sh8te

carzony

greenfrogs wrote: »

Yah there are. I find diazepam really good. You need a prescription though.

I'm not leaving the house atall mate. The way I am I know I'll end up having a panic attack... Just don't have the strengh for it...

Sleeping is all over the place aswell. I was up all night Monday night, then slept from tuesday afternoon and woke up at 5 this morning. Frightening thing is i'd easily fall asleep again now :eek::eek:

greenfrogs

I have no idea so. Do you have a doctor that will do house calls, or prescription over the phone.

Maybe ring your gp practice and ask them. Or get a family member to do it, if you don't feel up to it.

Being anxious will take up loads of energy. I'm not surprised that you are tired.

I hope it passes soon though.

mg1982

Hey people. Hope your all well. Struggling with motivation big time these days, maybe its the ****ty weather. I can just about do the basics but thats about it. Everything feels such an effort, two hours after i woke up which was half eleven i just felt like going back to bed for the day. Im so exhausted and if it wasnt for coffee i would never get out of bed.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

Hey people. Hope your all well. Struggling with motivation big time these days, maybe its the ****ty weather. I can just about do the basics but thats about it. Everything feels such an effort, two hours after i woke up which was half eleven i just felt like going back to bed for the day. Im so exhausted and if it wasnt for coffee i would never get out of bed.

The motivation thing is a killer. It's so hard not to stagnate.

What do you have planned for the evening there MG?

greenfrogs

mg1982 wrote: »

Hey people. Hope your all well. Struggling with motivation big time these days, maybe its the ****ty weather. I can just about do the basics but thats about it. Everything feels such an effort, two hours after i woke up which was half eleven i just felt like going back to bed for the day. Im so exhausted and if it wasnt for coffee i would never get out of bed.

I totally get that feeling. For me, I think it is because I have nothing to look forward to. August is a very very quiet month.

I am a coca cola addict. The caffeine does a lot for me as well. It's the little things.

Hugo Stiglitz

greenfrogs wrote: »

I am a coca cola addict. The caffeine does a lot for me as well. It's the little things.

I'm a Diet Coke man GF. More caffeine in it than the regular stuff too.

veganrun

So it seems my new job want me to go on a trip to the US soon. That came totally out of the blue today and left me totally unable to concentrate. I was a bag of nerves just starting the job last week and now they drop this on me. Don't know how the hell I am going to cope with this. My guess would be that it would be for a week but I don't know and don't want to ask as I'm pathetically hoping they will forget about it although that's probably unlikely.

How do I get out of this? I can't really say "no I don't want to go", especially as I'm only there a week and a half.

So that leaves two options, go to the US or quit/leave the job. Even if I somehow go, all I can think is that I will be so disoriented with everything, I won't learn a thing.

I know it might not sound like a huge problem but for someone who has anxiety, needed prescription medication just to go to work on the first day, and who doesn't like flying, this isn't a good combination.

greenfrogs

Did you know travel would be required before you started the job? It's very unfair if they just sprung this on you.

mg1982

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

The motivation thing is a killer. It's so hard not to stagnate.

What do you have planned for the evening there MG?

Just a quiet evening in front of the telly .Will go for a walk later. A bit of exercise wont do any harm.

Hugo Stiglitz

mg1982 wrote: »

Just a quiet evening in front of the telly .Will go for a walk later. A bit of exercise wont do any harm.

A quiet Tv and internet evening will be had here too.

Weather is horrible here at the moment. I wanted to go for a walk today but couldn't. Ah well, no biggie!

Mahogany

Does anyone else fall straight into REM sleep as soon as they nod off? It's bloody scary. You just go straight into dream mode as soon as you're falling asleep, sometimes even as you're still awake. I've heard this is a side effect of Anxiety.

veganrun

greenfrogs wrote: »

Did you know travel would be required before you started the job? It's very unfair if they just sprung this on you.

I'm pretty sure there is some sort of clause in my contract that allows for business travel but I had no idea they were going to want to send me anywhere. Its always a possibility with companies but I wasn't expecting it.

greenfrogs

They didn't bring it up in the interview? I'm quite surprised at that. Any sort of travel especially abroad is usually discussed in interviews. Tell them you weren't expecting to go so soon.

Hugo Stiglitz

Mahogany wrote: »

Does anyone else fall straight into REM sleep as soon as they nod off? It's bloody scary. You just go straight into dream mode as soon as you're falling asleep, sometimes even as you're still awake. I've heard this is a side effect of Anxiety.

Not too sure. I get some pretty vivid dreams these nights. Like ones where I'm getting mugged or hassled by old school bullies etc. It's a pain in the arse at times because you'd think that sleep would be the only place you'd have some comfort.

greenfrogs

I had a dream last night that I was raped and my family wouldn't believe me. Such a weird night of odd dreams.

Diamond Doll

Mahogany wrote: »

Does anyone else fall straight into REM sleep as soon as they nod off? It's bloody scary. You just go straight into dream mode as soon as you're falling asleep, sometimes even as you're still awake. I've heard this is a side effect of Anxiety.

Yep often happens me. They're usually way more realistic and scary than normal dreams too.

veganrun

greenfrogs wrote: »

They didn't bring it up in the interview? I'm quite surprised at that. Any sort of travel especially abroad is usually discussed in interviews. Tell them you weren't expecting to go so soon.

I don't think so.

I was starting to like the place but now thinking I might have to leave. I know I'm being completely irrational by even considering that. There's a small possibility of work in a different company but I don't want to make any knee-jerk, irrational, bad decisions.

And there's me just worried about fitting in and getting up to speed and they drop this on me. As if things weren't overwhelming already.

Roquentin

veganrun wrote: »

I don't think so.

I was starting to like the place but now thinking I might have to leave. I know I'm being completely irrational by even considering that. There's a small possibility of work in a different company but I don't want to make any knee-jerk, irrational, bad decisions.

And there's me just worried about fitting in and getting up to speed and they drop this on me. As if things weren't overwhelming already.

i can understand your dread. if this was me id be dying with the anxiety. seems bad of them to throw you in at the deep end

scrimshanker

veganrun, I had this happen to me before. Talk to your boss and find out what their expectations are of you. Keep it casual and say something along the lines of "Gosh, I know the contract allows for travel but I didn't think it would be so soon! What am I expected to do and achieve over there?"

Right now it sounds like you're dealing in a lot of unknowns. Maybe they just want you to observe some meetings? Maybe there'll be training? Once you find out what you're dealing with it might be easier.


In other news, I have an interview tomorrow for a job I don't want. Fun.

veganrun

scrimshanker wrote: »

veganrun, I had this happen to me before. Talk to your boss and find out what their expectations are of you. Keep it casual and say something along the lines of "Gosh, I know the contract allows for travel but I didn't think it would be so soon! What am I expected to do and achieve over there?"

Right now it sounds like you're dealing in a lot of unknowns. Maybe they just want you to observe some meetings? Maybe there'll be training? Once you find out what you're dealing with it might be easier.

Thanks, that made me feel a bit better.

The whole thing is a bit overwhelming, new job, new company, I don't know anything yet, new technologies that I need to learn but don't know. Now this. Its a new team I'm on so he said about going over to learn more about it and get the knowledge transfer started. I'm hoping they will forget all about it but that's unlikely.

I pictured myself having to get on the plane earlier and my anxiety started and I just started saying "no, can't do it, can't do it". The annoying thing is that I've done loads of travel before, have lived abroad but that was several years ago. I'm a shadow of my former self in many ways, this being one.

greenfrogs

Scrim gives good advice. Also ask them how much travel will be required over the next year. If it's a one off then maybe it might be more manageable. If there's a high possibility it will be a regular thing then maybe that can help you decide if this job is for you or not.

I don't think you are being irrational at all. I would be the exact same. Find out all the information you can and then make an informed decision.

Best of luck in the interview Scrim. Sometimes even doing sonething like an interview can be a confidence booster.

Calibos

Mahogany wrote: »

Does anyone else fall straight into REM sleep as soon as they nod off? It's bloody scary. You just go straight into dream mode as soon as you're falling asleep, sometimes even as you're still awake. I've heard this is a side effect of Anxiety.

My anxiety is pretty much done and dusted at this stage and I've stopped taking the inderal beta blocker and it looks like my latest prescription of 16x .25mg Xanax will last me 6 months. My last 30 Xanax lasted me 6 months.

I've still got fatigue, lack of motivation and residual terrible sleep hygiene though and have ordered something from India to jumpstart me out of that.

So Do I still have anxiety? If I do its extremely low level at this point.

However, I have always found I can begin dreaming like yourself almost when I'm still half awake or within minutes of falling asleep. Before during and after my anxiety. Thus I think it might be totally unconnected.

scrimshanker

Starting to really freak out about tomorrow's interview. Can't even prepare for it.

Hugo Stiglitz

scrimshanker wrote: »

Starting to really freak out about tomorrow's interview. Can't even prepare for it.

Sorry to hear that Scrim. *hugs*