Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Foggy.nelson

veganrun wrote: »

I hope so foggy. Problem is that I can't stop thinking about it. It was the first thing I thought of this morning when I woke up.

We've all been there, guess we wouldn't be here if we could shut off our brain. Easier said than done but it's a Saturday try and occupy yourself with something, worrying about Monday isn't going to change anything that'll happen on Monday, best to just occupy yourself, go somewhere or visit someone or whatever

freudiangirl

Hey I'm ok ish. Rough week terrible self harm last Weekend and a fair bit of stress in hospital but am on leave since Fri morning to sat night...I opted for 1 nights leave.... spent day with kids n now my ex . Had a heart to heart with him and worked out that we are not a couple but we are close friends and parents. It's kinda sad.

But its a bit of closure

Still a good thing in long run.

Anxiety through the roof to be honest struggling s lot

I am in so much pain emotionally. It is impossible to work out what I am feeling. I am tired at trying to survive.

It's weird I am single for first time in 11 years.
It just feels so wrong.

Also on a positive note, I have gotten my medical card which is great financial relief.

freudiangirl

I need a bit of advice also.

I asked to be changed to a different psychiatrist in the public system and my request was refused.

My psychiatrist has sent me home twice in one weekend after I nearly jumped in river . Second time,I got five minutes of her registrars time and was dismissed. Hence, my trust is gone in her

I do not know how to proceed. I am thinking of writing a more detailed letter and maybe going to see my gp next week when I am in Cork and asking his advice.

But a fresh outlook on this issue is appreciated if you can give me one.

mg1982

freudiangirl wrote: »

I need a bit of advice also.

I asked to be changed to a different psychiatrist in the public system and my request was refused.

My psychiatrist has sent me home twice in one weekend after I nearly jumped in river . Second time,I got five minutes of her registrars time and was dismissed. Hence, my trust is gone in her

I do not know how to proceed. I am thinking of writing a more detailed letter and maybe going to see my gp next week when I am in Cork and asking his advice.

But a fresh outlook on this issue is appreciated if you can give me one.

Im pretty sure your entitled to change of psychiatrist FG. The fact that she seems to be a bit dismissive of you is not on. Im not sure how it works when your inpatient but i assume its the same.

Gremlinertia

Freudiangirl, there is a service user system in place in some locations, perhaps if available you could try that route. Nothing will happen over the weekend as far as I know.. Also can you look up the staff list where you are? Finding a name to mention in that system can be very helpful.

alaskayoung

freudiangirl wrote: »

I need a bit of advice also.

I asked to be changed to a different psychiatrist in the public system and my request was refused.

My psychiatrist has sent me home twice in one weekend after I nearly jumped in river . Second time,I got five minutes of her registrars time and was dismissed. Hence, my trust is gone in her

I do not know how to proceed. I am thinking of writing a more detailed letter and maybe going to see my gp next week when I am in Cork and asking his advice.

But a fresh outlook on this issue is appreciated if you can give me one.

Freudiangirl, I can relate a lot to your posts these past few weeks as I was in a very similar situation a few months ago and I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm not dismissing how you are feeling by any means but am just going to offer you another perspective. I know you feel that your psych is being harsh and careless by continually insisting that you take visits home but if you look at it from his point of view, you will have to be discharged in the near future and he is trying to mentally prepare you for that as much as possible. You cannot stay inpatient forever. You will have to learn how to manage your distress by yourself because once you are discharged you will have nobody else to rely on. The longer you are in there, it only makes it more difficult to return to society. You become reliant on their care, used to transferring your responsibility of yourself to other people and become institutionalized in a way. The hospital is fine short term when you are in a crisis but after that it is not a suitable place to recover. Recovery is done at home, in the community, with the support of a care team. I know you feel like you are not ready but honestly do you ever think that you will be? There is no perfect time to take the plunge, you just have to do it. If your psych didn't believe that you had it in you, I'm sure that he wouldn't insist on it. There is an extremely likely chance that even if you do manage to switch psychiatrists, he or she will do exactly the same thing.

I really really don't want to come across as insensitive. I'm just trying to show you where they might be coming from. I may be completely off the mark and I'm so sorry if I am but what you have been saying is just so similar to my own experience of inpatient a few months ago. When I was forced, yes forced, out on night leaves, I cried and screamed, cut my arms to pieces, overdosed, climbed on the edge of bridges on and on and on. It was horrific and I honestly hated her for it. When I was discharged a few weeks later I was terrified, I really didn't believe I was any better and was so upset that (I thought) they held such little regard for my life. And as hard as it was, day by day, things got a little easier and I got through it. I as forced into a situation where I had to learn how to deal with my own distress and pain because there will never always be other people there to guide you through it. You can learn a lot from being inpatient but it very quickly turns from being beneficial to detrimental to your recovery as time goes by.

I by no means want to come across as preachy, like I said just another perspective. It was horrendous at the time but it is only now looking back that I realize that my psych was right in her treatment and only wanted the best for me. I don't know you or your psych and I'm not trying to act like I do but just maybe there could be some similarities in their way of thinking. Again, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

Roquentin

folks doctors are under severe stress themselves. we would like to think that they will do their best for us, but they may have numerous patients under their care. id wouldnt be as hard on them as others

freudiangirl

alaskayoung wrote: »

Freudiangirl, I can relate a lot to your posts these past few weeks as I was in a very similar situation a few months ago and I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm not dismissing how you are feeling by any means but am just going to offer you another perspective. I know you feel that your psych is being harsh and careless by continually insisting that you take visits home but if you look at it from his point of view, you will have to be discharged in the near future and he is trying to mentally prepare you for that as much as possible. You cannot stay inpatient forever. You will have to learn how to manage your distress by yourself because once you are discharged you will have nobody else to rely on. The longer you are in there, it only makes it more difficult to return to society. You become reliant on their care, used to transferring your responsibility of yourself to other people and become institutionalized in a way. The hospital is fine short term when you are in a crisis but after that it is not a suitable place to recover. Recovery is done at home, in the community, with the support of a care team. I know you feel like you are not ready but honestly do you ever think that you will be? There is no perfect time to take the plunge, you just have to do it. If your psych didn't believe that you had it in you, I'm sure that he wouldn't insist on it. There is an extremely likely chance that even if you do manage to switch psychiatrists, he or she will do exactly the same thing.

I really really don't want to come across as insensitive. I'm just trying to show you where they might be coming from. I may be completely off the mark and I'm so sorry if I am but what you have been saying is just so similar to my own experience of inpatient a few months ago. When I was forced, yes forced, out on night leaves, I cried and screamed, cut my arms to pieces, overdosed, climbed on the edge of bridges on and on and on. It was horrific and I honestly hated her for it. When I was discharged a few weeks later I was terrified, I really didn't believe I was any better and was so upset that (I thought) they held such little regard for my life. And as hard as it was, day by day, things got a little easier and I got through it. I as forced into a situation where I had to learn how to deal with my own distress and pain because there will never always be other people there to guide you through it. You can learn a lot from being inpatient but it very quickly turns from being beneficial to detrimental to your recovery as time goes by.

I by no means want to come across as preachy, like I said just another perspective. It was horrendous at the time but it is only now looking back that I realize that my psych was right in her treatment and only wanted the best for me. I don't know you or your psych and I'm not trying to act like I do but just maybe there could be some similarities in their way of thinking. Again, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

Well the psych I want to change is my one in public system not my private one....

Also in regards to my discharge. .I have no problem with it. It's just right in middle of course and if I could be discharged on a Thursday rather than a Wednesday is all I am asking.
Just I know my situation.it would be better for me...
I have no.support in my community or have a care team in public service. If they listened to me and put plan in place I would be ok about going home.

Diamond Doll

scrimshanker wrote: »

Well done tlp!

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Fair play for getting through that TIP! I would have ran away from it all!

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Wow Mocha, overwhelmed just reading your post, I would have fainted at all that, well done..

Yeah to be honest it's taken it's toll, and I just want to hide from all human-kind for today!

Not an option, as I'm giving away a lot of my son's baby stuff (cot, buggy, moses basket, bouncer, toys, etc) online, in preparation for moving house, so I'm having to do chitchat with strangers at my door all day. No fun! Both because the stuff I'm giving away is stuff that we'd put away for the "next" baby (which obviously won't happen now - heartbreaking), and also because I just could not be arsed talking to anyone. I'm getting through it though. Still a few more happy customers to come today. Of course they're happy - they're getting perfectly good stuff for free! I just don't have the heart to sell it for money though. There's so much sentimental value attached, selling it feels like it would cheapen that.

Then back home to the parents tomorrow to put on a big brave I'm-doing-OK face for a couple of days.

All I want to do is hide under a rock for the next century or so.

veganrun

I'm starting to wonder again, what am I doing with my life. I feel like my emotions overwhelm me at times and I run from things and I'm no longer sure if I'm ever making the right decision about anything.

Hugo Stiglitz

veganrun wrote: »

I'm starting to wonder again, what am I doing with my life. I feel like my emotions overwhelm me at times and I run from things and I'm no longer sure if I'm ever making the right decision about anything.

Jesus, I could have written that very post there myself VR.

Would "lost" be a good way to describe our lives? We have a general goal of recovery and being happy, but the path to that point is a total mess.

alaskayoung

freudiangirl wrote: »

Well the psych I want to change is my one in public system not my private one....

Also in regards to my discharge. .I have no problem with it. It's just right in middle of course and if I could be discharged on a Thursday rather than a Wednesday is all I am asking.
Just I know my situation.it would be better for me...
I have no.support in my community or have a care team in public service. If they listened to me and put plan in place I would be ok about going home.

Are you not in the Adult Mental Health Services? If you are, every patient is entitled to a multidisciplinary team...

freudiangirl

alaskayoung wrote: »

Are you not in the Adult Mental Health Services? If you are, every patient is entitled to a multidisciplinary team...

I am but want to change psychiatrist and they have refused my change. Making appointment with gp next week to see if he can help

veganrun

I'm also not sure of my feelings. Am I right to be considering leaving this role because of the travel? How would someone else react? (Can't help thinking they'd go and it wouldn't cost them a second thought)

greenfrogs

I remember when I returned to looking for work after nearly a year out sick, my gp told me look for work that would be easy and near home. Maybe you could speak to your GP about your situation. I'm not even sure I'm fit to be travelling even for a holiday unless I was with immediate family.

carzony

Been on the brink of panic all week, taking literally anything to put me into a panic attack, I feel lonely and even my own house is losing it's comfort it used to provide me with..

I was in bed 4 days this week after a major panic attack on Monday.. I can't breath properly most of the time.. Not sure what to do anymore.. Was hoping it'd pass by now but it just won't go away.

I'm starting to think i've a serious physical condition although i know it's unlikely......

Hugo Stiglitz

Have been a very "what's the point in all this anymore?!" mood the last day or two. I'm not even trying to fight my way out of it.

Gremlinertia

Something similar Hugo.. Hugs.. Someone close to me gave out to me pretty hardcore last night and it's shook me right up.. Eaten up with guilt and stuff. It's horrible.. Trying to present the "sure I'm grand" face to the general populace is draining the hell out of me..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Something similar Hugo.. Hugs.. Someone close to me gave out to me pretty hardcore last night and it's shook me right up.. Eaten up with guilt and stuff. It's horrible.. Trying to present the "sure I'm grand" face to the general populace is draining the hell out of me..

*hugs* So sorry to hear that G.

alaskayoung

That's it. I'm calling my psych nurse on Monday. I can't deal with this anymore. I need to be taken off Cymbalta. I can't handle it. I have never felt this anxious before, for absolutely no reason. Shaking, can't sit still, so hyperactive, so on edge, barely sleeping, I've lost so much hair in the past week it's scaring the life out of me. It's just falling right out of my head. I feel completely manic, behaving like a psycho, I just want to cry.
I don't know what to do and of course it's the weekend so I have nobody to call. I can't just stop taking it because I've missed doses before and I felt sick to my stomach. I might just take half of the 60mg until I speak to her on Monday. I can't believe this keeps happening. I have practically no antidepressants left to try and I'm fxcking suicidal without them. :(:(

Gremlinertia

Alaska, is there a hospital or out of hours doc you could get to?. Sounds like you really need some help to wind down..

alaskayoung

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Alaska, is there a hospital or out of hours doc you could get to?. Sounds like you really need some help to wind down..

I don't think so. Found some Valium from before so might take some of that to get me through the night and then try to see an on-call GP in the morning. My psych prescribed me it for a few days after I had this reaction to Prozac and Lexapro to get me through it. Don't know if a GP would even be willing to prescribe it to me though? Agh.

Gremlinertia

Alaska, the reaction you are having sounds severe enough that I doubt a doc would be too hesitant in trying to help.. I hope something can be sorted out for you, makes me count my blessings that I only spent two years getting my med balance right.

mg1982

alaskayoung wrote: »

I don't think so. Found some Valium from before so might take some of that to get me through the night and then try to see an on-call GP in the morning. My psych prescribed me it for a few days after I had this reaction to Prozac and Lexapro to get me through it. Don't know if a GP would even be willing to prescribe it to me though? Agh.

I had a similiar enough reaction to cymbalta. I lasted 5 weeks on it and just stopped taking it. It made me feel batsh1t crazy. It does give you a lot of energy but more than you know what to do with.

How long have you been taking it for?

freudiangirl

Reality has just hit me.... I am single after 11 years with nowhere to call my own....
Life is so trying.
I know the split had to happen but I feel so empty and low.
Just saw an ad there that triggered something important to us as a couple..

Meh

Meh

Meh

Gremlinertia

Ouch, hugs Freudiangirl, hope the trigger doesn't get to you too much..

alaskayoung

mg1982 wrote: »

I had a similiar enough reaction to cymbalta. I lasted 5 weeks on it and just stopped taking it. It made me feel batsh1t crazy. It does give you a lot of energy but more than you know what to do with.

How long have you been taking it for?

2 weeks more or less. Yeah have definitely experienced the energy rush over the past 2 weeks. Practically skip around the place but today is just insane!
Took the Valium and still pretty restless but anxiety is a lot better. This stuff is seriously a wonderdrug Only have one tablet left though and it's so expensive to go to the GP. out of hours especially when I'm not sure they'll even write me a prescription..

alaskayoung

I swear to God, managing anxiety/depression is a full time job.

Gremlinertia

alaskayoung wrote: »

I swear to God, managing anxiety/depression is a full time job.

It absolutely is.. No doubt about it, it's at the forefront of my consciousness at all times throwing a shadow on every thought I have and every activity I do.. It's like sand in a jar of marbles filling all available space and I have no idea when I will be ok or what times I won't be..

mg1982

It is a constant battle with anxiety allright. I feel like i have no room in my head to think properly 24/7. Theres never a moments peace with it.